Your Hand In Mine
by theaugustrain
Summary: Two years later, Emily gets a fresh start in a new place and meets someone who could change everything. Slight AU.
1. Chapter 1

Note: I finally decided to get around to a chapter story. I have this whole thing pretty much plotted out, so I hope you all will be patient and have faith (I am a sucker for happy endings).

That said, this is an **AU** story (i think that's the right term). It follows mostly canon, but takes place **2 years later.** In this universe, Paige and Emily have never met, never went to high school together. And just to emphasize, this _is_ an **Emily & Paige** story.

Also, I should say, I know nothing about any of the colleges in these stories. All I've figured out was from the internet, so if you are a resident of PA or have more knowledge of these school, please give me a little leeway. Hopefully, nothing will be distracting from the story.

To all the lovely people who left kind words on my previous stories and to all of the Paige lovers, this is for you. xx

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><p><strong>Your Hand In Mine<strong>

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><p>Chapter One<p>

Emily reached out her hand and rolled down the window of her parents' white SUV, her dark eyes squinting as they adjusted to the bright light. The sky was clear blue, graced with a faint wisp of clouds trailing across the horizon. It was the end of August, Emily's favorite time of year, when the warmth of summer was still lingering with a hint of fall just beginning to set in.

They had been driving for over three hours, the car loaded with mountains of suitcases as they made their way across central Pennsylvania. Emily's body was growing anxious, and she fidgeted in the backseat as their destination finally came into view.

Her father, Wayne Fields, glanced back through the rearview mirror from the driver's seat.

"How you doing there, kiddo?" he asked, his voice a mix of concern and encouragement.

"Good. Good," Emily responded, nodding.

Her father's reflection flashed her a broad smile. Next to him, Pam Fields twisted around from the passenger seat up front.

"You nervous?" she wondered as she looked back at her only child with an touch of sadness at having to let her go.

Emily shook her head, offering a smile. "No. Just excited."

Emily hugged her arms tighter around a navy blue pillow with a mountain lion emblazoned across it. It was the one she received at her recruitment visit, the visit which, soon after, she learned she was being offered a full college scholarship for swimming. She had felt a huge sense of relief that day. For Emily, it felt like her future was finally in sight, clear and open and free as she finally let herself accept that one flashing truth she'd been chasing for years.

She was finally getting out of Rosewood.

Emily turned her eyes back to the open window, pushing a strand of dark hair behind her ear, and let out a deep breath. She was ready, she told herself. But her body was still a nervous wreck inside, and she couldn't help but wonder if she really was so prepared for what lay ahead.

The years growing up in Rosewood had been tough enough for Emily, trying to find herself and her place all at the same time. Yet, somehow she had finally settled in to this comfortable safe little existence with her stalwart friends and a girlfriend who adored her.

Now, here she was, plucked from safety and being dropped again in foreign territory. Her eyes darted across the nearby quad as they drove in to find Emily's dorm. The campus was sprawling, filled with coeds, and she wondered how she would ever navigate it. Where as, once, she found it hard to figure out her place amongst hundreds, now she was amongst thousands, and she felt like she might dissolve into the crowd.

Emily pulled out her cell and started to text Hanna but decided against it. She was sure that that morning Hanna had been trying last minute to fit every single pair of shoes she owned into an LV suitcase and didn't want to cause her more hassle if they were already running late.

After much thought, the two had finally made the decision not to room together as freshman. Emily knew she could never handle Hanna's late nights and that Hanna would never survive Emily's daily alarm clock buzzing at 530am for morning swim practice. Instead, Hanna had sprung for a random roommate, and Emily had let the swim team coach pair her up with another freshman recruit.

Emily was, however, grateful that Hanna would be at Penn State with her. Of their friends, they were the only ones that were headed to State College to become Nittany Lions. On the other hand, Spencer had gotten in to Penn on scholarship, her dream, and despite her sadness at parting with her friends, she knew she couldn't turn down the opportunity. Next week, she would be settling in to her dorm in Philly. Meanwhile, she had offered to ride with Hanna and her mom and help the two new PSU girls get settled in before riding back with Mrs. Marin. Meanwhile, Aria had opted to stay in Rosewood to attend Hollis where she and Mr. Fitz, or Ezra as they were all still slowly learning to call him, were still navigating the ins and outs of their relationship and deciding whether or not to move in together for Aria's first year.

The SUV made another turn through campus, and finally, the looming old century structures that made up the East Dorms appeared into view, signaling their arrival. Emily was home, her new one at least. She shifted in her seat, tensing at the reality that her entire world was about to shift.

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><p>After parking and getting her new keys from the front desk, Emily and her folks began unloading the suitcases from the back of the SUV. The coach had had all of the swimmers assigned to the East Halls so they would be close to the Natatorium when they had to trek over for morning and evening practices. It was a collection of over a dozen buildings all huddled together. Emily pointed towards one that she was assigned to, Brumbaugh, and led her parents towards the building.<p>

Once inside, the crowd of coeds and parents moving in only became tighter and louder as beaming excited voices filled the first floor lobby. It was a hot day, and Emily could tell a few of the parents were already looking fatigued.

Emily's parents did their best to lug Emily's bags up the stairs to the second floor before meandering down the hallway to her room. The door was ajar, and Emily stepped in cautiously, wondering if her new roommate had arrived yet. They hadn't spoken yet, and the only information she had was that it would be another girl from the swim team. Emily had been hoping upon hope that it would all turn out okay, but she was nervous about living with someone, especially a girl she didn't even know. She had been so used to her privacy as an only child. At 18 years old, this would be the first time she'd ever shared a space with someone.

As she headed into the room, she passed two identical wooden closets on opposite walls before the space opened up to a pair of desks and twin beds placed on either side, one side with an already made bed and a pair of suitcases.

In front of Emily, unloading a stack of books onto one of the desks was her new roommate. From the back, even though she was leaning over, Emily could tell she was tall, maybe a touch taller than her, with auburn hair that fell just around her shoulders. The noise of Emily and her parents stirred her, and as she turned around, Emily was met with wide brown eyes. Emily took a moment to take the other girl in. She had pale skin with a button nose and soft pouty red lips. Her hair was cut with a fray of long bangs pushed to the side of her forehead. She was wearing shorts and a tank with a long thin draping cardigan over it that failed to disguise her athletic frame. She was, without a doubt, pretty, in this intriguing sort of way, Emily noticed easily before forcing herself to disregard the thought.

"Hi. I'm Emily," she said sweetly, flashing a smile and shyly running a hand through her dark locks.

The other girl's eyes shifted uncomfortably. Emily thought that she looked confused or maybe taken aback, like she had expected something different of her freshman roommate. Emily felt a rush of insecurity come over her. Was it something about her? Her clothes? Her hair?

The other girl recovered quickly, forcing a smile. "Paige."

Emily nodded. "These are my parents," Emily said, turning around and motioning to Pam and Wayne standing behind her with the rest of her luggage.

"Mr. and Mrs. Fields," Wayne announced, reaching out a hand that Paige shook shyly. "Nice to meet you, Paige."

"It's nice to meet you too," Paige replied politely.

As they all four stood there, an awkward silence hovered over the room. Emily could almost feel it as something palpable in the air. She had known it would be uncomfortable to have to live with someone you barely knew, but actually meeting them? She realized she didn't have a clue what to say.

Moving to her side of the room, Emily emptied a bag of bedding onto the twin mattress. She looked over at her new roommate again who was busily arranging items on her desk.

"I'm glad you got here first," Emily said, drawing the girl's gaze. "I don't think I'd know which bed to choose."

Paige raised an eyebrow at her, and Emily instantly felt embarrassed. It was a stupid thing to say, she thought. But she was nervous, and awkward, stupid words always seemed to come out of her mouth at times like these.

"We hear you are also on the swim team with Emily?" Pam inquired, as she helped pull a fitted sheet over Emily's mattress.

"Yeah. I am," Paige responded, nodding and flashing Emily's mother an appeasing smile.

"Another swim star," Wayne chipped in with excitement. "That'll be great."

"I'm sure it'll be nice having that in common," Pam added, looking from her daughter to Paige.

Emily caught eyes with Paige across the room and rolled her eyes. Paige stifled a small laugh. Emily immediately felt a little better. Maybe this wouldn't be so bad.

"Are you from around here?" Emily asked cautiously, trying to sound casual, but not too aloof, interested, but not desperate. She knew she was over-thinking the entire thing, but she couldn't help herself.

"No, Ohio," Paige responded simply.

Wayne turned from the window view. "Oh yeah, what part?" he wondered with a smile.

"Dublin," Paige offered. "Just outside Columbus," she added more warmly, and Emily found herself hoping the girl would end up speaking more than just a few words once Emily could get parents out of the way.

"That's a nice area," Pam said as she pulled the comforter over Emily's bed.

Wayne leaned back against the wall. "I have a buddy from those parts. You didn't want to go to OSU?" he asked eagerly.

Paige shrugged shyly. "I guess I just liked Penn State."

"Dad," Emily pleaded, flashing him a look that told him to please stop asking so many questions, It was_ embarrassing_ her.

"Okay, okay," he responded laughing. He took another glance out the window at the load of families still arriving. He finally turned back. "Your folks around, Paige?"

Without even looking up from putting a pillowcase on, Emily shook her head. There was no stopping her father.

"No, I…" Paige started, shifting her weight. "I drove up with a friend."

"Well, you must have very trusting parents," Wayne commented with a touch of amazement in his voice as he caught eyes with his wife, no doubt thinking about the long argument they had had with Emily, who had wanted to bring her car to PSU. They had insisted she wouldn't need it. However, Emily knew the whole idea of her being so far away made them uneasy and giving her a means to go anywhere else she wanted was just too much for them.

Emily stood up from the newly made bed and turned to her parents. "You guys need to get back out on the road, right?" she suggested hopefully.

Pam moved closer to her daughter, fixing a stray piece of Emily's hair. "You sure you don't want us to stick around? Unpack your stuff?"

"I'm fine," Emily insisted. "Spencer will be here soon. She promised to help."

Pam nodded sadly and looked up to her husband. He crossed the room to them in order for them all to say their final goodbyes. Wayne pulled both his wife and daughter into his arms and hugged them tightly. At the same time, Emily caught eyes with her roommate before Paige looked away, seemingly uncomfortable at witnessing the intimate family moment. Embarrassed, Emily shrugged her parents off before her mother completely dissolved to tears and finished encouraging them out the door.

It clicked shut, and finally, it was just her and Paige in the quiet room filled with luggage, two simple twin beds, empty walls, and new beginnings.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

The two girls continued unpacking in silence. Emily glanced over every once in a while, examining Paige, trying to figure out what it was about her that was so oddly fascinating. There was this energy about her made Emily feel so completely on edge. She decided it had to be how little Paige spoke to her because there was no other reason for her to feel so nervous.

As the time passed, Emily kept trying to think of something to say, to reach out, to connect with Paige, but felt awkward with how distant the other girl continued to be.

Finally, Emily attempted to break the silence.

"So how long have you been swimming?" she asked softly.

It took a moment for Paige to turn, as if she wasn't sure Emily had been talking to her.

"Since I was little, I guess," Paige told her shrugging. "I think I had my first competition when I was six."

"Me too," Emily replied, smiling. "I remember because the first meet was on my 6th birthday," she added, her face warming at the memory. She caught Paige's eyes and could make out maybe the faintest curling of her lips into a smile. "It seemed like such a big deal then," Emily continued, rolling her eyes. "Crazy huh? Considering where we are now?"

"It's no big," Paige responded casually. "I mean, wasn't this the whole point? Getting to swim in college."

"I guess so," Emily admitted, considering Paige's words. "Just finally being here."

Another long beat passed as the two girls continued unpacking.

"So you have your car up here?" Emily broke the silence again.

"What?" Paige asked, a confusion expression on her face.

"You said you drove with a friend."

"Oh yeah." Paige nodded. "We took her car. I don't have one."

"That's cool. I do, but my parents were ridiculous about not letting me bring it."

"Sucks," Paige commented, frowning. Another long moment passed as Paige finished up her unpacking and slid a suitcase underneath her bed. Emily continued watching her out of the corner of her eye as Paige stared out the window at the quad below.

She finally turned back to Emily, flashing her a sad, hopeful smile that felt like the first real emotion the girl had expressed since they met. Emily couldn't help but love it. She made a mental note of it, memorizing it. She knew she shouldn't, but something about it got to her. That smile, it made her dizzy.

"You're right," Paige finally agreed. "It is weird. Finally being here. It's kind of like, what now?"

Emily smiled sympathetically. It was just a few words, simple and sweet, but it was an understanding that passed between them, even just for a moment. Emily kept her gaze fixed on her for a long moment and saw Paige inadvertently grin before the other girl looked away.

Emily turned back to her things and reached into a duffel she'd stuffed with personal things. She pulled out a frame that she had always kept out on her nightstand back at home. She set it down on the desk, angling it to face the chair.

Paige looked over curiously at the photo, which she could see from her point of view. She moved across the room cautiously, almost as if there was an invisible room dividing the place in half and there could be consequences for crossing it.

"That your sister?" Paige asked, pointing to the photo of Emily with another brunette.

Emily looked back up and saw that Paige was looking at the picture of her with her girlfriend Maya, arms wrapped around each other, smiling. Even though the shot was over a year old, it was Emily's favorite picture of them, and she refused to change it despite Maya's insisting she update it.

Emily smiled nervously. She knew this moment would come where she had to come out. She promised herself she wouldn't try to hide who she was, but she had hoped they would have gotten to know each other even a little better before the question came up.

"Oh. No. That's Maya. My girlfriend," Emily blurted out nervously.

Paige's jaw dropped slightly in mild shock. "Oh." She turned away awkwardly and moved back to her side of the room, continuing to arrange a few of her things.

"She's in California," Emily explained, her voice filling another awkward silence. "I mean, she is now," she stuttered out. "She goes to UC Santa Cruz. She grew up there, so she really wanted to go back. And it's a big deal that she got in out of state."

Paige simply nodded, barely looking at Emily.

It had already been awkward and uncomfortable to start, but now it was as if something had changed in an instant. Emily had feared for months that this might happen, that she would end up living with someone who was so completely not okay with who she was and wasn't even willing to get to know her because of it. She hoped it wasn't all a lost cause, that maybe Paige was just shy, quiet, didn't open up right away, but every time Emily glanced over at Paige, she looked like she was searching for any reason to dart.

It didn't take long for one to come. Paige's phone began ringing on her desk, and she reached for it excitedly.

"Hey!" Paige said into the phone, a wide smile. "Wait, who? Oh my god, no way! I thought he was going to State. Are you downstairs? I'm heading down now."

Emily watched as Paige disappeared out their dorm room door.

Well, at least she knew her roommate could talk, Emily thought to herself. It just obviously wasn't going to be to her.

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><p>An hour later, Emily had finished unpacking her things into her desk and had tackled almost one entire suitcase of clothing, arranging things in the small dresser and the wardrobe closet that would be hers for the year. She was exhausted and was about to reach for her phone to start bugging Hanna again that she couldn't keep Spencer's organizational skills all to herself when she heard the door creaking open.<p>

"Knock, knock!" a raspy voice called out from the door. "Is this the residence of one Emily Fields?"

Emily looked up, smiling instantly as she saw the head poking into her dorm room. "Spencer."

"Hey!" Spencer said sweetly, a broad smile. She crossed the room and wrapped Emily in her arms. "How are you?" she asked, finally releasing Emily from her grasp.

Emily took a deep breath. "Good. I think. It's still so weird though."

"I know," Spencer agreed as her eyes scanned the small dorm room with a touch of sadness in her eyes. She and Emily had planned to room together until she'd gotten her Penn acceptance. They were the only two who knew they would be able to share the same space and still come out of it alive, sane, and still friends. "I can't believe that you guys are moving away. Makes me sad I'm not going to be here too," she lamented.

"You're going to be amazing at Penn though," Emily asserted.

"I hope so," Spencer replied, crossing her fingers in the air. "So this is your room," she continued, motioning to the space.

"It is. And don't you dare sit down," Emily insisted just as Spencer was about to take a seat on Emily's bed. "I have a million bags to unpack."

Spencer laughed derisively. "Trust me. You don't have a million. Hanna has a million. You packed light."

"Speaking of, how_ is_ Hanna?" Emily asked, wincing, wondering if she should even dare to inquire.

"Oh my god, you should have seen her and her mom this morning." Spencer rolled her eyes. "I thought those two were going to kill each other. I got there at 8 and we didn't leave until 1030, mostly because they kept arguing over whether it was acceptable for them to drive three hours with the rear window completely obstructed by Louis Vuitton."

Emily laughed. She could picture the entire scene. "Sounds like fun."

Spencer shook her head insistently. "I should have ridden with you."

"And witnessed my mother's near sobbing when they left? No thanks. It was bad enough that my roommate had to see it."

"So you've met her? What's she like? Where is she?"

"She got a call and disappeared." Emily shrugged. "She's all right, I guess. We haven't talked much. Her name's Paige. She's on the swim team with me." It was really all the information Emily had. She wondered if that was normal.

"Well, that's cool," Spencer replied, her voice soft and encouraging. Emily was happy Spencer was there. Out of all of them, she was the one who could maintain her calm, who could bring out the silver lining, who could make things seem like they were going to be all right. "At least you guys have swimming."

And there she did it again, making it all seem okay, Emily thought.

"Yeah," Emily agreed.

Spencer, almost involuntarily, began reaching for clothes from Emily's bag, and crossed the room to begin hanging them up. "So how's Maya? Did you call her yet?"

"Not yet. It's like three hours earlier there," Emily explained, her eyes glancing to the clock which read 3:00. "She's probably still checking in."

"I always forget that. When does she start classes?" Spencer asked as she finished hanging a batch of clothing and moved back to Emily's bag.

Emily shook her head as she opened her dresser drawer and began laying her socks inside. "Monday too."

"How you doing with her being away?" Spencer asked gently.

"Honestly?" Emily stopped and turned to her, leaning back against the dresser. "It's been three days, and I already miss her. And we have three months to go until break."

"I know it's hard, but you guys are going to be fine," Spencer told her, smiling sweetly. "I mean, she's crazy about you. You're crazy about her. It's going to be okay."

"Yeah. I know," Emily replied, frowning. "But that doesn't make it easy."

"It'll fly by."

"Four years?" Emily asked doubtfully.

Spencer shrugged, as if it was all she could offer. "So they say."

Emily nodded, as Spencer returned to the unpacking.

It had grown warm in the room, and Emily realized the lack of air conditioning was going to be a painful thing to get used to.

"I think I'm going to grab a soda. You want something?" Emily offered.

"I'll go with you."

"No, you stay," Emily smirked. "Someone has to unpack me," she added, teasing.

"Fine," Spencer relented, smiling. "Grab me a Coke."

"You got it!" Emily told her before stepping out of the room in search of a vending machine.

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><p>It was only a couple minutes later that Spencer was stirred by the sound of the door creaking.<p>

"That was fast," she announced, impressed. Spencer spun around when she heard unfamiliar laughter and saw two girls entering the room, one with cropped reddish-brown hair and another shorter girl with dark hair and eyes. They were huddled close together as if they'd been deep in conversation, giggling and gossiping.

"Oh, hi!" Spencer exclaimed, wondering which was Emily's new roommate. "I'm Spencer, a friend of Emily's. Is one of you Paige?"

The girl with the reddish brown hair looked surprised that Spencer knew her name. "That's me," Paige answered finally, then motioned to the girl beside her. "This is my friend Pru."

"Cool. So you're on the swim team with Emily?" Spencer asked.

Paige smirked. "Yeah. What about you? You guys play for the same team?" Paige asked suggestively, maintaining a straight face.

Spencer wasn't completely sure if Paige had just implied what she thought until she saw Pru's eyes widen as she let out a muffled laugh and nearly choked out the soda she was drinking.

"Excuse me?" Spencer asked firmly.

"Or are you more into _diving_?" "Paige asked mockingly as the girl beside her tried to stop from laughing.

Spencer's mouth opened in disbelief as Pru dissolved into giggles.

Paige turned to Pru and pulled her towards the door. "Come on. Let's get out of here."

The two disappeared before Spencer could finish processing what had just happened. She felt the anger boiling inside her, but she was secretly glad that Emily hadn't been there to witness. After she'd told Emily she wouldn't be going to Penn State with her, she'd felt guilty and had hoped that she would be paired with someone who would adore her the way all of them did. She felt her stomach drop as she realized it might be exactly the opposite for Em. She hoped more than anything that maybe the girl didn't mean what Spencer thought. For Emily's sake.

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><p>A few minutes later, Emily reappeared in the doorway to the dorm room carrying two Cokes victoriously, like she'd battled evil lords to get them.<p>

"You have no idea how many vending machines are empty," she announced. "It's like a massive raid happened."

"I met your roommate," Spencer grumbled as she took the soda from Emily's hand.

"Paige?" Emily wondered.

"Yeah, apparently when they make that roommate match form with all your personal characteristics, they should have included a box to check for _bitch_," Spencer muttered angrily.

"Why? What happened?" Emily's face was covered in concern.

If Spencer thought she couldn't feel worse, she was wrong. The look of trepidation on Emily's face was already painful enough to see. The thought of telling her was too much.

"Nothing. She just… said something," Spencer deflected.

"About what?"

Spencer hesitated. Before she could say anything, Emily jumped in.

"It was probably just a misunderstanding," Emily insisted as she opened her Coke and took a seat on the bed.

Taking a long swallow from her soda, Emily wondered what possibly could have been said, but at the same time, part of her didn't want to know. She didn't need another reason to be nervous around her new roommate, and Spencer tended to jump to conclusions anyway. She figured she'd rather just let it go and focus on the fact that for one more day, she at least had two of her four favorite people nearby.


	3. Chapter 3

_Thanks to those that left me a review! I do seriously appreciate it. Here is a longer chapter. Hopefully I can maintain the updating on a regular basis, but I at least wanted to get a few chapters out quickly since there is a lot of story to set up. _

_Also, anyone see the new preview for season 2? Stoked! :) Crossing my fingers Paige will be back soon! xx_

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><p>Chapter Three<p>

"Oh my god, she's amazing, guys!" Hanna gloated as the girls gathered around her at a table in Findlay, the dining hall, eating a late lunch. "Her names Lenny, it's short for Eleanor, but she hates when people call her that. She's from near Philly too. And you'll never believe it. She actually has more Fendis than I do," she announced gleefully.

"Oh, lord," Spencer rolled her eyes, laughing.

"Plus, she wants to rush Kappa Delta," Hanna added victoriously.

Emily and Spencer laughed together as Hanna finished up telling them about her move-in day, which as for as Emily was concerned, obviously went much better than hers. Hanna and her roommate were on their way to being fast friends, while Emily still didn't even know Paige's last name. She could hardly deny that it made her feel defeated, but she would never say so. She would hate to ruin Hanna's spirits.

"Sounds like a match made in heaven," Spencer responded, shaking her head at Hanna's luck to find her carbon copy in a roommate.

Hanna reached across the table, grabbing Emily's forearm. "I really wish you were rushing with me though, Em."

Emily smirked. "Yeah, but you want to join a sorority to meet boys."

Hanna shrugged a shoulder and smiled. "There are girls in sororities," she explained suggestively.

"She already has a girl," Spencer responded defensively.

Emily turned her head instantly. "Thank you, Spencer." She rolled her eyes playfully. "I could have said that."

"Sorry!" Spencer replied, lifting her hands in innocence.

Emily shook her head and laughed before turning back to Hanna. "Honestly, Hanna, if I even had time, maybe I'd consider it. But you know I'm going to be in the pool all the time."

"Well, you better at least save some time for moi," Hanna insisted.

"Same goes for you, Miss Kappa Delta," Emily teased.

Hanna tilted her head, considering the title, twirling her straw in the air. "It has a nice ring to it, doesn't it?" she asked, breaking into a smile.

Spencer and Emily both rolled their eyes at each other and laughed.

Later, when they all had finished eating, Hanna pulled out her iPhone and dialed Aria's number, putting them all on FaceTime. Aria picked after two quick rings.

"My girls!" Aria squealed as her face appeared on the iPhone screen. Hanna shrieked in return as Emily and Spencer said hello and waved.

After a few moments catching up on the day up at Penn State, the conversation turned to Aria and Ezra as she began to describe their current pressing decision.

"We found a place, but we still haven't decided," Aria explained, referring to the prospect of moving in with Ezra. By now, they had been together for over two years and despite some rocky bits when they finally told the world about their relationship, things had been smooth sailing. Aria was at Hollis while Ezra was still teaching and writing, and they'd agreed that Aria would never again be one of his students, even if it was allowed.

Emily leaned into view to get a better look. "What did your parents say when you told them?" she asked curiously.

Aria winced. "I haven't yet. That's kind of the problem."

"What are you going to do?" Spencer pushed as Hanna flashed her a look that said to chill out. Emily laughed beside them at the interaction. She would miss this.

"I don't know," Aria responded, shrugging. "I told Ezra they would probably be okay with it."

"Probably?" Emily asked, a doubtful look on her face.

"Probably _not_," Spencer countered adamantly.

"They might?" Aria said hopefully.

Spencer flashed the screen image of Aria a look that said everything.

"I know, I know," Aria frowned. "They are going to completely have a heart attack. But I gotta tell them. Plus, they don't exactly have a say. I mean, what will they do? Revoke my free tuition?" Aria suggested sarcastically, referring to the fact that as a child of a faculty member, she was able to attend Hollis free of charge, another added perk of staying in town.

"Don't give 'em any ideas, Aria," Hanna teased.

Aria shook her head and laughed. The girls continued chatting for some time, catching up on on move in day and Spencer's preparation to move to Philly before finally saying their goodbyes to Aria, not without a promise that she would visit soon.

* * *

><p>As the sun started its decent over the horizon, covering the lush green campus in a warm wash of gold, the girls began heading back to Emily's dorm. Hanna and Spencer chatted beside her, while Emily became lost in her thoughts.<p>

Earlier in the day, before Spencer had arrived, Emily had considered calling Maya, but decided a text would be better. It was, after all, Maya's move in day too, and she had wanted her to have a chance to get settled in.

Reaching to pull it from her pocket, Emily glanced at her phone again. It had been four hours since she had sent Maya a message, and she still hadn't heard back. She frowned but tried to shrug it off. She figured it was a busy day and that they would talk when they had a chance. It wasn't that Emily didn't understand that this was a big change they were going to be adjusting too, living on opposite sides of the country. She knew it would be tough, but she was willing to do whatever it took to make it work. Yet, at the same time, it didn't mean she didn't miss Maya desperately.

When they reached the East Halls, Emily hugged Spencer tightly to say goodbye and made plans to meet up with Hanna later that night to attend a school-sponsored mixer they were putting on for the incoming freshman. Hanna still had mounds of unpacking to do, and Emily thought maybe she'd lie down for a few. It'd been a crazy day, and she was finally feeling the heaviness of exhaustion weighing on her body.

After they parted ways, Emily made the trek up the flight of stairs of Brumbaugh. She unlocked her door and was surprised to find the room dark and empty. She didn't even bother turning on the lights before lying down on her bed. She fell asleep within minutes.

* * *

><p>Emily was just stirring, clicking on the lamp near her bed, when she heard the door unlock and creak open. She looked up to the doorway to see Paige stepping in cautiously, her eyes wide with seeming surprise to find Emily there. She lingered in the doorway a moment, her hand still on the knob, their eyes fixed on each other.<p>

"Hey," Paige finally said as she shut the door behind her.

Emily smiled at her. "Hey."

"Where's your friend?"

"Oh, she was just visiting for the day. She goes to Penn so she's driving back tonight."

Paige nodded and plopped down on the bed across from Emily.

"Are you going to the mixer tonight?" Emily asked nervously, trying once again to breach the awkward divide between them.

Paige nodded nonchalantly. "Yeah. Should be fun."

Emily bit her bottom lip and considered saying anything more before she finally spoke again. "My friend, Hanna, is going to come over so we can walk together if you want to go with us."

Paige looked up, wide eyed, as if surprised by the proposition. "That's okay. I'm going to meet up with Pru. The friend I drove with."

Emily nodded. "I think I'm actually going to shower," she said as she stood from her bed and gathered her things.

"Brave," Paige commented after a long moment.

Emily looked up and saw that the other girl was smirking, and Emily was unsure what she had been referring to. Emily gave her a confused look.

"Dorm showers?" Paige added to clarify. "I've been having nightmares about them for weeks," she told her sarcastically in a tone that made Emily smile.

"Well, I'll let you know if your fears are well founded," Emily replied before heading for the door with a towel and a small basket of shower products.

* * *

><p>When Emily returned later, she had a white towel wrapped around her body and another on her head, revealing the line of her shoulders and her long legs. She noticed Paige look up from her bed as Emily stepped behind the wardrobe to dress.<p>

"What's the verdict?" Paige asked.

Emily peeked her head out from behind the closet and smirked. "Not any worse than our high school locker room showers, but that's probably not saying much."

Paige let out a small laugh, and Emily thought to herself that Paige had a pretty smile. She felt a weird buzz in the bottom of her gut and forced herself to ignore it before turning back to get dressed.

A few moments later, Emily emerged dressed and moved to the full-length mirror she had set up next to her desk so she could do her hair and makeup in the bedroom.

In the reflection, she could see a glimpse of Paige. Emily noticed that her hair was now pulled back in a low ponytail, her fringe of bangs, not quite long enough to be tucked behind her ear, fell to the side of her forehead. She had changed and was now wearing dark skinny jeans with a pair of cream Toms and a slouchy top that hung off her shoulders revealing a navy bra underneath. She was curled up on the bed, her back against the wall, reading a book that Emily couldn't see the cover of.

"Would it bother you if I blow-dried my hair?" Emily asked cautiously as she loosened her hair from the towel on her head.

Paige barely looked up as she shook her head. "Go ahead."

Emily flipped on her blowdryer and ran her fingers through her dark hair as it dried. Ten minutes later, she flipped her hair to one side and checked her reflection, adjusting a few stray pieces into place. In the mirror, she caught Paige staring at her from behind her book and saw her look away abruptly. Emily instantly regretted drying her hair in the room, feeling like Paige was just being polite to say it wouldn't bother her when it was obvious she was disturbing her.

Just then, Emily's phone began buzzing on her desk.

"Hey, Hanna. You on your way over?" she said as she answered the phone.

"We totally lost track of time. Do you want to just meet there?" Hanna replied. There was an excitement in her voice that Emily envied.

"Um, yeah, sure."

"We don't have to," Hanna replied. "We'll still swing by, but it'll be a minute. A lot of minutes."

"Don't worry. I'm not on your way anyway. I'll just walk over with someone," Emily told her, figuring she could at least head over with Paige, so that she wouldn't get lost. She did say she was going, and Emily hoped it wouldn't be a big deal.

"Are you sure?" Hanna asked again.

"Yeah. I'll be fine." Emily insisted.

When she clicked the phone off a moment later, Emily turned around to ask when Paige was planning on leaving and saw that she had somehow slipped out the door when she wasn't paying attention.

Discouraged, Emily turned back to the mirror and quickly applied her makeup, hoping she could walk over before it got too late, knowing she hadn't gotten her grip of the campus yet.

When she finished, Emily turned around, curiously taking in Paige's side of the room. She took a step closer, cautiously, as if maybe the girl would burst through the door any moment now and accuse her of snooping just because she'd crossed over to her side.

On Paige's walls were a few swimming posters much like Emily's side, with a large one of Michael Phelps prominently displayed in the center. Closer to her desk, there was a collage of photos on the wall. One caught Emily's eye in particular. It was an image of Paige surrounded by a few other girls in swimsuits. They were all smiling, and one was holding up a large trophy. Paige was making a funny, tough girl face at the camera and flashing a fake gang sign. Emily smiled as she looked closer, wondering if she'd ever see that side of her roommate.

Looking up, Emily saw the book Paige had been reading sitting face open on top of her bed. Emily moved closer until she could see the title. _The Alchemist. _

It was one of Emily's favorite books. She'd left her own copy on her bookshelf at home along with a few of her other favorites that her mother had convinced her she wouldn't have room for with all the new textbooks she'd be acquiring. She felt herself start to regret the decision.

She had always loved the book, loved what it said about the pursuit of your dreams, about letting go of fear, but mostly she loved what it told her about love.

_"I love you because the entire universe conspired to help me find you."_

Emily had always felt like love was that way, like it was fate that brought two people together, like sometimes you were just meant to be.

Emily reached out and picked up Paige's copy of the book. It was worn and faded as if it had been read and reread countless times. Looking up to the small shelf next to Paige's bed, Emily noticed a row of books, a few that Emily recognized and others she didn't.

_Siddhartha _and _Gatsby_. _The Bell Jar_ and _Look Homeward, Angel_. _Portrait of a Lady_ and _Othello_. The list went on.

Emily reached out and touched each book lightly, seeing that they all showed similar wear. Emily felt this overwhelming sense of respect and awe come over her. She felt like she had just gathered another piece of the puzzle, as if maybe she'd discovered something to make sense of this creature inhabiting this space with her.

Emily moved back to _The Alchemist_, picking it up again and taking care not to lose the place Paige had marked. The front cover fell open and Emily noticed an engraving in swirling cursive on the inner flap. She knew she should have closed the book back up, but something drew her in, that same mystery that Paige emanated. It felt as powerful as gravity, stronger than she could resist, and so she flipped the front cover open wide, unable to stop herself.

The message was simple, short, lyrical:

_Paige, You are my heart. Never let go. And remember that I will love you forever. Mom_

Emily felt her face grow warm, as if she had witnessed something intimate and sacred that she wasn't supposed to see. Embarrassed, Emily set the book back down onto the bed, careful to place it in the exact way she had found it.

She crossed back to her side of the room to finish getting dressed. As she fixed her makeup and slid on a thin black jacket, her thoughts came back to the words over and over, wondering more about Paige, about who she was beneath this solid exterior, and if she'd ever know this person who was obviously so deeply loved. Even when Emily was finally heading out the door, the words were still repeating in her thoughts.

She couldn't let them go.

* * *

><p>Emily could hear the noise emanating from The Hub Lawn, the area outside the Student Union Center, long before she arrived. Rounding a corner, she saw a large crowd that matched the loud rumble of voices filling the air. The party wasn't full-force yet, but it was getting there. A DJ was set up in a corner, playing music, and someone was making a welcome speech over the speakers.<p>

Emily suddenly regretted not waiting for Hanna and her roommate to finish getting ready. The crowd was enormous and she wasn't sure how to go about introducing herself to complete strangers. She reached into her purse for her phone to see if Hanna had called or to find out if maybe Maya had gotten back to her yet, but there was nothing.

She began making her way through the dense crowd, deciding to grab herself a soda and see if she ran into anyone. She knew there were a few other Rosewood kids who had ended up at Penn State, but she hadn't kept up with anyone and didn't have any of their numbers. She hoped maybe she would see a familiar face amidst the thick of strangers.

Coming upon the refreshment table, Emily grabbed a drink and turned back to take a look at the crowd. She heard a familiar voice and looked up to see Paige standing a couple of feet away with a few other people. They were passing around a flask and taking turns pouring the alcohol into their cups.

"Isn't it, like, against the rules?" Paige complained to another girl. "Like rooming with a boy or something?"

Emily felt her body freeze in place, completely paralyzed by what she was hearing. She knew she should have walked away, saved herself, but she couldn't seem to move. She likened it to that feeling people have when coming upon an accident and not being able to look away. Except this time, she was the train wreck.

The girl next to Paige laughed. "I wouldn't complain if I could room with a boy."

"Well, she's not a boy," Paige continued, frowning. "I mean, what if she comes on to me? What if she tries to get in _bed_ with me?"

"Cause you're so irresistible, Paige," the other girl teased with a smirk.

"Shut up. You know what I mean," Paige responded, rolling her eyes. "I'm going to have to change in the bathroom every day."

Just then, Paige looked up, and her eyes caught Emily's. Paige's mouth dropped open slightly as it set in for both of them what just transpired. The girl next to Paige said something, and Paige looked away for a moment, giving Emily the chance to flee.

By the time Paige looked back, Emily had ducked away from the crowd and into The Hub where it was quiet, where she could breathe again. She tried to reason what had just happened, tried to come up with another obvious explanation for what she overheard, but there was no way to deny how obvious it was that Paige had been talking about her.

The whole thing made her feel like she wanted to crawl inside herself and hide. She had worked so hard to become comfortable with who she was, to become proud of herself, and yet it was still possible for a near stranger to make her feel this way. She didn't know why it bothered her this much. She didn't know why she cared. Other people had expressed themselves to her in less than subtle ways before, and while sometimes it stung, it never seemed to have the same reverberation that this seemed to hold. This time, it_ hurt_.

Regardless, she tried to pull herself together as best she could and reached into her purse to grab her phone. Dialing Hanna's number, she let the phone ring a few times until Hanna's voicemail finally picked up. She hung up and decided maybe she'd try to head back in to see if Hanna had arrived and simply couldn't hear her phone over the music. Just as she was reaching for the door, her phone began buzzing.

"Emily!" Hanna called out when Emily answered, her voice slightly slurred as if she had already taken a few drinks before the party. Emily was sure it was the case for most of the people there. It was a school-sponsored event, but that didn't stop everyone from partying beforehand or bringing their own stash to mix in. Everyone except for her.

"Hanna?"

"Where are you? We're _almost_ there," Hanna shouted into the phone, as Emily could hear the crowd of voices muffling Hanna's voice. "Wait? What?" Hanna whispered to someone she was walking with. "Where are we?"

Emily sighed, waiting for Hanna to return to the conversation. She had to admit she felt a little hurt that Hanna had not called her to join them, but maybe Hanna figured since she said she wanted to nap, she wasn't interested.

"Okay, so we're _almost_ almost there," Hanna explained, her words nearly blending together.

"You know what? I actually just decided to stay in," Emily started, before she'd even thought it through. "I'm feeling kind of beat and I have early practice, so I'm just going to call it a night."

Emily found a way to quickly finish the conversation after a few gripes from Hanna and tucked the phone back into her purse. She turned back to the door where she could see through a small window at the hundreds of coeds mingling together, exchanging numbers, toasting the beginning of freedom. They all were having such a good time, and Emily hated that for all that she had looked forward to this, the only think she could think of was how much she missed Maya.

The temperature had dropped since earlier, and Emily shivered as she made her way alone back across campus, wrapping her arms around her body to stay warm.

When she arrived back to her dorm room, Emily unlocked the door and stepped into the eerily quiet space. Despite all of her trappings covering her side of the room, it still didn't feel anything like home to her. It was still early, just passed 1030; she had barely been gone an hour. She made her way to the dresser where she pulled out a pair of boxers and a t-shirt, changing quietly into her pajamas. Moving to the bed, she took a seat, pulling her cell back out. All she wanted was to hear Maya's voice, something that made her feel at home, something to remind her that she was loved.

But the phone rang and rang and rang. Emily's heart sank when, finally, Maya's voicemail came up. She waited until the end to leave a message for her.

"Hey, Maya. It's me, Em. I just wanted to call and say goodnight. It's been kind of a long day over here. I just… wanted to hear your voice," Emily spoke into the line, hesitating a moment. "I miss you," she added before hanging up.

Emily set the phone beside her bed and took a moment to let her eyes gaze around the room, examining this new place, this new life, and all of its unfamiliarity.

Eventually, the echoing quiet of the room reached inside her and magnified every speck of loneliness she had been feeling since she arrived. She felt her eyes fill with tears as she finally lay down on her bed. Alone, in the dark, she began to sob.

* * *

><p>Later that night, Paige made her way back to Brumbaugh alongside a dozen other freshman she'd met at the party. They were all a touch intoxicated, and Paige was no different. The cool night air felt good on her hot skin, and she felt herself slipping behind the other students as she became lost in her thoughts. She'd parted ways with Pru earlier when the new student mixer outside The Hub had ended. While Pru had no obligations until Monday, Paige knew that Saturday morning practice was only a few hours away now and that being out late wasn't going to fly as a reason for oversleeping, not when it came to college level swimming.<p>

While everyone else had been buzzing the entire day with the excitement of starting college, Paige could feel nothing but anxiety coursing through her since she and Pru had left Ohio for the six hour drive to PSU. Even now, it still hadn't let up. Paige had been pushing for this her entire life, from the two a day swim practices to the travel competitions, chlorine dulling her hair over the years to giving up summer vacations to spend every minute in the pool. She had worked so hard to become a college swimmer, made dozens of sacrifices, she had deserved it, but she felt this heavy fear that she was now going to blow it. It wasn't that she didn't know if she was strong enough. She had some of the best times in the state of Ohio, she'd been to state four years in a row, she had medaled five times. But instead, it was because, after all of the work she had put in to getting here, there was something empty about the victory. After years of fighting to be the best, the passion had started to whittle away. Still, over the years, she had continued to cling to swimming like a safety net. It had consumed her entire life. She wasn't sure who she was without it.

The sad truth was that she was still figuring out who she was at all.

It was what made this next step in devoting her life to a sport so difficult. If you stripped it all away, who was left underneath? Paige had started to realize some time ago that she had no idea and that the things she was finally starting to realize scared her more than anything.

And then, of course, there was Emily.

From the first time that Paige laid eyes on Emily, she had wanted to run the other way. At the time, she couldn't even really explain it. There was something about Emily that had made her uneasy. And as the day transpired, Paige slowly felt the panic building inside her.

It was the reason she ended up having way more drinks than she should have that night, hoping to drown all the emotions running through her. She had thrown back two, three, four vodka sodas, yet no matter what she did, her thoughts, her racing mind, it all kept coming back to Emily.

And then that dreadful moment came when Paige saw her at the mixer, when they had locked eyes, and she felt every part of her come undone. Even now, hours later, that look on Emily's face, that heartbroken, devastated gaze when she had overheard what Paige had said, wouldn't leave her mind. Paige had barely even been able to look at her, turning her head and pretending she didn't _really_ see her. Later, she had nearly gotten sick in the bathroom, and Paige knew it hadn't been from the alcohol.

When Paige finally arrived back to her dorm after the long walk, she climbed the stairs to the second floor and quietly unlocked the door to the room she now shared with Emily. The lights were all off, leaving the room in darkness except for the dim moonlight shining through the cracked blinds. As she tiptoed towards the bed, she could see Emily curled up in bed, facing towards her, fast asleep.

With a crumpled tissue in her hand and tear stains on her cheeks, Paige could see clearly that she had been crying. She felt a ache forming in the bottom of her gut. Part of her wanted to wake Emily. Part of her wanted to apologize. Part of her wanted to explain. But she couldn't. She barely understood. How could she make sense of what was going on inside her to someone else?

Up until April, when Paige had signed her letter of intent to attend Penn State, Paige had spent months debating where to attend college. She had been offered scholarships to swim at half a dozen schools in Ohio, some of them with better programs than the one she was at now, but eventually, against her father's wishes, she had chosen to come to Penn State, the furthest she could get away from Dublin, from her life, from that part of herself.

Paige had thought that by running, by going somewhere else, somewhere far from home, that somehow all these crazy, complicated, wretching feelings inside her would be left behind too. And yet, now here she was.

In a twist of fate's irony, she had ended up being paired to live with someone whose mere existence seemed like a magnifying glass on everything Paige had been fighting for years, had been trying to bury under hours of time in the water.

Eventually, Paige moved to her bed and took a seat, kicking off her shoes and releasing a heavy sigh. Once again, she looked across the room at Emily, examining the way the diffuse moonlight illuminated the lines of her face in the loveliest sort of way, and Paige thought, for a moment, that maybe she'd never seen something quite that beautiful before.

Her head fell into her hands in defeat. It was going to be a long year.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four

The room was bright now with the early morning sunshine beaming through the window. As she woke from sleep, Emily could see that at some point in the night, Paige had returned and was now fast asleep in her bed facing the other direction. Pulling herself out from under her covers, Emily felt a little weird being up before Paige and getting ready while she was still asleep, especially when they were going to the same place, but after last night, she felt even weirder at the thought of touching Paige to stir her. Besides, there was still plenty of time before practice for her to get up. So Emily decided that if Paige wasn't up by the time she was going to leave, she would wake her. Despite everything, Emily still didn't want Paige to be late to the first day.

Quietly, Emily threw on a dark grey PSU sweatshirt and a pair of athletic shorts. In the bathroom, she brushed her teeth and fixed her hair into a high ponytail before running downstairs to Findlay.

The early morning meant the dining hall was nearly empty, and Emily could tell they had barely opened for the day because everything was laid out on the buffet line perfectly stocked. She made her way around for a minute, getting familiar with the layout before settling on her usual breakfast, oatmeal and a banana with a carton of skim milk. Last minute, before she headed to the checkout line, she reached for a bagel and cream cheese and a small orange juice to take with her.

At the edge of the dining hall, Emily found a seat on a stool facing the window and ate her breakfast in silence. Outside, the campus was slowly starting to wake up, and Emily could see a few coeds as well as more staff filtering through the grounds.

The light was shining down brightly on the expanse of green lawn and trees, and Emily was reminded why she had grown to love this campus so much during her visits. She had admired the program and was so excited to be a Nittany Lion, but there was also this sense she had felt when she had walked through the quad, something calming, something that told her this was the place. She had almost forgotten that feeling amidst how things had played out yesterday, but sitting alone, in the quiet hall, staring out at the campus, she felt it wash over her again.

Just as she was finishing eating and gathering her trash, her phone began to buzz from her pocket. She reached for it and on seeing the number, smiled, and answered quickly.

"Maya!" Emily said, her face now beaming.

"Hey sweets. What's up?" Maya's voice returned. Emily couldn't help but notice that maybe her enthusiasm sounded slightly blunted in comparison to her own, as if it hadn't been days since they had spoken.

"Just getting ready for swimming. How are you?" Emily asked excitedly, still so happy to finally hear from Maya. She had been looking forward to this, to hearing about her day moving in, finding out how things were going, if she was adjusting, and just to tell her how much she had been missing her.

"Beat. I just got home," Maya explained dramatically.

Emily glanced at her watch. "Right now? It's 3am there," Emily replied with shock, laughing a little.

"I know. I met some really awesome people yesterday, and we just ended up crashing the beach all night with a bonfire. It was _amazing_," Maya told her excitedly. Emily could tell by the way Maya emphasized the word that '_amazing'_ probably meant a lot of alcohol and pot and maybe more.

Despite her lightheartedness, Emily couldn't deny that the whole notion of Maya being out so late with people she didn't know doing god knows what made her a little uncomfortable.

Maya was never the type of person to go into details about things, so Emily always felt a little weird when Maya was somewhere else, as if she'd never get to really know what actually transpired. It was part of what she hated about Maya being so far away. Whereas Emily would describe to Maya everything that had happened in her day until it felt like Maya had been there too, Emily only got bits and pieces back from Maya. Sometimes, it made her feel like she didn't know who Maya was when she wasn't with her.

"Oh, that's cool," Emily replied, trying not to let her disappointment show in her voice. "I tried calling you."

"I know. That's why I called you back," Maya explained, like it was perfectly naturally, like she hadn't actually noticed that Emily's call had been hours ago. "So how was your first night? There aren't any girls trying to sweep in on you, are there?" Maya continued, teasing, "because you should tell them I know Tae Kwon Do."

Emily would have normally laughed at Maya's silliness, but something about it this time made her feel uneasy. "You don't know Tae Kwon Do," Emily responded dryly.

"I know. But it would scare them away," Maya replied, laughing.

Emily frowned, hating that, over the phone, Maya clearly couldn't tell how she was feeling.

"Well, don't worry," Emily told her. "There's really no one trying to get anywhere near me." she added sharply, hoping Maya would hear in her voice just exactly what was going on inside of her.

"Good! Cause you're mine," Maya responded excitedly.

"You know what, I should really get to practice," Emily replied softly.

"Yeah, I _totally_ need to crash. I have orientation at 11, which is _way_ too early for me."

Emily found herself rolling her eyes. "Okay."

"I love you, Emily," Maya told her sweetly, and Emily felt a bit warmer once again. Those words from Maya always somehow made the whole world seem better. She hoped they could talk again later when Maya wasn't partied out and exhausted and maybe then, she could tell her about how things had been going. Maybe later, she could open up, and she would feel them connect again like they always did when they were together. Emily knew the phone thing would be hard, but she hoped in time that they would adjust.

Emily smiled to herself, a small hopeful smile. "I love you too."

* * *

><p>Emily made her way back to Brumbaugh and up to her dorm room. When she unlocked the door and stepped inside, she was surprised to see that Paige was up, sitting on her bed, now dressed in a pair of baggy grey sweats and a navy Penn State t-shirt. Her hair was pulled back in a ponytail and she was slipping into a pair of athletic shoes. She looked totally different from the night before when she was dressed up. Today, something about her clothes and the way she held herself, she looked like the athlete Emily knew she must be.<p>

Paige looked up when she heard the door, and they caught eyes in an uncomfortable gaze. Emily didn't know what to say to her. _Good morning_ just didn't seem right after the awful night before, so instead she simply pulled out the food she'd picked up from Findlay.

"I didn't know what you liked so I just grabbed you a bagel," Emily told her awkwardly.

Paige squinted her eyes in confusion as she looked at the food Emily was holding in her hand.

Emily crossed the room and reached out to give the bagel to Paige. As they exchanged the items, their hands grazed lightly, just their fingertips, but Emily felt a rush of electricity pierce her body suddenly. Her breath caught in her throat. She felt a little dizzy.

"Thanks," Paige replied abruptly, pulling her hand away quickly.

Emily did her best to shake off the feeling. She told herself that it wasn't anything. Just a fading attraction. Nothing to get uptight over. She was with Maya. What did it matter if she thought another girl was pretty? Still, she chastised herself a little. Did it have to be someone who so clearly hated her? Who was so disgusted by her that she barely could handle touching her? She felt like such an idiot.

Emily moved back to her side of the room while Paige started to eat, reaching for a few items and quickly packing her gym bag. Her mind was a convoluted mess and she kept unpacking and repacking items, hoping Paige wasn't watching her thinking she was crazy. Yet, when she stole a glance, Paige seemed completely in her own thoughts.

Finally, Emily turned back around. "Ready?"

* * *

><p><em>As I'll ever be,<em> Paige thought as she nodded to Emily and stood up from her bed. Following her out, she balanced the bagel and juice in her hands, hoping it might be a good enough excuse not to say anything to her, at least until she could think of anything reasonable to say after what happened the night before. The thought of even bringing it up was almost too much to even consider. It would mean acknowledging that it had happened.

It was already bad enough that Paige couldn't get Emily out of her thoughts. Last night, she had lied in bed for hours staring at her from across the room as she slept. In fact, she was pretty sure that after she did fall asleep, she even dreamed about Emily.

When morning came, Paige had woken to her alarm and saw that Emily was nowhere in sight. Figuring she had already left without her, and not blaming her for it in the least, Paige silently berated herself again for the things she had said, wishing now that she could take them all back.

She was completely surprised then when Emily returned to the bedroom, and with breakfast for her on top of it all. She could hardly even believe it, that someone could be that kind to someone who was so horrible to them. That Emily could have possibly already have forgiven her before she had ever apologized, before she'd even forgiven herself. It didn't make any sense.

And then, that touch. She had never felt anything like that touch. Paige didn't even know what to make of it. It felt like being jolted awake when you were deep in sleep, when just the suddenness of it, the abruptness, the unexpectedness of it alone, made your heart start pounding in your chest.

Paige told herself to make sure she never got that close to Emily again.

Even right now, walking side by side, Paige tried to maintain a few inches of space between their bodies and managed to avoid looking over at her at all. The walk to McCoy, the Natatorium, was only five minutes, but Paige soon started to realize that even five minutes could feel like eternity when no one said a word.

"So, what's your major?" Emily's voice rang out, lifting Paige from her thoughts.

Taken aback that she was even speaking to her, Paige tilted her head to look at Emily. She felt her breath catch slightly just looking at her. It took her a second to even realize what Emily had asked her.

"Economics," Paige finally told her. "And maybe Math too if I can fit it in," she added with a shrug.

It was the same mantra she'd been reciting for the last year to all of her father's friends and colleagues when they held fundraisers. He almost always brought Paige along, introducing her to people he hoped would someday open doors for her. She'd been going to them for years now, learning how to act, how to carry herself, how to speak. He had a vision for her and as far as he knew, Paige was fitting every single expectation he had. The words now felt automatic, robotic even, like they weren't even hers anymore, but belonged to some creation, the mold of a person her father had made her into.

"Really?" Emily asked with surprise in her voice. Her eyes were furrowed in this adorable way Paige noticed then discarded as quick as it came to her mind.

"Yeah. Why?"

"I thought maybe you were doing English," Emily replied shyly.

Paige shook her head in confusion. "Why would I do English?" she asked curiously, wondering if Emily had seen her schedule for the year before realizing that there was nothing about her classes that would make someone assume that.

Emily curled her lips into a shy smile. "I just noticed you have a lot of books."

"Oh," Paige replied as it finally dawned on her why Emily might have made that assumption: the collection of books on the shelf above her bed. "Yeah," Paige added, nodding, before realizing that wasn't really an explanation.

She felt that Emily's gaze was still on her, and it made her fidget. Paige kept her eyes moving between the ground below and the looming building in front of them that she just needed to get to so that she could part ways with her.

"I love _The Alchemist_," Emily said softly.

Paige looked up, catching Emily's gaze. Emily's eyes were wide with this kind of excited nervousness.

"You've read it?" Paige asked curiously, surprised by the admission. Her friends at school had always been puzzled by her book collection, had always scoffed at her for reading things that weren't required for class, especially things that weren't published in this decade. She had always shrugged them off. She didn't need their understanding. She knew why she loved them.

Beside Paige, Emily nodded shyly. "Like a million times. _'The secret of happiness is to see all the marvels of the world, and never to forget the drops of oil on the spoon.'_ Emily recited to her lyrically.

"Yeah. It's amazing," Paige replied softly. Their eyes on each other, it felt like some strange energy passed between them, some kind of understanding that with all of her love for words, Paige didn't have a single one for. It made her nervous, but she couldn't take her eyes off of Emily.

She finally took a breath and looked away, breaking the gaze to dump her breakfast trash into a waste basket nearby. Feeling slightly more composed, she turned back to Emily. "Do you have a major?"

"Undecided. Completely undecided," Emily admitted. "I was thinking about journalism maybe. But my parents keep pushing me towards Poli-Sci. It's stupid, they…"

"Want you to go to law school?" Paige finished for her. She felt bad for interrupting, but Emily just smiled.

"Yeah. Kind of makes me cringe though," Emily responded, wincing playfully.

Paige nodded. She had known where Emily was going with the political science deal because she'd been so surprised when her father hadn't pushed that route. He told her it was because he thought she could do more than he had, that her mind needed a greater challenge, but she was never really sure of his reasons. Whenever he said it though, she would always shrug it off and let him think what he wanted. After all, the last thing she wanted was to follow in his footsteps.

"My dad's been pushing me towards I-Banking," Paige finally blurted out, wondering if she had ever actually admitted to anyone before that moment that it hadn't been solely her idea, that it hadn't been her idea at all. "Investment banking," she added to clarify.

"Damn," Emily responded, brows lifted in amazement.

"I think he's crazy to think I can do it," Paige admitted before she could stop herself. She didn't usually let out that kind of vulnerability. In fact, she only could remember sharing that fear with Pru on graduation night after they had both had way too much to drink and had ended up sleeping in the bed of Pru's dad's truck because they had somehow lost the key to the house. Even then, to her best friend, she had felt weird saying it. But saying it to Emily, for some reason, she felt safe.

"Why?" Emily inquired, and Paige simply shrugged in response, feeling like she hadn't quite thought it through enough to give an answer.

"I think the question is more, is that what you want to do?" Emily suggested.

Paige felt a tiny surge inside of her. It was probably the sweetest thing anyone had ever said to her before. Nothing about Emily since they had met failed to completely blow her away. And now, Paige could hardly believe that someone could be this kind and pure. But even more, that someone could see right through her, could see straight to her core, and know exactly what was really going on inside her.

"Look, Emily," Paige started before she even had the words put together, but she had to say something, she had to apologize for last night, she had to mend things. The guilt was seeping through her, but her brain felt stilted. And now Emily was looking at her sweetly, expectantly.

"Emily!" a voice shouted, interrupting Paige's thoughts, and both girls turned to see another girl that Paige didn't recognize walking towards them, waving excitedly.

"Mallorie?" Emily asked as she obviously recognized her. "I didn't know you were coming here," she added excitedly as she and the other girl hugged.

Paige watched their exchange quietly, collecting herself.

"It was a whole mess," the girl, Mallorie explained, her words sputtering out a mile a minute. "I'll tell you about it sometime. It's awesome to see you."

"You too!" Emily replied, smiling broadly. "Mallorie, this is Paige, my roommate. She'll be on the team with us too," Emily explained to the other girl, and inadvertently to Paige too that they would all teammates.

Paige forced a smile as Mallorie stretched out her hand excitedly to meet Paige. Paige wasn't sure whether to be relieved or upset that someone had interrupted them. All she knew was that inside, she was a mess.

And she could hardly deny that the reason was nothing less than Emily Fields.

* * *

><p>After stepping into the McCoy Natatorium building, an older swimmer that they all recognized from their recruitment visits as the senior captain ushered the girls towards the locker room. Practice on Saturdays was normally at 7am since there were no classes, but today, Coach had asked the freshman to be there at 6:30am in order to get situated into their new lives.<p>

Emily took a moment to gaze around at the navy and white painted room. It was enormous compared to the locker room at Rosewood. On one open wall was a large painting of a Nittany Lion with the PSU logo underneath while the rest of the walls were covered with lockers. Several of the lockers that had been assigned to the new swimmers had been tagged with their names on them. Glancing around, she finally found the one with "Emily Fields" written across the top of it. Without missing a beat, her eyes traveled that next locker over and read the name, "Paige McCullers."

_So that's her last name_, Emily thought to herself, repeating it a couple times in her mind.

It made her feel weird knowing that their lockers would be side by side, but she realized she should have expected it. They were roommates, just like a lot of the girls, and the coach probably wanted everyone to be near someone they knew. If only they realized the truth.

While this morning, Emily thought she and Paige seemed to be getting along okay, she couldn't imagine that the issue would just disappear so quickly. She wondered now how this would work out, if Paige was going to feel uncomfortable being with her in the locker room too, if Emily was going to feel like she had to change somewhere else just so Paige wouldn't think she was looking at her. It made Emily feel sick to her stomach.

"Welcome, Lions!" The loud voice suddenly broke Emily's thoughts.

She looked up to see Coach Becker, a woman in her mid-thirties that Emily had met on her recruitment visits. She was a bit no nonsense, but Emily could tell she cared about her athletes and had taken to her right away.

Coach Becker asked them all to introduce themselves, and Emily tried to take note of their names. There were only 8 new freshmen, but it became clear that the girls who had been paired up together had already found some sort of bond with their roommates. Even Mallorie, whom Emily had met during one of the recruitment visits, had drifted away from Emily and back to another girl she already seemed to know well. Emily scanned around to look for Paige and saw that she was across the room. Their eyes caught, and Emily realized that Paige had been looking at her. She wondered if she'd been thinking the same thoughts that she was.

* * *

><p>Paige's eyes caught Emily's and she felt like she'd been caught doing something she wasn't supposed to. She looked away abruptly and back to Coach who was giving everyone a fair welcome to the team.<p>

As they finished introductions, they each dispersed to their individual lockers to dress for practice. Paige pulled open hers and found two racing suits, two practice swimsuits, a brand new pair of navy Penn State sweats, and a new Lions duffel. It was still all a little surreal even now. The label of being a college athlete was finally sinking in. She thought she had devoted her time and energy to swimming before. She realized it was only just beginning.

Paige looked up to see Emily thumbing through the contents of her locker, fidgeting in place. She looked nervous, and Paige slowly realized it must have to do with what Paige had said about her at the mixer. Paige watched as Emily gathered a swimsuit and turned to her.

"I'm going to go change in the bathroom," Emily told her softly as she closed her locker door.

Paige's face fell. She opened her mouth to stop her, but nothing came out.

* * *

><p>When everyone was dressed, all eight freshman swimmers filtered into the center of the Natatorium. Paige took a moment to take it all in again, the vast stadium with bleachers at every corner, the professional lights, the perfectly drawn lanes of the pool, the large Big Ten flag waving from one wall surrounded by pennants from past seasons' victories. It all soaked in to her.<p>

Coach Becker moved in front of the swimmers with a proud smile as she began to speak.

"The Nittany Lions have been swimming in this stadium for over 40 years. There's history here. There's a legacy here that you are now a part of. In this building, there will be tears shed, some from losses, some from victories, some just from really rough practices," she told them humorously. "So take a good look around. This is your home for the next four years. Welcome!"

Just then, Paige caught sight of Emily. She was wearing her suit now with her athletic shorts pulled over them. She could see more of her now than she had before. Her shoulder were broad and muscled, but still incredibly feminine. Her neck was long and elegant and arching as she looked up around her. Her dark hair was down now, falling in waves around her shoulders and down her back. Her eyes were moving around the stadium with this kind of angelic gaze, and Paige couldn't stop herself from staring at her.

Suddenly, there was a low rumble of voices that tore Paige's attention away from Emily. The sound grew until suddenly a pack of older girls dressed in navy Penn State sweats emerged into view, chanting, "FIGHT ON, STATE! FIGHT ON, STATE!"

The freshmen slowly began to join in until the twenty five swimmers were shouting a loud refrain that echoed through the entire stadium.

After the last shout, Coach Becker piped in again.

"Now let's get in the pool!"

* * *

><p>After the rest of the coaching staff had arrived, practice had become a frenzy of timed laps at every stroke. Even though all the new girls had come in with a desired race, it would all depend on your performance, which one you ended up having the opportunity to race.<p>

All the nervous energy that had been feeding through Paige translated into adrenaline as soon as she hit the pool. Her arms and legs cut through the cool water, stroke after stroke, letting the familiarity of the motions melt her thoughts away until she was one with the water.

Three hours later, the girls pulled their tired bodies from the pool and began filtering towards the locker room.

"Paige! I would like to speak to you please," Coach called out to her, and Paige spun around to see the Coach holding onto a stop watch. "You and Emily."

Paige looked around and saw Emily, a few paces in front of her, stop in place and turned to face them. They both walked over to Becker, exchanging a curious glance, unsure what this whole thing was about. By the time they reached her, the rest of their teammates had disappeared along with the other coaches, and it was just the two of them standing with their Head Coach.

Paige looked nervously at Emily again, wondering what this was about, wondering if Emily had told the Coach about what Paige had said about her, but Emily appeared just as confused as she did.

"I wanted to talk to you both before the season really got started," Coach explained. "There is a reason I paired you two together."

Paige glanced over at Emily again, and they caught eyes for a second.

Coach began again, her voice softer now as if she didn't want anyone to overhear. "I have a few spots open on the relays. Butterfly and freestyle. Mostly upperclassmen, but you two are my bread and butter recruits, and I want to see what you can to before the season starts in October."

Paige nodded.

"We practice a lot, but I want you two to be in the pool as much as you can. Practices are at 6, but the Stadium opens at 5 and closes at 11 every night for athletes. I hoped maybe you two would push each other this year."

"Sure, Coach," Emily agreed as Paige looked to her then back to Coach, nodding in agreement.

"All right then. I'll see you Monday."


	5. Chapter 5

_First off, I want to say thank you to all of you who have left me reviews, especially those who have left more than one (lauren-case, Gmac62, Itrasco, miluvrox, Somebody). When you write, it is really great to know if people are liking what they are reading._

_Soundslike: your comments were so sweet :) and I love that you saw the same things for the PLLs as I did. As for Aria, I definitely agree she's the hardest to peg. I would have probably put her at a small northeastern liberal arts school, but I wanted to keep her around for the story :) And thanks for the recommendation. I will definitely check out The Little Prince. Oh, and don't worry. I'm no PSU fan either, but I was, however, born and bred in Big Ten country, and while I didn't pick any of them for college, I'd probably peg myself for a Michigan girl if I were to choose?_

_lauren-case: your feedback means so much. honestly, I probably wouldn't have decided to write this if it wasn't for your amazing story :) I'm honored you are reading mine_

_Second, thanks so much for being patient with the story. I promise things will start speeding up now. And this story will definitely last through the next few weeks til the new season starts in June, probably longer._

_And last, if you didn't already, everyone should go tweet the wonderfully lovely Lindsey Shaw a Happy Birthday :) She turned 22 yesterday  
><em>

* * *

><p>Chapter Five<p>

Later, as all the girls began filtering out of the locker room, saying their goodbyes, and going their separate ways, Emily lingered behind, seeing that Paige was still packing up her things into her duffel. They fell into step together as they left the locker room and wandered through the hallway to get outside. At first, neither said a word to one another, and Emily suddenly felt weird around her again.

The entire time Emily had been in the shower after practice and getting dressed, she had thought about what the coach had asked of them, realizing that she was basically insisting that they spend even more time than they already would be spending together. After she'd told them, Emily had walked back to the locker rooms together with Paige not saying a word. She had hoped that maybe they had made some progress that morning, talking a little bit. She had started to feel Paige open up a little, let her guard down, maybe start to see that Emily wasn't someone to be totally freaked out by. Except now, with how Paige was acting again, she wondered if the idea of spending so much time with her really did still bother Paige. Maybe Paige thought she could handle having to have her as a teammate, even as a roommate, but to spend all those extra hours one on one were just too much for her to deal with.

As they stepped into the sunlight outside, Emily finally turned to Paige nervously.

"Look, I know what Coach said, about swimming together and everything, but if you want we can just alternate when we use the pool. She won't have to know. "

Paige turned to her with a look of relief that made Emily's stomach sink, a look that told her she was right, that being around Emily was the last thing Paige wanted.

"Yeah, okay," Paige agreed nodding.

Emily simply nodded sadly in return.

"I gotta run and meet a friend," Paige blurted out.

"Okay," Emily replied, nodding

"See ya," Paige said as she quickly took off in another direction.

While inside, Emily felt herself wanting to simply go back to the dorm and curl up in bed again, she tried to keep her head up. She tried to tell herself it didn't matter what Paige thought of her, but for some reason, it _did_ matter to her. She just wasn't sure why.

After Paige took off, Emily had hoped to talk to Mallorie, but she, along with the other girls, were long gone. She figured maybe she'd text her a little later and see if she wanted to catch up so Emily could hear about what happened with her other scholarship. She was at least glad that one of the girls on the team she'd have as a friend, even if she would have to accept that her roommate was only tolerating her.

She meandered back to Brumbaugh, a little bit thankful that she'd have some time alone to gather herself before heading to Hanna's to help her pick out an outfit for the first night of Sorority Rush.

* * *

><p>Paige made her way across campus to the South Halls. It was quiet outside still with a few coeds buzzing around that morning. She felt bad darting away from the conversation with Emily, but she didn't know what else to do. She had caught the look on her face when Paige agreed to practice separately, and it killed her. Yet, Paige knew she had no choice. It was going to be hard enough living with Emily, getting to know her, being even that close to her. There was no way she could be around Emily all of the time when she already felt like she couldn't breathe.<p>

Moments later, Paige knocked on Pru's door, once then twice, before the other girl finally yanked the door open. She was still dressed in her pajamas, a loose fitting tank top and small shorts. Her hair was a wild mess and she was still rubbing the sleep from her eyes.

"What time is it?" she asked groggily before turning back around to move back to her bed, barely looking at Paige who stepped inside and closed the door behind herself.

Paige shrugged. "I don't know. It's like 1030?" she offered nonchalantly.

"You do know that normal people are still sleeping at this time on a Saturday."

"Sorry. I just," Paige started, part of her wanting to tell Pru how she couldn't go back to her dorm room by herself with Emily, how she didn't know how to be around her while she was alone, but it didn't make any sense. It was one thing for Paige to have complained to Pru about Emily being _that way_, and a whole other thing to act like she was paranoid about it. "I just burned like 1000 calories at practice," she told her instead, "and I'm starving." Paige figured it was mostly true.

Pru frowned playfully. "Does the dining hall deliver?"

"Just go get ready," Paige told her, pushing her friend towards the door before plopping down on Pru's bed. "I'll wait here."

* * *

><p>Pru slipped back into the dorm room fifteen minutes later wearing a towel around her body, her long black hair a mess around her shoulders. As she rummaged through the closet for clothes, Paige was still laid out on her bed, examining Pru's wall that was slowly being covered with magazine spreads of her favorite designers' latest fashions.<p>

It was nothing new to Paige. Pru's walls back at home had been nearly covered, floor to ceiling, with one space reserved just for pinups of things she had drawn. Pru had been dying to go to fashion design school, but the economy slump had hit her family hard and even with both her parents now working, it was still out of the question. So instead, Pru had settled on getting a business degree now, hoping one day she'd at least be able to use the skills when she was finally able to get her fashion career started.

Paige's eyes scanned the room over to the opposite wall which was completely bare, the bed covered with a plain, simple grey duvet.

"Where's your roommate?" Paige called out to Pru who was on the other side of the closet dressing. She peaked her head out, a towel covering her head. She was now wearing jeans and just her bra on top. While Paige had realized more and more than she was starting to feel awkward around some girls at school, while changing for swim practice or showering after gym class, she and Pru had known each other since they were kids, so it never seemed to be an issue.

Pru rolled her eyes as she glanced at her roommate's space. "Probably studying at the library."

"What? We haven't even started yet," Paige replied incredulously.

"Just look at all those textbooks," Pru responded, motioning to a large stack of heavy books piles on the desk opposite of Paige. "I don't even know what half those classes are."

Paige rolled herself up from the bed and crossed over to the desk. She glanced at a few of the titles. Quantum Mechanics. Physical Chemistry. Biomathematics. Paige cringed before looking back to Pru who emerged finally.

Paige smirk in amusement. "So, on that match form, for 'Heroes,' I'm guessing you put 'Alexander McQueen' and she put 'Alexander Fleming,' and they just figured that was close enough," she told her.

"She put who?" Pru asked with a confused frown.

Paige laughed. "Forget it."

"Well, she's some smarty pants," Pru continued, casually flipping open one of the textbook covers. "One that _actually_ studies. Apparently, she doesn't just show up and get As like somebody else I know," she added, eyeing Paige with a teasing smile.

Paige blushed lightly. "Are you ready yet? I'm dying here."

"All right. All right. Just let me put some makeup on," Pru insisted, reaching for a cosmetic bag and disappearing out the door again for the bathroom.

Paige shook her head and lay back down on Pru's bed, knowing it was still going to be a while before she'd get to eat.

* * *

><p>Across campus, Emily was similarly sprawled out across Hanna's bed in a dorm room that looked nearly identical to her own, except instead of swimming posters across the wall, it was plastered with magazine images of male models and actors, most of them without their shirts on. She had one of Hanna's fashion magazines opened up as she thumbed through it, nearly immune to the chaos surrounding her.<p>

Near the closets, Hanna and Lenny, a slightly shorter, strawberry-blonde version of Hanna, sifted through their clothing, exchanging items, trying on dresses, comparing shoes, digging through jewelry boxes.

"What do you think?" Hanna asked, turning to Emily with three different dresses in hand.

Emily smiled sympathetically. "They all look great on you, Hanna."

"I know they all look great. Which one looks the greatest?" Hanna insisted, taking one and holding it up to her body and posing in front of one of their wall mirrors.

Emily shrugged. "I don't know. Maybe the black one?"

"Do you think it's still too summer for black though?" Hanna asked, turning from Emily to Lenny and back again.

"I always love black," Lenny remarked with a cursory turn back to her closet, her locks spinning as she moved.

"Then maybe the red?" Emily suggested again. She felt like she was offering little in the way of help, but the reprieve from her dorm room was comforting. Anything to help take her mind off of what was going on with Paige was nice, yet even still, her mind kept flitting to her over and over, and she couldn't figure out why she was so hung up on her.

Hanna grabbed another dress from the closet, this one brown, and showed it to Lenny.

"Lenny, you should try this one on," Hanna told her, holding up another of her dresses.

Lenny stepped back to examine it. "You think so? I never thought I looked good in chocolate."

Hanna shook her head. "This is more of an espresso. It'll look great on you."

Lenny took the dress from Hanna's hands and began examining herself in the mirror with it pressed against herself. Emily watched the exchange, laughing to herself that it could be this complicated or this important.

Hanna turned back to Emily just as she was looking back to her magazine.

"You should totally come with us tonight, Em. Even if you're not rushing. You can always just say you changed your mind," she added nonchalantly.

Lenny turned around with a look of shock. "You're not rushing?" she asked incredulously. Emily almost laughed at her disbelief.

Hanna shook her head and rolled her eyes playfully. "Emily thinks it's all about meeting boys."

Lenny nodded. "Ah, I get it. You're one of those lucky girls who already has a guy."

Emily fidgeted uncomfortably as Hanna turned to her expectantly. After everything that happened already, she found herself hesitating.

When Emily didn't respond right away, Hanna lifted a brow wondering if Emily wanted her to answer for her before Emily finally began to stutter out her words.

"Oh. No," she said awkwardly, turning Lenny's attention back to her. "I… I have… a, uh… a girlfriend… actually."

"Aw, she didn't want to come over too?" Lenny replied without even skipping a beat as she turned and held up another dress to her body for the girls to judge. "I need all the opinions I can get."

"She's in California," Emily replied, feeling more at ease seeing Lenny's nonchalance with the information. "She goes to UC Santa Cruz."

Lenny spun back around, dresses still in hand. "God, I'm _so_ jealous."

Emily smiled, but at the same time, the whole thing made her a little sad. This was what she had been hoping for all along with her own roommate. "Yeah, she loves it so far."

"Who wouldn't?" Lenny replied dramatically. "The sun and the beach. Why didn't I go to California? Oh yeah—," she continued, turning to Hanna where they nodded together, and in unison, both agreed.

"In state tuition," they said, before laughing together.

* * *

><p>When Paige and Pru had arrived at Paige's room, Paige was relieved to find that Emily wasn't there. She had wanted to get changed out of her sweats before she started to look like a slum around campus, but she felt weird now after Emily had darted to the bathroom to change that morning. Especially since Pru would be with her, she had felt like some terribly awkward moment would have happened if she had needed to get ready while they both were there.<p>

So she was happy to find the place quiet when they arrived. Paige dressed quickly into a pair of jeans and top, fixed her hair, and put on a light coat of makeup as Pru moved around the room.

"So where is your roommate? Driven her out of the manor yet?" Pru teased as Paige emerged in her street clothes.

Paige knew Pru was only joking, but it made Paige uncomfortable. Pru had no idea what really happened, had know idea that Emily had overheard their conversation, had no clue that the problem here wasn't really _just_ about Emily, but about herself.

Paige shrugged, trying to look casually. "No, I don't know where she is."

"This her?" Pru asked curiously, reaching for the photograph of Emily and Maya from Emily's desk.

"Hm?" Paige asked, looking up briefly to see what Pru was referring to. "Oh. Yeah."

Pru lifted the photo closer to examine the two girls' faces. "Which one is she?"

"The one on the left," Paige replied automatically. She realized how quickly she said it, realized that she knew exactly which one Emily was because over the last day, she had looked at the photo countless times.

"This her girlfriend?" Pru asked with a smirk.

Paige wasn't sure how to interpret it so she simply shrugged as she turned away and slipped her cosmetic bag into a draw before pulling on a pair of sandals.

"Geez," Pru continued. "From what you told me, I was expecting some disgusting monster that you were afraid was going to pounce on you," Pru said with a laugh.

Paige looked up, frowning. "What are you getting at?" Paige replied defensively.

Pru rolled her eyes. "She's kind of _gorgeous_, Paige."

Paige felt a fuzziness wash over her at the word. "Oh," she replied softly, while inside she kept repeating the word, _gorgeous_... Pru was right about it though. Paige just hadn't admitted it to herself yet. But since Pru was pointing it out though, maybe that's all it was. Maybe it was normal to think that of another girl. Maybe she was having an entire panic over nothing. Thinking that of Emily, it didn't have to _mean_ anything, right?

Pru laughed at Paige's unresponsiveness. "What? You failed to notice?"

"I don't notice girls," Paige insisted, rolling her eyes. On the inside though, she felt nauseous, like she was going to trip up on her words, like she was going to say too much, like she might accidentally admit that, of course, she noticed Emily was gorgeous, the very moment she met her.

"You do have eyes though. Don't tell me you don't ever scope out the competition. Compare yourself?" Pru inquired, teasing her friend casually, even though to Paige, this entire conversation felt anything but casual.

"I guess," Paige replied calmly.

Pru turned and set the frame back down on the corner of Emily's desk.

"If I were you, I'd be glad she was into girls," Pru told her, "because if she wasn't, and she were _my _roommate, no guys would be looking at me. I'd be single the whole year."

Paige smirked. "You might still be single the whole year, Pru," she teased.

"Please. Jacob was totally flirting with me last night!"

Paige frowned. "You came all this way to date someone from Dublin?" she asked disapprovingly.

A devious smile crossed Pru's face. "I don't care where he's from as long as his destination is my bed."

Paige laughed. "Slut," she joshed playfully.

"Proud of it," Pru replied with a smile, flicking a strand of hair over her shoulder. "By the way, I noticed Collin totally checking you out last night," she added surreptitiously.

"Collin?" Paige wondered.

"The blonde guy. Swimmer too. _Gorgeous_ blue eyes."

"Oh. Yeah. Him," Paige replied nonchalantly. She did remember Collin. They had talked for a few minutes and realized quickly they were both from the Columbus area. In fact, Paige was pretty sure their fathers ran in the same circles, a fact that seemed to thrill him and disappoint her. The last thing she needed was more of her father's world infiltrating her life. Honestly, she didn't know what she needed, but she was pretty sure it wasn't Collin Jerrett. But she couldn't say that to Pru.

"I'm calling it now. You two are going to be an item before the year's over."

"If I make it that far," Paige muttered under her breath.

"Look on the bright side. Her girlfriend is _way _hotter than you, Paige," Pru taunted, "so I don't think she's going to be taking a step down."

"Shut up. She is not!" Paige insisted, feeling her cheeks turning red. She reached for a pillow from her bed and launched it across the room at Pru. Pru ducked out of the way and flashed Paige a gleaming wise ass grin.

"So you _do _have eyes," Pru teased. "Just checking."

Paige just shook her head, feeling grateful that somehow Pru hadn't noticed what Paige had just revealed, that the person she had been comparing herself to this entire time wasn't Emily, but Emily's girlfriend. She hated what that truth could mean. She swallowed hard and forced another smile at Pru, trying her best not to think about it.

* * *

><p>After a couple of hours of trying on countless outfits, Hanna and Lenny had finally decided on dresses, shoes, and accessories for the first night of rush. Emily took the chance to gather her bag and let Hanna know that she had to get going. While she'd been flipping through the magazine and helping them contemplate the 400 possible outfit combinations, she had texted Mallorie and made plans to meet her for dinner.<p>

As she was heading out the door, Hanna followed her a few steps into the hallway.

"Are you okay?" she asked Emily, stopping her before she could leave.

Emily forced a smile, thinking she had done a better job of concealing what she had been feeling the last couple of days. "Yeah. Why?"

"Before," Hanna started, frowning. "I didn't mean to put you on the spot. I just thought you were cool coming out to people here."

"I am," Emily insisted. "It's no big deal."

"Cause you just seemed…" Hanna started, then hesitated, and Emily started to wonder what the hell was going on and why Hanna was acting so strangely.

"I seemed what?" Emily demanded anxiously.

Hanna finally blurted out her words. "Does this have anything to do with your roommate?"

Emily's brows furrowed. How could Hanna know what Paige had said about her? Hanna wasn't even there. "What?"

"Spencer said—," Hanna started, and immediately, Emily felt defensive. She loved Spencer, but sometimes, she put herself in places that weren't her business.

"Spencer doesn't know what she's talking about," Emily insisted, her voice thick with annoyance as she moved to leave.

Hanna reached out and grabbed her arm, stopping her. "Emily," she said sympathetically.

Emily shook her head. It was bad enough that all this stuff was happening with Paige. The last thing she wanted was to talk about it.

"Look. Whatever happened, I can handle it, okay?" she assured Hanna before turning and leaving before her face revealed that she very obviously wasn't handling it, at least not on the inside.

* * *

><p>By the time Emily made it back to her dorm room, the conversation had thoroughly gotten to her. Something was obviously said that alarmed Spencer enough to tell Hanna, and while it upset her to know this, it couldn't have been worse than what Emily had overheard Paige say. What she hated was that her friends now knew that something was wrong when she had been trying to work it out on her own. Feeling exposed, she could sense tears welling up in her again and desperately tried to push them away.<p>

As she approached her dorm door a few minutes later, she heard chattering inside and could tell Paige must have been there. She took a deep breath to compose herself before pushing the door open. Inside, Paige was seated on the edge of her desk while another girl moved around the room as they chatted. They both looked up as they heard the door.

"Hey," Emily said softly as she stepped inside.

"Emily, this is my friend Pru," Paige replied, pointing casually to the other girl.

Emily recognized her as the girl Paige had been complaining to at the mixer. She fidgeted in place uncomfortably, knowing that this girl was in on everything Paige had said. She wondered if Paige had told her that she had heard them. It would be the only thing that could make it worse.

Emily nodded and forced a small smile. "It's nice to meet you."

As Emily moved past her desk, she noticed her frame had been moved, the one with the photo of her and Maya. She touched it, moving it back again into its proper place. When she looked up, Paige was looking at her, like she'd been caught, like they both knew that something had been said about Emily when she wasn't there, and neither of them could deny it, even if both of them wanted to.

Emily felt sick to her stomach and looked away.

"Um, you know what. We were actually just going," Paige muttered awkwardly.

Emily looked up and saw Paige getting up from the bed and tugging at Pru's arm.

"What?" Pru asked in confusion.

"I need a soda," Paige insisted, refusing to meet Emily's eyes again.

Pru shrugged her shoulders and followed her. She turned back to Emily before they reached the door and shouted, "Bye!"

"Bye," Emily whispered.

* * *

><p>As she sat down with Mallorie at Findlay later that night, it was like they hadn't missed a beat since they had met in February at a recruitment visit. She and Emily had texted a few times back and forth afterwards and talked of rooming together that fall, but the year had gotten crazy for both of them, and eventually Mallorie had let her know that she had decided on another school. Emily had been disappointed to hear, but she had hoped they would have kept in touch a little or maybe seen each other at some of the Big Ten meets.<p>

Mallorie had a spunky personality, with a mouth that ran a mile a minute. It ended up being a huge surprise running in to her that morning and learning that she had, in fact, still ended up at Penn State. As they sat around a table eating pasta in the dining hall, Mallorie went on and on about what had happened to bring her to PSU. She explained how the other school's basketball program had been sanctioned for monetary gifts to players, and the punishment was a loss of scholarship money that trickled all the way to the swim team. She had gotten in touch with Penn State in April when she heard and luckily, they were able to work out a position on the team for her.

Emily didn't say much during dinner, simply caught Mallorie up on the past few months, but Emily welcomed the reprieve and just let herself take in Mallorie's manic chatter with a smile.

Later that night, they hung out at Mallorie's dorm listening to music before heading down to a party being thrown by an upperclassman at a nearby house. After a couple of drinks, Emily felt all the anxiety inside her start to melt away, and she was relieved to be finally meeting a few people, laughing, and having a good time.

* * *

><p>Emily woke the next morning to the sunlight glaring through her dorm room window. She cursed softly for not having remembered to close the blinds before she went to bed, and as she stood to cross to the window, she noticed that Paige's bed was not only empty but still made from the day before.<p>

Emily had gotten home late and passed out quickly just after 1am and figured that Paige would be in a little later. Knowing she hadn't come home was strange, and she didn't know whether to feel relieved or disappointed that Paige had chosen not to sleep there. In the midst of her thoughts, she realized that they didn't even have each others' phone numbers. She thought that maybe she should mention it to her when they saw each other, just for emergency's sake.

As the morning wore on, Paige was decidedly absent, and Emily used the time to sleep in longer. When she finally pulled herself out of bed just before noon, she showered and dressed, before taking a walk down to purchase her mound of textbooks from the bookstore and wander through campus, getting her bearings. She ended up finding a quiet place on a bench where she curled up with a book she picked up along with her textbooks and read in the afternoon sunshine. The day passed quickly as Emily felt the nervous jitters start building in her about finally starting class the next day.

That night, after the sun had made its descent over the horizon, she finally got a chance to really talk to Maya, and for a while, it seemed like things were a little closer to normal. Emily decided not to tell her about what happened with Paige, and instead just let her know that, while things were civil, it seemed they were by no means going to be best friends. Maya didn't seem to think it was a big deal, but then again, her own roommate was an old friend from growing up that Maya described as being like a sister.

As for Maya, it seemed to Emily that everything was running smoothly. She had already made a wealth of new friends and couldn't stop talking about how much she loved Santa Cruz. On the other hand, Emily told her about practice and how the coach was thinking of giving her a relay spot, but besides swimming, Emily realized she had little else to tell Maya.

Emily loved hearing Maya's voice again, but it was no replacement for being able to curl up together like they used to on Sunday afternoons, exchanging chaste kisses, enjoying each other's warmth, and giggling at stupid things on television. It felt weird that they didn't seem to have nearly as much to say to each other as they used to back when they saw each other all the time.

Emily had always pictured something totally different for them once they left for school. She figured they'd be gabbing a mile a minute about all the new people they were meeting and things they were doing, but their conversation kept falling flat, kept dissolving to silence, until finally, Maya let her know she still needed to restring her guitar and pick up some sheet music for class the next day and they said their goodbyes.

* * *

><p>Paige wandered back in to the dorm late Sunday night, exhausted. The night before, she had gone to a huge party with Pru and ended up crashing on Pru's floor to the dismay of Pru's roommate. When she awoke in the morning, it was still early, and Paige knew prying Pru from bed was a futile effort. She ended up going back down to the Natatorium to take a few laps and clear her head. She tried to stay clear of Emily so that she could at least try to formulate a reasonable game plan.<p>

As her body had cut through the water, she'd decided the best course of action was to steer clear of Emily as much as possible, keep note of her schedule of classes, study at the library. It seemed like the only appropriate way to keep whatever was happening inside of her at bay. She would simply keep her distance.

That night, pushing open the door to their room, Paige could hear Emily on the phone. They waved an awkward _hello_ as Emily finished up her conversation. By the sound of the sweetness in Emily's voice as she said goodbye, Paige could tell she must have been talking to her girlfriend, and it made Paige undeniably uncomfortable.

When Emily got off the phone, she signaled to Paige that she was going to the bathroom, and Paige took the opportunity to put on her pajamas and get in bed. It wasn't that late, a bit after 10, but the blaring 5am alarm clock was going to come soon.

As she lay there, facing the wall, her mind was racing.

Here she was, finally here, starting everything she had worked her whole life for.

She decided she was going to tackle this year like she did everything else: hard work, will power, sacrifice. Somehow, she hoped that the same methodology would work on her emotions.

A few moments later, she listened as Emily returned to the room, clicked off the lamp, and crawled into bed. Paige took a deep breath and forced her eyes shut.

_She could do this_, Paige told herself as she drifted off to sleep. _She could do this._


	6. Chapter 6

_Thank you thank you thank you for all of the comments. I have loved reading them. They've made me smile :) I feel a big responsibility now carrying on with the Paily fic now that lauren-case's has ended (It was amazing, wasn't it? :) go tell her if you haven't yet), but I hope I will be able to give you all some entertainment until we get our show back (1 month from today!). _

_I should say that this was going to be an even longer chapter, but as I kept writing, I realized this was already a pretty long chapter so I figured I should go ahead and post this first bit now. _

* * *

><p>Chapter Six<p>

The next morning, Paige woke to the sound of Emily's alarm, high pitch and blaring, at 530am. She had set her own, but she figured there was no use waiting for it to go off. They both silently pulled themselves from bed as Emily took off to the bathroom, and Paige dressed in her sweats.

Paige sighed as she pulled on her shoes and tied her laces just as Emily returned to the room, exchanging an awkward glance with her. Paige was starting to realize that unless she let things change between them, every single one of their mornings was going to be filled with these uncomfortable interactions. And there were so many mornings to go.

Signaling with her hand, Paige let Emily know she was going to head to the bathroom where she brushed her teeth and splashed water over her face. Wiping the water from her face with a towel, she examined her reflection in the mirror.

By now, Paige knew Emily must be starting to think she either hated Emily or was a complete antisocial, neither of which were actually true. However, she didn't know how to explain something like that without talking to someone, so she surrendered to the fact that this was what it would have to be from now on.

There was also this part of her that hated that she cared what Emily thought. Deep down, she wanted Emily to like her, and it only solidified for Paige that she needed to keep away.

* * *

><p>Later, as they quietly made their way towards the Natatorium, Paige was reviewing her schedule for the day in her mind. Microeconomics and then after lunch, Linear Algebra and some class on the Byzantine Empire she had fit in as a general ed requirement. It would make for a longer day, but Tuesdays and Thursdays meant evening swim practice along with the mornings, so she had tried to load up on Mondays and Wednesdays to make those days easier on her. She had brought a change of clothes so she could go straight from practice to her 10am class.<p>

"Do you want to exchange numbers?" Emily asked, interrupting Paige's thoughts all of a sudden.

Paige looked up, and she was sure the expression on her face showed her surprise at the question because Emily looked away and began fumbling for words. From the start, Paige was always amazed at how unassuming Emily actually was. When they had been introduced the first time, Paige had instantly expected her to be something different. She had known the type in high school. Girls who knew they were pretty and used it against people, put others in their place, and got what they wanted because of it. Paige was still shocked that by now Emily hadn't simply told her off. But Emily seemed so completely unaware of the effect she could have on people, of the fact that Paige felt like she was coming apart on the insides whenever she was around her, so she felt terrible knowing that everything Paige did, every deflection, every sparse conversation, every technique Paige had garnered to fight this thing happening in her, Emily seemed to take to heart.

"I just was thinking, we were both out this weekend, and I just thought, you know, in case something ever happened. Just for safety," Emily emphasized, as if making sure Paige knew she would never try to call her otherwise.

"Yeah, sure."

"What's your number?" Emily asked, reaching for her cell.

As Emily flipped on her phone, Paige noticed another image of Emily and Maya appeared on the screen. They were turned to each other in this one, smiling. They looked like they didn't need anything else in the world but each other. They looked happy.

Paige felt a pit in her stomach. She had seen some of her friends go through a few serious relationships, some they were still in and some they had sobbed over when they ended, but Paige still hadn't experienced it yet, that feeling of being that close to someone, knowing them inside and out, putting them before everything. She had always wanted to know what that was like, to not feel alone.

Paige recited her cell number for Emily who quickly punched it in her phone and filled in '_Paige McCullers_.'

"I'll text you and then you'll have mine," Emily said as she typed in on her cell.

Paige nodded as she reached for her own phone from her pocket and let it beep as Emily's message arrived. She flipped it open. All it said was simply '_Emily's number.'_ Paige added it to her phone.

They didn't say much the rest of the walk towards practice. Paige kept thinking about the photo on Emily's phone. She was curious about this girl who had Emily's heart. She wondered what she was like, how they had met, why the other girl was in California when Emily was right here. Even though Paige had never been in a real relationship, she still couldn't imagine being that far away from someone for so long. Even though she had a million curiosities about them, Paige kept her mouth closed and didn't say a word. After how things had been going, she knew she couldn't ask without Emily thinking she was only being a jerk about it.

* * *

><p>The Natatorium was filled with the echoes of screeching whistles, loud shouts, and splashing water as practice played out that morning. While Emily had been in such a nervous frenzy on Saturday to notice any of the other teammates, today she finally had a chance to observe them as they did their timed strokes. She finally realized now why Coach had singled out her and Paige as her strongest freshmen.<p>

Emily knew she had pushed herself to the max the last two years of high school to earn the spot where she was now. She's broken records at Rosewood, gone to state, overcome her own limitations, and found out she was capable of far more than she ever expected of herself.

But here, watching Paige, she saw something different from her own hard-earned skills. She saw something innate, natural, almost primal about the way she cut through the pool. It was like Paige's body was made for the water. She was incredible to watch. Emily even found herself almost missing her cue to dive in for another lap as she got caught up in studying Paige. She felt her cheeks turn red, not even sure what she was so embarrassed for.

* * *

><p>Emily had decided to run home after she showered to get ready before class. She had looked for Paige to see if she wanted to walk with her, but overheard her telling another girl she was heading straight to her Econ class. Emily ended up hurrying back by herself, getting dressed and drying her hair quickly before making her way across campus, map in hand, bag slung over her shoulder, taking deep breaths to keep her nerves in check.<p>

When she stepped into the Forum Building where her Introductory Psychology class was to be, there was already a hectic crowd of students milling around. She wandered around the first floor, checking door numbers until she finally found one that read 102 and reached for it.

Stepping inside, Emily found herself instantly overwhelmed. The lecture hall was bigger than any she had ever seen. It was slanted down at least 30 rows with the bottom level situated with a podium and an enormous projector screen showing the class information and the professor's name. She could tell the room probably fit several hundred people, and about half of the seats were already filled with more students moving up and down the steps looking for empty spots.

Emily froze in place, not even knowing where to start, and wishing that she and Hanna had made more of an effort to get at least a class together. More students were coming in the door frantically as class was getting close to starting, and Emily suddenly felt someone bump into her roughly from the back, nearly knocking her over. When she regained her balance, she looked up to see a tall boy who began to apologize profusely before his friends pulled him towards a few seats a few rows away.

"Better find a seat before you end up being a road block," a voice called out.

Emily looked over to see a girl sitting a few seats into a nearby row, smirking at her. With jet black hair cropped to her chin, bright blue eyes, and a thin frame, she kind of reminded Emily of a pixie. She was wearing tight black jeans, Converses and an oversized shirt that swam on her small body.

"Too late for that," Emily replied laughing. "Is that seat taken?" she asked, motioning to a spot next to the girl.

"All yours!" the girl replied, lifting her bag off the chair and setting in on the ground to make way for Emily.

"Thanks," Emily said, as she took the empty seat and pulled out her notebook.

"Can you believe how many people are in this class?" the girl asked incredulously, her blue eyes wide with excitement.

"I thought I was just in Pamplona for the running of the bulls," Emily quipped, smiling.

"Don't worry. I hear after the first day, people quit coming. I'm Jessica, by the way." She extended her hand dramatically, and Emily shook it, smiling again.

"Emily."

As Emily examined the girl more, there was something about her that reminded her of a mix of Aria and Spencer, with Aria's crazy individuality and sense of style along with Spencer's self-confidence. She noticed that around the girl's neck was a professional digital camera that she seemed in tune with, like it was just another part of her body.

She watched as Jessica whipped out her cell phone and clicked a few buttons before holding it up in the air at herself. It took a moment for Emily to realize that the video was running on the phone.

"So this is my first class of the year," Jessica exclaimed, as she filmed herself before doing a 360 view of the classroom. "All of these people are here to learn what it means to be me every day. Totally mad crazy."

Emily laughed out loud, before Jessica swung the camera around to face her.

"And this is Emily! Who I've known for about two seconds."

Emily laughed. "What are you doing?"

"Say hi!"

"Hi!" Emily replied, waving at the camera with a smile before turning back to Jessica. "Who am I saying hi to?"

Jessica turned the phone back to herself briefly, waving and blowing a kiss, before shutting it off and turning to Em.

"My boyfriend," Jessica told her, her eyes lit up. "He wants to know what my first class is like."

"That's really cute."

"He's down South for school. Charleston. I miss him already."

Emily nodded. "I know exactly what you mean. My girlfriend is in California," Emily said, without thinking twice. Somehow she just knew it would be okay to tell Jessica.

"God, that's so far!" Jessica exclaimed.

"I know," Emily said, frowning just thinking about how Maya was thousands of miles away from her.

"Are you from there?"

"She is. She moved here a couple years ago. "

"That's so funny. My boyfriend too. But he still has his little Southern accent, which is really what did it for me," Jessica explained, grinning at even the thought of her boyfriend. Emily thought it was the sweetest thing, mainly because she knew exactly how she felt. "So are you a freshman too?" Jessica asked.

Emily laughed. "You can't tell?"

"You mean because of that look of complete trepidation when you were trying to find a seat?" Jessica deadpanned before smiling.

"Yeah. That," Emily said back before the two broke into laughter together.

As class started, Emily felt the lights dim slightly so the screen was more visible and the professor started on a diatribe on the biological basis of behavior, on learning and cognition. Emily feverishly took notes as she tried to keep up. Psychology was another thing she was curious about as a major, and so she hoped to at least get a good idea of it from this class in order to make a better decision when the time came.

She saw a folded piece of paper fall onto her notebook and looked up to see Jessica next to her smirking out of the corner of her eye.

Emily unfolded the paper. _What's her name?_, it read.

_Who?_ Emily scribbed back and tossed the paper on Jessica' desk.

_Your girlfriend, _the note said when it returned.

Emily smiled broadly as she wrote, _Maya_.

All at once, Emily felt a sense of ease come over her for the first time since she got to school on Friday. After all of the events that had transpired over the weekend, along with seeing everything for both Hanna and Maya naturally falling into place right away, she had come to fear that the entire year, she was going to feel like an outsider, that she wouldn't find her place, that except for her calls with Maya and hanging out with Hanna, she would be alone. But now, sitting next to Jessica, her energy almost contagious, she felt like she had finally met someone that she really clicked with, who knew exactly what she was going through with Maya, who seemed interested in getting to know her.

It seemed like maybe everything would be okay.

* * *

><p>Across campus, Paige settled a few minutes early into her Microeconomics course. It was one of the smaller classes on campus, only about 40 to 50 people since no one had to take it but those studying Economics. Her body was already feeling hunger setting in. She hadn't eaten that morning before practice, and after three hours in the pool, she was starving. She pulled out her phone and texted Pru about meeting after class for lunch before their Byzantine Empire class. Right about now, Pru would probably be just pulling herself out of bed, having planned herself an empty schedule for Monday mornings. Paige had laughed when Pru had told her the schedule she had created a few months ago, but at least Pru had been realistic.<p>

In a second, her phone buzzed back with a message from Pru agreeing to meet her in an hour at The Hub.

Putting her phone back away, Paige looked up and in her viewline, she saw Collin Jerrett standing in the doorway, spotting her with his shining blue eyes. He smiled charmingly, and Paige felt herself wince internally. There weren't enough people in this classroom to get out of this one, and so she forced a smile as he made his way over to her and slid in to the seat beside her just before the professor began his lecture.

"Paige, right?" he asked.

She simply nodded. When she turned back to grab for a pen from her bag, Paige saw a girl in the row in front of her flash her a jealous stare and laughed to herself. It wasn't that she didn't know Collin was a good-looking guy, but except for Pru mentioning him on Saturday, she hadn't even thought of him since she had met him Friday night.

"Collin," he reminded her.

"I know," Paige assured him, and this seemed to please him. "I didn't know you were an Econ major."

"Minor. My major's Anthropology."

The answer actually piqued Paige's interest. She had expected something like Business or Finance, but before she had a chance to ask more, the lecturer had begun.

* * *

><p>After class, Jessica and Emily meandered through the crowded quad. Since it was the first day of class, every student group on campus had set up informational booths.<p>

As they passed by a set, Emily noticed a booth with a bright rainbow flag on display. She had slowed to a stop, Jessica beside her, as she leaned in to look at the name on the table. Pride Alliance. Emily had no idea there was a group like this at PSU and found herself interested in what they might be about.

"Hey, Emily. I think I spotted the booth for the Collegian. I'll be right back," Jessica said, grabbing Emily's elbow and squeezing it before taking off.

Emily simply nodded. After Emily had asked Jessica about her camera on the walk over, Jessica had told her about being a Photography major and how she had thought about getting some work taking photos for the school paper, the Collegian. She admitted it wasn't her passion, news photography, but she heard that they paid decently whereas she had little hope yet of making much on her art photography.

"Hey! You interested in the Pride Alliance?" a voice rang out, lifting Emily's gaze from the table and up to a blonde girl approaching her with a broad smile. She was tall and undeniably pretty, with her hair in waves around her shoulders and sky blue eyes. It caught Emily off guard for some reason, but she recovered quickly.

"Yeah, this is cool," Emily told her, nodding. "My high school was so small, we didn't have anything else like this."

"Well, feel free to sign up for our email list. Take a ribbon," the girl said, pointing to a pile of rainbow colored ribbons on the table. "Informational pamphlet. A stack of them if you want. They gave me thousands so I'm trying to pawn them off," she added smirking.

Emily smiled in return. "Thanks. I think I'll go with a ribbon," she said, reaching for one. "I'm Emily."

"Samara," she replied, pushing a strand of blonde hair behind her ear. "You know, we try to put together a few events during the year. Mostly speakers, but a few social events too. You should come."

"That sounds like fun."

"Yeah," Samara nodded. "You can… bring your girlfriend too," she added, her eyes fixing on someone behind Emily.

"What?" Emily turned her head to see her new friend chatting up the editors of the Collegian, and Emily realized that Samara had been referring to Jessica.

"Oh no. That's not…" Emily shook her head insistently. "That's Jessica. I just met her today."

"Oh," Samara replied, her eyes brightening slightly.

"My girlfriend goes to school in California actually."

Samara nodded. "That's cool," she said, her voice slightly less inspired.

Just then, Jessica bounced back over to Emily's side, smiling brightly. "Ready to eat?"

Emily turned to her, nodding. "Yeah. Jessica, this is Samara. She's in charge of the Pride group."

"Hey!"

Samara smiled. "You should tell Emily to come to one of our events. You too. They're open to everyone."

"Definitely. I'll see what I can do," Jessica replied as she began pulling Emily away from the table.

"It was nice meeting you, Emily," Samara said smiling.

Emily tilted her head back before Jessica could get too far with her. "You too."

As soon as they were out of hearing distance, Jessica turned to Emily.

"Oh my god. She was so into you!" Jessica exclaimed.

Emily rolled her eyes. "She was not. I mean, she thought _you_ were my girlfriend."

"Wait." Jessica stopped mid-walk, turning to Emily. "She _asked_ if you had a girlfriend?"

Emily shrugged. "Sort of. I don't know."

Jessica shook her head disapprovingly. "Trouble. I can spot it a mile away."

"Like I have time for Pride events anyways. I practically live in the pool." Emily insisted casually, but her mind wasn't calm. She considered what Jessica was asserting, and the idea of it felt strangely unsettling. She had never thought about another girl liking her besides Maya. She had never even considered it. Sure, she knew there had to be other girls at college who were gay, but it never occurred to her that she'd meet any that would be pretty and nice and interested. She had noticed right away that Samara's eyes seemed to be glued to her, that she didn't notice the other people approaching the table while they were talking, that she had kind of zeroed in on Emily instantly. Yet, she had tried to shrug it off, convinced herself that Samara was just being nice, until Jessica knocked it right on the head when she came out and said it.

Next to her, Jess linked arms with Emily and tugged her towards The Hub where they had planned to eat lunch. "Well, when you're not in the pool, you'll be with me. Now come on, I want to hear all about Maya."

Emily smiled. _Maya_. It didn't matter if someone else liked her. She _loved _Maya. And it felt good getting the chance to tell someone every single reason why.

* * *

><p>"So what exactly do you do with an Anthropology degree? If you don't mind me asking," Paige asked, looking up at Collin walking beside her as they headed out of the building where their class had been held.<p>

"You can do a lot, but I'm thinking about city planning."

"That sounds cool. You'll have to tell me what's that about sometime," Paige told him before realizing what she might have been suggesting, that she might have let him think she wanted a date. Paige panicked as she searched for words to recover. "Ya know, since we'll be in class together for a while."

Collin smiled, not discouraged in the slightest, his eyes never leaving her face. Paige fidgeted uncomfortably.

"Do you want to grab lunch with me and some friends?" he asked.

"Oh. I'm actually meeting Pru," she told him, forcing an apologetic look.

He didn't miss a beat. "That's good actually. Jacob won't shut up about her," he said before realizing. "I probably shouldn't have said that."

Paige smirked. "Don't worry. I won't let on." She wasn't lying. The idea of seeing Pru squirm about Jacob, debating whether he liked her or not, could offer her weeks of entertainment that she didn't want to give up.

Collin smiled, satisfied that he had gotten a yes from her to lunch.

Just then, Paige spotted Pru standing outside the Hub. Pru immediately recognized the figure next to Paige and raised her brow, flashing her a grin that said, _I told you so._

* * *

><p>Tray of food in her hands, Emily slid into a booth inside the bustling Hub across from Jessica, setting her bag down on top the table. Earlier, as she headed through the checkout line, she had pulled out the rainbow ribbon and tied it around the handle of her bag, smiling to herself that she felt comfortable enough to do something like that. Now it was displayed prominently, and she didn't even mind.<p>

Jessica had been chattering in line about her boyfriend Wyatt and finished explaining how they'd first hated each other until they were partnered for driver's ed training and went from being mortal enemies to inseparable to madly in love.

When she finished her tale, she bugged Emily again about her other half, and Emily told her all about Maya, about how they had met, abut their first kiss and how confused Emily had been, how Maya had waited for her patiently until she was ready. As the words poured out, it made Emily feel both nostalgic for all those good times, when everything seemed so perfect, and sad that Maya was now so far away from her.

As the conversation moved along, Jessica let her know that the Collegian thing could be a go, but they wanted to see a portfolio.

"That's great, right?" Emily asked.

"Yeah. For sure. I just kind of want to update it a little before I send it in. I was thinking, you should let me take some photos of you sometime."

"No way. I'm so not a model," Emily objected, shaking her head.

"Yeah right. You're not far off," Jessica countered with a laugh.

"I wouldn't even know what to do."

"You don't do anything. I do all the work. It'll be fun. I swear."

She had a feeling Jessica wasn't going to relent, and she figured maybe she was right. Maybe it would be fun. She liked hanging out with Jessica, and as she explained more, she made it seem like the only difference would be the camera in her hands. She'd make it super natural. So ultimately, Emily agreed.

Just as she nodded her head, consenting, her eyes caught a glimpse of a figure going through the checkout line with a tray of food. Her auburn hair was unmistakable even already. Next to Paige was her friend Pru. They were turning to each other talking, and Emily knew Paige hadn't noticed her yet.

"What are you looking at?" Jessica inquired, breaking Emily's stare.

Emily turned her gaze to Jessica. "Nothing." Off Jessica's disbelieving look, Emily continued. "My roommate."

"What's her name?" Jessica asked, turning her head and following Emily's gaze over to her.

"Paige."

Jessica lifted her hand, and Emily could tell she was just about to shout out Paige's name when Emily reached out and pushed her hand down.

"She doesn't want to sit with us." Emily insisted.

"Wow. Already clawing at each other's throats?"

Emily sighed. "More like tacit avoidance."

"Didn't hit it off?" Jess asked with a frown.

"It's complicated."

"It got complicated in three days?"

Emily shrugged, trying to play it all off. "She just didn't expect someone like me for a roommate."

"Someone like you. Someone who is ridiculously pretty and an absolute doll?"

"Someone who's gay," Emily replied, with a mix of sadness and embarrassment at finally admitting what she had tried to deny for a few days now, hoping it wasn't really the truth where deep down she knew it obviously was.

Jessica's eyes narrowed. "Forget her."

* * *

><p>Later, Emily and Jessica had finished up lunch and parted ways so that Jessica could get to her class across campus. Emily had another course nearby and took the side door out of the Hub where crowds of coeds were gathered, eating lunch.<p>

As she crossed the small quad, she caught a glimpse of Paige sitting with Pru and a few boys, none of whom she recognized. Paige had a bright smile on her face as she told a joke and everyone around her broke into laughter. They were all having a good time. Emily couldn't help but noticed that one guy in particular, a blonde, had cozyed himself up pretty close to Paige and was watching her as she spoke. It looked like Paige had already garnered herself an admirer, Emily thought to herself. It was only the first day, but Emily didn't find herself surprised. There was something about Paige, something wildly mysterious that tugged at you.

Emily found herself lingering for a moment, listening to Paige's laugh. She'd never heard it before. The sound of it was dry and earthy, and the energy of it ran through her.

As she watched the scene play out, Jessica' words came back to her. _Forget her._ Emily repeated them to herself, willing herself to take her eyes off of Paige and leave. _Forget her._

So why couldn't she?

* * *

><p>"I'm going to tell him to ask you out," Pru said to Paige with a scheming eye as they both founds seats in their Byzantine Empire class.<p>

They had spent lunch with Collin and Jacob, along with a few other guys they were friends with, and Paige had to admit that they had all had a good time. Collin was a funny guy with a sweet personality, and they had all spent the hour laughing. But there was no way that she could convince Pru that that didn't mean anything.

"Don't, Pru," Paige said. She had meant for it be more lighthearted than it came out.

"Why not? He's into you."

Paige nodded. "I know," she murmured dejectedly.

"You don't think he's hot?"

Paige shrugged nonchalantly, avoiding Pru's eyes. "I just don't think I have time right now."

"But you have time for what?" Pru asked, reaching for a pamphlet that Paige had picked up from a student group booth on their walk over to class. "Penn State Investment Association? What is that even?"

Paige snatched it away defensively. "It's the first day of school, Pru. Can we just get settled in before you start with the arranged marriages?" Paige bit back at her.

"Fine!" Pru replied, exasperated, as she finally gave up.

Paige slumped down in her seat as the professor started droning on about the Romans. Just as she felt herself dozing, her phone buzzed in her bag. She reached for it abruptly before the professor noticed and clicked off the sound. Looking at it underneath the desk, she saw that it was from Emily. She felt her heart speed up as she clicked open the message.

_Just wanted to let you know I'm going to head to the pool later._

Paige sighed as she realized that Emily was really going to so much effort to make sure Paige didn't have to see her. All day, Paige had been wondering how Emily's first day was going, if she was settling in to her classes, if she was meeting people. Now, as she sat hunched over in the back of her own class, Paige found her mind kept wandering back to Emily and each time, she tried to push her back out, choosing to focus on the lecture, on Pru's constant whispered interruptions, on anything else.

Sitting there, Paige decided she would study at the library that night, grab some dinner with Pru to break, and return for a few more hours until she was sure it was late enough for her to get straight to bed without any interactions with Emily. It wasn't what she wanted (she couldn't even let herself begin to grasp what she actually did want), but she told herself this wasn't about what she wanted. That was the whole point. It was about what she had to do.


	7. Chapter 7

_Hi everyone! I'm sure some of you are new thanks to Lauren's recommendation, and I appreciate you giving this story a chance. I've spent a lot of time thinking it through, and I hope you all will like where it goes. And thanks again for all of the comments too. It is definitely motivating :)_

_Somebody: I totally agree. The world needs tons more Paily (especially on the show), but until then, this will have to do I suppose._

_Tanuki Ra: Thanks for giving this a shot :) As far as the Mary Sue thing you mentioned, I actually had to look that up. Don't worry. There won't be any of that in here ;)_

_Soundslike: Not a Michigan girl, huh? Hah, now I'm really curious as to where you go (since I've got some kind of tie to about half of the big ten schools). And don't worry, nerds are great :) I'm pretty sure I am one myself._

_All right, here goes..._

* * *

><p>Chapter Seven<p>

By the time Emily and Jessica had seen each other again in class on Wednesday, they had already made plans to hang out Saturday night. One of Jessica's friends was playing an acoustic show at a small coffee shop, and Jessica had wanted Emily to meet a few of her high school buddies.

She had invited Emily to come over beforehand so they could walk together to meet everyone else, and Emily gladly agreed. Emily had begun to notice over the course of their conversations that Jessica was in the exact same position starting college as Emily was, someone who had spent so much time with their other half that now it felt like being all on your own. So being invited over to Jessica's felt good, because it meant maybe they could be there for each other while Maya and Wyatt were away.

It was about 8pm when Emily arrived at Jessica's dorm room. Jessica wasn't ready yet, and she had excused herself to go finish up in the bathroom while Emily took a moment to examine the other girl's room. Taking a look at a few of the photographs pinned to her wall, she realized Jessica was incredibly talented, and it made her feel excited about being her subject. She figured maybe she could frame one of the images and send it to Maya. Their two-year anniversary wasn't too far away, and she was still deciding what she could give her. Emily still wanted it to be special even if they couldn't spend it together.

"I'm so sorry!" Jessica announced as she returned to the dorm room. "Wyatt called, and I totally lost track of time."

Emily smiled. "Don't worry."

"We usually talk before bed, but since I knew I was going to be out tonight, we had to do it early," she explained as she slipped on a pair of shoes.

"You guys talk every night?" Emily asked curiously, shoving her hands in her pockets.

"I can't live a day without his voice," Jessica replied dramatically, with a smile. "Don't you and Maya?" she asked casually as she slid on her coat.

"I just thought we were the only ones," Emily replied with a forced smile. She felt badly for lying, but it felt awkward admitting the truth. She and Maya hadn't been even close to talking every night. With the time change, they had resorted to texting their goodnights and I love you's most nights because Emily had to turn in so early in order to wake up for practice. She already hated that, this early on, they weren't even speaking every day. She worried what it would be like when their course load got heavier, when midterms came around, when Emily's season started and she would be traveling to meets.

"Just never seems like we talk enough," Emily added.

"It's hard being away," Jessica told her with a frown. "I'm counting the days 'til I visit him."

"You're going to Charleston?" Emily asked, excited for Jessica because she knew just how much it would mean to her.

"In a few weeks," Jessica replied, nodding enthusiastically.

"That's so awesome!"

"We just kind of realized today that talking is great, but it's not the same as being right here with each other."

Emily nodded in agreement, but her face fell at the thought of how long it would be before she actually got to be with Maya again.

Jessica noticed right away. "You miss her, huh?"

"More than anything."

Jess linked her arm around Emily's and pulled her to the door. "Well, we two lonely hearts will have to do for each other tonight."

As they made their way to the coffee house off campus, Jessica told Emily about her and Wyatt's little tricks they had planned to try to make the distance not so terrible. They had decided to talk over the computer instead of the phone whenever they could so they could see each other's faces and thought up watching movies at the same time so it would feel like a date.

Emily knew she and Maya hadn't gone through the trouble thinking up all of these little things to get through the time apart, but Emily never realized how difficult it would actually be. She figured maybe they could steal a few of Jessica and Wyatt's ideas for their own. Emily even wondered what Maya would think of maybe trying to come visit before the holiday break so they could spend a weekend together. They had never spent a night together and now that Emily was away from home, it was perfect, knowing Maya could stay in her bed and that they would be able to wake up together. She pulled out her phone as they walk through the cold night air and sent Maya a message.

_Just thinking of you. What do you think of a movie date sometime? I love you._

* * *

><p>When they arrived to the coffee shop, Jessica introduced her to an eclectic mix of girls and guys who were excited to meet Emily. It was apparent that Jessica had talked her up to them, and it felt good to be around a group of people that seemed to welcome her instantly into their little clan.<p>

They settled into a little booth, chatting away, as Emily got to know Jessica's group of friends from Pittsburgh. A few of them were artists like Jessica and a couple more were musicians like their friend who was backstage waiting to play. Emily thought to herself that Maya probably would have fit right in with them and wished she could have been there with her.

As their friend came on stage, they quieted down and listened as she began playing a few songs on her guitar, singing in a lyrical voice that blew them all away.

After the show finished, Emily was introduced to Jessica's friend Candace who had been on stage and Emily let her know how impressed she was with her voice. Just as they were settling in again, Emily felt her phone buzzing in her purse and pulled it out hopefully. It was Maya. Emily motioned to Jessica that she would be back in a second. Emily slipped outside into the cool night air where it was quiet and answered her phone excitedly.

"Hey!"

"Hey, beautiful," Maya's voice rang out. It'd been a couple of days since they had spoken last, and the sound of her voice was a comfort. "What are you doing?"

"Just hanging out at a show with some friends. You would have loved it," Emily insisted eagerly.

"Yeah? I miss you," Maya replied.

"You do?" Emily asked. The last few days had been hard, and she had often wondered if Maya felt as lonely without her as she did.

"Of course. Why wouldn't I?" Maya responded, a touch defensively.

"I'm just glad you called," Emily told her softly.

"I was curious about this whole movie thing you're talking about," she asked with a laugh.

Emily found herself shrugging. "I was just thinking it might be cool to like watch a movie at the same time and be on the phone."

Maya laughed again. "That sounds funny," she replied, as if Emily were telling her a joke.

"I just thought it'd almost be like a date or something," Emily explained shyly, starting to feel awkward for even suggesting it.

"Sure, if you want to try it," Maya said casually.

Emily took a deep breath before she launched into her next question. She had spent the entire walk over to the coffee shop thinking about what it would be like to have Maya staying with her and knew there couldn't be anything better. She hoped Maya thought the same and that they could figure something out together.

"I was also thinking maybe I could come visit or you could fly over here for a weekend," Emily said.

There was a long silence, and Emily started to think maybe they got disconnected except for the faint sound of Maya's breathing.

"When?" Maya finally responded flatly.

"I don't know. Whenever you're free," Emily replied shyly, wondering what Maya was thinking. She couldn't seem to tell at all over the phone lately.

"My schedule is kind of crazy," Maya replied.

"Well, maybe I can visit," Emily said in return.

"What about swimming?" Maya pointed out.

Emily relented, knowing that as the season neared, she wouldn't be able to take days off from swim practice. "Yeah, I guess you're right."

"Look, I have to go," Maya told her, and Emily sensed something was wrong but didn't want to push.

"Can we talk later?" Emily asked. "I'll be home in a couple of hours."

"Sure, I'll call you," Maya said in a rush.

"Okay," Emily agreed with a nod.

"Bye, Em."

"Bye," Emily whispered, but the phone was already dead.

She felt her heart sink in her chest as she stepped back into the coffee shop and returned to the booth where Jessica and her friends were still sitting.

"Was that Maya?" Jessica asked excitedly as Emily slid into the seat beside her.

Emily simply nodded, forcing a smile. She knew inside that something didn't feel right, and it made her nauseous. But instead of letting on, Emily forced herself to push away her thoughts until later and jumped back into the conversation, choosing to focus on all of the smiling faces surrounding her.

* * *

><p>Throughout the rest of the night, Emily kept checking her phone. She stayed out with Jessica and her friends a little longer, moving from place to place along College Avenue until around midnight when she decided to head home. There was still no call from Maya, and Emily had started to accept that she wasn't going to get one. She wondered if there was something she had done wrong, but nothing seemed to make sense.<p>

As she made her way back to her dorm room, she decided that if they could just be around each other again, if she could just see Maya, hug her, touch her, kiss her, all this tension would disappear instantly. She decided she would have to find a way for them to see each other.

* * *

><p>Across campus, a hectic game of flip cup was in session. It was already well past midnight, but the party was just getting into swing as drunken shouts filled the living room of a beat up fraternity house. The room was filled with a clatter of reused couches set up on tiled floor with scattered beer cups and a keg in the corner.<p>

Gathered around a table in the center of the room was a crowd of coeds, mostly guys but a decent mix of girls too. Amongst them, Paige waited at the end of the flip cup line as her team tore through each round, player by player. Like everyone else, she was banging on the table, cheering for her teammates as they vied to take the lead.

As the game reached her, her team was just slightly behind as the other team had already downed the final beer and was at work trying to flip the cup upright. Paige swallowed the beer in a quick swig and placed the cup gently on the side of the table, carefully tapping it with her finger. On the first try, Paige had it standing up right, and her team erupted into cheers as they won the match with a few of them chanting Paige's name. Paige simply smiled and rolled her eyes playfully.

Across the table was Collin, shaking his head but smiling at Paige's victory and his own loss. When they caught eyes, his smile broadened, and Paige swallowed hard. All night, she'd been trying to avoid him. They had class together twice a week already, which she couldn't avoid, and afterwards, they usually had lunch with Pru, Jacob, and the other guys. He obviously didn't think it was enough as she had seen him already catch eyes with her a few times that night with a look that said he wanted to speak to her, but she'd managed to make herself conveniently unavailable most of the party. Feeling now like he was going to use the excuse of congratulating her as a chance to talk, she turned and moved towards the back of the house.

Reaching the back screen door, Paige made her way outside where a few people had found a way to turn a grill into a fire pit and were crowded around it, talking and drinking beer. Paige leaned back against the side of the house, the light from the grill flickering on her face. She had been trying keep it cool on the drinks so she could keep an eye on Pru, who seemed hell-bent on getting herself into trouble, and tonight, she was a tad buzzed but nothing more.

Her mind had filtered back to Emily a few times over the course of the night, and outside, staring up at the night sky, she started to wonder what she might have been doing right then. If she was out at a party, if she was hanging out with friends, if she was at home, _their _home, which just sounded weird to begin with. Paige pulled out her cell phone and looked at the most recent message that Emily had sent her. It came a couple days before, just a simple curt message to let her know when she was going to do an extra swim. Paige hadn't replied. There was something about saying '_Thanks'_ that just didn't seem right. However now, she found herself wanting to say something, but she had no idea where to even start. Before she knew it, she was clicking the reply button on her cell.

Just then, she heard a deep voice calling her name and looked up. Collin was approaching her with a broad smile, and she felt her stomach twist in the worst way as she slid her cell phone into her back pocket and tried to hide the dread on her face.

"Hey, Collin," Paige said, forcing herself to be nice. She had an entire semester of class ahead of her with him, and while maybe she could sever ties and find a new place in the classroom to sit, she knew Pru would never forgive her for screwing up her lunches with Jacob.

He settled in next to her, leaning against the wall. "Having a good time?"

Paige nodded. "Yeah. You?"

"Definitely. Jacob was stoked that you and Pru showed up."

Paige laughed lightly. "I'm glad he's stoked."

"I'm glad you both showed up too," Collin replied more seriously. Paige felt like she should have said something in response, but before she could, Collin continued. "Paige, I was wondering if you would like to go out with me sometime, if you'd let me take you to dinner, something other than dining hall food."

Paige smirked, thinking back to her conversation with Pru earlier in the week. "Did Pru put you up to this?" she asked curiously.

"What?" Collin said with a confused expression.

Paige shook her head as she realized Pru had nothing to do with this. "Nevermind."

"So, what do you think?" Collin asked hopefully.

Paige winced, hoping she could find the right way to say what she knew she had to say.

"Look, Collin. I think you're great…" she started.

"You do?" he said, smiling.

Paige sighed. "Collin, things are so crazy right now. Classes are already weighing me down and with the first meet coming in October, Coach has me swimming extra hours trying to get my times down. It's just—"

"A bad time?" he finished for her, still maintaining a kindness in his voice. "Don't worry," he assured her. "I completely understand."

"Yeah?"

Collin nodded. "I'm a swimmer too, and trust me, it's hard when you've got to be awake at 5am every day to be adding something else into your schedule."

"Thanks for understanding," Paige told him gratefully. She had no idea it would be this easy, that he would take it this well, that he would, in fact, understand.

"It's nothing," Collin told her shrugging. "Besides, I can wait," he added with a small smile.

Paige nodded, but inside, she felt herself sinking knowing she would have to face this whole awkward situation again someday. Collin excused himself a few moments later, leaving Paige alone again with her thoughts. As soon as he left, she found herself reaching for her phone from her pocket again and looking at Emily's message, staring at it for an eternity as the two forces inside her pulled her back and forth on what to do.

Finally, she closed Emily's text and returned her phone to her pocket, pushed off the side of the wall with her foot, and went to find Pru.

* * *

><p>Paige awoke to an ache in her back, sprawled out with a blanket and pillow on Pru's dorm room floor. Even though she hadn't drunk much the night before, her body was aching from spending the night on the ground. Collin and Jacob and a few others had walked them back well after 3 in the morning, and Paige had fallen asleep on Pru's bed while she was in the bathroom before being promptly kicked to the floor when she returned. Paige didn't even consider trying to share the bed, not because Paige didn't feel comfortable, but because she knew she'd probably wake up with a bruised cheek in the morning considering the way Pru slept. Paige always assumed her friend must have been dreaming about going to war because if Paige ever did sleep next to her, she woke up with battle wounds.<p>

By the time she gave up on trying to get a decent rest, it was well past noon, and Pru's roommate had scoffed around long enough for Paige to get the hint that she needed to leave.

Even though it was well into the 70's outside, Paige dug through Pru's drawer and slipped an oversized sweatshirt over last night's tank top. She learned the weekend before that there was something about making your way across campus wearing last night's clothes that felt shameful even if the only place she'd been sleeping was Pru's floor.

When she made it back to Brumbaugh, she dragged her sore body up the stairs towards the dorm room. Unlocking the door and stepping inside, Paige saw Emily sitting on her bed, her head bent over a heavy book and a pad of paper. She looked up as she heard the door open.

"Hey," Emily said softly, a smile on her face that seemed kinder than Paige thought she ever deserved.

"Hey, I, uh, stayed at Pru's," Paige told her as she pulled off the sweatshirt and tossed it on her desk before settling onto her bed across from Emily.

"That's cool," Emily replied. "You guys go out last night?" she asked shyly as she twirled a pencil in her fingers.

Paige nodded. "Yeah, just some party at one of the frat houses. What about you?"

"I went to see a friend play at a coffee shop, then we just made our rounds on College Avenue."

"Nice," Paige responded, thinking that sounded like something she'd rather do if it hadn't been for Pru dragging her to the frat as soon as Jacob called.

Emily's gaze returned to her books as Paige laid down flat on her bed, her arms spread out over her head. As she lay there, her eyes kept moving over to Emily. She looked deep in thought, scribbling every few seconds, and scrunching her nose. Paige noticed her frustration and sat up.

"What are you working on?" Paige inquired as she looked over, trying to see what book Emily had on her lap.

"I don't even know," Emily told her exasperated, dropping her pencil. Paige flashed her a confused expression, and Emily continued, "Calculus. This whole derivative of a derivative of a derivative. It feels more like _Inception_ than math. At least that's how much it's messing with my brain," Emily told her shaking her head and laughing at herself.

Paige couldn't help but smile at Emily's ranting. "Do you want some help?" Paige asked cautiously. She felt like she was already breaking some rule she'd made with herself on how many words she could say to Emily in one conversation, but she knew Calculus like the back of her hand and it seemed wrong to let Emily suffer. Even if the expression on her face as she chewed on her lip made Paige flush.

"Seriously?" Emily asked graciously.

Paige nodded. "Yeah. I took Calc last year."

Paige moved over to Emily's bed and took a seat beside her. As she leaned over the book, she took a second to familiarize herself with what Emily was working on before she began slowly explaining the concepts to Emily, helping her do a few practice problems, and quizzing her on some things.

The entire time they were sitting beside each other, Paige could feel Emily's long dark hair brushing against the skin of her arm. She couldn't help but notice that Emily smelled like the faintest hint of vanilla. She felt her heart racing and desperately hoped Emily wouldn't notice.

"You make this look easy too," Emily finally said, tilting her head to Paige after she had finished showing her how to do another complicated problem.

Paige's brows furrowed. "What else do I make look easy?" she asked curiously, her eyes running over Emily's face.

"Swimming," Emily replied softly.

"Oh." Paige felt her body begin to buzz.

"I just, I've noticed," Emily started to explain, fidgeting and turning her gaze. "At practice."

Paige simply nodded. She found herself completely speechless. Emily smiled at her again, and Paige returned it as Emily shyly turned back to her book, and they began the tutoring session again. Paige tried to maintain her calm, but inside, her heart was hammering away. The idea of Emily even noticing something like her swimming abilities made her feel breathless. She forced herself to turn her focus back to the task at hand, back to the open Calculus book, and not Emily's shy smile or the smell of her hair that turned her inside out. She couldn't let herself think about it. She _couldn't._

About twenty minutes later, Emily was getting the hang of what Paige was showing her and looked over to her, smiling gratefully, and once again, Paige felt it go straight to her gut.

"Thanks," Emily whispered as their eyes met. They stayed on each other for a long moment as Paige studied Emily up close, her eyes running over the perfect lines of her face. Paige was sure she'd never seen anyone quite as beautiful as Emily before.

Feeling completely on edge, Paige shrugged off Emily's thank you and stood up awkwardly, moving back to her side of the room. Feeling all of a sudden claustrophobic, Paige fidgeted and reached for her swim bag.

"I think I'm actually going to head to the pool."

"Oh, okay," Emily replied with a touch of sadness in her voice. It was clear to Emily that Paige wanted to get away, and Paige thought that while it was true, it wasn't for the reasons Emily must have been thinking.

Paige gathered her things quickly and darted out the door, leaving Emily alone with just the company of her calculus book and her thoughts.

* * *

><p>Later on, Emily finally finished working on the Calculus problems and gathered up her books. She knew she would have been tackling them until her mind had grown sore if Paige hadn't helped her, but she didn't really understand why Paige had chosen to spend the time teaching her.<p>

Part of Emily had wondered if maybe Paige had started to come around, if they were going to get past this whole thing. She had been so sweet to help her, had explained things carefully, hadn't made her feel dumb when that's exactly how Emily had been feeling. And yet, a moment later, Paige had darted off without much of a word. It was weird to feel so comfortable around someone one second and so awkward the next. And it felt terrible knowing Paige could hardly stand to be around her when Emily found herself, at times, truly enjoying Paige's company. It seemed so wrong that it could feel so good to be around someone that didn't want to be around you.

Emily's phone beeped from her desk and she reached across the bed for it. For the first few days after she had given her number to Paige, Emily had kept wondering if she was going to use her number. A few times, she had grabbed her phone when it buzzed, and she realized that instead of thinking it was Maya, she had wondered if it was Paige. It was a weird feeling, but Maya had been calling so little, maybe it didn't mean anything in particular. Maybe it was just a testament to what was happening between her and Maya, which was more than Emily really wanted to consider yet.

When she clicked open the message, instead, Emily saw that it was from Hanna. After last weekend at Hanna's place, after Hanna had confronted her about Paige, Emily hadn't really wanted to talk to her. She had ignored a couple of Hanna's texts throughout the week, and she was sure Hanna was at least a little hurt by it.

_You can't ignore me forever_, it read.

Emily laughed out loud. It was true, and Hanna knew that Emily would agree with her.

All week, Emily knew that Hanna had been busy with her sorority events, a different party, a different dress, every night. She had seen large groups of rush girls trekking across campus almost every evening, and it seemed like this weird rite of passage that Emily was glad she hadn't agreed to. Yet, she knew it made Hanna ecstatic and knew also that Hanna was supposed to find out that morning if she was chosen for a sorority and which one.

Emily sent her a message back telling her, _Come over, but you better have a peace offering in hand._

Hanna arrived thirty minutes later, knocking on Emily's door. Emily let her in and Hanna hugged her instantly.

"Don't do that again. It felt like I got dumped," Hanna teased, garnering a laugh from Emily before releasing her and making her way around the room for the first time.

"So where's the roommate from the black lagoon?" Hanna asked, turning to face Emily again.

"Hanna," Emily chided with a frown.

"Sorry! Just the whole swimming thing. Seemed kind of fitting," Hanna shrugged with a self-satisfied smile.

"She's at the pool," Emily explained, plopping down on her bed, her thoughts returning to Paige darting out the room.

"I thought you guys didn't have practice on Sundays," Hanna said with curiosity as she leaned in to Paige's wall and examined a photo of Emily's roommate.

"We don't," Emily said with a shrug.

Hanna rolled her eyes. "Geez, don't you guys swim enough as it is?"

"Coach has asked the two of us to grow fins and gills and permanently move in to the pool," Emily quipped.

Hanna laughed. "Why just you two?"

"She thinks we're the strongest freshman."

"Well, we both know you are, Emily Fields," Hanna started. "But your roommate?" she asked doubtfully.

"Paige," Emily filled in for her as she realized that Hanna still hadn't even met Paige yet.

"She's good too?"

"She's incredible," Emily replied, revealing the level of respect she had for Paige as an athlete, if not as something more as well. Off Hanna's questioning look, Emily added casually, "I just mean, she's talented."

Hanna nodded, moving to the bed and taking a seat near Emily. "Speaking of her, Em, I'm really sorry about last weekend."

Emily shook her head. "Don't worry about it."

"I'm serious though," Hanna insisted. "I was totally out of line."

"That is true," Emily replied with a smirk.

"I think we all just get a little protective of you. Ready to pull our swords out, you know?"

Emily rolled her eyes playfully. "I can hold my own you know. I don't need three knights in shining armor."

Hanna smiled sympathetically. "We just hate seeing you hurt. But if you want to deal with it your way, I get that. I just wish you didn't have anything you had to deal with."

"It's fine. I promise," Emily asserted, even though truthfully, she wasn't sure how things stood between her and Paige. "Now, where is my peace offering?" Emily asked, hoping to deflect the conversation and curious what Hanna might have actually come up with. Knowing her friend, it could have been anything.

Hanna smirked deviously as she reached into her purse and pulled out a fresh bottle of champagne.

Emily burst into shocked laughter. "Where did you get this?"

"Snuck it from home," Hanna smirked.

"You know this is not what I meant," Emily teased, shaking her head and taking the bottle from Hanna's hands to examine the label.

Hanna reached for a pair of cups from her purse, shrugging a shoulder. "I figured we'd either be celebrating or commiserating, and either way, we could use some alcohol."

"Wait," Emily said, her eyes narrowing. "I thought they gave out letters already."

With a nervous smile, Hanna reached into her purse and pulled out an envelope, hanging it to Emily. "I haven't opened it yet."

"Oh my god," Emily exclaimed in shock. "But you got this hours ago!"

"I know," Hanna said, reaching for Emily's forearm. "I wanted you to be here. Just felt right, ya know? It's like a new chapter or something. And I'm just glad you're here with me to start it."

Emily nodded, smiling at her friend. "Me too."

Carefully, Emily opened up the envelope and unfolded it, taking a quick glance at what it ready inside.

"Well?" Hanna asked nervously.

Emily smiled sweetly. She wasn't surprised in the least. "Congratulations, Miss Kappa Delta!"

Hanna squealed and reached her arms around Emily, hugging her tightly. Hanna finally let go, reached for the bottle of champagne and fidgeting with it until it finally burst open, some of the liquid spilling onto the ground as the two girls broken into giggles. Hanna haphazardly poured two glasses for them and handed one to Emily.

As she took the glass, Emily started to think about what Hanna had said. Emily had spent the last week worrying, wondering, trying to predict what was going to happen this year when it came to everything from her classes to her situation with Paige to her relationship with Maya, and she decided right then and there that no matter what she tried to do, she didn't have all the control. She had a feeling this whole year was going to be a roller coaster of a ride and that she was just going to have to start letting go and seeing where it took her.

Emily lifted her glass into the air along with Hanna.

"To the next chapter," Emily announced as they clicked their glasses together and shared a smile. "Let the ride begin."


	8. Chapter 8

_All right, folks, sorry about the long wait on this one! Crazy week of school for me! But hopefully this chapter will make up for all of that :) It's a long one.  
><em>

_everythingurnot:_ I'm glad you like Paige in this. I, of course, like Paige always, but if I can convince someone else of how great she is as a character, I feel like it's well worth the writing :)

_Soundslike:_ I'm so glad you are liking the story :) Your comments crack me up. I definitely want you on my flippy cup team! Though, I don't know if I can get behind this whole Illinois thing. I mean, I've never really understood what a "Fighting Illini" actually was ;) But seriously, I feel like you nailed it on the head with your comment at the end with what I am hopefully doing. I love these too, and I think they're just _right_ for each other. And I love being able to show them figuring it all out, stumbling and all :)

_okay, here goes!_

* * *

><p>Chapter Eight<p>

The next few weeks passed in a blur as Paige settled into a routine of classes and swim practice, studying at the library and meeting Pru and their new friends for meals, hitting a few Saturday night parties and waking up on Sundays with a heavy hangover on Pru's floor. It seemed that, while everyone around her was finding their niche and creating their own happiness in their new lives, Paige couldn't shake this aching emptiness she felt inside. This routine, this life, it wasn't the heaven she would have wanted, but at least, it was working.

These days, she spent far more time in the pool than she ever did in high school. While the hectic chaos of swim practices usually left her feeling exhausted and frantic, being alone in the water in the quiet had begun to calm her like it once used to. It was just her alone with her thoughts.

The time at the Natatorium had also given Paige a reprieve from being around Emily as often as she would have otherwise been. Paige found that, as expected, distance had proven to be the best decision. Emily had this kind of magnetic draw about her that Paige felt if she got too close to her, she'd get caught in her gravity and never get out. And Paige still hadn't allowed herself to consider what that would mean, to wrap her head around the consequences of that action, to think about what it would be like to have your entire existence orbiting around Emily. She wondered if you would ever be able to maintain a distance, or if you would just become pulled in, like a meteor, disappearing in a streak of light within her atmosphere. Besides, Emily already had a moon in her world, and what room was there left for anything but minor satellites?

By now, Paige had started to see Emily around campus a few times a week. Emily would never notice, being completely entranced in her own world as she headed to class, bag over her shoulder, sun shining on her face, or deep in conversation with a few friends Paige had noticed she'd made, laughing and enjoying their company. Paige always felt a touch of sadness running through her when she saw Emily during her day, wishing somehow she could be a part of it, a part of her life, maybe even a part of her. Paige knew it just wasn't something she could allow herself to do, but she was glad nonetheless that Emily looked happy. There was something about Emily Fields smiling that made you feel like something was right in the world, even if everything else seemed so wrong.

* * *

><p>Just as Paige's eyes started to flutter shut, she felt a sharp poke in her shoulder. She sat up straight and looked over to see Collin offering her a sympathetic smile.<p>

"Professor was starting to notice," he told her as she refocused her eyes back on the Professor lecturing in the front of her Economics class. Paige caught the older man's heavy gaze on her and felt her cheeks flush as she readjusted herself in her chair and picked up her pen again.

"Thanks," Paige told Collin. It wasn't the first time she had felt herself starting to nod off in his class. Between all of the early mornings at the pool and her inability to get herself interested in the lectures, Paige had spent most of the first few weeks of Econ somewhere between a daze and a slumber. She was beginning to wonder how she was going to endure four years of Economics classes if she could hardly keep her head up in her first one.

Paige turned her head to Collin again. "So what'd I miss?"

Collin laughed softly. "Something about consumer equilibrium?" he told her. "You can borrow my notes."

"That's okay," Paige replied shaking her head. "I bought that thirty pound book for a reason I guess," she quipped back, and he laughed again.

Now that the pressure of Collin asking Paige out had passed, they had settled into a reasonably comfortable friendship. Paige had let herself relax around him, and slowly, she realized that she enjoyed his company. He was funny in this kind of dorky sort of way that she didn't expect, and they could talk about swimming forever while the conversations around them drifted off onto some other topic. Paige was grateful that he didn't seem to hold anything against her for turning him down, but she also was sure that she could never let her guard down too much. Knowing his feelings for her might only be growing, she made it a point never to hang out just the two of them, always dragging along Pru and Jacob and a few others to prevent any awkward interactions. She was never sure when he was going to come up with the idea to ask her out again, but she was at least grateful that all of her dozing off in class let him know that she was barely surviving with everything on her plate and that she couldn't add on a relationship with him too. Even if those weren't her only reasons, it wasn't a total lie.

The last few weeks, Paige had been busy readying her application for the Penn State Investment Association, which was a campus group that allowed you to handle a real investment portfolio. Her father had looked into it before she had started school, and her agreement to get involved was one of the reasons he had seemed to accept her taking a spot on Penn State's swim team as opposed to Ohio State, which had a better ranked program. He had believed it was the perfect experience for her "to prepare for her future," and Paige had consented. While at the time, she had hoped it would be something she enjoyed, she'd found herself dragging her feet on the application, begrudgingly accumulating her list of achievements, and trying to complete an essay on why she felt 'being a part of PSIA was an unparalleled opportunity to gain hands on experience, etc, etc...' It seemed that every time she tried to put her thoughts to words, she couldn't come up with a single reason why she would want to do PSIA. She was starting to realize, regretfully, that maybe it was because she didn't have any. There was a nagging sense that all these goals her father had been grooming her for, that she didn't share a single one of them.

Paige didn't have much time to dwell on the thought as the Professor dismissed class a few minutes early, and she found herself feeling grateful. Afterwards, she and Collin fell into stride together outside as they headed to The Hub for lunch with the crew.

* * *

><p>"You have to tell me if my hair does something weird," Emily insisted to Jessica who was kneeling down a few feet away, her camera in hand, snapping photos of her.<p>

They had both skipped their afternoon classes and had been shooting in a quieter part of campus for the better part of an hour so far. The first half an hour, Emily had been so nervous that Jessica had been forced to pose her, adjusting how she stood and how she held her head, but by now Emily had grown more comfortable, letting Jessica snap away as she pleased. She realized that Jessica had been right. It was a lot of fun, but she and Jessica had gotten so close recently, hanging out with her was always a good time.

"Oh, please, you look amazing!" Jessica exclaimed, rolling her eyes, as she tilted the camera and continued shooting.

Emily had spent an hour getting ready for this, trying to find the perfect outfit, fixing her hair the right way, applying her makeup just so. Since they had agreed on the shoot, Emily had been excited to be able to show the photos to Maya if they ended up looking good.

While Maya had never called her back the night they spoke at the coffee shop, she had called her on Sunday night, and they'd had some time to talk. Emily had noticed her demeanor was completely different the next night, and Maya had agreed with her about trying to talk over the computer. Yet, the next couple weeks, Emily felt like she was pulling teeth just to get Maya on the phone, and whereas some days she was her sweet self that Emily knew, other times she seemed completely distant, as if she couldn't be bothered. However, their plans to talk on the computer were for the following evening and Emily couldn't wait to have the chance to see Maya's face again. It seemed enough for her to hold onto, and she did so, tightly.

"Make sure you get a good one," Emily told Jessica as she adjusted her shirt. "I want to send one to Maya. It's our two year coming up," she added with a smile.

Jessica grinned as she snapped another photo before letting the camera hang around her neck and moving to another side of Emily who was set up against one of the beautiful old buildings on campus.

"Well, if that's the case, doll, maybe we should be doing this inside with a bit less clothes on you," Jessica suggested, smirking.

Emily's mouth fell agape in shock. She shook her head, feeling her face flush. "No. No way. You're crazy."

Jessica shrugged as she continued with a teasing grin. "Just saying. I think she'd appreciate that. Way more than you and a brick wall."

"I can't," Emily replied shyly, tucking her hair behind her ear.

Jessica moved in, taking a closer shot of Emily. "Can't or won't?" she asked with a wink.

Emily felt herself fidget uncomfortably. She and Jessica had grown close, and Emily had told her all about Maya and their relationship. Yet, they hadn't really quite gotten around to sharing these kinds of details.

"It's just…" Emily started awkwardly. "Maya and I… we haven't."

"Oh!" Jessica replied as her eyes widened, realizing what Emily was trying to say. "Then she'd really appreciate it!" she added grinning.

Emily shook her head and rolled her eyes playfully as she leaned back against the wall again. Inside, she felt her heart racing at the idea, not of sending Maya photos like that, but of she and Maya doing that at all. It had been weeks since they had touched, and while sometimes, Emily would think about her, remember what it felt like to kiss Maya, thinking about more was almost too much, and she forced the thought away.

* * *

><p>"So… you and Maya, you two haven't?" Jessica asked cautiously. It was a couple of hours after they'd begun shooting when Jessica finally decided she had what she needed, and they decided to grab dinner together near Jessica's dorm in the West Halls. They had settled in to a booth in the corner, but it wasn't nearly as private as Emily would have liked for a conversation such as this.<p>

"No," Emily replied nervously. Off Jessica's look, she added, "You look shocked."

While her other friends, Hanna especially, had always bugged Emily about how far she and Maya had gone together, she had always been cryptic in her responses, letting them think what they wanted to think, which she was sure was that they had already slept together. However, this was the first time she had ever really talked about it to anyone.

"Impressed, I guess," Jessica replied who sat across from her leaning in to hear Emily, who felt so nervous discussing it with so many people around.

"You and Wyatt. You guys have?" Emily asked.

Jessica shrugged. "Yeah. I mean we waited a while. Like a year. But yeah," Jessica told her.

Emily nodded, taking a long moment to consider what Jessica had said.

"I mean, it's not like we never thought about it. We almost did. Once. When her parents were out of town. I don't know…" Emily told her shyly. "Maybe I was just waiting for it to be right."

Jessica shook her head in confusion. "Waiting for what to be right?"

Emily felt her mind start to spin. All of a sudden, all the reasons she had come up with over the last two years, all of the times she had stopped them, all of the time she asked Maya to wait, she started to feel like it didn't make sense the way it once had in her head. She loved Maya. They'd been together for two years. It wasn't as if they didn't have all the trust you were supposed to have in order to share that with someone. So what _had_ she been waiting for?

Emily didn't know what to say, so instead, she simply shrugged, and thankfully, Jessica let the topic go, even if, in her mind, Emily couldn't.

* * *

><p>Later that evening, Paige meandered her way back from class towards Brumbaugh after a full afternoon of classes. As she pushed the door to her room open, she found it quiet and empty. She hadn't heard from Emily about swimming that night, and she had to admit that she was curious as to where she was. Paige noticed that Emily rarely seemed to have friends over, and she wondered if she was the reason, if Emily felt uncomfortable bringing anyone around Paige after what happened, or worse, if Emily had told them. Paige tried to tell herself she shouldn't care, but thinking Emily's friends thought she hated her was almost as bad as Emily thinking it.<p>

Just as she collapsed onto the bed, Paige heard her phone ringing in her bag and reached for it, hoping it wasn't Pru calling about a mid-week party that she _had _to go to. Over the weeks, Pru and Jacob had continued this dance around each other that everybody around them refused to point out to either of them. As a result, Pru insisted she drag Paige along to every single outing Jacob invited her to. In all other circumstances, Paige would have refused a house party on a Wednesday, a kegger on a Monday, but it gave her an excuse to keep her distance from the dorm room, her distance from Emily, who, despite all of Paige's strongest attempts, seemed to be not nearly as distant from her mind.

Paige checked the caller ID and saw that it wasn't Pru calling, but in fact, her father. She felt her stomach twist. She'd had her few weeks of reprieve, but she knew that at some point, he would be calling to check in on her, see how swimming and school and the road to success was going. After all, he felt like they had spent years doing all of the paving.

"Hey, Dad," Paige said as she answered her phone.

"Paige. There you are. I was hoping you would answer. I have a few minutes before the Avery Fundraiser and just wanted to check in with you," he explained in his usual diplomatic tone. Sometimes, Paige felt like he spoke to her the same way he did to his constituents as opposed to how you would speak to your child, as if even this was a tactical move in his hunt for governorship.

"Yeah, I just got home from class," Paige replied. She and her father almost never spoke on the phone more than a few words. In high school, if she was out too late, he would call to recite a stern message about responsibility, and Paige would tell her friends that she had to go. Paige was sure it wouldn't be much different in college, and to her luck, it was already a few weeks before he had decided to pick up the phone.

"How are your classes going?" her father started, and for the next several minutes, he drilled her on her Microeconomics class, on how her swim times were improving, on how much time she was spending studying. Paige, unfortunately, was used to this already. It was their nightly dinner routine at home, that is, if he was home for dinner, and by now, she already knew how to tell him what he wanted to hear.

"And have you been in touch with the Investment Association?" he inquired further.

"Yeah, I've been working on the application."

"It's a month in to school. You haven't gotten that turned in yet?" he asked disapprovingly, and Paige was glad she didn't have to see his face.

"I'm just making sure it's perfect," Paige told him, hoping it sounded like a reasonable excuse. "I still have another week before the deadline."

"Nobody likes people who wait until the last minute."

Paige exhaled a long breath feeling the weight of his disapproval even from six hours away. "I know."

"You're not letting yourself get distracted, are you?"

Paige found herself looking over to Emily's side of the room. So far, there had only been _one_ distraction, she thought as she stood up from the bed and crossed to Emily's side. She lifted up another frame Emily had on her desk and took a look at a photo of her with her friends, one of them being the girl she had met on the first day of school, along with two others she didn't know.

"No, Dad," Paige told him. "No distractions." She lifted the photo to take a closer look at Emily and felt her body grow warm.

"All right, well, I just wanted to check in," her father said, his voice breaking her thoughts as she finally set the frame back down.

"Okay. I sent you the schedule for the swim meets," Paige replied hopefully.

"I'll have my assistant take a look," he told her.

Paige simply nodded. They said their awkward goodbyes and got off the phone. After, Paige let her body drop back down onto her bed for a moment before finally reaching for her laptop off her desk and getting to work on the PSIA Essay.

* * *

><p>It was 445am when Paige's alarm starting buzzing. The sun hadn't yet come up over the horizon and the room was pitch black still. It was mid-September now, and, each day, as the sun rose later and later, the mornings were met with darker and darker skies. Paige reached a hand out and clicked off the sound before it woke Emily and pulled herself from bed. After dressing quietly, Paige scribbled a note for Emily that let her know she was going to the pool early the get some laps in and made her way into the dark to the Natatorium.<p>

Lately, Paige had been starting to wish she had just agreed to swim with Emily. The early mornings and late nights alone in the water were starting to get lonely. She often wondered what it would be like to be in the pool in the quiet at this hour with Emily, what they would say to each other. But at least this routine was easy, simple. Being in the water by herself, she could focus.

It was especially important today. Today, the coaches would be doing the first timings since that first day of practice, and it was vital that Paige prove that her times had gone down. The downside of swimming alone had been she had had no one there to time her laps, to see if all these hours were helping her to improve. Even though today's early morning swim was no different, she had wanted to get to the pool before everyone else to do a few laps, warm up her muscles, prepare herself mentally for that morning's practice when she had to shine. She had let her father know that she had a chance at a relay spot, and he had been thrilled. At the time, she hadn't wanted to say anything, but it seemed like swimming was the only thing that was still working right now, and it gave her a chance to dodge all his questions about her Econ classes that she didn't feel like answering. He was counting on her doing well. Now, she had to come through on it.

* * *

><p>Shouts filled the auditorium as Paige cut through the water. It was her first round of timings on the freestyle, but the morning had already been going well. Already through the butterfly and backstroke, Paige had finished well in her heats, beating all of her high school records already. The coach wouldn't reveal how they all had done in comparison, but Paige felt pretty confident she had secured a spot in the butterfly relay by the way Coach had congratulated her after her race. She hadn't seen Emily race yet that morning since she had been a few lanes down from her, but Paige was sure with how much each of them had been at the pool, she must have finished well too.<p>

Paige made a turn under the water, and when she surfaced again, she heard her name being shouted by a few other girls. She swung her arms out, one by one, pulling her body through the water, feeling the burn in her muscles as she neared the end of the race. Touching the end of the pool, she lifted her head out of the water to a round of clapping as she realized she'd finished first in that round. She smiled, breathing a sigh of relief as she pulled herself out of the pool. Coach Becker, stopwatch in hand, was grinning as she patted Paige on the back. A few other teammates congratulated her on the heat as she wrapped a towel around her body. Looking up, she saw Emily pulling off her sweats as she prepared to get in the pool for her heat. She flashed Paige a smile, and it made Paige feel better than any stopwatch or Coach's congratulations probably ever could.

Moments later, Emily's heat started, and Paige watched from the side as Emily dove into the pool, her long lean body moving through the water effortlessly. While the girls around her cheered and clapped, Paige found herself simply watching Emily closely, observing how she glided through the water, how her arms and legs moved gracefully at every stroke as she pulled into the lead ahead of the other girls in the parallel lanes.

As she watched, Paige thought back to what Emily had said about her, about her swimming, about how she made it look easy. Right then, watching Emily swim, she realized that it was one thing to make it look easy and quite another to make it look beautiful. And it was impossible to deny. The way Emily moved in the water was like poetry.

* * *

><p>Hours later, Paige had gotten out of her afternoon class early, and instead of going on to her next one, she decided to skip for the day. Her body was beat from getting to the pool at 5am and from Coach timing them that morning. She knew Emily was still in class for a few more hours, so she figured she would come back early and take a nap. She had spent so much time away from the dorm, crashing on Pru's floor, staying late at the library, that she was starting to feel like she never slept.<p>

As Paige neared the dorm room door, she heard music emanating from behind it. She checked her watch. It was only 2pm, and as far as she knew, Emily never really skipped class, but today, it was obvious that she must have. Paige thought about turning around and forgoing the nap, simply heading straight to the library to get to work, but she knew she needed her laptop to work on her Economics paper that was due the next day.

She unlocked the door and pushed it open, the sounds of _Adele_ filling her ears. Paige stepped inside and froze instantly. Across the room was Emily, seemingly busy cleaning up her side of the room as her body swayed, dancing to _Rumor Has It_. But it wasn't just this simple act that planted Paige in place, her feet fixed to the ground like she'd stepped into quicksand, but also how Emily was dressed. Paige realized that Emily must not have been expecting her to be home early either, because all she was wearing was a pair of the tiniest track shorts and a thin revealing tank top that dipped low in the front and back over her sports bra.

Paige felt her mouth go dry. She couldn't stop her eyes. They traveled along Emily's body, from her lean legs to the curves of her hips to the broadness of her shoulders. Just when her gaze lifted to Emily's face, Paige heard someone cough and realized that Emily wasn't the only one in the room. Lying across her bed was a blonde girl, reading a magazine, who had happened to notice Paige's presence first. At the cough, Emily turned around and finally noticed Paige standing there. Their eyes met.

"Oh. Hey," Emily reached for the stereo volume quickly, lowering the sound. "Sorry about the music. I can turn it off if you want to study," she said apologetically.

Paige shook her head as she made her way over to her desk, forcing her eyes away from Emily. "No, it's, uh, it's okay. I just came to grab my Mac. I was heading to the library." Paige told her as she shoved her laptop into her bag frantically, trying to get out of there as quickly as possible.

Emily turned back to her friend briefly. "Hanna, this is Paige."

"Hi," the other girl said. Paige looked up and recognized the girl as one from Emily's photos. She muttered a quick hello in response before zipping her bag up and moving towards the door again.

"Paige, wait," Emily called out, crossing over to where Paige was standing, her hand already on the knob. Emily put her hand on Paige's forearm to stop her from leaving. Their eyes caught, and Paige felt the touch of Emily's hand send electricity through her. "You can study here. I can go if you want," Emily told her sweetly, offering her a smile that Paige didn't feel worthy of for how she was acting.

Emily was only inches away from her now, and the feel of Emily's hand on her arm, knowing her body was so close was too much. Paige turned away and closed her eyes tightly, trying to contain the fuzziness in her head. She felt like her heart was pounding, like she could hardly breathe. Paige felt like she was going out of her mind with what she could only describe as _longing_. It was both painful and exhilarating all at once.

She lifted her gaze to Emily and saw her dark eyes staring at her with sadness and concern. Paige scanned Emily's face, noting the way her bronze skin was shining and how her pink lips looked softer than Paige could probably ever imagine. She wondered what it would be like to touch her, to feel her, to pull her close until their bodies touched.

"Don't worry about it," Paige finally muttered, pulling open the door, and flying out of there in a heartbeat.

In the empty stairwell, Paige finally stopped, leaning against the wall, catching her breath. Before she even realized what was happening, she had covered her face with her hands and felt tears.

* * *

><p>Emily closed the door behind Paige, and turned back to Hanna with a frown. She felt terrible. She knew that normally she would still be at class, but she had decided to come home early to clean and spend some time with Hanna since she was free. But from the look on Paige's face, Emily knew Paige had been counting on her being out when she got there. In fact, lately, Paige had been absent so often, Emily was starting to feel guilty, knowing she must be the reason. Even after a few weeks, it was obvious that Paige still wanted nothing to do with her. She felt stupid thinking that, for a moment, she had actually hoped Paige would have stayed, hung out with them for a little bit, let Hanna realize what Emily had been coming to see in their brief moments together, that when she let her guard down, Paige actually seemed really great to be around it. There was something about Paige that continued to tug at Emily, something about her she couldn't shake off, and for some reason, Emily had come to feel like she had something to prove when it came to Paige.<p>

"Nice to meet you too," Hanna said sarcastically, rolling her eyes at Paige's hasty departure.

"Hanna," Emily said disapprovingly, flashing her a frown.

"I thought you said everything was fine," Hanna countered, setting down the magazine and sitting up.

Emily walked back over from the door and leaned back against Paige's desk, facing Hanna. "It is fine."

"Yeah, that seemed _real_ fine, Em. Why don't you ask for a new roommate?" Hanna pressured.

"I think you're overreacting," Emily tried to convince her. Maybe she was still trying to convince herself, telling herself things weren't so bad, when maybe they were. Maybe Paige wanted her to ask for a new roommate.

"She acts like you're some alien from outer space. _She's_ the one overreacting."

Emily shrugged. "It's not going to change the fact that I'll be swimming with her for four years. If I do something like that, it'll just make things worse. Especially when I have to explain to Coach."

Hanna sighed, finally seeing Emily's point. "Okay, so you're right."

"Plus, it's getting better," Emily said optimistically.

Hanna flashed her a questioning look. "I hate to know what it was like in the beginning then."

"She's not that bad. Trust me."

Hanna frowned playfully. "You're asking for a lot."

"Well, I never ask for anything, so you should appease me," Emily replied as she sat back down next to Hanna.

"If I must!" Hanna agreed dramatically. "Anyways, you were about to tell me about some risqué photo session in your near future," she added with a wink.

Emily felt her face flush. "I never said I was doing it."

"I think Maya would lose it," Hanna replied, nudging Emily with her elbow to tease her, which only made Emily blush more. "And when do I get to meet this photographer you're hiding? Maybe she can do some headshots for me," she said, puckering her lips and flashing a pose for Emily before they broke into laughter together.

* * *

><p>That night, her room cleaned and her makeup freshly done, Emily sat down to her computer, awaiting her and Maya's scheduled "date." Hanna had taken off about an hour earlier, begging her to join her at a party later. Emily had promised to try but had hoped that by the time she finished talking to Maya, it would be too late to go out.<p>

As for Maya, the last few weeks had been hard coordinating their schedules, and they'd only have a few conversations that lasted more than a few minutes. Since their talk that night outside the coffee shop, Emily didn't mention anything else about visiting each other to Maya, quietly hoping she could figure out how to make it happen it on her own.

However, Emily had been looking forward to this all week, hoping that being able to see each other's faces, even if it was through a computer screen, would bring them closer. Over their past conversations, things had occasionally become awkward and even uncomfortable at times as if they weren't connecting the same way, understanding each other's jokes, or seeing eye to eye. It had been weighing heavily on Emily's heart recently, and while she had considered talking to Jessica about it, she decided that she'd rather just process it on her own and hope it was a passing phase that couples faced when they were dealing with this kind of distance from one another. She had set her sights on the time when they would fall into this steady rhythm that it seemed Jessica and Wyatt had already achieved.

The window clicked open on her screen to chat with Maya, and Emily smiled instantly when she saw Maya's face. Her eyes were bright and her hair was pulled back in a low ponytail. Emily thought to herself that she looked as beautiful as ever.

"Hey!" Emily said with a broad smile before she realized what was going on.

There was a loud beat of music filling the room Maya was in. Emily could see a few people passing back and forth behind her, and she realized that Maya wasn't alone. She felt her stomach twisting.

"Hey! I'm so sorry. This all just kind of happened," Maya explained, referring to the party around her. Her voice sounded apologetic, but her amused grin as she glanced at her friends didn't.

"Um, it's okay. Do you want to do this later?" Emily asked hopefully, thinking maybe once the party cleared out, she could finally have some time with Maya.

"I can't. I promised Nick I'd be at his rager later." Nick was obviously someone important enough not to require an explanation, like Emily was supposed to say, _of course, Nick_. She hated feeling like Maya's life was filled with a million new people she didn't know, or worse, whom she was starting to fear maybe didn't even know about her.

"Oh," Emily said, nodding.

"How are you?" Maya half shouted over the music.

Emily tried to hold it together. After all, Maya could see her face. The only thing that could make this worse would be to do something, like roll her eyes or frown or tear up, to piss Maya off. Maya had seemed more irritable these days, as if Emily's requests to talk were more like annoying demands she couldn't conform to.

Emily forced a smile. "I'm good. First meet is coming up soon. I think I've got a relay spot," Emily told her. After practice that morning, Coach had pulled her aside to let her know how impressed she was, and it had felt so good. She had been so excited to tell Maya about it, but she hardly seemed able to convey that under the circumstances.

"Cool. That's what you wanted, right?" Maya asked sweetly.

Emily felt her heart sink. It didn't matter how sincere Maya sounded. There was something about the way she said those words that made it seem like somehow, in that last few weeks, what she wanted and what Maya wanted had somehow become completely disparate things.

"Yeah. It is."

Emily could tell Maya was a little bit drunk. Her eyes kept darting around her, distracted by the swarms of people that kept passing into view. She'd shout out responses to them every few moments.

Emily noticed that there was something about her that was different, the way she was wearing her hair now, maybe a different eye shadow. It was like all the things she had memorized about Maya were either fading or changing, and Emily wasn't completely sure which truth was more painful.

As she looked closer, she noticed that Maya was wearing a new necklace, one that decidedly wasn't the one Emily had given her for Christmas last winter, one that Maya always used to have around her neck no matter what she was wearing.

When Maya's friends spoke to her, Emily noticed she was smiling in this way that went all to her eyes. Slowly, what Emily was realizing was that Maya looked _happy_. And Emily felt a pit in her stomach, knowing all this happiness wasn't because of her.

Another girl drunkenly lurched into view of the camera, snaking an arm around Maya's waist.

"Come on, lovebird. The party needs you," the girl insisted, pulling Maya away from the computer screen.

"I'll call you tomorrow, okay, Em?" Maya shouted, blowing her a kiss.

Normally, Emily would have found the gesture sweet and endearing, but it all seemed empty compared to everything else happening around Maya. Emily tried to smile, but she couldn't. It didn't matter though. Maya wasn't looking any longer anyway.

The other girl that was pulling Maya away reached out and closed the computer screen before Emily could say anything in response.

* * *

><p>After finishing up the essay and the Economics paper, Paige had texted Pru to see what she was doing. The last thing Paige wanted was to head home after how she'd acted around Emily earlier, so she had stayed at the library, even through dinner, hoping she wouldn't have to see her again that night.<p>

All day, Pru had already been scheming a way to see Jacob and when Paige texted her saying she _needed a drink_, Pru slyly called up Jacob on the ruse of seeing if he knew any parties going on. It turned out that he and a few of his friends were heading to one in an apartment building off campus, and Pru let him know that they would see him there.

Now, standing in the middle of the apartment of someone she didn't know, Paige was trying to drown out the image of Emily from earlier, the feel of Emily's hand on her arm, with another rum and coke. Every time her mind had drifted back to it while she was at the library, it made her feel dizzy all over again. It had now gotten to the point that Paige was finally admitting to herself this effect Emily had on her wasn't going to just disappear. To her dismay, day by day, it only seemed to intensify.

As she stood around with Pru and a few others, Collin walked over and asked her to dance with him. She nodded in agreement, handing her drink to Pru and letting him take her hand as he led her towards what had become the dance floor. They were a foot apart at first as Paige let the music run through her, her hips swaying to the sound, but eventually, Collin lifted a hand and rested it on Paige's waist, moving closer to her until their bodies were almost touching. Normally, Paige would have felt weird about it, she would have found an excuse to get out of it, she would have pulled away in search of Pru or another drink. But tonight, thanks to the alcohol, she didn't feel much of anything at all. She'd never been more grateful to be so numb.

* * *

><p>On the other end of campus, Emily wrapped her arms around her body, trying to stay warm in the chilly night air as she made her way to the west end of campus. After talking with Maya, Emily had decided to slip into her best dress and walk over on her own to the party Hanna had begged her to come to, not wanting to sit in her room the rest of the night thinking about things with Maya, fighting off tears. After what happened, her heart had been aching until she was practically nauseous, and she had to get out before it broke her apart.<p>

Emily had found the party easily, with the loud booming beat of music emanating from the house. Once inside, Emily meandered through the crowd of people, none of whom she recognized, in search of Hanna. When Emily finally found her, she was in the kitchen next to a table covered in liquor bottles, some empty, some nearly so.

"Emily! You came!" Hanna squealed, her eyes lighting up as she hugged Emily. Hanna's eyes were a touch glazed over, and Emily could tell she'd been knocking back drinks for a while now.

When Hanna released her, Emily forced a smile and reached for a bottle of vodka from the table, pouring herself a couple shots worth into a red plastic cup.

"How's Maya?" Hanna asked winking. Hanna had made more than a few suggestive jokes about what Emily and Maya would be doing using the video chat on the computer. Apparently, while Hanna surely wouldn't remember how to get home later, right now, she remembered Emily's plans for the night.

Emily shrugged off the question, not even wanting to evoke any more jokes that earlier had made her blush, but now, would only make her feel sick.

"Are there any more mixers?" Emily asked as her eyes scanned across the table and saw a few empty bottles of soda and juice scattered about.

"You wouldn't believe it," Hanna griped. "They ran out like an hour ago."

Emily nodded, considering Hanna's words, before lifting the glass and downing the vodka in one long swig. She felt it burn going down her throat, but she didn't care. Right now, she would take anything not to think about what happened early, not to think about Maya acting like a stranger, not to think about some other girl's arm around her waist.

"Someone came to party!" Lenny shouted as she sashayed into the kitchen, seeing Emily finish the shot and set the cup back down onto the table. Lenny was possibly even more intoxicated than Hanna and was carrying as many jello shots in her hands as she could hold. She handed three each to Hanna and Emily.

"I love these!" Hanna shouted over the heavy noise, as the three girls swallowed the shots.

"Come on. Let's dance!" Lenny announced, and the girls began making their way out of the kitchen, just as a tall guy was making his way in carrying a six-pack.

"Found some beer in the back. Anyone want one?" he asked, holding it up for everyone.

"She does!" Lenny told him before grabbing a bottle and shoving it into Emily's hand. "You have some catching up to do," she said, winking, before pulling Hanna and Emily out towards the living room.

Emily took a swig from her beer and followed the two girls out, thankful that they were both inebriated. She knew that at this point, neither of them would be able to tell something was wrong. And at least, for tonight, she wanted to pretend that was the case.

* * *

><p>Some time after 2am, Paige heard the dorm room door unlock. Even though she had gotten home an hour ago and slipped into bed quickly, with all the alcohol she'd had, by now, she had only settled into a shallow sleep.<p>

She opened her eyes, and the room was completely black. Faintly, she saw Emily's shadow moving through the room. She was wearing a dress that Paige couldn't make out the color of, could only see it moving in the dark as Emily walked. Paige saw her take a misstep and steady herself on the desk as Paige realized she must have been drunk. It was a weird feeling, seeing Emily in this state, and it surprised Paige. Emily seemed so put together all of the time, and it wasn't that Paige didn't think she drank, but there was something about Emily's movements tonight that made it seem like things weren't right. Paige couldn't help but wonder if something had happened. Part of her wanted to get out of bed and help her, but she knew it wasn't her place.

As Emily made her way to her desk, Paige could barely make her out in the dark, but she watched as Emily leaned over to take off her heels and set her purse down, reaching for her pajamas from her dresser drawer. Paige knew Emily must have thought she was asleep, or possibly hadn't even noticed she was home, because before long, Emily had reached behind her back and unzipped her dress. Paige held her breath, telling herself to close her eyes, but she couldn't. Emily let the straps off her shoulders one by one, and let her dress drop to the floor. Paige's eyes gazed at the sight, feeling her body buzzing lower down than she would ever have admitted to.

In the dark, it was just the outline of Emily's body, just the lines of her legs and the curve of her hips and the slenderness of her back. Paige couldn't see anything more than that, but even that... just that… she was so beautiful it hurt. As she watched, Emily slid on her sweat pants and a t-shirt and within a moment, the shadow of her body was hidden once again.

Feeling dizzy, Paige closed her eyes, willing the world to stop spinning and telling herself that it must just be the alcohol that had made everything inside of her feel completely off kilter.

But she could only wish she was a better liar.


	9. Chapter 9

_Thanks again for reading and for all the reviews! I know that it definitely makes me want to try and update more often so I can share this with you all. And thanks for following along so far. It's great you all are enjoying reading this as much as I am enjoying writing it :)  
><em>

* * *

><p>Chapter Nine<p>

Paige awoke to the sound of her alarm clock beeping with a painful headache and a feeling like she had hardly slept at all. Pulling herself up, she glanced over and saw Emily curled up in her bed, her eyes closed, still fast asleep. All of a sudden as Paige's eyes scanned Emily's face, the memory of the middle of the night came back to her of when Emily had returned home, and Paige felt her stomach flutter all over again. Turning away and trying to forget the image, Paige pulled on her sweats quietly and grabbed her keys so that she could brush her teeth in the bathroom and run down to the dining hall in search of hydration and something to ease her pounding head.

When she returned to the dorm room a few minutes later, she noticed that Emily still hadn't moved from bed. She contemplated what to do. If they didn't leave in the next five minutes, they'd be late for practice, and she could hardly leave without her. Paige eventually crossed the room to Emily's bed and leaned over, clumsily reaching out her hand to touch Emily's shoulder.

"Emily?" Paige said softly, trying to wake her gently.

"Hm, Maya?" Emily murmured as she began to stir.

"It's Paige," Paige told her awkwardly as Emily finally opened her eyes. Their gazes met, and Emily looked suddenly embarrassed and uneasy, as if she couldn't quite remember where she was. Emily's dark hair had fallen in her face while she slept, and Paige felt this sudden urge to brush it out of her eyes.

Instead, Paige let her hand drop from Emily's shoulder and back to her side. "Um, sorry, it's just. It's time for practice," she told Emily, shrugging.

Paige could tell by the look on Emily's face that she had a serious hangover, though she had started to assume Emily would when she had seen her stumble home. Yet, this morning, there was still something different about Emily's demeanor that Paige noticed was off, something that made her feel like somewhere inside, Emily was hurting. She hated seeing it, but despite it all, she didn't say a word.

Emily pulled herself upright, groggily rubbing her eyes. "Right. Thanks."

Paige noticed that Emily's makeup was still partly on from the night before and that right now, Emily was only smudging it with her hands. Paige couldn't help but find it endearing, as she went back to her side of the room to pack her swim bag.

When Emily finally got out of bed and dressed, Paige crossed back over to her and held out a water and a bottle of Advil.

"Thought you might need this," Paige told her. When Emily flashed her a confused expression, Paige continued. "I heard you come in pretty late last night," she said, fidgeting, afraid Emily would realize that Paige had been awake when she was changing, that she had seen her. Then again, after how Paige had acted towards her, it was probably the last thing to cross Emily's mind.

"Did I wake you? I'm so sorry," Emily replied, frowning apologetically.

"No, it's…" Paige stumbled for her words. "I'm a light sleeper."

"Thank you," Emily said, motioning to the items in her hand, and Paige could tell that she meant it.

"It's no big," Paige replied with a shrug.

A few moments later, after Emily had swallowed a couple pills and washed her face, and the two had gathered their things, they made the walk to practice, mostly in silence. Unlike most mornings, there was a sense that it wasn't quite as uncomfortable as normal, like some understanding had passed between them in their room. Paige accepted it gratefully, yet, every time she glanced over at Emily next to her, her heart sank, knowing something must have been wrong.

* * *

><p>It was still on Paige's mind hours later as she stepped out of class that afternoon with Pru. Throughout practice that morning, Emily had been dragging, and while Paige felt the exhaustion from too much alcohol as well, whenever she kept glancing over at Emily, she had seen the pain on her face that told her something more was behind her sluggishness.<p>

"Can we talk about you and Collin last night?" Pru piped in excitedly just as they got outside into the shining sunlight. She had a broad smile on her face.

Paige lifted a hand to shade he eyes, cursing herself for having forgotten her sunglasses that morning. "What's there to talk about?" she asked casually, feeling guilty for having felt like Pru was just this intrusion on her thoughts she hoped would disappear.

"You guys were all over each other," Pru replied with a smirk.

Paige rolled her eyes out of sight of Pru. She knew she hadn't had nearly enough to drink to not remember the night before, and while looking back, she regretted spending that much time with Collin, she felt like Pru was being overly dramatic about the situation.

"We were dancing," Paige clarified in a stern voice.

"He is so into you," Pru squealed. "I can't believe he hasn't asked you out yet."

Paige sighed, as she realized she hadn't even mentioned what happened at the other party to Pru, mostly because it didn't mean anything to her. Unfortunately, it clearly meant something to Pru.

"He did," Paige replied softly.

"What? What did you say?" Pru replied, eyes lighting up as she grabbed Paige's arm and stopped them in place.

Paige shook her head. "I said I was too busy."

"You're kidding, right?" Pru asked in complete shock.

"No, Pru. And I really don't need you railing on me about it," Paige told her harshly as she began walking again.

At first, Pru didn't respond, simply falling in to step beside Paige. Finally, she pulled Paige aside and they turned to face each other.

"Is everything okay?" Pru asked, her voice full of concern that made Paige feel guilty for snapping. "Did you and your roommate finally have a blowout or something?"

No." Paige shook her head. "Look, my dad called."

"What'd he say?" Pru asked cautiously. She was the only one who had any real idea how Paige felt towards her father, how their relationship really was, whereas everyone else on the outside looking in saw a perfect dad and his perfect daughter.

"It doesn't matter. I just… I've got a lot on my mind. So can we just drop the Collin thing?" Paige replied pleadingly.

"I'm sorry," Pru said, frowning apologetically. "It's dropped."

Paige nodded her thanks as they fell into step in silence. She could tell that Pru was concerned that something was wrong now, and the truth was that there was something wrong, something wrong with her. Because as silence settled in again, Paige found her thoughts drifting back again to Emily. For as long as Paige could remember, she felt like she'd been fighting some internal war, one she'd been able to keep at bay for years, but slowly, painfully, Paige was starting to accept that when it came to thinking about Emily, it was a battle she just wasn't going to win with herself.

* * *

><p>A few days passed, and Emily still hadn't heard back from Maya. After their last talk, Emily had made the conscious choice not to call her herself, hoping that eventually Maya would pick up the phone when she had time so that they could talk through what was happening and reconcile, but it didn't seem to be happening the way Emily had hoped.<p>

It was exactly what made it so painful when Jessica grabbed her arm on her arrival to class, gloating about how beautiful the photos turned out, how Emily had looked gorgeous, how "even with all her clothes on," Maya was going to faint.

"That's great," Emily replied, forcing a smile. "I mean, this will help with your application too, right?" she added, trying to force the subject to change.

"Yeah, definitely," Jessica told her excitedly. "I'm still doing a few edits, but I can drop a few prints by your place before I leave town."

"Oh my god, I can't believe it's already time for you to go," Emily said, as she realized it had come time for Jessica's trip to Charleston.

"I know," Jessica replied, shaking her head in disbelief. "Isn't it crazy that it's October already?"

"Time actually is flying by pretty fast, huh?" Emily admitted, realizing that she had already been at PSU for weeks now, that swim season was fast approaching, that she could almost start counting down until she was home for break with Maya.

Her face must have revealed where her thoughts had gone because Jessica reached out and touched Emily's forearm sympathetically.

"Have you talked to Maya yet about visiting?" she asked sweetly.

Emily shrugged. "Not really. I think I'm going to though," she replied, biting her tongue. She told herself it wasn't a complete lie. Sure, she had mentioned it to Maya weeks ago, but they hadn't really fully discussed the idea.

Jessica nodded in response as the Professor began the lecture and the room fell silent except for his booming voice, allowing Emily's thoughts to drift.

Even though Maya had been opposed to flying out there, over the weeks, Emily had begun to think that maybe it was less of a time issue and more of a money issue. Maya's family had never been super well off, and Emily knew that Maya could be embarrassed by it at times, especially when they lived in Rosewood. She would try to downplay it, come up with reasonable excuses why she couldn't join Emily's friends for a concert in the city or why she preferred her bike over getting a car. Emily thought maybe that was all this was, Maya's pride getting in the way. So, over the last few weeks, Emily had inadvertently started putting some money aside from the stipend her parents would send her. She had been debating whether she should bring it up to Maya again, and if so, when.

It had been weighing on her heavily, but she held on to the fact that Maya might call her soon, that she could bring it up as a sort of anniversary gift, though she was starting to fear that Maya calling her was a futile hope.

* * *

><p>Later that day, Emily had curled up on her bed relaxing and letting her mind wander. Over the weeks, despite meeting Jessica and getting to know her friends, Emily had realized that she had started to miss Aria and Spencer. After everything they had been through together over the years, nothing could shake that connection. A few days before, Aria had emailed all of the girls to let them know she and Ezra had moved in to their new place. Since Emily hadn't had a chance to talk to her in weeks, she'd decided to give her a call to see how they were settling in.<p>

Aria had answered right away when Emily called and the excitement in her voice showed that she missed Emily just as much.

"My mom was pretty cool about it," Aria explained, referring to her now living with Ezra.

"And your dad?" Emily asked cautiously.

"He almost had a coronary," Aria revealed, causing Emily to wince. "Also, he sort of threatened to get Ezra fired," she added casually.

"Whoa," Emily replied. She understood where Aria was coming from. While on the outside, their parents were polar opposites, over the last couple of years, as Aria had gotten older, her dad had gotten a lot sterner about how she lived her life. Emily had dealt with the same thing, and while her own parents had finally started to ease up towards the end of senior year of high school, they were still far stricter than the other girls had to put up with.

"He calmed down though," Aria assured her. "Thank god."

"Wow. Sounds like you've had some drama on your hands."

"It's been a crazy few weeks, but it was so worth it."

"How's the new place?" Emily asked. She had been anxiously waiting to find out how their new life together was. It felt like such a huge step compared to where she and Maya were, and she had to admit she was a little jealous that while Aria and Ezra were moving in to the same apartment, she and Maya had moved to opposite coasts.

"It's amazing. I mean, it's nothing special. It's just an apartment, but coming home to him every day. Especially after all that time we spent sneaking around. It's perfect." Aria admitted, and Emily could hear the wistful romantic in her coming out. Despite her own circumstances, it made Emily smile.

"That's awesome, Aria. I'm really happy for you," Emily told her sincerely.

"Thanks, Em. So how are you, big time swimmer?" Aria asked excitedly, and Emily could imagine the big grin on her face.

"I literally think my hair has started to permanently smell like chlorine," she joked, "but it's been going really well. The season hasn't even started, and I've gotten my times down already."

"Well, I never had any doubts. And how's Maya?"

Just her name made Emily's face fall. "Oh. She's great," Emily replied, forcing a smile even though she was on the phone.

"Okay, what's wrong?" Aria replied, her voice filled with concern.

"What do you mean?" Emily asked as she tried to play it off.

"You said she's great, but why do I think that _you're _not," Aria commented. Emily both appreciated and hated how uncanny her perception could be at times. "What's going on, Em?"

Emily shook her head as the emotion began to flood her body again. "That's the thing. I don't even know, Aria."

"Did something happen?"

"No. Nothing happened. That's what I don't understand. Things are just weird with us."

"Weird, how?" Aria asked cautiously.

Emily sighed as she thought of the last few weeks. "I can barely ever get her on the phone. It's like she's there one day and distant the next. I don't know what I'm doing wrong," she told her sadly, her voice trailing off.

"You're not doing anything wrong, sweetie. It's tough starting college. Maybe she really is just busy," Aria replied, but her encouragement couldn't change weeks of unanswered calls.

"Yeah, too busy getting drunk and high with her new friends," Emily grumbled, before suddenly, she felt regret setting in, as if she knew she had said far more than she should have. "I didn't mean that," she said remorsefully. "I just don't know what to do."

"Have you said these things to her?" Aria asked thoughtfully.

Emily shrugged. "When would I?" she lamented. "I mean, I was thinking that maybe if she came to visit, we could at least talk."

"It's not a bad idea," Aria replied. "Maybe you guys need some face to face time."

"It's not stupid?" Emily asked. After Maya's response the first time she had brought it up to her, she had felt a little dumb for even mentioning it to her to begin with.

"To see each other? You're going to different colleges, not reform school, Em."

"I'll talk to her about it," Emily agreed. "Just don't say anything to the other girls, please," she pleaded, knowing that the barrage of phone calls from Spencer alone, along with Hanna's concern, would be too much right now when she already felt herself cracking.

"I won't. You know that," Aria assured her.

Emily nodded, thankful that she had decided to call Aria. While Emily trusted all of her friends, it was different speaking to her. With everything she had been through with Ezra, Aria understood having discretion about a relationship. Likewise, they both had been in their relationships for about the same amount of time, and they seemed to have an unspoken understanding about what it meant to each of them in a way that circumstances just hadn't allowed Spencer or Hanna to comprehend.

"Thanks, Aria."

"I'm always here to talk, okay?" Aria offered.

"I know."

After they said goodbye, promising to talk again soon, Emily opened up her last text messages and started writing one out to Maya, hoping that if she gave her the chance, she would call.

_Can you let me know when you can talk?_ she typed, simple and short.

It felt terrible knowing that she felt awkward saying anything more than that to her own girlfriend. She sighed, putting the phone away and reaching for her textbooks, hoping that drowning herself in her studies would at least distract her for the rest of the night.

* * *

><p>Later that week, Paige made her way over to The Hub where all of the student groups had their offices. The day before, Paige had finally put the finishing touches on her PSIA application and decided to drop it off before the due date at her father's discretion. She spent a few minutes chatting with the President of the group while she was there, and though he didn't review her application on the spot, through their conversation, Paige could tell he seemed impressed with her achievements. She felt confident she would be accepted to the group, but she still wasn't sure whether that was something she really wanted.<p>

However, right now, it was something else she could add to her list of things to help keep her mind away from the distraction back at home. Over the last few days since Emily had come home drunk, Paige saw her spirits fluctuate, as if something was still eating at her. A couple of times, Paige had considered asking, but she knew that Emily had friends she could talk to, and Paige wasn't one of them. Still, it didn't change the fact that Emily's pain had gotten inside of her.

After leaving The Hub, Paige grabbed a sandwich to take home and headed back to Brumbaugh. She and Emily had come into a sort of routine about their swimming schedules so much so that Emily's texts had started to taper off. Paige knew she always went to the pool on Wednesday afternoon, and Paige usually took the time to get some studying done at the dorm before meeting up with Pru for dinner.

Just as Paige arrived home, set her bag down on her desk, and pulled out her Econ book to catch up on her reading, she heard a light tapping on the door. She stood up and moved to the door, wondering at first if perhaps Emily had misplaced her keys. It was pretty atypical for them to have people stopping by, and Pru wasn't one to make the trek across campus unless Paige was expecting her.

Paige pulled open the door and on the other side was a shorter girl with dark cropped hair and bright blue eyes that she recognized as one of Emily's friends that she had seen her hanging out with around campus a few times.

"Is Emily here?" the girl asked, peeking around Paige.

Paige shook her head. "No, she's at the pool still I think."

"I'm Jessica. I just came to drop these by," the girl explained as she held up a thin manila envelope. "Can you give them to her?"

"Yeah. Sure," Paige replied, curiously taking the envelope from her hand.

"Thanks," Jessica said as she spun on her feet and retreated.

Paige closed the door softly behind her and carried the envelope back over the Emily's desk where she set it on top of Emily's closed laptop.

Moving back to her own desk, Paige flipped open her Econ book to the chapter they'd been studying that week and tried to focus on the material. As she sat there, her eyes kept looking up towards the envelope, wondering what possibly could be in it before her curiosity got the best of her, and she stood back up and moved to Emily's desk. Looking at it again, she saw that it hadn't been sealed, and carefully, her heart pounding, she began to open it, reaching her hand in and pulling out the contents.

Her heart caught in her throat as she saw the first page staring back at her. It was a photograph of Emily, leaning up against a building on campus Paige thought she might have recognized. Her head was tilted down, with her dark hair framed beautifully around her face, and she was laughing. Slowly, Paige went through the stack of photographs, carefully examining each one, noticing the way Emily's lips curled when she smiled or how her eyes seemed to sparkle. Paige couldn't deny how captivated she was with Emily, and right now, she couldn't seem to take her eyes off of her.

When she finally reached the last image, Paige noticed there was a post-it affixed to the back. She turned it over and read the short message scribbled on the yellow paper.

_This one should be for Maya. You look stunning!_

Paige shook her head at herself. _Maya._ As if she needed another reminder of this mystery girl, this person Emily was clearly smitten with, someone who was lucky enough to receive even one of these photos of Emily, someone who was able to claim Emily as her own. Something, despite everything she was realizing about herself, about how she felt for Emily, about her own heart, Paige knew that she could never have.

Paige took one last look at the photographs, trying to memorize each frame, before sliding them back into the envelope the way she found them and setting it down on Emily's desk. Sadly, she realized, it was probably the only time she would ever get to see them, or worse, see Emily smiling like that up close.

* * *

><p>The next night, Emily and Jessica met up for one last supper together before her weekend trip to Charleston to see Wyatt. It wasn't until now, sitting across from her in a booth at Findlay, that Emily realized that she was truly going to miss her. While Emily had exchanged numbers with a few of Jessica's high school friends that she had gotten to know, it was nothing like getting to call up Jessica to grab a random meal or hang out at her dorm at any hour, especially with how busy Hanna had become with Kappa Delta. It was only a few days, but Emily knew it would feel like much longer.<p>

"Thank you so much for the photos," Emily told Jessica appreciatively. "I can't even believe how good you made me look," she added, shaking her head in amazement.

Emily had noticed the photos on her desk in the envelope when she had gotten home late the night before after swimming. Paige had already been in bed, and she had looked over them with the help of her desk lamp so she wouldn't disturb her. Admittedly, she had known Jessica was talented, but she had no idea she would love the photographs so much.

"Trust me, you make it easy," Jessica insisted. "But I'm glad you got them. I thought the messenger might trash them before you got home," she added rolling her eyes.

Emily's eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "The messenger?"

"I had the pleasure of meeting your roommate," Jessica replied sarcastically.

"Paige? She wouldn't do that," Emily contended, shaking her head.

For some reason, Emily had begun to feel defensive of Paige now. Sure, she and Paige still weren't really talking, but she had, at moments, seen a different side of her, seen someone who was sensitive and kind.

Now, Emily felt guilty for even mentioning the whole thing that happened between them on the first day to Jessica. Because now, whereas Jessica saw Paige as someone to loathe, Emily just didn't have the heart to. In fact, it seemed that every day, there was something else about Paige that drew Emily in, that made her curious, that made her care about her; and while admittedly, Paige had done a few small random acts of kindness, it didn't seem like nearly enough to explain to Emily why she actually felt that way towards her, and Emily still hadn't been able to figure out a reason behind it.

Instead of focusing on it, Emily changed the subject away from Paige and back to Jessica's visit with Wyatt and all the things they had planned for the weekend. A couple of hours later, Emily and Jessica finally parted way, hugging each other tightly, and Emily wishing Jessica a safe trip to the South.

* * *

><p>As Friday night arrived, Emily considered mournfully the fact that she still hadn't heard from Maya, that even her text message had gone unanswered, and she decided that if she wanted to sort this out, it seemed that she was going to have to call Maya herself.<p>

Thinking back to the last couple of months since school had begun, it felt like right from the start, things had begun to unravel between them. The number of times they were talking had begun to taper off almost immediately until now it had gotten to the point that it was barely happening at all. Most days, Emily's calls would go to voicemail and the times she would answer, Maya seemed annoyed that Emily was trying to reach her, would say she was busy, would get off the phone quickly.

Regretfully, for a while, Emily had only tried calling more, which she realized quickly was only making everything even worse, but she didn't know what to do. She had begun to feel desperate, like a rug was slowly being ripped out from under her, and she was doing anything she could to hold onto whatever threads of material she could grasp in her hands. She had given Maya a few days without calling in hopes that it would change something, but she only felt Maya slipping away more, and nothing she could do seemed to be changing it.

Picking up the phone, Emily paced across the room before finally taking a deep breath and dialing Maya's number. It rang three times before Maya finally picked up.

"Hello?" Maya said, as if she hadn't checked the caller id and had not a clue who was calling her.

"Hey. It's me." Emily replied, taking a seat on the bed in hopes of calming her nerves, nerves she knew it wasn't right to have when calling someone you'd been in a relationship with for this long.

"Oh. Hey, Emily," Maya said casually. "What's up?"

Emily frowned, sensing in Maya's voice that she was speaking to her like she was just any another person.

"Nothing," Emily said, shrugging involuntarily. "I just. I wanted to talk to you about some stuff. Do you have time?"

"Yeah. I have time," Maya agreed, and Emily suddenly felt nervous again. She swallowed hard.

"How are you?" Emily asked anxiously.

"Good. You?"

"I wasn't sure I'd catch you. You always seem busy on Friday nights," Emily answered, trying futilely to make light of it.

"It's only 4 here," Maya countered.

"Right."

"How's swimming?" Maya asked, softer now, gentler. "You said you have a relay spot."

"Yeah," Emily replied, feeling a touch of relief setting in. "Coach hasn't announced it yet for sure, but it's looking really good. My roommate and I, Coach is kind of pushing us both to the max."

"That's great for you," Maya told her sweetly. "I knew you'd do well."

"Thanks," Emily said softly, noticing that the energy in Maya's voice was different than it used to be when Emily would tell her about her accomplishments. It made her chest ache, but she tried to push the feeling away. "How are your music classes?"

"I've been writing a lot more, which is rad," Maya explained. "Me and a few of the guys I've been playing with are thinking of seeing if we can get a few coffee shop gigs or something."

"That's awesome, Maya," Emily replied sincerely. "I'm really proud of you."

Emily shifted when she didn't hear Maya respond right away.

"So, um, what did you want to talk about?" Maya finally asked, and Emily could sense the discomfort in her voice. She wondered how this could have possibly gotten so awkward, talking to someone you've known for two years, who you've kissed and touched and loved.

"I have to have a reason to call you?" Emily tried to joke.

"No, you just said that you did," Maya replied, and Emily could hear the traces of annoyance she'd gotten so used to hearing begin to resurface in her voice.

"Okay," Emily started, swallowing hard. "Well, it's our anniversary coming up."

"I know," Maya replied casually.

Emily felt herself fidget uncomfortably. "I thought maybe we could see each other."

"How are we going to do that?" Maya asked doubtfully.

"I just thought maybe you could come visit next weekend," Emily suggested nervously.

"I told you I can't come, Emily," Maya replied, her annoyance now clearly obvious in her voice.

"I know what you said, but I just thought…"

"You thought what?" Maya demanded.

"I saved up some money, and I thought if I took care of your ticket," Emily answered softly.

"I don't need your pity money, Emily."

"I wasn't," Emily started, stumbling over her words. "I just wanted you to be able to visit."

"You think that's what this is about? Money?" Maya challenged, her voice filled with irritation.

"I don't know. You won't talk to me," Emily admitted, feeling herself starting to fumble, falling apart, trying to hold on to something she couldn't even define anymore. "What's going on, Maya?"

Maya sighed heavily. "I think maybe we didn't think this through enough. Maybe this was a bad idea. Trying to do this."

"Do what?" Emily wondered nervously.

"I just don't think this is working."

"What do you mean?" Emily asked hesitantly, feeling her stomach clenching inside of her in a panic.

"I mean us, Emily," Maya replied firmly. "It's not working anymore."

"How can you say this isn't working?" Emily whimpered. "I have been trying so hard to make this work."

"It's not working _for me _anymore."

Emily felt a lump form in her throat, felt her chest aching, felt her whole body going numb.

"Is this about that girl?" Emily accused angrily. That image of the girl wrapping her arm around Maya's waist had been with her since that night, creeping into her thoughts. She hadn't been able to dismiss it, always feeling nausea setting in as she pictured it again and again.

"What girl?" Maya asked defensively.

"That girl who was all over you."

"_Coral_?" Maya asked incredulously.

Emily scoffed. "Really? Coral? What kind of name is that anyway?"

"Coral is not into me like that, Emily," Maya insisted.

"How do you know?" Emily countered. "Is she into girls?"

"Yeah, but what does that matter?" Maya countered.

"It matters, okay?" Emily asserted, feeling her body tensing up.

"We're friends, Emily," Maya snapped. "I'm not interrogating you about your friends."

"You don't even know who my friends are!" Emily shouted angrily. It was the first time their entire relationship that she could remember reaching that tone with Maya, the first time she'd ever felt so angry, so frantic. Feeling remorseful, Emily took a deep breath and tried to gather herself. "Look, I'm sorry. Can't we just talk about this?" she begged.

"There's nothing to talk about, Emily," Maya dismissed.

"I don't understand," Emily replied, her voice starting to quiver with emotion as tears began to well up in her eyes. "Nothing's changed. I haven't changed."

"Maybe I have," Maya replied calmly.

"Maya. Look, I can stop calling so much," Emily pleaded desperately. "I can give you some space. I've just had a really hard time with this whole thing, but I can do this."

There was a beat of silence on the line as Emily waited for her to answer.

"I'm sorry. I can't," Maya said softly, without a touch of emotion in her voice.

Emily felt all the air go out of her lungs, until she couldn't breathe. Tears began streaming down her cheeks. She tried to hide it, but she was sure Maya could hear her through the phone line.

"I should go," Maya added finally. Emily could hear in her voice how uncomfortable she felt, how much she wanted to end this call, how much she wanted to get away, and it made Emily feel completely empty inside. Emily realized that this person who once consumed her life, this person she had spent two years loving, that she didn't even know who this person was anymore.

"Wait. Maya, please, just talk to me," Emily begged through broken sobs, hoping Maya would at least let her speak, at least let her explain, remind her how much she loved her, how much they loved each other.

For a long moment, Emily could only hear her breathing, until finally, Maya whispered, "Bye, Emily."

Emily heard the line click off.

She dropped the phone next to her and curled up in the corner of the bed, wrapping her arms around her legs as her body wrenched with sobbing she couldn't control. As the tears spilled from her eyes and down her face, she felt as though every piece of her was shattering.

She couldn't believe it could be that simple, that it could happen that easily, that you could blink and when you opened your eyes, what you thought you had could be gone.

Because just like that, they were over.

* * *

><p>Hours later, Emily heard a key in the door. She hadn't even realized how much time had passed and checked her phone to see that it was about the hour Paige usually returned. Emily had meant to collect herself before Paige came home, maybe call up Hanna and see if she could stay there, but she remembered it was Friday, the night of their sorority dances, and she wasn't even sure if she was ready to talk about it to Hanna. She would want a play by play, a where did things go wrong description, would want Emily to talk it out and she knew she would simply end up crying for even longer.<p>

Desperately, Emily tried to wipe her tears from her eyes and find a way to hide the pain her face as she heard the door creak open.

* * *

><p>"Hey," Paige said as she stepped into the dorm room, seeing Emily seated on her bed, her legs curled up under her. The room was dimly lit, with only the soft glow of Emily's lamp illuminating the room as night had long since set in outside.<p>

"Hey." Emily's voice cracked a little, and Paige couldn't help but notice.

Paige crossed the room, unloading her keys and setting her bag down on her desk. When she looked up at Emily again, she saw that her eyes were red and her cheeks were stained with tears.

"Are you okay?" Paige asked cautiously, feeling her body tighten just seeing Emily so distraught.

"Yeah. Yeah. I'm…fine," Emily murmured, even though to Paige, it was clearly not the case.

Paige frowned. "By the size of that pile of tissues, I think maybe you're not fine," she pointed out softly.

She felt like all week she had been avoiding the fact that something was bothering Emily, and she hadn't said a thing. But now, it was right there in front of her, and she couldn't ignore it.

Slowly, Emily began to cry once again, tears falling insistently from her eyes.

"Maya," Emily choked out between sobs. "We broke up."

Paige watched Emily try to wipe away the tears pouring from her eyes, and her chest began to ache for her. Instinctively, Paige moved across the room and sat down on Emily's bed beside her, turning her gaze to look at Emily who was trying so hard to hold herself together.

"I'm really sorry," Paige told her sympathetically. "That doesn't make it any better, but I am."

Emily nodded but continued to cry, and Paige felt like her own heart was cracking at the sight of her sadness. She lifted her hand up and settled it on the small of Emily's back to comfort her.

Emily took a deep breath, gathering herself, before shaking her head in confusion. "I just don't get. I don't know what I did."

Paige's brow rose. "_She_ broke it off?" she asked in disbelief, realizing right then that it was the last thing she had expected to have happened.

"Yeah," Emily replied, nodding.

Paige shook her head as she handed Emily another tissue. "Well, she's an idiot," she said vehemently, drawing Emily's surprised gaze. "I mean, _seriously_. She is."

Paige could hardly control what she was saying, but she didn't really want to. She admitted she knew nothing about Maya, didn't know anything about her besides her name and what she looked like, but Paige could hardly believe that the other girl had broken up with Emily, that she would deliberately put her through this kind of pain. Even more, she couldn't fathom a reason why someone who already had Emily's heart would want to let something like that go.

"Then why am I the one here crying?" Emily finally asked sadly, her voice quivering again.

Next to her, Paige watched Emily struggling to compose herself, pushing her hair behind her ear and trying to wipe the tears from her eyes before they streaked down her cheeks.

"Look, I have an idea," Paige said as she stood to her feet, drawing Emily's eyes to her. "I am going to run out and grab a funny movie and a _ton_ of ice cream, and when I get back, we are going to laugh, and you're not going to think about her, ok?"

Emily's face softened as she looked at Paige. "You don't have to do that," she said softly.

"Don't argue," Paige replied, shaking her head. "This is the one excuse you get to down as much ice cream as possible. So what's your poison?"

Emily's lips curled into a small smile, and Paige felt relieved to finally see it. "Phish food."

Paige smiled, laughing a little. "You would," she said as she felt the warmth of Emily's gaze on her. "All right, give me half an hour," she told Emily before grabbing her keys and darting out the door.

As she made her way down the stairs, Paige pulled out her cell and texted Pru, canceling their plans for the night so she could spend it with Emily. Pushing open the first floor door and heading out into the night, Paige acknowledged to herself that every move she had made the last several weeks had been to avoid a night like this, to avoid spending this much time around Emily, to maintain a distance. But she told herself, tonight, this wasn't about her, it was about Emily. And Paige knew she couldn't just sit back and watch as Emily's heart was breaking.


	10. Chapter 10

_Wow, first off, thank you so much for all of the comments on the last chapter! I wish I could respond to all of them, but I think you'd rather me spend the time writing more of the story. __I have to admit that I almost hadn't decided to write this because I wasn't sure how people would like an AU story, but I am really happy I did.__ I love entertaining you all. And your reviews make this even more fun. So thank you for that :)  
><em>

_Also, I know this took a week for me to update, but I have a lot to post today, so hopefully, that will make up for it. I was going to post one enormously long chapter, but it just started seeming way too long, so I decided to start with this first part. I hope to have the rest up later tonight for you all. _

_I am going to try to update at least once a week, but sometimes things get in the way. Honestly, I would love to update way more often, but alas, school is the path to a job and to money, and unfortunately, fanfic-ing doesn't pay so well. But I'll do my best to keep up. Just know, I plan to see this through to the end, even if that end is many chapters away._

spikedwatermelon: _I completely miss Emily and Paige, but this is definitely helping me cope :) And absolutely, the title is from the Explosions in the Sky song. Such a beautiful song!_

Sanu:_ You really are right when you say that. We do love to ache, and that is such an interesting observation about us as human beings. I definitely remember the first time I felt all of this, how much it hurt, and so maybe, that's what I am able to channel. But I am really glad I was able to draw you into the story :)  
><em>

_And last, for any Lindsey Shaw fans, girl's got a Tumblr now (if you want the address, I'll let you go look, or send me a PM, just to avoid a massive blowing up of her ask box ;) ) and is being gracious enough to answer all sorts of questions, but most importantly, she confirmed that she WILL be back for Season 2 :) :) Though we'll have to wait and see when.  
><em>

_But now, on to the story..._

* * *

><p>Chapter Ten<p>

Emily stood in the shower, letting the hot water run over her face, washing off her tear-stained cheeks. The heat felt good on her skin, like a warm blanket. She tried not to cry again, and so far, it had been working, even though her mind kept reciting her conversation with Maya, going over every word one by one wondering how it ended up the way it did. Emily felt like was still processing this new reality, digesting it, letting all the consequences of their breakup make their way into her consciousness. She thought of Maya, of all the happy times, of all those small moments, touches and kisses and whispered 'I love you's,' the way Maya would look at her, the way she had always made her feel beautiful, things she would never get to have again, and it made her gut wrench inside of her. Emily had been standing there now for twenty minutes, and from the first moment she turned on the water, she'd been fighting the urge to collapse against the wall, double over in sobs again. Somehow, she'd found the strength to hold herself up. Because considering everything Paige was doing for her tonight, the last thing she wanted was for Paige to return home to find her still in the shower, curled up in a ball, crying incoherently. So she was doing her best to hold on even though on the inside, she felt a little bit like she was dying.

_Paige…_ she thought as her mind drifted over to her roommate. There was still this mystery about her that Emily couldn't quite understand, something that was only punctuated by her actions tonight, something that since the beginning of school had been pulling at her. When she had heard the key turn in the door as Paige returned home earlier, this offer from her was probably the last thing Emily would have expected to have happened, the last thing she would have thought Paige would have done for her, but at the same time, it hadn't completely surprised her. There was so much about the other girl she didn't understand, but Emily knew she could be analyzing it eternally and still probably wouldn't know, so instead, she simply decided for tonight to accept her offer graciously. She knew Paige would be back soon, and so Emily reached for the shower knob, turned off the hot water, and reached for her towel.

* * *

><p>Standing in the bedroom now, wearing a pair of simple Lions sweats and a t-shirt, Emily towel dried her long dark waves. Feeling like Paige should have been back by now, she reached for her cell and saw it'd been 45 minutes since the other girl had left. She was just about to send her a text to make sure everything was okay, feeling guilty now for allowing her to go out in the night, when she heard the key in the door once again. She breathed a sigh of relief. She admitted that there was a nagging part of her brain that told her maybe Paige wouldn't be returning.<p>

Emily looked up and saw Paige stepping inside the door with a smile, holding up a brown paper grocery bag victoriously.

"I come bearing gluttony," Paige announced as she crossed the room and set the bag down on her desk.

Emily couldn't help but laugh, and it felt good. "I was getting worried."

Paige smiled amusedly, like she hadn't expected that kind of concern from Emily. Paige always seemed so independent, Emily had to wonder if she had someone who worried about her on a regular basis.

Paige pulled out a quart sized tub of ice cream from the bag along with a couple spoons and placed them on the desk as well.

"Well, gluttony is harder to find that I would have expected for a college town," Paige told her sarcastically, and Emily laughed.

"You could have gotten whatever they had," Emily told her sweetly as she crossed over to Paige's desk and reached for the ice cream. "But thank you."

Paige simply shrugged, avoiding Emily's eyes. It made Emily wonder how comfortable Paige really felt around her, if she considered this night some kind of torture, if she was just obliging Emily.

Moving over to her dresser, Paige finally looked over at her again. "I think I'll change if you want to grab a computer and pick a bed."

"Okay," Emily said, nodding nervously as she realized that unless they were going to crowd around one of the desks, the beds were the only place to sit, especially when neither of them had brought a television to school with them.

While Paige pulled some sweats from a drawer, Emily's eyes kept going between the two beds before she finally reached for her own laptop from her desk and crossed back to the other side of the room where she settled on to Paige's bed. It was a weird decision to make, but Emily figured maybe Paige would feel more at ease around her if they weren't in Emily's bed. She deliberately sat down facing the opposite direction of Paige who was just starting to change, hoping to avoid any awkwardness that might inspire Paige to dart.

After all her contemplation in the shower, Emily still couldn't wrap her head around the fact that after weeks of avoiding her, Paige was actually doing this for her.

Just as Emily pulled open the lid of the ice cream tub and reached her spoon in, Paige crawled onto the twin sized bed beside her.

"So, you couldn't get away from the swimming references, could you?" Paige teased, and Emily looked up to see her smirking.

Emily laughed lightly. "When I was little, it was the only thing I would let my parents buy me," she explained. "Little did I know, it was named after a band Phish and not actual fish," she added, shaking her head.

Paige just laughed. It was that same earthy laugh Emily had only heard a couple of times, a laugh that seemed to fit well with the slight raspiness of her voice and the wryness of her sense of humor. Emily smiled hearing it as she scooped a spoonful of ice cream into her mouth, savoring the flavor. She couldn't think of the last time she'd had that taste, and it was better than she'd even remembered.

"How is it?" Paige asked, watching her.

Emily smiled. "You mean eating my feelings?" she asked between scoops.

Paige laughed again. "Yeah."

"_Really_ tasty."

Paige nodded knowingly. "Feelings taste pretty good," she told Emily with a smirk.

Emily held up her spoon with another giant scoop of ice cream on top. "When they're made of chocolate and marshmellowy goodness," she said as she spooned it into her mouth, savoring every bit.

"Well, my feelings are always made of that," Paige quipped in reply.

"Mmm, can I have a taste then?" Emily joked back before she saw Paige begin to blush a little as she reached for the Macbook from the bed and pulled it onto her lap. Emily realized suddenly that maybe those words sounded a whole lot more like flirting than she'd meant for them to.

She chastised herself. _Don't screw this up, Emily_. Paige was finally hanging out with her, and like always, Emily was enjoying her company. The last thing she needed was to scare her away. She tried not to dwell on _why_ she had said what she'd said, knowing it wouldn't be something she'd ever say to any of her other friends, and she could hardly even call Paige a friend._ Just a stupid slip_, she told herself as she promised herself not to let it happen again.

Emily turned from Paige just as she opened Emily's computer, and her eyes settled on the image on the desktop, staring back at them. It was another photo of her and Maya together, looking like they were caught in this unworldly level of happiness that seemed now like only a distant memory. It was a photo she once loved, but now it only seemed to taunt her.

All at once, Emily felt the crush of their split coming back to her again, and yet, she couldn't turn her gaze away from the photo. Maya's eyes and her smile and her hair, things she'd never see or touch again. Emily's chest tightened as she tried to keep herself in one piece. She fidgeted, pulling her legs up closer to her body, sniffling away any coming tears and pushing her hair out of her face.

"Hey," Paige whispered softly next to her. She looked up, and Paige's brown eyes were looking at her with this sense of understanding that made it even harder for Emily to hold back her tears. "I know it doesn't seem that way now. But it'll be okay."

Emily released a deep breath. "How do you know?"

"Cause it always is. At least eventually."

Emily nodded, somehow knowing that Paige was speaking the truth, and watched as Paige clicked on the computer and pulled up the settings to change her desktop image.

"Here," Paige told her as she found a new image, one of a pair of bright orange clownfish swimming amongst a mess of seaweed, and set it up on the background of the Macbook. She turned to Emily with a hopeful smile. "It'll go with our theme for tonight."

Emily let out a small laugh that somehow took away some of the pain. "Don't tell me you rented Finding Nemo," she teased Paige.

"No," Paige replied ardently, playfully rolling her eyes like the idea was completely absurd. "Why would I rent that? When I already own it," she murmured, her cheeks flushing pink again.

_Cute_, Emily thought suddenly as a smile spread across her lips. The thought took her by surprise, but she told herself that it was innocent enough. And it was true. Something about Paige made her smile, and she was grateful for it.

"So it looks like we both spent our childhoods idolizing fish," Emily commented sarcastically.

Paige smirked. "You know what they say. Be careful what you wish for."

Emily let out a light laugh, nodding, thinking about how she was pretty sure the scent of chlorine wasn't ever going to come out of her hair. She was glad that Paige probably couldn't tell though since she spent just as much if not more time in the water. She thought, amusedly, that between the two of them, maybe their entire dorm room was beginning to carry the same chemical aroma of the Natatorium.

"Where did you grow up exactly?" Paige asked. "I don't think I ever asked."

"Rosewood." Emily replied. Off Paige's puzzled look, she continued. "It's outside Philly."

Paige nodded. "You like it?"

Emily shrugged. How _did_ she feel about Rosewood, besides being happy to have gotten out? It was such a complex relationship she had with her hometown. It had brought her so many joys and so many heartaches. It'd been a rocky path growing up there.

"Just your typical small town. It wasn't always easy. You know. People. They talk," she said, thinking back to some of the worst times after she'd come out, when she would overhear people gossiping about her, when they would say things straight to her face, when her friends couldn't shield her from it.

Emily looked over at Paige and saw the realization setting in on her face, and Emily suddenly regretted her words. She had never meant to refer to the things Paige had said, but she knew inadvertently that there was no other place for either of their thoughts to lead.

"Look, Emily," Paige stuttered, looking apologetic. "About what I said that night. When school started."

Emily shook her head, not wanting to look Paige in the eyes. She felt so uncomfortable even thinking about that night, acknowledging that it had happened, and for what? Paige had already done more than enough to make up for whatever was said.

"You don't have to say anything.," Emily told her softly.

"No, I do," Paige insisted, and Emily finally looked up at her again, their eyes meeting. "I'm _really_ sorry. It was stupid."

"It's okay. I know it kind of freaks people out sometimes."

"It wasn't like that. It just…" Paige said, shrugging, "caught me off guard, I guess. But you don't freak me out," Paige emphasized.

Emily nodded shyly. "Thanks," she whispered softly. Even though she hadn't wanted to discuss that awful night, Emily felt better hearing Paige apologize even if her reasons seemed only more confusing. If she wasn't freaked out by Emily, then she wasn't really sure how Paige felt. But at least tonight, things seemed like they might be okay between them.

"So, um, what movie did you get?" Emily asked, in hopes of changing the subject, and Paige didn't object as she reached for the dvd from the desk and popped into the side of the laptop, letting the title coming up on the screen speak for itself.

As Emily saw it, she just smiled.

* * *

><p>More than an hour later, the two were still huddled on the bed, halfway through the quart of ice cream and well into watching <em>The Hangover<em>. The night had somehow turned out better than Emily would have ever expected. She'd always loved the movie, but the best part of it was Paige's dry witty sarcasm punctuating it with the funniest commentary that had kept Emily dissolving into laughter at almost every beat.

When Paige had initially suggested the idea, Emily had to admit she didn't think a tub of ice cream and a movie would do anything to make her feel better. Yet, somehow it had kept her mind off of what happened and had kept her from spending hours upon hours crying in her bed.

Over the course of the night, Emily had started to wonder if Paige had given up plans with someone else to hang out with her that night considering the fact that she was out almost every weekend like clockwork. Emily had seen Paige around campus before with her friends, and oftentimes, Emily had caught her walking with the same guy she'd seen her with the first week of school. With Paige gone so often, she thought maybe he was her boyfriend now, that she'd been staying at his place some nights rather than coming home.

Emily finally turned to her at a lull in the film. "So, are you seeing anyone?" she asked inquisitively.

Paige raised her eyebrow when she turned to Emily next to her. "Me? No," she told her, shaking her head.

Emily smirked. "Not even that guy who's always _drooling_ all over you," she teased.

Paige laughed. "Especially not that guy who is always drooling all over me," she insisted before eyeing Emily curiously. "How do you know about that?"

"I saw you guys. On campus. It's pretty obvious."

"It is, isn't it?" Paige replied, wincing. "The thing is, I don't even get it. Girls are always checking him out. It's not like he doesn't have any other options, and for some weird reason, he's hung up on me," she said shrugging.

"Why is that weird?"

Paige shrugged. "You know."

Emily didn't push for an explanation, but as she watched Paige, she became aware that the girl next to her hadn't a clue why someone would be interested in her in that way. It surprised her. Paige always came across as confidant and assured, someone who knew herself and didn't have any insecurities. And maybe that was all true, but nevertheless, it was clear that Paige didn't see what someone else might see in her. For the life of her, Emily couldn't understand why.

A few minutes later, the movie was starting to come to a close, and the wedding scene began to play out on screen. Paige's quips seemed to quiet down as they watched it all unfold, and Emily felt herself grow a touch disappointed that the film was ending, that the night was ending.

"You, uh, gonna have one of those?" Paige asked casually as they both saw the bride in a long flowing dress coming down the aisle on the arm of her father.

Emily's eyes narrowed, unsure what Paige was actually talking about. "What? A wedding?"

Paige simply nodded.

Emily laughed sardonically. "What a topic for tonight."

Paige turned to her, frowning. "Oh, god, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to…"

"No, it's okay. I mean, it's not like it was something we ever talked about," she explained, and it was the truth. She and Maya had never even discussed the idea of a wedding, whether either of them would want one, what something like that might look like. After all, they were only eighteen.

So right there, Emily found herself trying to imagine it as best she could without having someone to picture it happening with. In her mind, she couldn't even think of flowers or decorations or some fancy car to drive away in. All she saw was being with that one person you loved more than life and knowing nothing would ever tear you apart.

Emily found herself nodding at the idea. "Yeah, I think maybe I'd do the whole pomp and circumstance. I don't know if you could get me in one of those wedding gowns though," she added jokingly.

Paige laughed. "Why not?"

"I don't know. Seems so over the top," Emily replied playfully.

"Maybe." Paige said with a shrug. "You'd look really pretty in a wedding dress though," she added softly, without really looking at Emily.

Emily's eyes narrowed. "You're joking, right?"

Paige looked up at her in surprise. "What?" she said in disbelief. "It'd be a pretty bad joke if I was," she said laughing.

"I just mean…" Emily started, feeling suddenly embarrassed. "You don't really think I'm pretty," she murmured.

Paige shook her head, looking at her like maybe she'd lost her mind. "What are you talking about?"

"It's just," Emily started, shifting uncomfortably. "When we moved in, you looked at me like I was some alien. Like I was this weird grotesque thing you couldn't believe you had to room with."

Paige's face changed, and Emily could tell she looked nervous or uneasy with what Emily had brought up. She started to wish she hadn't said anything at all. Emily realized it was bad enough that she thought Paige might look at her that way, but having it confirmed would be a far worse thing.

"Oh. That," Paige said quietly.

"Yeah that," Emily replied lightheartedly, trying to joke about it all, even though inside, she was feeling so awkward about it all. When Paige didn't reply right away, she felt her stomach start to twist inside of her.

Finally, Paige turned to her. "If you didn't notice, you're kind of intimidating."

Emily couldn't believe her ears. "You're kidding."

Paige laughed again. "You really must think I have some bad jokes."

"It's just…" Emily replied, shaking her head. "_I'm_ intimidating? _You're_ intimidating."

"Me?" Paige asked incredulously. "I am not," she insisted.

"You are!" Emily told her. "I'm always so afraid to say something dumb around you cause I feel like you'll think I'm some idiot," she said shyly.

"Are you serious?"

"Dead serious."

Paige shook her head, "I _definitely_ don't think you're an idiot."

Their eyes locked on each other. For a breath, Emily felt like she couldn't get any words out. Finally, she turned, moving the computer slightly just to do something with her hands.

"Well, good," she said with a nod. "That's settled," she added nervously before finally looking back at Paige, whose brown eyes were still watching her. They shared a smile, and Emily brought her eyes back to the film again.

As she watched the movie draw to a close, she thought again to what Paige had mentioned initially.

"I bet my dad would insist on walking me down the aisle," she said, playfully rolling her eyes.

"Wait. Your parents know?" Paige asked, a surprised look on her face.

"Yeah."

"Wow. They seem really cool then."

"They weren't always," Emily explained. "My dad's an army guy, and they're both so conservative, so it was actually pretty bad at first. Luckily, they came around."

"When did you tell them?" Paige wondered curiously.

With the barrage of questions, Emily was sure Paige must not have ever met another girl before Emily who was gay and figured maybe that's what all the awkwardness between them the last several weeks had been about. Emily hoped now that maybe it would change.

"Almost two years ago. A little while after Maya and I got together," Emily told her, and even simply saying Maya's name aloud felt like another little dagger in her heart.

"I didn't know you guys were together for so long," Paige remarked.

Emily nodded sadly. "Yeah. It was supposed to be our anniversary next weekend."

"I'm really sorry," Paige said sincerely.

Emily swallowed hard trying to push back the lump in her throat that just talking about Maya was bringing back. She could feel her eyes starting to well up again, and she tried to blink them away before Paige noticed.

"What are your parents like?" Emily asked, turning to Paige, hoping to change the topic away from that thing that was making her chest ache.

"My dad, he's… kind of intense," Paige said carefully, as if she were trying to choose just the right words, trying to be diplomatic. "He means well, I think. He just has a lot of expectations on me, ya know? Who I should be," Paige continued.

Emily watched Paige's body tense as she spoke. Her body language made Emily wonder how often Paige talked about her father. It seemed like in just a couple of conversations that Emily could already start to put the pieces together of who he was. She wondered if his expectations were the only reason Paige was studying Economics, if they were the reason why there was a pamphlet on her desk for some investing group, if they were why Paige did anything she did. Emily couldn't help but feel sad at the thought.

"What does he do?" Emily asked curiously.

"He's a State Assemblyman," Paige explained with a nod. "But he's running for Governor of Ohio."

"Wow," Emily replied, eyes wide. "Big time."

"Yeah," Paige said with a heavy sigh.

"I guess it kind of makes sense then," Emily told her sympathetically.

Paige nodded. "Reputation. It means a lot to him."

"What about your mom?" Emily asked hopefully, remembering the inscription on the inside cover of Paige's copy of _The Alchemist, _the one she had memorized that first night on campus. She felt a touch guilty now knowing about it.

"Oh. She died," Paige said softly.

Emily's heart sank, feeling terrible for even making Paige say it aloud. "I'm so sorry."

"It was a while ago."

Emily could see the sadness in Paige's eyes, and she thought back in her own life, two years prior, what it had felt like when they had found Ali, what it had been like knowing she was gone, that Emily would never see her again. She could only imagine that for Paige, that feeling had been magnified a thousand times.

"I had a friend who died," Emily explained softly. "A few years ago. She was killed."

Paige looked up at her sadly. "That's terrible."

"No. I mean," Emily started, realizing she wasn't saying exactly what she had meant to. "I'm not trying to make this about me or anything. It's not the same thing. Not at all. But knowing how hard that was. I can't even think of what that would feel like. For you. To lose your mom."

"It's hard to lose anybody," Paige told her.

And by the look in her eyes, Emily knew she meant even a friend, even a relationship with somebody, that it could all hurt just the same.

"Do you miss her?" Emily asked carefully.

Paige nodded, her eyes moving to the bookshelf above her bed. Emily's gaze followed.

"She gave me all of those books. They used to be to hers."

Instinctively, Emily found herself moving her hand over and placing it on top of Paige's between them. Even though they had been sitting closely all night, in the same bed, shoulders brushing, something about this move felt so much more intimate. Somehow, right then, Emily felt so connected to Paige, like she could feel everything Paige felt, like somehow they understood each other. They were quiet for a long moment.

Paige finally turned to Emily, forcing a small smile onto her face. "But, hey, this night is for not thinking about sad things, right?" she said energetically, as she reached for the tub of now melted leftover ice cream and stood up from the bed. "I think maybe it's time we move from sweet to salty?" Paige said as she placed the tub on the desk and reached for a giant bag of kettle chips from the grocery bag.

Emily smiled. "It's definitely time," she agreed, feeling oddly grateful that the night wasn't ending yet. It was getting late and they both had early morning practice, but she didn't care. "What movie are we watching now?"

Paige shook her head. "No more movies. I have even better than movies," she said as she reached into her desk drawer. "I have this," she added triumphantly.

Emily laughed at Paige's excitement as she watched her hold up the dvd box in her hands. Emily squinted her eyes to see the title, but she didn't recognize it at all. "What is that?"

"Don't tell me you've never seen this," Paige replied in mock devastation as she moved back to the bed, pulled out the disc, and handed the case and the bag of chips to Emily.

Emily turned over the box in her hands as she eyed the title. "_Arrested Development_?" she read aloud.

"If you hate it, just lie to me," Paige insisted. "Otherwise, you might break my heart."

Emily laughed. "I'd never _dream_ of breaking your heart," she quipped back as they caught eyes and exchanged another small smile.

* * *

><p>Twenty minutes later, they were almost through the first episode, and Emily had known within the first minute she wouldn't have to lie. She had been cracking up the entire time, sometimes at the show and sometimes just at the sound of Paige's laugh.<p>

As the episode ended, Paige looked up to Emily hopefully. "Another?"

Emily nodded with a smile as Paige clicked on another episode to start.

"You know, we should do this more often," Emily said cautiously. She knew the entire night had been for a reason, but inside, she hoped it wouldn't be the last.

"I'd hardly want you to get broken up with again just so we have an excuse to stuff our faces with Phish Food," Paige replied jokingly.

"No. Just hanging out," Emily said with a smile, trying to sound casual about it even though inside, she was nothing but nervous. "Isn't that what roommates are supposed to do?" she teased.

"I've heard that rumor," Paige replied, smirking.

"We wouldn't want to disappoint the rumor mill," Emily suggested hopefully.

Paige nodded in agreement. "Never," she told her with laugh.

Emily felt a rush of warmth wash over her before they both finally turned back to the screen.

* * *

><p>Hours later, when the dvd had finally ended, Emily looked over and saw that sometime after Paige had let her head settle onto her pillow, she had fallen asleep next to her. Her eyes were tightly shut, and she was turned slightly on her side facing Emily, with the rhythmic rise and fall of her chest signaling her slumber. Emily took the chance to look at her more closely, examining Paige's features. She let her eyes run over the lines of her face, the curve of her lips, her dark eyelashes. The auburn bangs Paige always wore to the side of her face were falling just slightly in her eyes. Emily couldn't help but notice that there was something so easy about Paige's beauty, something that didn't require makeup or hours of time spent on her hair, that Emily admired.<p>

Finally, Emily shut the computer and turned around to set it on the desk. She took one last look at Paige before pulling herself up and crossing the room to her own bed. It was cold sliding into the sheets, and she didn't completely understand why a part of her didn't want to have to move to her own space. It felt good being around Paige. She made her laugh. She made her feel all sorts of things. She was glad that it finally seemed like they had connected. And that connection somehow eased the heartache inside of her just a little.

Even still, curling up in an empty bed felt even worse now knowing that Maya would never be in it. She had built up so many hopes for that next weekend, what it would be like dragging Maya to class with her, showing her around campus, having her see her first swim meet. Now, Emily was finally allowing herself to accept the painful truth that not only was that weekend never going to happen, but she was never going to get to hold Maya again, love Maya again.

It was over, and it was still coming to her in waves. Another one hit just as Emily turned off her lamp. This time there was no sobbing, no breakdown. Just a few silent tears. Tears of mourning. Something had died and a part of her went with it. And Emily felt herself finally begin to throw the first shovel of dirt over their relationship. Inside, she was still broken, but piece by piece, she hoped that maybe she could find a way to mend herself.


	11. Chapter 11

_Back again, dolls! A little delayed, but somehow these chapters end up longer than I ever intend them to be. Anyway, here ya go :)_

& spikedwatermelon:_ you are way to kind in your last review. that's such an enormous compliment :) I blushed a little reading it. so thank you!_

* * *

><p>Chapter Eleven<p>

A few hours later, Emily woke to the sound of a beeping coming from across the room. It felt too soon, like she had just crawled in to bed, and she kept her eyes tightly shut even as she saw the lights appear from behind her lids.

At first, a part of her felt like the memory of last night was nothing more than a hazy dream. It all came back to her as she remembered it from start to finish, from the crushing truth of the breakup to the hours she had spent next to Paige. She had hoped last night when she had crawled into bed that, in the morning, things wouldn't suddenly revert to how they'd been before between them, avoidance and awkwardness, but she didn't think she could ever be sure. Emily felt like she and Paige had made some enormous breakthrough the night before, and despite the circumstances it took, she was happy for it. Emily knew the next few weeks were going to be tough on her, and she was hoping she might have someone to lean on as she pulled herself up from this heartbreak, someone who seemed to understand how much it hurt, how painful it was to lose someone. Even if their losses weren't equal, even if Emily knew hers paled in comparison, Paige had, without even words, let her know that she understood. Last night, Emily had felt so strangely connected to her, and she hoped today that wouldn't change.

As she had drifted to sleep the night before, Emily had taken a moment to consider the fact that soon she would have to start telling other people about the breakup, and she dreaded having to do it. Emily knew how awful it was going to feel every time she had to rehash it to another friend. The day before Emily had momentarily considered calling Jessica before Paige came home, but Jessica had been counting down the days until her trip to Charleston with such utter excitement that Emily couldn't bear to do anything to mar her friend's weekend. She'd decided she would wait until Monday when Jessica was back in town.

As for her other friends, she knew Hanna had been at a sorority dance the night before and probably wouldn't be awake until mid-afternoon. And as much as she knew she needed to let her know, part of Emily didn't want to risk breaking down again already. As far as Aria and Spencer, she considered sending a text, just a few simple words, just so they would know, but Emily realized it was unlikely that they would give her any space. Her phone would be buzzing all day with Aria wanting to see if she needed to talk it out and Spencer wondering what happened. She wasn't in the mood for either.

So she had found herself grateful for Paige's company, for her quiet understanding, for everything she had done for her the night before. Paige had somehow made it so easy to talk to her, had simply let her say what she needed to say and feel what she needed to feel. She had somehow made Emily feel better when she didn't think anything possibly could.

"Wake up, sleepy head," Paige called out, and Emily found herself smiling from underneath the covers as she realized the Paige from the night before had decided to stick around.

"What time is it?" Emily grumbled.

"Time for practice," Paige lamented.

Emily groaned playfully. Suddenly, she felt the covers slowly being pulled from her body and the cold air hitting her skin.

"Hey!" Emily mock protested as she finally opened her eyes.

Above her, Paige stood, still wearing her sweats from the night before, her hair tousled around her shoulders, smirking as she held the edge of Emily's sheets in her hand.

"Do I have to?" Emily asked hopefully. It had been easy staying in last night with Paige, and the idea of facing the world still seemed like more than she really wanted to do already.

Paige took a step closer and sat down on the edge of her bed as Emily pulled herself up until she was seated.

"I can tell Coach you're violently ill, but she might want to see proof," Paige joked, wincing.

"Well, with all that ice cream I stuffed myself with last night, that might not be so hard to produce," Emily quipped back.

Paige laughed, shaking her head, and Emily knew, once and for all, that everything was right between them.

"Don't worry. If you're anything like me, the water will feel good," Paige assured her.

And Emily knew she was right. There was something about the water that was healing. She hated to personify it, but there were times when she would spend hours in the pool like it was some kind of companion as she analyzed all the feelings that were spinning inside of her over Alison so long ago. It had somehow made her feel less alone back then, and while now, she was sure it would do the same, ironically, Paige had already managed to accomplish that herself.

Emily simply nodded in reply just as Paige started to get up again.

Biting her lip nervously, Emily considered saying something more to her. "Paige," she called out.

"Yeah?" Paige said casually as she turned back to Emily.

"Thank you," Emily said sweetly. "For last night." It didn't feel like enough, but it was all Emily could come up with to show how much it had meant to her.

Paige half-smiled. "It was just ice cream."

But Emily knew it was so much more than that.

Emily watched as Paige crossed back over to her side of the room to get ready, while she lingered in bed another moment.

"Don't make me drag you outta there," Paige called out teasingly as she looked over her shoulder, and Emily once again felt her lips curl into a smile.

* * *

><p>It felt good to be in the water again, Paige thought as her arms cut through the liquid, feeling it rush around her body. It gave her time to think, to process, to contemplate everything that happened the night before. To think about Emily. She felt like her mind had been running a mile a minute since she had decided to hang out with her the night before, and it felt good to finally be able to relax herself once again.<p>

All along, Paige had known that it would be a dangerous thing, spending all that time with her. Over the last several weeks, Emily had been slowly infiltrating all of her thoughts, practically consuming her, and she knew that getting closer to her would either finally extinguish the fire or ignite something unquenchable. The result had undeniably been the latter.

There was just something about Emily that was addicting. Being around her felt good, like feeling the heat of the sun after a long winter, like finally feeling alive. It felt for Paige like this must have been how addicts were created, that this was how it felt that first time you had a chance to taste a drug, let it rush through your veins, feel it making you whole, and in just an instant you knew, there would never be any way you'd ever be able to go without it. Likewise, Paige knew by now there was no turning back, no resetting the clock, no changing the past, nor did she want to. Somehow, Emily was inside her now. She could feel her.

And so, slowly, Paige had begun to reason with herself.

She could be in Emily's world, she told herself. Paige could experience her glow and her light and all that beauty Emily emanated. They could be _friends_. It didn't have to mean anything more than that. It wasn't like Emily would ever think of her as something more than that anyway. Paige told herself that it would okay. She told herself it was possible. If Emily was a drug, then Paige would just have to find a way to control her habit.

* * *

><p>Later, after the tired swimmers had pulled themselves from the pool and finished showering, they all filed back into the Natatorium, lining up around the pool as Coach Becker and her assistants stood facing them, clipboards in hand.<p>

"As you can all guess, we're here to discuss next Saturday's meet against West Virginia," Coach started. She continued on, explaining the logistics for the meet as everyone anxiously awaited the real reason they all were listening so intently. They all knew that the lineup for the meet would be coming next.

Paige and Emily, who were standing side by side, exchanged a look. Paige knew they both had been spending countless hours in the pool waiting for this moment, and she hoped for both of them it would pay off. She considered how it would be for her if her dad ended up making it to one of her meets to find out that she hadn't been chosen, that she hadn't done enough to secure a spot, that she hadn't been working hard enough. Even though it would be far from the truth, she knew he wouldn't see it that way.

"Don't look so worried," Emily whispered beside her, and Paige looked up to see her smiling encouragingly.

Paige shrugged casually. "I'm not."

Emily raised her brow. "You know you have this in the bag."

Paige eyed her doubtfully. She wondered how they would both react if one of them wasn't chosen. After all, they were each other's main competition. None of the other freshman had really shown themselves to stack up against the upperclassman the way they had, and here they were, finally on each other's side, being pitted against one another.

Paige shifted uncomfortably as Coach Becker started running through the different races before finally reaching the relays.

"Next, we have the 400 Medley," she started, as she gave the breaststroke and backstroke legs to a junior and senior. Paige closed her eyes, crossing her fingers, hoping things would turn out right.

"At butterfly," Becker continued. "We have Paige McCullers."

Paige felt herself take a breath of air as she opened her eyes.

With her elbow, Emily nudged Paige, who turned her head to see Emily smiling at her with a look that said, _see_. Paige felt her skin flush as she half-smiled. How could it be that Emily's approval felt more satisfying than the position she'd earned, what she had spent weeks in the pool working towards? It didn't make any sense.

"And last for the Medley," Coach continued. "At freestyle, Emily Fields."

Paige released a sigh of relief as she turned to Emily, their gazes finding each other as they shared another smile.

In the background, Coach made a congratulatory speech, but with Emily's eyes on her, Paige couldn't hear any of it.

* * *

><p>After dropping off their swim bags at the dorm, Paige and Emily, still dressed in their swim sweats, slid into a booth at a Baby's Burgers, a diner off campus, and ordered a pair of cheeseburgers and fries. Emily had assumed that Paige was going to leave after practice to hang out with her friends, as it seemed she normally did, so Emily was surprised when she asked if she wanted to grab a celebratory lunch together. Now they were talking and laughing, falling into the same easy rhythm of the night before.<p>

"I do not have only child syndrome!" Paige denied playfully.

Emily laughed as she continued teasing Paige. "Of course you do. We both do. Tell me you weren't dreading having to share a room with someone when you got here."

Emily could tell by Paige's face that she was as right as she knew she was, and she smirked at her victory.

"Okay, fine. But that's not a syndrome," Paige replied with a laugh. "You act like we're both diseased. It's not as though my parents spoon fed me my whole life."

"No, but they probably dragged you everywhere to show you off."

"God, my dad_ still_ does," Paige lamented laughing.

"See?"

"We never get a holiday without having to throw on the uniform," Paige joked.

Emily shook her head. "Uniform?"

"The 'political family' uniform," Paige said sarcastically, making quotations in the air.

Emily laughed. "What does that even look like?" she asked curiously.

"Lots of buttons and lots of navy," Paige told her with a smirk.

Emily crinkled her nose. "That sounds like first lady attire."

Paige nodded and laughed. "Not far from it."

"No way! I have to see this," Emily replied energetically, just trying to picture Paige dressed in some conservative navy combination skirt suit. It seemed in such sharp contrast to the person Emily was getting to know.

"Just wait," Paige assured her. "I'm _sure_ there will be a photo in the news at some point."

Emily paused for a moment, unsure if Paige's sarcastic tone meant that she was joking or just that the whole concept seemed so completely ludicrous. "Seriously?" she asked.

Paige nodded.

"They news takes photos of you," Emily said, trying to understand. The whole thing seemed to make sense if they were talking about someone she'd heard about on television, not someone she was sitting down to lunch with, not someone she lived with, not someone she found herself caring about.

Paige shrugged. "Mostly at campaign events, fundraisers, things like that. But my dad's campaign manager made sure to let me know that they'd follow me here if they thought they had a story," she explained, rolling her eyes.

"What kind of story?" Emily asked cautiously.

"Use your imagination," Paige told her suggestively.

Emily considered what she said and had an idea that it could be anything from too much drinking to too much drugs to getting knocked up. She started to realize it was probably why Paige wasn't bothering with that boy Emily always saw her with, why she didn't want the trouble. It seemed like such a huge weight to carry on your shoulders, Emily was surprised how casually Paige talked about it.

Emily couldn't even imagine what that kind of life was like, how it felt to have that level of pressure on you. She had her own expectations her parents had for her to live up to, and she'd even managed to disappoint them from time to time, but she couldn't even consider having that many other sets of eyes watching you, judging you, waiting for you to mess up.

"Wow." Emily said, her eyes wide, processing it all.

Across from her, Paige shook her head.

"Save your wows," Paige quipped with a smirk. "Wait 'til you see me looking like a Kennedy," she said as she tossed another french fry in her mouth and winked at Emily.

Emily laughed as she felt her whole body grow warm watching Paige across from her. Just since the night before, Emily had already realized that Paige wasn't anything like her other friends. It amazed her that without speaking for so many weeks, she could feel this good around her, that she could laugh this much, that she could feel like she could completely be herself. It made her hate the fact that they had wasted all those weeks when this, this easiness, was how it could have been all along. Regardless, she was happy they were starting to find it now. It was a strange thought, but Emily somehow felt like they were at the beginning of something she didn't really know how to define.

* * *

><p>Hours later, Emily was sprawled out on her bed with her Psychology book as Paige sat studying Economics at her desk. After a long lunch, the two had wandered back to the dorm room knowing that they both had to buckle down and study if they were going to survive midterms the following week. They had been at it now for a while, studying mostly in silence but exchanging a few quips every now and then.<p>

As she came to the end of a section, Emily set down her book and got up from her bed, feeling the need to stretch her legs. She found herself crossing over to Paige's side of the room, something only a few days ago, she wouldn't dream of doing, something that now felt completely natural. She kneeled down onto Paige's bed, running her hands across the titles of books on her shelf. Her hand settled on one, and she pulled it out, holding it in her hands as she curled up on Paige's bed.

"Have you read it?" Paige asked, looking up from her Economics book to see Emily with her copy of _You Can't Go Home Again_.

Emily shook her head as she glanced over, catching eyes with Paige. "Should I?"

Paige nodded. "But I'm sure I'm biased."

Emily laid down flat on Paige's bed, setting her head down on the pillow as she flipped open to the start of the book and began reading. A couple pages in, Emily finally looked up again and saw Paige's eyes on her. She felt her stomach flutter, and she didn't know why.

"What?" she asked shyly.

Paige smirked a little. "Just jealous."

"What are you reading about?" Emily asked, sitting up to look at the book on Paige's desk.

"Indifference curves? They're very aptly named." Paige said as she stuck her pen in the book and closed it before standing and moving over to the bed, taking a seat near Emily.

"How's it going so far?" Emily asked curiously.

"School?"

"Econ," Emily clarified.

"Oh," Paige replied with a look of distaste. "It's okay. It's a means to an end, right?"

Emily shrugged. "I guess," she said softly, thinking of how much Paige loved fiction and how she was spending her days with her head inside a textbook instead. It didn't seem right. "If that's the end you're trying to get to," she added sweetly.

Paige sighed, nodding. "Unfortunately, the only end I can think about right now is passing this test on Monday."

"On that note, I think my study break should probably be over," Emily replied with a laugh, but for some reason she didn't move. She looked up at Paige beside her and felt her body shift. Their thighs were almost touching, and Emily felt like she had goosebumps everywhere even though she knew she wasn't cold.

"Thanks for the rec though," Emily finally said, placing the book in Paige's lap. "I'll have to pick up a copy at the library tomorrow," she added with a nod.

Paige shook her head as she placed the book back in Emily's hands. "Just borrow that one."

"Are you sure?"

"It's not like I don't know where to find you," Paige assured with a smile, and Emily took the book graciously. She felt honored that Paige would let her hang on to a book that obviously meant something to her. Before she got up, Emily let her eyes run over Paige's face one more time.

"Thanks," she finally whispered.

* * *

><p>After a while of studying on her bed, Paige felt herself dozing and made her way back to her desk with her textbook. Trying to work through another chapter of Microeconomics, Paige found herself glancing up at Emily every few minutes. They had both changed from their sweats sometime during their study session and now Emily was just wearing a simple pair of jeans and a t-shirt. She still hadn't put on any makeup and her hair was just a mess of waves. Every once in a while, Paige would notice a strand of hair falling into her face and would watch Emily push it behind her shouder. Paige didn't understand how something so casual could capture her attention, but it did, every single time. As the hours wore on, she started to feel like she was spending far more time studying Emily than studying Economics, and she was worried, knowing that her essay test in two days wasn't going to be on all the facial expressions Emily Fields makes when she's studying.<p>

The sound of Paige's cell beeping twice pulled her out of her thoughts, and she reached for her phone. She opened the text message and saw that it was from Pru.

_You're still coming tonight, right?_

Paige sighed as she remembered the party Pru had brought up a few days ago, a few days that now seemed like a lifetime with how different things were now. The last thing she wanted to do was leave Emily on her own a day after her breakup while she tended to Pru for another night.

Paige looked over at Emily who was lying on her stomach, a pencil stuck behind her ear as she read through her textbook.

"So I, um, promised my friend Pru I'd go to this really lame party with her tonight," she said aloud, drawing Emily's gaze. "Do you want to come?"

Emily laughed. "Well, when you make it sound so thrilling," she teased.

Paige laughed. "Don't worry about it," she told Emily, shaking her head.

"No, I love lame parties," Emily replied smirking.

Paige nodded, feeling those familiar butterflies in her stomach that seemed to come every time Emily looked at her that way. "Cool."

Paige picked up her phone again and hit the reply button to Pru's message.

_Yeah_, Paige typed back._ FYI, I'm bringing Emily._

_Who's Emily?_ the message said when it popped up a moment later.

_My roommate_, Paige replied, feeling a little anxious as to how Pru might react.

_? ? ? call me_, Pru's next text said.

Paige winced, hoping she wasn't going to get an interrogation. Glancing at Emily again, Paige knew she couldn't have this conversation in the dorm room in case she had to explain things to Pru, so she reached for her wallet and keys.

"Hey. I'm going to run down and get a soda," Paige said to Emily, drawing the other girl's gaze. "Do you want me to grab you anything?"

Emily smiled graciously. "I'm good. Thanks."

Paige nodded as she stood up and crossed the room to the door.

As soon as Paige was outside, she dialed Pru's number.

It rang only once before Pru answered. Without even saying hello, Pru launched into her questions.

"What's going on? Why are you bringing your roommate? I thought you didn't like her."

Paige wasn't even sure how to explain how she had gone from avoiding Emily at any cost to spending almost every moment of this weekend by her side.

"I don't _not_ like her. I just…," Paige started, shaking her head at her own foibles the last few weeks, having done everything she could to hide her feelings for Emily under a shield of detest. "Her girlfriend broke up with her. I thought she could use a night out," she explained, hoping Pru wouldn't pressure her more.

Paige could hear Pru sigh on the other side. Despite how much Pru could come off as insensitive, Paige knew she had a big heart when it came to it. "All right, fine. But if she drinks too much and starts bawling, she's your mess."

Paige laughed. "She's not you, Pru," Paige teased, referring back to high school and the last time Pru had suffered a bad breakup, ingested way too much vodka at a party down the street, and sat down on the sidewalk on the way home, sobbing.

"Hey! I resent that!" Pru replied jokingly. "What time should I expect you guys then?"

"10:30?" Paige suggested.

"Now, don't be late," Pru teased. "I have to get there before someone else moves in on Jacob."

Paige rolled her eyes and laughed before they said goodbye, and she hung up the phone. Sliding it into her back pocket, she headed over to Findlay to grab a pair of sodas, just in case Emily changed her mind.

* * *

><p>Paige stepped up to the door, Emily and Pru beside her, and knocked a couple times. The party was supposed to be less of a full-blown, all-out gig, and just a casual get-together, but Paige could tell from the music that the plan was still to party hard. The house they were standing in front of was rented by a few guys that Jacob and Collin knew, friends that Paige and Pru had hung out with a few times, and while they knew the boys who lived there and their friends, Paige expected them to have invited enough girls to mix in. She hadn't had any reservations about inviting Emily, knowing that the guys who lived there would be happy to have another girl populating the crowd.<p>

A few moments after she knocked, Collin swung the door open. His eyes immediately landed on Paige, smiling broadly.

"Looks like the party finally arrived," he announced, shouting towards the other people inside, never looking away from Paige. Paige exchanged a look with Emily, whose brows were lifted knowingly.

"You know it!" Pru replied as she stepped in front of Paige and into the house.

Paige laughed as she and Emily followed Pru in.

A few more guys Paige knew as swim teammates with Collin were standing further inside the house with Jacob. They looked up and saw the three girls stepping in.

"Looks like the party brought a friend," one of the guys shouted as Paige noticed all of their eyes moving straight to Emily. Paige looked beside her to see Emily smiling shyly at the attention.

"Guys, this is my roommate Emily," Paige announced to the crew.

Emily waved a hand to the group of people before leaning in to Paige. "You know all these people?" she asked, her eyes moving over the living room where about twenty people were scattered about in groups.

Paige shrugged casually. "More or less."

Emily smiled, seemingly impressed, and Paige fidgeted.

"Beers are in the kitchen if you all want," Jacob announced, motioning to the back.

"Do you want one?" Emily asked as she turned to Paige.

"Sure," Paige replied, moving to follow Emily towards the kitchen.

"Stay," Emily insisted, putting a hand on Paige's arm, the touch making Paige's skin buzz. "I'll grab them."

Emily turned and headed towards the kitchen in the back as Paige watched her out of the corner of her eye. She was dressed casually, in the same skinny jeans, t-shirt and white converses from earlier in the day with a thin, fitted burnt orange hoodie zipped up over top to stay warm for the trek over. Her hair was in pulled to one side and tied into a loose braid. It was so simple, something she had thrown together without even trying, yet Paige couldn't help but think she looked amazing. When Paige finally looked back up to the group of guys she was standing with, she noticed that she hadn't been the only one with their eyes on Emily. A few of the guys had obviously noticed her and were clearly impressed, and it made Paige feel a touch nauseous knowing they'd been leering at her in that way.

"Your roommate, Paige. Damn," one of the guys announced, wide-eyed. "Right?" he added, turning to Jacob, who nodded in agreement.

"Where have you been hiding her?" another one of them chipped in.

Paige shrugged awkwardly.

"You know you guys don't stand a chance," Pru piped in, drawing Paige's gaze. Pru's voice was teasing, but Paige could tell by the look on her face, she was annoyed.

A few of the guys laughed at her as the first one pointed to himself with a look of macho bravado, insisting he'd be the winner of this one.

"Trust me," Pru continued. "She bats for the _other _team if you get my drift," she told them suggestively, eyebrows raised.

A few of the guys looked at Pru with shock, not sure if she was kidding or not.

"Wow, Pru," one of the guys joked. "Sports references. I didn't even know you knew what baseball was."

"No, but I do know what a_ lesbian _is," Pru told them, cocking her head.

As the boys turned to each other, laughing and processing what she had told them, Paige frowned.

"Pru," she said disapprovingly.

"_What!_" Pru mouthed in annoyance.

Paige flashed her an irritated glare, and motioned to Pru with her head for her to move away from the group with her so they could talk.

"Um, bitch, much?" Paige demanded.

Pru rolled her eyes. "You know what?" she said, her voice hushed but headstrong. "It's not my fault you had to bring the hottest girl ever to this party. Every guy here, including Jacob, is basically gawking at her. I figured I'd let them know it was a waste of time because I don't know about you, but I actually want to get laid this year."

Paige scoffed. "I guess that answers my question," she replied, shaking her head.

Pru lifted a hand to her hip. "What's your deal? I didn't say anything worse than you have."

Paige sighed. "Well, I was being an asshole then too," she told Pru insistently.

Before Pru could reply, Paige spotted Emily approaching cautiously. She could tell that Emily hadn't heard their conversation, but by the look on her own face, Paige was sure Emily sensed something was wrong.

"Hey," Emily said sweetly as she came up to Paige and Pru, holding two beers in her hands. Pru turned to see Emily and flashed Paige a look that said they'd '_finish this later_,' before spinning and disappearing into the other room.

Emily frowned as she handed one to Paige who took it gratefully.

"Thanks," Paige said before taking a long swig from the bottle.

"Is everything okay?" Emily asked hesitantly.

Paige shook her head "Don't worry. Pru's just being herself," she said jokingly, trying to make light of the situation in order to ease Emily's worries. "I'm used to it by now."

Emily nodded uneasily.

Paige smiled in hopes of dissolving the tenseness. "Come on. Let's go downstairs."

* * *

><p>As they reached the bottom of the stairs, they saw a crowd of people gathered around a table where a game of beer pong had been set up.<p>

A girl was holding up one of the guy's arms who had obviously won the last round. "Do we have a challenger?" she asked, looking for an opponent for the next match.

"I think I can take him," Paige announced, drawing Emily's surprised smile. "You want to play?" Paige asked, and Emily shook her head fervently.

"You go," Emily insisted.

Paige frowned and Emily shook her head again. Paige laughed, relenting, as she moved over to the empty side of the table just as a few cheers erupted and another coed poured the cups on Paige's side full of beer.

* * *

><p>Fifteen minutes later, the game was neck and neck. Paige glanced over to see Emily leaning against the wall by herself, smiling as she watched the game, her hands shoved inside her front pockets.<p>

Paige motioned to her to come closer. "Come play."

Emily blushed, shaking her head. "I can't."

Paige nodded. "Yeah, you can," she insisted. The last thing she wanted was for Emily to be on the sidelines all night. It was the first time they'd been out together and even though she didn't have much to offer besides a stupid beer pong game, she hated to think Emily wasn't enjoying herself.

"I don't even know how," Emily replied as she pushed off the wall and moved a bit closer to Paige.

"Come on. It's easy."

Paige held up a ping pong ball, and Emily opened up her hand to take it. Their fingers just barely grazed as Paige placed it in her hand, and it felt like someone had hit Paige's body with an electrical charge.

Emily bit her lip nervously, shaking her head. "If you say so," she replied as she turned to the table and held up the ping pong ball, taking aim at one of the beer-filled cups on the other side before tossing the ball.

Opposite them, the boy they were playing dodged out of the way as the ball overshot the table by a couple of feet.

"Okay, maybe it's not that easy," Paige said, laughing as she turned to Emily.

"I told you!" Emily exclaimed, playfully shoving Paige as they laughed together.

* * *

><p>Later, Paige and Emily sat side by side on a sofa in the basement, huddled together, talking and laughing, as if there was no one else around them. Despite Emily's painfully terrible beer pong skills, they had still managed to be victorious, saving themselves from having to down a wealth of lukewarm cheep beer. Over the last hour, their conversation had drifted easily and now they were huddled around each of their cells, trading off playing songs for each other as they discussed their favorite musicians. Emily had just finished letting her listen to a song by Sade while now, Paige was holding her cell to Emily's ear so she could hear Bon Iver.<p>

Sitting so close to Emily, Paige couldn't stifle the same undeniable attraction to her she always felt, but what continued to surprise her was how easily they connected, how everything seemed to flow so naturally between them. Paige had this strange sensation like they had always known each other.

Just then, as Paige was about to flip to a new song, she heard a voice.

"Hey, Paige."

Paige and Emily both lifted their heads to see Collin standing above them with a broad smile. Paige winced internally.

"Hey Collin," Paige said as he sat down on the other side of her than Emily was seated. She looked over to Emily who flashed her a teasing wink. Paige playfully rolled her eyes before turning to Collin again.

"Um, I don't know if you officially met my roommate," she said to him, motioning to Emily beside her. "This is Emily, she's on the swim team with me."

"Oh, cool. Hey," Collin said, looking around Paige to catch eyes with Emily.

"Hi Collin," Emily said with a knowing smile that Paige couldn't miss. Another thing she didn't fail to see was how incredibly awkward this was even though neither Collin nor Emily would ever realize it.

"I saw you guys in the pool this morning. Looks like your coach is working you guys to the bone," Collin said to them as Paige slowly realized Collin hadn't just come to say hi, but to talk, and there was no way to get away from this.

"Yeah," Paige replied, nodding. "First meet is Saturday."

"Us too. I heard you're swimming the medley relay."

"You did?" Paige asked.

Just then, she felt a touch on her shoulder and turned to see Emily tapping her.

"I think I'm going to go get another drink," Emily told her as her eyes moved from Paige to Collin. Paige wanted to make up an excuse why she needed to go with her, but she couldn't come up with anything. Instead, she nodded disappointedly as Emily got up from her seat.

Paige finally turned back to Collin, forcing a smile.

* * *

><p>After it felt like some time had passed, Paige glanced at her cell and noticed it had been an hour since Emily went for a beer. She furrowed her brows wondering why she had never returned. Paige turned to Collin and excused herself as she stood from the couch and began making her way through the house. She checked a few of the rooms downstairs before heading up and poking her head around the living room until she ended up in the kitchen where she finally spotted Emily standing around with a few people.<p>

Paige watched as the group, Emily included, chanted "Go! Go! Go!" as one of the boys downed a shot of tequila. Paige couldn't help but laugh as Emily pounded her fists along the table excitedly.

Glancing at the kitchen table, Paige saw an array of shot glasses and realized what Emily had been pulled into. She was obviously inebriated, but the half empty bottle of tequila the few of them had been sharing was a clear indicator of just how far gone Emily must have been.

When their gazes finally caught, Emily's eyes lit up instantly.

"Paaaaige!" Emily shouted, a huge drunken grin across her face as she stumbled away from the group she'd been hanging out with.

Paige let out another laugh. Even this soused, Emily was, without a doubt, adorable.

"There you are," Paige told her as Emily reached her side. "I thought I lost you."

Emily smiled. "How could you _lose_ me? I'm not, like, a purse or something," she added, giggling at her own joke, before her expression became suddenly serious. "Hey, where is my purse?" she asked, slightly frantic as she looked around her.

Paige tried to keep a straight face, tried not to laugh. "You didn't bring one, Em," Paige told her, and as her name rolled off her lips, she realized it was the first time she had called her that and felt somehow like it had some weight for their relationship. _Nicknames._

"Oh!" Emily exclaimed. "Then, where's my phone?" she asked with a confused expression on her face.

"You left it on the couch," Paige told her, smirking as she lifted it up in her hand. Emily didn't bother to take it from her, so Paige slid it into her back pocket again as Emily turned, leaning up against the wall next to her.

"Where did you go? I missed you." Emily asked innocently, leaning her shoulder against Paige's.

Paige laughed again lightly, shaking her head, not even bothering to answer her.

Emily was so close now, Paige could feel the warmth of her body. Their arms were both dangling next to each other and the backs of their hands, their fingertips, just barely grazed. Paige hadn't meant for Emily to get so drunk, she'd meant to keep an eye on her the entire night, to keep her within her sights, but so far, it seemed like she was happily intoxicated, and Paige was at least a little bit glad. As the night had gone on, Paige was feeling like it was getting harder and harder to act casual around Emily, to not have her attention on her at every moment, to not always be close to her, and she was worried that Emily might have noticed.

Briefly, Paige wondered where Pru had wandered off too. After everything Pru had said earlier, Paige had hoped she would keep her distance from them for a number of reasons. First, Paige hadn't want Pru, equipped with a few glasses of liquid courage, to say anything directly to Emily's face, and second, Paige was pretty sure if Pru saw how she was fidgeting around Emily, she might think something wasn't quite right.

"How's Collin? He _really _likes you," Emily slurred out.

Paige nodded, still annoyed that he had interrupted them. "I noticed," she lamented.

"I mean _really_,_ really_ likes you," Emily continued insistently. "He was like _staring_ at you all night."

Paige's eyes narrowed. "He was?"

Emily only nodded in return.

Paige realized that she couldn't possibly have noticed since she hadn't been able to take her eyes off of Emily for long enough to see anyone else. Being this close, Paige had taken every opportunity to study the lines of her face like she was a work of art, trying to figure out how she was put together, trying to understand how she could be _that_ beautiful.

"I wish someone looked at me like that," Emily murmured sadly, and Paige looked over at her to see her gazing out at the room filled with people.

Paige felt her heart sink to think that Emily truly believed that was the case. There were a dozen things Paige thought of to say, about how she looked at Emily, about how she felt for her, but she knew she couldn't tell Emily a single one of them. It was a sad, painful truth.

So instead, she pushed herself off the wall and motioned with her head towards the front door.

"Come on. Let's go home."

* * *

><p>The night was chilly as the two girls made their way across the dimly lit campus. The moon was shining brightly above them, and a speckling of stars dotted the dark sky. Campus was quiet, and so far, they'd only seen a few people out. Paige had let Pru know they were heading out, and in return, Pru had promised that someone would walk her back to her dorm when she finally decided to leave. Paige had a sense they were going to have it out when they finally spoke again, but she didn't care. She'd decided that Pru had earned a piece of her mind by now after everything she put up with on her front. Besides, they had known each other for so long now, a few words could be said every now and then without it changing their friendship.<p>

Paige looked over at Emily next to her, who was walking a little unsteadily still with a small smile on her face. Thinking back to earlier in the night, Paige had felt this sense of protectiveness come over her when Pru had started on about Emily. After everything Emily had been through with her ex-girlfriend the day before, Paige couldn't let her feel any more hurt.

"That's a _really_ pretty fountain," Emily slurred drunkenly.

Paige laughed out loud as she looked up to see what Emily was referring to, a giant granite fountain that sat in the center of the campus

"Yeah, it's a, uh, a great fountain," Paige replied, playing along.

Emily turned to her suddenly, her eyes bright. "We should go swimming!" Emily announced excitedly as she reached her hand up and held on to Paige's elbow, pulling her towards the fountain..

"What?" Paige asked in disbelief as she followed Emily a couple of paces.

"We should swim, in the fountain. I mean, that's what we do. We're swimmers. We should swim," Emily explained, as if this was the most logical next step.

Paige hardly knew what to do if Emily was actually serious. She was pretty sure that in the clear light of day, Emily probably would be having second thoughts about taking such a dip.

"Um, you know, the administration might frown on that," Paige suggested hopefully.

"They'd understand," Emily insisted. "We'd just say we were practicing. They know we have to practice," Emily told her as she dropped her grasp of Paige's elbow and started stumbling over towards the fountain.

Watching her, Paige laughed aloud again just as she felt a buzzing in her back pocket. She reached back and pulled out Emily's cell phone.

"It's you," she called out to Emily who was inching closer to the nearby fountain.

"Who is it?" Emily asked as she looked over her shoulder.

Paige glanced at the caller id as the cell rang again. "Spencer?" Paige told her unsurely as she saw Emily hop up onto the ledge of the fountain, balancing as she began walking around its perimeter. Her arms were outstretched as if she was walking on a balance beam, even though the ledge was at least a foot wide.

"You get it," Emily shouted back as she placed one foot in front of the other unsteadily. Then, as if she'd had a sudden revelation, Emily stopped and turned to Paige. "Just _don't_ tell her about Maya," Emily insisted dramatically, her eyes wide.

Paige let out another laugh and she answered the call. "Emily's cell."

"Who is this?" a confused voice asked from the other end of the line.

"It's Paige," she replied nervously.

"Where's Emily, and why are you answering her phone?" Spencer bit sharply, and Paige realized she knew exactly who she was speaking to.

"She's just a little incapacitated right now," Paige tried to explain.

"You didn't poison her, did you?" Spencer replied scornfully.

"Yeah. I'm standing over her with a bottle of arsenic," Paige quipped sarcastically.

"That's not funny," Spencer replied sternly.

Paige rolled her eyes as she looked over at Emily again and saw a flash of orange on the ground that she recognized as Emily's hoodie. She realized quickly that Emily had already begun to shed her clothes to get in the fountain.

"Shit! I'll just have her call you," Paige said as she hung up and scrambled over to Emily standing at the edge of the fountain, her arms twisted as she was now struggling to tug off her t-shirt.

"Whoa there, killer," Paige said, reaching for Emily's hands to stop her from removing her top. "Maybe you should keep that on."

Emily giggled. "I can't swim with my clothes on, silly. Neither can you," Emily told her drunkenly, as she reached for Paige's waist and threaded her fingers through the loops of Paige's jeans.

Instantly, Paige felt her stomach flip, felt herself grow lightheaded at the touch of Emily's hands on her. She knew her cheeks must have been flushing red with embarrassment as Emily tugged Paige forward until Paige almost fell into her. Their bodies were closer to each other now, only an inch apart as Paige's eyes scanned Emily's face. Everything inside of her wanted to touch Emily, wanted to feel her skin and her lips and her hair, but Paige felt frozen in place, going out of her mind with this whirlwind of attraction and panic. Nothing had ever felt so good as this, as Emily touching her. Before Paige could react, Emily had moved her fingers to the button of Paige's jeans and had begun to undo them.

"Okay, okay," Paige said, laughing nervously as she reached for Emily's wrists to stop her. "Um, Emily?"

Emily looked up innocently. In her current state, she hadn't a clue what she was doing or the effect it was having on Paige, who was trying to handle all the nerves firing inside of her simultaneously. No matter what her body was telling her, Paige knew this,_ this_ couldn't happen. And she had a million reasons as to why.

"Maybe another time we'll swim in the fountain," Paige said softly, unsure even of how strong her own willpower was anymore.

Emily flashed a child-like frown. "Promise?" Emily asked, dropping her hands to her sides.

Paige released a deep breath. "Yes."

"Okay," Emily replied, seemingly content with the agreement as Paige handed her the hoodie she'd taken off a moment ago, and Emily slid it back onto her body.

Paige helped her off the ledge of the fountain, and they started towards Brumbaugh again. It was silent at first, and Paige felt so on edge after what just happened that she couldn't think of a single word to say. Her body was still buzzing all over, and even though the temperature outside had dropped, she felt hot.

Suddenly, Paige felt something on her arm and looked over to see Emily casually linking her own arm around Paige's. Emily's head was tilted up, looking up at the stars above, and there was a small smile on her face that Paige couldn't take her eyes away from.

"I'm glad we're friends," Emily said happily as she took another step and stumbled once more. Paige steadied her and simply laughed, shaking her head.

As they continued walking through the quiet night, Paige knew that if anyone saw them together, they wouldn't think anything of it. Just two girls with their arms linked, stumbling back to their dorm. And a part of her just wished it could be that easy.

* * *

><p>As they stepped into their dorm room, Emily crossed unsteadily and let her body lean up against her desk. Paige took Emily's phone out of her own pocket before moving to Emily's drawer and reaching in, pulling out the other girl's pajamas and setting them, along with the phone, next to her so that she could change.<p>

"Here's your…" Paige said, and Emily looked up at her sweetly and smiled. Paige could tell by her eyes that all the alcohol had now been translated to exhaustion. "I'll be right back," Paige added as she reached for her toothbrush and quickly made her way to the bathroom, hoping when she returned, Emily would be dressed. The idea of Emily naked, a drunk Emily naked was just too much to consider.

* * *

><p>When Paige returned a few minutes later, she saw that Emily had changed in to her pajamas and was sitting on the edge of the bed, staring at something in her lap. As she slowly moved closer, Paige caught a glimpse of Emily's eyes glassy and wet with tears that hadn't yet fallen. Paige took a seat next to her as Emily's gaze remained fixed. Paige looked down and could see that Emily had picked up her cell phone from the desk and was looking at a photo of Maya. Scanning Emily's face, Paige could see the pain coming over her again as she tried to hold back her tears as her lip trembled. She could tell Emily was still lushed, but Paige knew that probably made it all hurt even more.<p>

Eventually, Emily opened her mouth and whispered sadly, "Why doesn't she want me?"

Emily looked over to Paige, her eyes full of tears.

Paige shook her head compassionately, feeling her chest begin to ache to see Emily cry again. "It's her loss."

Emily's face softened as she looked at Paige, their eyes locked for a long moment before Emily lifted her arms and wrapped them around Paige's neck, tucking her face into Paige's shoulder and hugging her gently. Paige closed her eyes, letting the feeling of Emily's arms around her settle in to her. She lifted her own arms and reached around Emily's waist until they were embracing each other. Neither of them said a word.

Slowly, Paige felt tears begin to fill her own eyes as well as she realized how much this actually hurt. Paige realized regretfully that she would never be allowed to be any closer to Emily than this, than friends. And deep inside, she knew that being this close would never ever be close enough. She knew that it would always ache like this. But at the same time, she didn't care.

Holding her tightly, Paige breathed Emily in. The smell of her hair and her skin. The warmth of her body. It was as if nothing compared to her. To Emily. To her smile and the sound of her laugh and even the sight of her tears. It was all too much.

She felt like her heart was cracking open, letting Emily inside of it.

Maybe she hadn't really thought this one though. Maybe she was in way over her head. Maybe she was going to drown.

Because right then, it certainly felt like she couldn't breathe.

Yet, in that moment, Paige thought that if this was what drowning felt like, if this was what it felt like to fight for air, to feel yourself going under... maybe she wanted to.


	12. Chapter 12

_All right, dolls. I'm back! It took me a bit of time again, but here's the next chapter. Honestly, I intended this to just be the first half of the chapter, but I'm so busy, I figured I'd post this first part for you all and get the next part up when I can. Hopefully, this satisfies some of those withdrawal symptoms ;) And, I promise things will start moving faster in the story again too.  
><em>

_Also, thanks to all of you who left me a review! You all are great :) It makes me feel like I'm not writing into a void of space, which is so nice. It keeps me going!_

_Oh, and as for the few who took their guesses at the songs ;) I was thinking for Emily,_ Sade + Jay-Z - Moon and the Sky_. And for Paige's _Bon Iver, _while I adore _Skinny Love, _I was thinking possibly_ Re: Stacks? _I love that last line "and your love will be safe with me..."_

_Oh, one last thing, anyone have any idea how I can get my eyes on that Emily/Paige deleted scene from the Season 1 dvds? I'm dying to see it!_

* * *

><p>Chapter Twelve<p>

When Emily finally stirred from sleep the next day, she knew it must have been at least late morning or even early afternoon, despite how dark the room still was. It was quiet, and Emily gently let her eyes flutter open, adjusting to the darkness as she noticed that the blinds had been drawn tightly. Across the room, she saw that Paige's bed was empty and made, the comforter pulled up neatly. Emily glanced around and saw that there wasn't any sign of the other girl anywhere. She found herself frowning, wondering where she had gone. She knew it was dumb, but they'd spent the last couple of days together and for some reason, it felt weird now that she wasn't there.

As Emily started to pull herself up, she felt an ache penetrating her body as the memory of the night before began to resurface like pieces of a puzzle. Realizing that she couldn't exactly remember getting home, changing, or getting into bed, she started to feel guilty that maybe she had let herself drink too much at the party, and Paige might have gotten annoyed. She chastised herself, hoping she hadn't done anything to push Paige away just when they were becoming friends. She wracked her brain back to earlier in the night, before everything started to become fragmented.

Early on, she had met Paige's friend Pru, who by all means, Emily realized was her best friend by the way they interacted. She'd been nice enough, but the entire walk over, she'd been running on about some boy named Jacob that Emily couldn't even remember if she'd actually ended up meeting. From everything Emily could note, the other girl was probably Emily's complete opposite in every way, and Emily had found it interesting that Paige seemed to get along with both of them so easily. It made Emily wonder if that's just how Paige was, if that was why it was so easy to be around her, to like her. She wondered if she wasn't the only one with whom she shared this ebb and flow, if she made everyone feel as good as Emily did when she was with her.

Luckily, when they'd arrived, Pru had made herself absent, and so she'd stopped thinking about it as she and Paige fell into conversation, spending the entire night side by side, laughing together, enjoying each other's company like they did so easily now. That is, until Collin had showed up.

Of all the moments of the night, Emily remembered that one clearly. From the times she had seem them together on campus, she recognized him instantly at the door. He was good looking, great looking even, with dirty blonde hair, piercing blue eyes, and the chiseled jaw line of a model. In fact, Emily was pretty sure if Hanna had been there, she might have been drooling. It had made her strangely uncomfortable. For some reason, she had kept a watch of him out of the corner of her eye most of the night and had noticed how, even if he was across the room, his eyes kept flicking over to Paige, letting his gaze run over her face or her body. Emily had considered saying something to Paige about it, but Emily didn't know anyone else at the party and she was afraid that Paige might prefer the company of a cute guy over her. So when she had seen Collin approach them, before Paige even had, she felt an odd sense of dread setting in. As he came closer, Emily had let herself study his face up close, noticed the way his eyes lit up around Paige.

As Collin had sat down with them, Emily could remember all over again how it felt. It was undeniably awkward, even though Emily admitted there was no reason for it to be. Emily had felt this sudden urge to get out of there, as if she just needed to let them be, yet, something in her didn't want to give up Paige's attention. She didn't have a choice though. Paige had turned to greet him, they'd started talking, and Emily didn't really have a place to get in between it.

Emily didn't know why she had felt so uneasy at that moment. She had blamed it on being suddenly single for the first time in so long and realizing that there was no one who wanted her the way that Collin wanted Paige. It had made her breakup with Maya ache all over again. Over the last two days, Paige had made her feel less lonely, but seeing her with Collin had reminded her that, regardless, she was, in fact, still alone. When Emily had gotten upstairs, she had downed a drink right away, hoping it would calm whatever uneasiness was stirring inside her. Now, she realized that she must have had several more, because after that, everything was fuzzy.

And now, here she was, sitting in bed, shaking her head and wondering what else might have transpired. As Emily reached over, clicking on her lamp, she caught sight of something set on the nightstand beside her bed. It was a bottle of water and a few painkillers that Paige must have set out before she'd gone. Emily smiled, hoping this meant that she hadn't done any permanent damage. She took the pills and washed them down with a long swig of water before setting the bottle back down. As she did, her eyes caught a glimpse of a small piece of paper on the stand. She reached for it.

_hey little lush __:)__ I didn't want to wake you. I went to get a few laps in. call me when you wake?_

_- xo p_

Emily felt a smile spread across her lips. Something about Paige made her feel good inside, different. She didn't know why, but it was unlike how things were with her other friends, even her best ones. Though Paige seemed to already have someone she was close to, Emily hoped that she felt a little bit the same about her. Nonetheless, even if her friendship with Emily wasn't anything special to Paige, Emily couldn't help but still be grateful to have her.

Considering Paige's request to call, Emily reached for her cell phone that was sitting nearby in order to ring her when she noticed she had a few text messages waiting for her. As she clicked through them, she realized they were all from Spencer, begging, or possibly demanding (it was all the same with Spencer) to call her _"ASAP."_ The time on her phone showed that it was well after 2 in the afternoon, and Emily could hardly believe she had slept half of the day away. Even though she wanted to call Paige first, she figured she had better call Spencer before she exploded her cell phone.

* * *

><p>Paige noted that it was warm outside for October, enjoying the way the heat of the sun felt on her skin, as she made her way from the Natatorium to the west side of campus to see Pru. Paige had texted her a couple of hours before to see if they could talk, and Paige had agreed to come over, knowing that the conversation about how Pru had acted the night before wasn't one they could have at Paige's dorm with Emily there, asleep or not.<p>

As for her, Paige had woken up hours earlier, that is, if she ever actually fell asleep at all. After everything that had happened with Emily the night before, Emily touching her, hugging her, tearing up over someone Paige found herself resenting without ever meeting, she'd tried to fall asleep, but her mind had been racing. After a few minutes of holding Emily, the other girl had released Paige from her arms laid down on her pillow, letting Paige pull the sheet up over her body, tucking her in. Paige hadn't wanted to leave her side, and at first, she didn't. She lingered at the edge of Emily's bed, watching Emily's eyes close as she curled up against her pillow. Before she knew it was happening, Paige felt a few tears starting to fall down her cheeks just watching her. She wished more than anything that she could take away Emily's pain, that she could assure her that just because someone else didn't want her didn't mean she wasn't worth something.

Finally, slowly, Paige had started to rise from the bed, and just as she did, she felt something touch her hand. Looking down, she saw Emily's fingers grasping her own softly. Her eyes were just barely open, and Paige knew she was probably somewhere between wakefulness and dreams because she squeezed Paige's hand softly, and whispered one simple word: "_Stay_."

Paige had felt her heart heave. Between the touch of Emily's hand and the softness of her voice, she had considered it, had actually taken a moment to wonder what it would have felt like to lay down beside her, wrap her arms around Emily's body, hold her tightly as she slept. But she didn't have a choice. She _couldn't_.

After all, Emily had been drunk to the point where Paige was sure she wouldn't remember most of the night, and she couldn't imagine anything more painful than spending the night in Emily's bed, touching her, comforting her, smelling her hair and her skin, letting her lips graze the nape of her neck, and then to have Emily wake up the next day wondering why Paige was next to her.

So instead, Paige had sat back down, hoping her presence on the side of the bed would be enough. Emily didn't protest, and her eyes shut again. Soon, Paige knew she was asleep, and she lifted herself from the mattress and moved across to her own bed. Stripping off her clothes and sliding into her pajamas, she'd settled underneath the sheets. From her own bed, it had been easy to see Emily just a few feet across the room. Despite how hard she tried, however, Paige couldn't rest her mind, so instead, she'd simply let herself listen to the sound of Emily's soft breathing. She remembered the sun rising a few hours later and pulled herself out of bed to shut the blinds tightly to stop the sun from filtering in. Knowing it was her only day to sleep in, she crawled back into bed and shut her eyes tightly, willing herself to sleep.

When her eyes opened again, it was not much later, and she begrudgingly got up, knowing her hopes of sleeping any longer were futile. Quietly dressing, Paige decided to head to the pool, knowing the water might calm her.

Now, a few hours of laps later, she was showered and heading to Pru's dorm. Paige had to admit to herself that she was nervous about how things were going to play out after last night's clash between them. Sure, they had fought before, a multitude of times over the years, but there was something about this that was different. Paige wasn't sure how she would respond if Pru got defensive, got on her case about her sudden change of heart over her roommate, if she interrogated Paige about why she was suddenly sticking up for someone she was single-handedly responsible for putting down. What would she say? The truth was too much for herself to swallow still. She couldn't admit it to Pru, she couldn't put it into words, she couldn't say it. Saying it would make it _real_.

So instead, on the walk over, she had tried to accumulate a list of excuses and hoped that she wouldn't falter. Crossing her fingers now, she lifted her hand to Pru's door and knocked twice.

A few moments later, the door swung open, and behind it, Pru stood, unexpectedly dressed up with her hair perfectly done. She was frowning shamefully.

"I know. I know. I'm a huge _fucking_ asshole," she admitted, throwing her arms up as if she'd already lost the argument.

Paige stepped inside, eyeing her curiously. "Okay. Who are you? And what did you do with Pru?"

"I'm serious. I'm sorry," Pru replied sympathetically.

Paige shrugged casually, but inside, she felt herself breathing a deep sigh of relief. They weren't going to have it out after all.

"That makes things easy then."

Pru shook her head, as if she couldn't believe how she had acted. "I was _so_ out of line."

Paige nodded and laughed. "This is true."

"Look, I didn't mean any harm. You know that. I was just…"

"Jealous?" Paige asked, smirking.

"Why would I be jealous?" Pru replied, playfully rolling her eyes. Off Paige's doubtful look, she relented. "Okay, of course, I was jealous. She was like a shiny new toy, and you know how boys are about their toys."

Paige laughed nervously. Just the idea of anyone thinking of Emily that way made her uncomfortable. Paige was thankful that she had found Emily when she had, wondering if, in Emily's inebriated state, one of the boys might have tried to '_change her mind_.' The thought made her nauseous, and she tried to push it away.

"What's with the hair?" Paige asked, changing the subject as she reached a hand out and flicked one of Pru's dark waves. "You look like you're going to prom or something."

Pru's eyes brightened, not even concerned with Paige's teasing. "I am going to lunch with Jacob," she told Paige, squealing in delight.

Paige laughed. "Finally, the plane is taking off. I was starting to think the engine was broken down," she quipped playfully.

"Trust me. The only rusty engine is mine," Pru replied suggestively.

"Pru?"

"Yeah?"

Paige shook her head. "Too much information."

"Well, you never give me enough, so that makes us even," Pru quipped back.

Paige just nodded. There was a reason she didn't share. For one thing, there was never much to say. No one had ever meant anything to her in the past. She had dated a few guys in high school and had always found a reason to break it off before it became anything serious, so she never had any juicy secrets to spill to Pru. In fact, she had never shared Pru's level of infatuation with another person. At least, not until now.

"So you and your roommate," Pru said, breaking Paige's thoughts.

Paige nodded. "Emily," she replied, letting the name roll of her lips like some kind of melody.

"You guys are cool now?" Pru asked, as if she was trying to keep up with Paige's Dr. Jekyll | Mr. Hyde routine. Paige was thankful that Pru's good spirits precluded an interrogation.

"Yeah," Paige answered, trying to stay casual. "She's actually really nice," Paige told her, hoping Pru would accept that there was nothing more to the situation than that.

"I know. I can tell. It's annoying," Pru joked.

Paige laughed. "Why is it annoying?"

"'Cause I can't hate her for being so pretty if she's nice," Pru replied, in mock exasperation.

Paige shook her head. "You're totally nuts."

Pru shrugged, smirking. "I know."

* * *

><p>"Oh, so you are alive," Spencer rasped as soon as she answered the phone, which had only taken half of a ring. "I was starting to think she really had poisoned you," she added sardonically.<p>

Emily laughed at Spencer's dramatics. She was still curled up in her warm bed with only the dim light of the lamp illuminating the room. "What are you talking about?"

"Nevermind. I called you last night," Spencer told her.

"You did? God, I don't even remember most of last night," Emily replied, shaking her head. She hadn't noticed a missed call amongst the text messages, but she figured it was probably better she hadn't answered.

"Sounds like someone's nursing a hangover this morning," Spencer teased. "Hope you didn't get into any trouble."

"Just having a good time," Emily insisted, but the truth was she didn't actually know for sure. "So why were you calling that late?" she asked curiously. "I'm surprised Spencer Hastings wasn't busy working on her bid for class president."

"That's today's agenda," Spencer replied facetiously, even though Emily was sure she wasn't entirely kidding. "No, guess who I ran into yesterday," Spencer added excitedly.

"Who?"

"Okay, it's no fun if you don't guess," Spencer whined back.

Emily laughed. "You want me to run through every person in our high school?" she asked skeptically. She wondered who Spencer could possibly be talking about. There were a lot of people from Rosewood who were living in Philly these days, either for school or work, but Emily couldn't recall a single one of them that would garner Spencer's fancy.

"It's not someone from high school," Spencer clarified.

"Then I really don't know," Emily told her with a shrug.

There was silence on the other end of the line, and Emily wondered if Spencer got disconnected before realizing she was just pausing dramatically for effect. _This better be good_, Emily thought jokingly.

"Wren," Spencer announced, barely containing her excitement.

"Wait. Your sister's ex-fiance, Wren?" Emily asked disbelievingly.

"Come on. They were hardly engaged," Spencer quipped.

"The fiancé you kissed?"

"He kissed me!" Spencer insisted defensively with a laugh. "And yes, him. I saw him at the market, and we started talking. And… I didn't get home until I called you," she added cryptically.

Emily smiled knowing how much this must have meant to Spencer. She had been single for a while, ever since the Cavenaughs had moved Toby out of state. They'd kept in touch, but both of them knew that they couldn't stay together when Toby was halfway across the country, so they had decided to just be friends and leave it to fate. Apparently, fate had other things in mind for Spencer.

"Whoa. So it was sparks?" Emily asked energetically.

"_Big_ sparks."

"So is he like some big-shot doctor now?" Emily teased.

"Hardly. He's a resident, so he works crazy hours," Spencer explained. "But he asked, if he could see me again the next day he has off," she added with a touch of exhilaration in her voice that was subtle, as Spencer always was, but nonetheless obvious to Emily.

"That is so awesome, Spence! I'm really happy for you."

"It's not anything yet. It's just a date, but it's nice," Spencer replied gently, as if she were crossing her fingers hopefully that this wouldn't end before it had even begun as it had the last time. "It was getting old being the last single girl. I mean, Aria has Ezra, you have Maya, Hanna's practically in a relationship with her sorority."

Emily felt her stomach sink at the mention of Maya, knowing she couldn't just scoot this one over and pretend everything was fine. She had to tell Spencer, even if it was the last thing she wanted to do in her current state of being dreadfully hung over.

"About that, Spencer," Emily started hesitantly.

"About what?"

Emily swallowed hard. "About Maya and I."

"Oh god, Em," Spencer replied apprehensively. "You two broke up."

Emily froze. "How do you know that?" she asked nervously. Who could have told her? She hadn't mentioned it to anyone but Paige.

"I saw something on Facebook," Spencer replied hesitantly. "She removed her relationship status."

And all of a sudden, Emily felt like someone had just bulldozed her over. She let out a breath, feeling her eyes become glazed with tears.

"Wow," she replied softly. "That was fast."

Emily couldn't deny how much the knowledge of it stung, knowing that Maya had been so quick to sever all ties to her, to remove Emily from her life. It felt like salt in an open wound. It felt like being dumped all over again._ How could it be that easy for her?_

"I mean," Spencer started, as if she suddenly realized the weight of what she'd revealed. "It doesn't say single. It just doesn't say anything. That's why I didn't think anything of it. Until now."

Emily simply nodded, not saying a word.

"Em. What happened?" Spencer asked gently.

Emily released a long sigh. She couldn't, not now.

"Spence… I've got midterms starting tomorrow. I just don't think I want to talk about it yet," Emily explained. "Is that okay?"

"Whatever you need," Spencer replied sympathetically. "Have you told the other girls?" she asked, and Emily knew she meant Hanna and Aria.

"Not yet," Emily told her.

"I won't say anything," Spencer assured her sweetly. "Just deal however you need to deal. We'll be here when you need us, okay?"

"Thanks, Spencer," Emily said appreciatively. Just then, she heard a key in the door, and realized that Paige was home. It made her feel a little better after the heaviness of this conversation. "I should go, start studying," she told Spencer on the phone.

The two said their goodbyes just as Paige's face appeared in the doorway. She stepped inside and quietly crossed the room before looking up, Paige's eyes catching hers as she realized Emily was awake. Emily took a moment to examine Paige. She was swearing a pair of Lions athletic shorts and a tight fitted gray tank that showed off the muscles of her arms and shoulders. Slung over her body was her swimming duffle, and her barely damp hair was pulled up into a ponytail. Gazing at her, Emily was convinced she hadn't met a girl that looked quite so good in something as simple as athletic clothes. If she didn't know better, she'd think she was just jealous, but Emily was pretty sure that wasn't it.

"I was just about to call you," Emily told Paige with a smile as she tugged the covers off of her body and pulled herself up, leaning against the wall so she could face Paige.

"How are you feeling?" Paige asked gently as she dropped her duffle near her desk and took a seat on her own bed opposite of Emily.

Emily laughed. "I've felt better, that's for sure. And that phone call didn't exactly help," she added a little sadly.

"I didn't mean to interrupt," Paige replied apologetically.

"No, it's fine," Emily insisted, not wanting Paige to feel like she had intruded. In fact, she was glad she was home now. "It was just Spencer."

"Oh yeah. I meant to tell you that she called last night. I had your phone," Paige told her awkwardly. "I said I'd have you call, but it looks like that's already covered," she explained.

At the knowledge, Emily finally started to understand what Spencer had said when she had called her, about the poisoning business. Something must have been said between Spencer and Paige over the phone, something less than pleasant, and she realized Paige was being kind enough not to say anything.

"What happened?" Paige wondered cautiously, as if she didn't want to push if it wasn't something Emily wanted to share.

"Nothing. Just… Maya," Emily said with a shrug, trying to shake the whole thing off even though it left a bitter taste in her mouth. "Looks like she's already on to bigger and better things."

"What do you mean?"

"Spencer basically knew we broke up because Maya changed her stupid relationship status," Emily explained, feeling a mix of anger and sadness.

Paige winced. "Ouch."

Emily nodded. "It really is over," she said absently, as Paige flashed her a sympathetic gaze. "I mean, I knew it was," Emily added, "but this was the icing on the cake."

"Only if you really hate icing," Paige quipped with a smirk, and Emily laughed, knowing she was just trying to make her feel better. And it was working. "Speaking of, you hungry?"

Emily frowned, knowing her body was still a wreck. "I think right now the best idea is just to hydrate."

"You're in luck," Paige replied, pulling a giant bottle of Gatorade from her bag and tossing it over to Emily.

Emily caught it and opened the lid. "You are such a lifesaver," she said appreciatively before downing a big swallow.

Paige laughed. "I've had practice."

Emily smiled. "How was the pool?"

"Freezing!" Paige fussed with a grimace, drawing a laugh from Emily. "I think they're trying to save on electricity on Sundays or something."

"I know, right!" Emily agreed, shaking her head as Paige grinned and relaxed onto her back on the bed, her long legs sprawled across the comforter.

Emily was sure the two of them were probably the only ones visiting the place on Sundays. It reminded her that the whole swimming separately was something they still hadn't addressed. They were friends now, right? So they could swim together. It shouldn't be a big deal, but for some reason, Emily felt nervous bringing it up, wondering if maybe Paige wanted to swim alone regardless, and Emily would hate to put her on the spot. She decided maybe it was worth the risk to not have to endure hours upon hours of time in the water alone anymore.

"Hey," Emily said softly, drawing Paige's attention. "I was thinking, and it's cool if you'd rather not, but I was wondering, from now on, if you wanted, maybe we could just swim together?" she asked nervously, trying to give Paige an easy out if she decided to take it, even though Emily hoped she wouldn't.

Across from her, Paige nodded. "Yeah, okay," she replied with a smirk.

Emily felt her stomach flutter and reached for the Gatorade bottle again, just to distract herself. However, she found her eyes traveling back to Paige. She was flat on the bed, her hands tucked under her head, looking so at peace. Emily couldn't help but wonder what went on inside of her head most of the time. Even though they'd become friends, there was still this mystery about Paige, like she had been given all these tiny pieces and was still trying to put them all together. Emily wasn't sure why the challenge was so appealing.

Just as Emily's eyes were about to move, Paige shifted slightly and her shirt rode up just a touch, revealing just a hint of her stomach.

"You know, I should probably take a shower," Emily suddenly announced.

"Okay," Paige replied, looking up curiously. "I might pass out. Do you mind waking me?"

"Sure. What time?"

"Definitely before my mid-term tomorrow," Paige quipped sarcastically.

Emily grumbled playfully. "Right. Mid-terms."

Paige smiled sincerely. "Just get me up when you start studying."

Emily nodded in agreement before reaching for her towel. When she glanced back over again, Paige had shifted to a new position, her eyes shut, a piece of auburn hair already falling in her face. Something made her want to stay, but Emily forced herself to turn away and make her way to the showers.

* * *

><p>Paige heard the door click shut, and let her eyes open again. She did plan to sleep, but right now, she was trying to analyze what Emily might have remembered from the night before. It was obvious it must not have been much because she had acted completely natural, not like she had tried to tug off Paige's pants or wrapped her arms around Paige's body or asked her, maybe, to sleep in her bed with her. Paige felt oddly relieved. Even though this small piece of her wanted Emily to remember just so she could gauge how she felt about it in retrospect, Paige knew that kind of thinking wouldn't be good for her. She couldn't let herself wonder whether Emily's actions meant anything more than they did. And clearly, they must not have. So she let her eyes close, hoping to get some rest after being up most of the night, hoping that when Emily returned, in nothing but a towel, she would at least be asleep.<p>

* * *

><p>"What kind do you want?" Paige asked as she leaned up against her desk, cell phone in hand.<p>

It'd been a few hours of studying and the girls had both decided to order in pizza instead of venturing down to Findlay for dinner. Emily had woken Paige about an hour after she had fallen asleep with a soft touch on her shoulder, and Paige had stirred right away, opening her eyes to see Emily standing above her with a soft smile. Paige had noticed that she smelled a little like vanilla once again and wondered if it was the shampoo she used or something else. It was nice, but then again, anything other than chlorine would have probably smelled good to Paige. She'd pulled herself up, feeling even more tired than before, but she knew that she had to get some work done before her exam the next day.

Now, after several hours, they'd both felt like they deserved a break and agreed on pizza and a few episodes of Arrested Development before returning to the books.

"Mmm. Mushroom," Emily replied with a devilish smile. She was sitting on her bed, her legs curled under her body. Her hair was pulled off her shoulders into a high ponytail revealing the lines of her neck.

"Mushroom? You want a _mushroom_ pizza?" Paige inquired, her brows furrowed. "Just mushrooms."

"Why?" Emily replied, smiling curiously. "Is that what you get?"

"Mushrooms? No," Paige replied vehemently. "Mushrooms are possibly not even food," she quipped.

"You don't like them?" Emily lamented with a frown, as if she'd been personally offended.

"I _loathe_ them. I think there's actually a place in hell reserved for mushrooms," Paige continued with a smirk. She was hardly exaggerating, but at the same time, she was loving the reaction she was getting from Emily.

Emily laughed, her mouth agape. "Oh, and what do you get? Boring pepperoni?"

"Pepperoni is not boring," Paige insisted very seriously. "Pepperoni is classic. It's timeless."

"Well, your half can be classic, and mine can be modern," Emily replied with a smile as she lifted herself from the bed, setting her textbook down on her desk.

"What if one of them falls on my side?" Paige countered in mock earnestness.

Emily laughed again. "It's a pizza, not the War of 1812. If my mushrooms cross the treaty line, there's not going to be a skirmish."

Paige took a moment to consider before shaking her head. "No, I can't even support this decision. Pepperoni it is," she replied with a nod as she dialed the number for the pizza parlor.

"Oh my god, then I'll order it," Emily replied laughing, with a wide grin on her face as she moved closer to Paige.

"Hi. I'd like to order a large pepperoni pizza for delivery," Paige said into the phone.

Emily's jaw dropped a little, and she reached out to take the phone from Paige who turned her back to her and playfully tried to keep the phone on her ear and away from Emily's grasp. Paige made a few moves, dodging away from Emily, who kept reaching her arms around Paige's body.

Then, just as the guy on the line was asking if she wanted anything else, she felt Emily's palm pressing flat on the small of her back where her tank top had ridden up. Emily's hand was cold on her own hot skin, and her body froze from the sensation it sent through her, giving Emily a chance to take the phone from her hand. Emily smiled victoriously as she put it to her ear, and Paige just watched her, smiling.

"Yes, actually I'd like to order _two _pizzas for delivery," Emily said into the phone with a smirk as she plopped down right on Paige's bed like it was the most natural place to be.

As for Paige, she was still trying to catch her breath.

* * *

><p>Half an hour later, the pizzas had arrived, and Emily had settled onto Paige's bed once again, dragging the other girl's laptop and the Arrested Development dvds with her.<p>

"Is this your dad?" Emily asked after she had pulled Paige's Macbook onto her lap and flipped it open. There was a news article greeting her with a photograph of a smiling middle-aged man wearing a sharp suit. Emily looked up to Paige who had the pair of piping hot pizza boxes in hand. She set them on the ground beside the bed with the lids opened and crawled onto the bed beside Emily, setting down a couple of plates.

"Yeah. That's him," she replied with a nod. "You think we look alike?" she added curiously.

Emily leaned in closer, examining the image. Paige's dad had dirty blonde hair and blue eyes, and while she could see a resemblance, Emily wondered if Paige got her brown eyes and auburn hair from her mom. She admitted she wanted to know all about Paige's mom, but she didn't feel like it was the right time to ask. Still, it was interesting to see this piece of Paige, knowing that her father must have a big role in her life considering that Paige's mom had passed. Emily wondered how long it had been just the two of them. In the photo, he seemed so charming, but considering how Paige had described him, she wondered what he was like when it was just the two of them.

"A little bit," Emily replied with a nod. "What's this from?" she asked, motioning to the photo.

"Oh, just some fundraiser for the campaign."

"He looks so," Emily started, searching for the right word, "diplomatic."

"He's _very_ diplomatic," Paige replied with a touch of distaste that Emily couldn't help but notice.

Emily nodded understandingly as her eyes scanned Paige's face, wondering what this all was like for her, this other world Emily had only witnessed from afar, on television or movies, this as Paige's reality.

"Do you want him to win?" Emily asked gently.

Paige shrugged uncomfortably. "I mean, he's my dad."

"Exactly. It's okay if you don't," Emily told her, offering a small smile. "I'm not going to run to the papers," Emily teased.

"I know," Paige replied with a smirk. "Election's still a year away, so I guess I haven't thought too much about if he actually did," she said, taking a moment to consider before turning to Emily. "Is it horrible if I wish he wouldn't?"

Emily shook her head. "No. It's your life too."

"For it being mine, I don't think I have too much of a say in it," Paige quipped, and even though her voice was laced with sarcasm, Emily knew that it must have been the truth and that it must have hurt. "I mean, someone won't even let me order pizza," she added with a playful smirk.

Emily felt herself start to smile as she shook her head. "You don't even know what you're missing," she insisted as she set the computer down on the bed and reached her arm over Paige to grab a slice of her pizza. "I think you should try. For me."

"I think you're out of your mind," Paige insisted, flashing a disgusted look as Emily passed the slice in front of Paige and took a bite.

"You just haven't given it a chance," Emily insisted playfully, moving the slice towards Paige's mouth.

Paige leaned back, trying to get away, scrunching her nose in detest. "No way!" she insisted, but Emily continued moving forward, laughing.

"Come on. Just a taste," Emily teased, giggling as she leaned over Paige until her body was nearly hovering over Paige who, laughing, tried to keep Emily's pizza as far away from her as possible.

Paige's hand reached out playfully to stop Emily, and it came to rest on her stomach. The touch sent a rush through Emily's whole body as she paused suddenly, her eyes scanning Paige's face, who was looking at her a touch questioningly.

Just then, her phone beeped from her back pocket. She leaned away from Paige, set her slice of pizza on a plate, and pulled her cell out out, letting herself breath again. She clicked the message open and smiled when she read it before typing out a short response and sliding it away again.

"It's my friend Jessica," Emily explained, turning to Paige again. She just wanted to let me know she's at the airport in Charleston. She was visiting her boyfriend."

"Is she the one who dropped off the photos?" Paige asked curiously.

"Yeah," Emily replied with a nod before turning back to her. "You saw the photos?" she wondered, her brows furrowed in confusion.

"God, I sound like some kind of creepster from Creepstown," Paige replied, her face flushing with embarrassment as she shook her head back and forth. "I sneaked a peak. I'm really sorry," Paige told her, frowning apologetically.

"It's okay. Seriously," Emily insisted with a laugh. "It's not like I had my clothes off for them," she added sarcastically, thinking back to how Jessica had wanted to do that more racy photo shoot.

"What?" Paige asked, wide-eyed, a shocked expression on her face. "You took photos without your clothes on?"

"No," Emily replied insistently. "Jessica thought it would be a great idea. You know, to send to Maya. I thought she was crazy. Probably should have done it," she added, shrugging. "Who knows? Maybe she would have still been interested."

"I doubt that," Paige answered adamantly.

Emily's brow raised at her response, wondering what she meant by that because any way you read it, it sounded pretty awful.

"God, that came out wrong," Paige replied wincing. "Word vomit tonight. I just mean, I'm no dating expert, especially not when it comes to…" she started, her voice trailing off, like she didn't know the right words.

"Two girls?" Emily offered, thinking that would make Paige less uncomfortable than gay or even _lesbian_.

Paige nodded. "Yeah. But if she had half a brain, she'd be interested, photos or not. Plus, you didn't need to take your clothes off. Those photos? You looked great," Paige told her sweetly, still seemingly uncomfortable with the line of conversation, but Emily appreciated it. Even though Paige had insisted that Emily didn't freak her out, there was a part of Emily that still wondered if she was just being nice when she'd said that. Over time, she hoped it wouldn't be an issue.

"Well, that was all thanks to Jessica," Emily replied. "She's just really talented."

"I don't think it's just her photography skills," Paige replied cryptically.

Emily eyed her curiously. "What do you mean?"

"I think you inspired Pru into a bit of a monster last night. The green-eyed kind?" Paige answered.

Emily took a moment to consider what Paige was setting as she finally realized Paige meant that Pru was _jealous_.

"Come on. She knows I was obviously _not_ looking at any of those guys," Emily replied in astonishment. The idea just seemed ludicrous, as if Pru had anything to worry about even if Emily _was_ straight.

"Yeah, but that doesn't mean they weren't looking at you," Paige countered.

"Hardly," Emily said, shaking her head before proceeding cautiously, remembering how she had caught Paige and Pru in some type of heated discussion. "Is that what you two were fighting about last night?" Emily noticed Paige's face change, and she suddenly felt totally out of line for even asking. "Sorry. That's none of my business. I just. It looked like you were fighting. About me?"

"It wasn't you. Pru? She's just a little… frustrated, if you know what I mean," Paige explained with a playful roll of the eye.

"I see," Emily replied, smirking. "Jacob?"

"Yep," Paige answered with a nod.

"So last night. I have to ask," Emily wondered, wincing, having waited anxiously for hours, not even sure if she'd wanted to know. "How bad was I?"

"You weren't bad at all," Paige replied casually with a shrug.

Emily breathed a sigh of relief. "Okay good."

"Oh," Paige started. "Except for that whole thing where you decided to take your clothes off in the middle of campus," she added casually.

Emily's mouth fell agape in shock. "Oh my god. You're lying."

Paige smirked. "I didn't let you get too far though," she assured her.

Emily felt a sense of panic setting in. She had thought maybe she'd gotten a little out of hand, but this she hadn't expected. "What's not too far?" she asked carefully.

Paige released a laugh. "Don't worry. No one was around."

Emily's face fell into her hands in embarrassment. "Why would I _do_ that?"

"You had this brilliant idea that you wanted to go swimming," Paige explained.

Emily looked up again, shaking her head. She could feel already that her cheeks were red. What was she _thinking_?

"But the Natatorium isn't even open that late," Emily replied apprehensively, wondering if she'd also hatched some elaborate break-in to go along with it.

"You were going to improvise," Paige explained. "You know that giant fountain in the quad?"

"No!" Emily exclaimed in shock. "God, I really owe you one."

"It's no big. You get dumped, you throw back a few, you decide to start stripping in public." Paige shrugged casually. "It happens to the best of us. I mean, except for me. _Never_ happens to me," Paige quipped with a playful smile.

Emily grinned. "Is that right?"

Paige nodded proudly.

"Well, you'd have to be dumped first," Emily replied, "and I have this nagging feeling you're the one breaking hearts," she added, nudging Paige.

"_Me?_" Paige asked, surprised.

"Yeah, you. You're a heartbreaker, aren't you?" Emily teased.

Paige flashed an amused smile. "Why would you think that?"

What Emily wanted to say to her was that it was probably because she made everyone around her feel a little bit like they were walking on air, that when Paige looked at you it could make you feel like you were the only person in the room, but she didn't know how to say that.

Instead, she shrugged. "I can just tell. I mean, you're breaking Collin's heart," she teased.

"His heart is not broken," Paige insisted playfully. "I never even told him 'no.'"

Emily felt her body shift uncomfortably. "You didn't?"

"Not exactly. He asked me out a few weeks ago, and I don't know, I just said 'not now.' So I know he's going to ask again," Paige explained.

"What are you going to say?" Emily asked cautiously. For some reason, she had thought that maybe Paige was just being polite when it came to Collin. She hadn't sounded interested the last time he'd come up in conversation, and she'd never mentioned him otherwise. Emily had begun to think that maybe Paige just thought of him as some kind of puppy that followed her around. She realized now how ridiculous that sounded. Collin was, by all means, a hot guy, and maybe Paige was just waiting for the right time so she could date him properly.

When Paige didn't answer right away, Emily figured that she was right, that it was probably just a matter of time.

After a beat, Paige finally responded. "He's a good guy. He's funny, and you can tell he's not trying to use me or anything like that. Plus, he knows what it's like to live in the pool."

Emily looked up, surprised. "He's a swimmer?"

Paige nodded. "I didn't tell you?"

Emily shook her head. "Well, he seems pretty nice," Emily said softly, trying to sound normal, when she didn't even know why she felt so the opposite.

"Oh. Yeah, he is. You expected otherwise?" Paige wondered.

Emily shrugged awkwardly. "I guess I don't know what I expected."

Paige half-smiled. "I'm surprised you even remember meeting him."

_As if she could forget,_ Emily thought, and she was surprised that it was the first thing that came to her mind, but she bit her lip and didn't say it. _What was her deal?_ she wondered.

"Look, I'm sorry if I was a handful last night," Emily apologized, wincing.

"You were anything but," Paige insisted.

Emily rolled her eyes. "I _doubt_ that."

Paige laughed. "Okay, so you were, but you were an entertaining handful."

"Oh, well, good," Emily replied, smiling shyly. "I'm glad I could amuse you," she added jokingly as she reached for her slice of pizza again and listened to the sound of Paige's laugh again.

As they started the dvd and settled in, they didn't say anything again about the night before, and Paige didn't mention anything else about Collin. Nevertheless, Emily couldn't remove him from her mind. Seeing them together, talking, knowing they must have had a lot in common, including swimming, made her feel like maybe she was going to end up losing Paige's company before they even had a chance to be friends. Emily had liked that Paige was single, seeing as now she was too, and it seemed like Paige was happy that way. Nevertheless, it looked like maybe Emily had been wrong. It appeared that Paige's singleness could change at any minute, that Paige was already considering saying _yes_ to Collin when he hadn't even asked her out again yet.

Emily tried to tell herself not to be so selfish, that Paige should be happy with someone even if she wasn't, but it was hard. Something about Paige made her want to be selfish, but she knew it was better not to think about why. Instead, she decided she was going to have to get used to the idea that at some point or another, sooner or later, Paige and Collin was going to be a reality. And for some reason, Emily couldn't shake her dread.


	13. Chapter 13

_Hi dolls :) Sorry once again for the delay, but thanks for sticking around :) This one took forever, mainly because it's the longest chapter so far, but it felt weird splitting any of it up. I ended up really liking this one, so I hope you all find it worth the wait.  
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_ So here we go. On to chapter 13... How'd that happen already? Well, crazy enough, I think I'm only somewhere between 1/4th and 1/3rd of the way through this story. I hope that's okay with everyone? I know it's slow, but most people seem all right with that, and I think the payoff will be big. Think of it as a book. God, it'll probably be that long.  
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_Also, how'd everyone like the premiere? I won't spoil anything if anybody hasn't gotten to see it yet, but I am curious to see how Emily's story plays out this season.  
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_Lastly, just wanted to say that the next chapter will not be up for another week. I've got a busy few days ahead, but things ease up soon, so hopefully I'll have some faster updates for you then.  
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Tanuki Ra:_ Thank you so much! And if you are a nerd, I am definitely one since I'm the one writing this ;) But nerds are great, don't you think? :)_

spikedwatermelon:_ the video! thank you so much for the link :) made my day...week perhaps? :)_

Gmac62:_ Your heartfelt thanks is all I need :) :) I am happy entertaining you._

shkatspeare:_ Thank you so much! It means a lot to me when people leave a review. It makes this whole thing worth writing :) :)  
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_Also, which one of you lovelies rec'd my fic? :) Super sweet._

_And to the rest of you who have left me a review, you are all amazing! And why I keep writing :)_

Now, for the story...

* * *

><p>Chapter Thirteen<p>

The warm October sun beat down overhead as the two girls made their way across campus Monday morning. Emily savored the feeling of the warmth knowing that soon this Indian summer would pass, and the chill of the approaching winter would be arriving soon. In fact, she was savoring everything she felt right then as she and Paige walked side by side, joking around and laughing as they tried to calm each other's nerves before their first midterm that morning.

Emily thought back to earlier that morning. She and Paige had both risen early and headed through the morning darkness to get in a few laps before a strenuous practice. The entire Natatorium had been so eerily quiet, and while it wasn't so unfamiliar, there was something about being in the space with Paige, listening to just the muffled sounds of their movements through the water, that had been different, invigorating.

For most of her life, Emily had been surrounded by people who didn't understand why she loved the feeling of the water rushing around her, why she loved the burn it left in her limbs, why she loved that you could never tell if you were in the lead so that it always felt like the one person you were racing was yourself. She had never before been close with another swimmer, and the bond she felt to Paige because of it was undeniable. It was as though there was an unspoken understanding between them that spread from childhood dreams to that indescribable feeling that being in the pool was somehow like being home. They never had to explain it to each other. They both just _knew_.

Eventually, after exhausting from laps, they had ended up spending the last half an hour at the diving pool instead, playing some sort of game of chicken to see who would go off higher and higher platforms, laughing at each other as Emily tried to dramatically recreate those graceful dives while Paige made the biggest cannonballs she possibly could.

At one point, Emily had found herself bravely climbing the high set of stairs to find herself 10 meters above the pool. Stepping across to the edge and finally looking down, she'd realized just how high she was and had thought that the idea of trying to prove herself to Paige might not turn out as planned.

"Not so high, huh?" Paige had teased from the ground.

Emily had smiled, shaking her head. "How the_ hell_ do they jump from up here?" Emily asked in shock as she leaned over the edge before deciding to plop down, sitting with her legs hanging over the side of the diving platform.

Paige had laughed from the ground as she had started making her way the stairs. When she'd reached the top, she'd crossed over and sat down next to Emily, her legs hanging over the same way. Their bodies were both still dripping with water from the pool, and as their shoulders brushed, Emily had felt her skin prickle with goosebumps.

"Kind of feels like the top of the world up here, huh?" Paige had said.

Emily had turned her head to Paige who was looking out over the stadium, across the bleachers and the endless lanes. Paige's hair, like Emily's, was pulled back in a swim cap still, allowing Emily to see the lines of her face, her cheekbones, the length of her neck.

"You should do it," Paige had told her as she turned her head to face Emily.

"Huh?" Emily had asked absently just as her eyes were settling on Paige's mouth.

"Just go for it," Paige'd added encouragingly as she motioned with her eyes towards the water.

"Oh." Emily forced her gaze away from Paige. "I don't know," Emily had replied, laughing nervously, her eyes going to her lap and then to the pool thirty feet below. For a moment, she wondered what it would feel like to free-fall like that, to feel the air whipping around you, not knowing when you'd hit the water. _It would feel like flying_, she had thought. "I'd probably just get hurt," she'd added, playfully rolling her eyes.

Paige had released an amused dry laugh. Emily tilted her head again to look over at her. Both of them were in their matching navy practice Speedos with the Lions emblem on the corner, both their heads covered in the same navy swim caps, their bodies different, but still exactly the same height. She thought for a moment that to someone else, they probably looked like two pees in a pod. Emily smiled at the thought, thinking that maybe that's exactly what they were. It had started to feel that way at least.

Next to her, Paige must have noticed her lips curl. "What?" she'd asked with a laugh.

Just as Emily had been considering what to say, if she actually wanted to reveal the thoughts she'd just had, a door to the Natatorium suddenly swung open and the Diving Team appeared.

"Shit!" Paige had muttered with a laugh as she stood up, reaching for Emily's arm to pull her up with her. "Come on."

Giggling, Emily stood quickly. They raced down the steps just before the team had made it over to that side of the stadium and had sprinted straight for the locker room, laughing together. They'd collapsed against their lockers, still laughing as their teammates filtered in for practice , wondering what was so funny.

Now hours later, after they'd endured a long practice, Paige and Emily, realizing their classes weren't too far apart, had decided to walk together straight from the Natatorium to their classes. When they finally reached Emily's building, they slowed to a stop turning to each other

"Do you want to have lunch later?" Paige asked sweetly.

Emily smiled at the offer. "I would, but you have a pretty full table as far as I remember," she replied teasingly. "And I haven't seen Jessica since her trip. Plus, I should probably let her know what happened," she added with a slight frown, referring to everything that happened with Maya just a few days before.

Paige nodded. "Another time."

"Absolutely," Emily agreed, smiling.

Before they finally parted ways, they wished each other luck on their tests and promised to see each other at home later. Making her way up the steps of the building, Emily took one more glance back, seeing Paige disappear into the crowd.

As she reached the top of the steps, Emily saw that Jessica had been waiting outside. Her thin frame was leaning against the side of the building. Emily couldn't help but notice that her skin was just slightly more tan, no doubt from the hot Southern sun. As Emily watched, she noticed that Jessica's eyes were narrowed, and she looked a touch confused.

"Hey!" Emily said excitedly as she reached her side. She reached out to hug Jessica instantly, happy to see her again. The few days had ended up feeling like a lifetime in a way.

"Hey," Jessica replied flatly as Emily released her from her grasp.

"How are you? How was Charleston?" Emily asked energetically as they made their way into the building. "I want to see pictures. _Lots_ of pictures."

Jessica shrugged casually as they found the classroom. "Maybe later. Gotta get this stupid exam over with," she replied, rolling her eyes.

"Ugh, I know," Emily said, grimacing playfully as she followed Jessica into the row they always occupied where they found their seats. "But still, how's Wyatt?"

"Can we just talk after the test?" Jessica replied sharply, her voice laced with annoyance.

Emily's face fell. Something was up, and she hadn't a clue what was wrong. Maybe Jessica's weekend hadn't gone as planned? Maybe it had been as bad as Emily's. She hoped not, but who knew? Things happen, as she well knew by now. Relationships fall apart. People change. Yet, none of that explained why Jessica was acting this way towards her. Plus, considering Jessica's giddy text the day before, there wasn't even a hint that anything was wrong.

"Yeah. Sure," Emily replied, nodding as she slid her bag onto the ground and pulled out a pencil to take the test. Right now, she knew she had to focus, but she couldn't help but wonder what was going on with Jessica.

* * *

><p>"What'd you think?" Emily asked Jessica after the exam had ended and they were filing with the rest of the students out of the building into the mid-day sun.<p>

Jessica shrugged casually. "Eh, it was okay," she replied blandly.

Exasperated, Emily stopped, grabbing Jessica's arm and pulling her away from the crowd of people so they could talk. "All right. What's your deal, Jessica?" Emily asked nervously.

"My deal?" Jessica countered, her voice sounding harsh and defensive.

"Yes, your deal. Did something happen? You're acting so weird," Emily tried to explain.

"You want to know what my deal is?" Jessica asked, and by her tone Emily thought that maybe she really didn't.

"Yes," she replied anyway, taking a deep breath.

"Fine," Jessica bit back. "What is going on? I leave town and now you're sleeping with the enemy?" she demanded.

Emily shook her head, confused. "What are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about your roommate," Jessica answered in detest.

Realization sank in for Emily as she finally understood what this was all about. She and Paige. Jessica had obviously seen them together that morning, and sure, they had never walked to class together, but somehow Jessica must have sensed that it was more than just a casual walk, that something more had changed between them. Emily knew Jessica had made some biting remarks about Paige in the past that Emily had tried to take in stride, but she never realized Jessica would react this way to them getting closer.

Emily shrugged awkwardly. "We're friends now."

"Just like that?" Jessica countered doubtfully, as if Emily was lying to her about something.

Emily frowned. "What are getting at?"

"I don't get it," Jessica replied, shaking her head.

"You don't have to get it," Emily replied defensively. No matter what Jessica thought, nothing was going to change her friendship with Paige.

"Wasn't she an _asshole_ to you?" Jessica continued.

And Emily knew she was right. Paige had said a lot of horrible things that even still could make her uncomfortable to think about. Yet while she hated being reminded, to Emily, it was history now. They had turned over a new rock. They'd connected. Paige was a part of her now.

"Things change," Emily replied firmly.

"Like what?" Jessica questioned with bewilderment. "What happened while I was gone to make the world flip on its axis and make you friends with her?"

Emily nodded and thought back to Friday, how awful everything had felt when Maya had dropped her like an old winter coat that was too heavy for summertime, too much of a burden. She felt herself starting to tear up.

"You want to know what happened?" she replied, her voice starting to quiver slightly. "Maya broke up with me, okay? _That's_ what happened."

Jessica's face fell instantly, her voice softening. "Emily," she said sympathetically, reaching for her friend's arm. "Why didn't you say something?"

Emily shook her head, trying to push back her tears. "'Cause you just launched into this whole thing about Paige," she said, wiping a tear from her cheek.

Jessica reached out and wrapped her arms around Emily. "I'm _so_ sorry. I can't believe you didn't call me."

Emily shrugged. "I wasn't going to ruin your weekend."

Jessica finally released her grasp and let her hands drop to Emily's arms. "Honey, you're my friend. You wouldn't have ruined anything. Come on, let's go talk," Jessica told her sympathetically as she linked her arm with Emily's

Emily just nodded as she followed Jessica towards The Hub. As much as she hated that she would have to rehash the entire breakup with Maya, she knew it would at least give her a chance to explain about Paige, to let Jessica know why they were so close know, to show her who Paige really was. But she wasn't even sure she'd be able to put it all into words.

* * *

><p>"Someone's annoyingly happy for midterms week," Pru commented with a smirk to Paige who stood in front of her in line to pay for lunch at The Hub.<p>

Paige hadn't realized it, but she'd probably been smiling since she'd parted ways with Emily that morning. Being around Emily did that to her. It'd been hard to focus on her exam earlier thinking about the morning at the pool. It seemed no matter what they were doing, they had a good time together. Paige loved being around her, and it was still surprising and even mind-boggling to her that Emily seemed to feel the same way.

"What are you talking about?" Paige replied, trying to sound casual even though she felt herself blush.

"That stupid grin on your face," Pru said, smiling as she poked Paige in the shoulder. "Something you want to share?" she prodded curiously.

"No," Paige told her, trying hard not to sound like she was lying. "I just," she started, wracking her brain for an excuse. "I found out I have a relay spot for Saturday."

"Nice," Pru replied with a curious smile, like maybe she didn't quite believe that this was the only thing Paige was happy about. "I mean. I knew you'd kill it."

Paige simply nodded as she scooted forward in the line. The cashier rang her up quickly, and she grabbed her tray as she waited for Pru.

Side by side, they started towards the table outside that they always occupied.

"Wait," Pru said, turning to Paige. "Weren't you and your roommate competing? Was there a throw down I missed?" she asked with a glimmer of curiosity, her eyebrow raised.

Paige laughed. "No throw down. Don't worry. Our times were almost exactly the same, so we both got spots."

"Really," Pru said smirking. "She can keep up with you?" she teased.

Back in high school, no one else had really come close to Paige at swim meets, so she was pretty sure Pru found this terribly amusing that now someone might be able to beat her.

"Yes, she can," Paige replied, rolling her eyes as she tried to hide a smile.

"Wow," Pru replied, impressed. "So Paige McCullers has finally met her match."

Paige felt her cheeks flush again because she was knew Pru was more right than she even realized. Paige _had_ met her match in Emily, in countless different ways that reached far beyond the swimming pool. She had finally met someone who reached inside of her and turned her inside out, someone who made her feel like she was standing on the edge of a cliff daring her to jump, who made her feel alive like never before. It didn't matter if they were _just friends_, it didn't matter what label you wanted to put on their relationship, Paige knew deep inside that Emily was quickly becoming the one thing that really mattered to her. And as much as she tried to be casual about the whole thing, it felt like some kind of life-altering revelation.

* * *

><p>Halfway through their lunch hour, Emily and Jessica were still sitting across from each other in a booth at The Hub as Emily finished telling Jessica the whole story of what happened with Maya. She felt like none of it would make sense without context, so she painfully admitted to all the things that had been happening between them since school hard started, about Maya's change in behavior, about her distance, how they'd been falling apart from the very start. She told her everything through how Paige had been there for her when she needed someone and all the things she did that night to ease her pain. Jessica had simply nodded along, listening to every word and not making any other comments or judgments about Paige. Emily didn't really mention the rest of the weekend, how they'd been together at just about every beat, but she figured that wasn't what Jessica wanted to hear even if part of Emily wanted to tell her.<p>

"So how are you really?" Jessica asked sweetly as Emily finished talking. Earlier, when they had arrived, Emily had assured Jessica over and over that she was all right even if it was a bit of an exaggeration. There were times it would still come up on her when she was alone, when she was trying to fall asleep, where it would start to hurt again.

"I'm okay," Emily replied with a nod. "I'm dealing."

Jessica shook her head. "I still can't believe it."

Emily shrugged sadly. "I still don't even really know why."

"People do things for all sorts of reasons," Jessica offered in reply. "Just because she didn't act upset, doesn't means she wasn't. It doesn't mean she didn't cry as soon as she got off the phone like you did. From what you've told me, it seems like maybe that's her MO?"

Emily nodded. "Maybe you're right," she agreed. Maya didn't always say how she really felt when it came to certain things. When Maya had met Emily's parents for the first time as her girlfriend, Emily'd had no idea that Maya was as out of her mind nervous as she'd been. Maybe she didn't have the whole story about why Maya ended things, but she still felt resentful that Maya had refused to even talk to her about her reasons. "I still hate it though," Emily continued. "Not knowing. Makes it feel like there's unfinished business."

"Well, maybe there is, but you should take time for yourself," Jessica told her. "And if you ever want to talk to her one day, the ball's in your hands."

Emily nodded in agreement, considering Jessica's words. So far, she had assumed that when they hung up on Friday, she and Maya would never speak again. It wasn't until now that she remembered how they still lived in the same town, down the street, that California didn't just swallow her whole as much as it might have felt that way. Emily couldn't think about the fact that she might actually have to see Maya again, so she turned back to Jessica who was eyeing her sadly.

"Hey. If you need anything," Jessica assured her sweetly. "I'm here. Day or night. Promise."

"Thanks, Jess," Emily replied appreciatively.

Just then, Emily noticed Jessica shift awkwardly in her seat.

"You know, I feel really terrible now," Jessica started timidly. "Because I had some really good news to share with you."

Emily eyed her curiously. They hadn't even talked about Jessica's trip yet, and she had been hoping to hear all about Charleston and Wyatt and meeting his entire family.

"Tell me. What news?" Emily asked eagerly.

"This news," Jessica said nervously as she lifted her left hand from underneath the table and spread it out for Emily.

Something caught Emily's eye, and her gaze immediately shifted to the sparkling diamond ring on Jessica's finger. Emily's eyes widened instantly.

"Holy shit!" she exclaimed loudly, drawing a few looks from people nearby. "Jessica! Is that real?" Emily asked incredulously as she lifted Jessica's hand to get a closer look at the diamond.

"Yeah," Jessica replied breathlessly, as if she still couldn't quite believe that the rock was sitting on her finger.

"Oh my god!" Emily replied excitedly. "He asked?"

Jessica nodded. "It's why he wanted me to come visit. His whole family already knew," she replied, starting to choke up as she talked about it.

Emily shook her head in shock. Of all the things, she was pretty sure this was the last one she had expected. "What did you do?"

"Well, first I hit him," Jessica said with a laugh.

"You _hit_ him?" Emily replied in disbelief.

"You can't just spring something like that on a girl," Jessica replied, her eyes starting to well up with tears.

Emily laughed lightly. "I think that's kind of the whole point, Jess."

"Well, I freaked out, and after I hit him, I started bawling, kind of like this," she said, fanning her eyes as if it would dry them. "It was terrible."

Emily shook her head. "It sounds far from terrible. So what now?"

Jessica released a long breath. "He asked if I would consider transferring to school down there. You know, so we can plan everything together."

"Wow," she replied softly, thinking of how lucky the two of them were. She hadn't even been able to convince Maya to come for a visit and the two of them were talking about switching schools to be together.

"He said I don't have to, but he asked, and I'm thinking about it," Jessica explained.

Emily smiled. "That's amazing. Honestly, I'm so happy for you."

"Thanks," Jessica replied, reaching out and squeezing Emily's hand briefly. "You're like one of my best friends now, Emily. I couldn't wait to tell you."

Just then, Jessica noticed the time on her watch and frowned. "Shit. I hate to do this, but I've really got to get to my next class early. I have a few questions about last week's assignment," she said, reaching for her bag.

"Don't worry about it," Emily told her.

"You'll be okay?" Jessica asked as she started to scoot out of the booth and stood up next to the table.

"I'll be fine," Emily assured her with a laugh.

"Okay. Can we have dinner one of these nights?"

Emily nodded. "Of course."

"I'll call you. And keep your head up, okay?" Jessica told her as she reached out and patted Emily's shoulder before turning to leave.

Emily nodded. As Jessica disappeared from sight, Emily checked her phone and saw that she still had another half an hour before she had to be at her next class.

* * *

><p>Outside of The Hub, Paige sat amongst her friends talking and laughing when she felt a buzz coming from her back pocket. Quickly, she reached for her phone and opened up the text. It was from Emily. She felt her stomach flutter instantly.<p>

_Is there any room left at that table? _

Paige smiled to herself as she looked up and glanced around to see if she could find Emily in the crowd. She finally came upon her standing near the door that led inside, and their eyes caught. Emily smiled sweetly, and Paige felt it go all the way through her body. She turned back to her phone, typing slyly under the table.

_For you? Always_, she wrote.

Looking back up, she saw Emily check her phone and smile before starting to head in their direction. As she approached the table, Paige turned to everyone.

"Guys, you remember Emily? My roommate?" she said, motioning to Emily.

The group greeted Emily warmly, and she smiled and said hello. There weren't any chairs left, so Paige slid over in hers, making room for Emily to share with her. Paige felt her body tense as the skin of Emily's shoulder made contact with her own. Paige had hoped that after the first few times the two of them had touched, brushed hands, or had any other normal casual human contact, the charge she felt sparking inside of her body would go away, but so far she'd had no such lucky. Thankfully, Pru was seated on the other side of Emily because Paige was pretty sure she would have noticed how awkward Paige had suddenly become at Emily being so close to her. At least Emily seemed completely endearingly oblivious to what effect she seemed to have on Paige.

As the rest of the group started up their conversation, Paige turned to Emily, letting her eyes scan her face before Emily noticed and turned her head to face her.

"Everything okay?" Paige whispered, curious as to why Emily was all by herself all of a sudden.

Emily smiled sweetly. "Jessica just had to go see her professor."

Paige nodded, and their eyes lingered for a moment before they finally turned back to everyone else to join in on the conversation.

* * *

><p>Later, as their time for lunch drew to a close, everyone pulled themselves from their seats and began to disperse. Paige watched as Jacob left Pru's side for a moment to go throw away both of their trash.<p>

Emily must have noticed too that something was going on between Pru and Jacob because as soon as he disappeared, Emily turned to Pru.

"Looks like someone got their Saturday night wish," Emily told her with a smile.

Pru grinned from ear to ear, and Paige could tell by the glow on Pru's face that she was already won over. Then again, Paige didn't know how anyone couldn't be when it came to Emily.

When Jacob returned a moment later, Pru motioned to Paige that he was going to walk her to class, flashing her the nicest sort of 'please don't come with us' look.

Paige laughed and rolled her eyes playfully as Pru and Jacob took off, and she found herself falling into step with Emily. It was quiet between them at first. The backs of their hands kept brushing as they strode across campus, not even having discussed where each of their classes were, and Paige felt this ridiculous urge to grab Emily's hand. She berated herself. _How could something so epically inappropriate feel like the right thing to do? _She squashed the desire and awkwardly shoved a piece of hair behind her hair, just to avoid temptation for the moment.

"How's Jessica?" Paige finally asked.

"Good," Emily replied with a nod. "_Great_ actually," she added, a touch cynically. "She had the exact _opposite_ weekend as me."

Paige eyed her in confusion. "What does that mean?"

"It means I got dumped, and she got engaged," Emily replied amusedly.

Paige's eyes widened. "Shit."

"I know, right?" Emily replied. "So now there is a shiny rock on her left hand that is so big, it could practically blind you."

Paige watched Emily's expression, and between her face and her tone, she could tell that the whole situation was maybe a little like throwing salt on an open wound.

"Do I need to pick up some more ice cream?" Paige asked cautiously.

Emily laughed, pushing her shoulder against Paige's playfully. "No, I'm fine. I promise," she said before hesitating. "_Mostly_ fine," she added with a sheepish smile.

Paige grinned. "Fine, huh?" she teased.

Emily blushed shyly. "I just never realized how _pretty _those things were," she admitted with this look on her face that Paige wouldn't be able to get out of her head for hours, this look that said that Emily had never before stopped to think of what it would be like to have something like that on her hand or how it would feel to have someone who loved you enough to give you one. It was a look that was timid and embarrassed and surprised at how vulnerable it all made her feel.

Emily shook her head. "I'd probably just lose it in the pool," she quipped dryly.

Paige just laughed and let Emily make light of it all, even though, deep inside, she wished she could say something, anything, to let Emily know that someone _would_ love her that way. Because, as crazy as Paige knew it sounded, pieces of her own heart were starting to feel like maybe she already _did_.

* * *

><p>The Natatorium was filled to the brim with a crowd of people cheering. It was Saturday afternoon, and the swim meet was already in full force with the Penn State swimmers battling it out. Between surviving midterms and all of the time in the pool, the week had flown by for Paige, and most of it had been spent with Emily. It was the first week so far that she'd ever really spent that much time at their dorm room, and Paige had to admit that it was good timing since Pru was now completely preoccupied with Jacob. Paige realized now how much better things were when she wasn't sneaking around Emily's schedule and hiding out at Pru's and the pool. Especially with Emily's company, the dorm room had finally started to feel a little bit like home.<p>

Now, Paige was standing in front of her swim locker, dressed in her Speedo and a pair of sweats, feeling a bit of nerves start to creep up inside her. The first meet was upon them, and it felt like, for all the waiting and preparation, it had arrived so quickly that it surprised her. The pressure was on, and it felt heavy on her shoulders.

She finished pushing her duffel into her locker and closed it. Looking up, she saw Emily beside her, leaning against her own locker and eyeing Paige with an amused smile. She was dressed exactly the same as Paige with her long hair, still damp from their warm up laps, falling on her shoulders.

Paige laughed. "What?"

"Nervous?" Emily asked with a twinkle in her eye.

"Pssht. No," Paige replied, shaking her head.

Emily cocked her head. "You should be," she told her challengingly.

"Why's that?" Paige countered, trying to act cool, even though the truth was she was beyond nervous about the meet and the toying way that Emily was looking at her wasn't doing anything to calm her body down.

"Because I don't want to have to pick up your slack," Emily replied with a smirk.

Paige shook her head. The way the relay was laid out meant that Paige started off at butterfly while Emily finished with freestyle, with the two upperclassmen sandwiched between them.

Paige shook her head. "You should be more worried about losing the lead I give you," she countered with a grin as she and Emily started heading towards the locker room door.

"Don't worry. I know how to finish," Emily replied suggestively, and Paige just laughed, shaking her head.

Even though Paige knew she was only kidding around, she felt her own body tense at the kind of thoughts that joke brought forth. She tried not to think about the fact that, while she herself had never done a damn thing with someone else besides kissing, Emily, with a girlfriend for two years, must have had experience with her that Paige didn't want to even imagine. The idea made her undeniable uncomfortable even though she had no right to care who Emily did anything with.

Leading the way, Emily pushed the door open to the Natatorium and Paige followed, letting the roar of the crowd and the smell of the chlorine shift her focus away from Emily and back to the meet, back to her coming race, back to the things she could control.

* * *

><p>Up on the bleachers, Jessica and Hanna sat together, looking for Emily to make her appearance. Before the meet, Emily had introduced her two friends and even though Emily knew they were so incredibly different, they seemed to hit it off right away. Then again, Emily was sure the enormous diamond on Jessica's finger would give Hanna enough to talk and gawk about for hours. Now, both were chatting away just as Hanna spotted Emily and Paige appearing from the locker room in their Speedos and sweats, side by side. She turned to Jessica pointing out Emily excitedly.<p>

"There she is! I hope she's swimming soon," Hanna commented. "It's kind of like 1000 degrees in here," she added, fanning herself with a PSU Swim program.

"Ugh," Jessica said, disregarding Hanna's comment, her eyes focused on the two girls made their way across the room. "I still can't believe she's even talking to her."

"Who?" Hanna said, following Jessica's eyes.

"Her roommate," Jessica replied.

Hanna squinted her eyes to see across the pool. "Paige?"

"Yeah."

"Guess she didn't win any popularity contests with you either," Hanna quipped in response. "At least we're on the same page, pun intended."

They nodded together.

"Maybe she's just manipulating her because she wants something," Jessica suggested.

Hanna laughed. "Conspiracy theory, much?"

Jessica shook her head at her own absurdity. "Sorry."

"Don't worry," Hanna assured her with an amused smile. "No wonder you and Em are friends. Fit right in with all of us."

Jessica turned to her with a confused look. "Huh?"

Hanna shook her head with a laugh. "Nevermind."

"Emily's just way too nice," Jessica added, shaking her head.

Hanna shrugged. "If you know Emily, you know that she'd forgive the devil for creating hell."

Jessica nodded in agreement. "Well, as hard as I find it to believe, Emily claims she was really great when she told her about the breakup."

At the words, Hanna instantly turned her body to face Jessica. "What breakup?"

Jessica's face changed instantly as she realized she'd said more than she should have.

"You two haven't talked yet?" Jessica asked cautiously.

"I haven't seen her all week. _What _breakup?" Hanna questioned, eyes wide.

Jessica sighed, frowning. "Emily's. Her and Maya."

* * *

><p>The entire Natatorium had grown quiet as the relay was about to begin. Emily watched from the side as Paige settled into the starting block, her body arched over, perfectly still, as if she were a sculpture. Before the race, Emily had wished Paige luck even though she knew she didn't need it. Yet, the entire morning, Emily had noticed that Paige was quieter than normal, and she sensed that it must have been nerves. While Emily felt the same pressure, it had seemed to be burdening Paige much more than herself. She'd tried to keep it light, but part of her wanted to find out why Paige felt this weight on her shoulders all of the time, if it was all about her dad or if there was more to it.<p>

As the alarm blared the start of the race, Emily watched as Paige's strong body dove into the water in one smooth motion, disappearing into the pool. Emily moved closer seeing Paige emerge from under the water. Her form was perfect and fluid as she quickly took the lead. While everyone around Emily was cheering, all she could do was watch, focused on every stroke of Paige's arms, seeing her pull further and further ahead of her opponent.

She and Paige had been swimming together all week now, and part of their practices they would spend clocking each other to see if their times were improving. Whenever it was Paige's turn in the pool, Emily always found herself transfixed by Paige's movements that she almost couldn't keep track of her time, and today was no different. As Emily watched Paige reach the end of her race and touch the side of the pool a clear arm's length ahead of the competitor, Emily just smiled. Paige pulled herself from the pool as the team congratulated her. Despite all the people around, their eyes caught. Paige just nodded and flashed a small smile to Emily, who finally slid out of her sweats and stepped closer to the block, waiting her turn.

When the third swimmer finally dove into the pool, Emily stepped up onto the block, taking deep breaths as she readied herself. As the swimmer lapped back, the race was tight. Emily took position and waited for the signal.

As she dove in, she felt the water surround her and began to pull herself through the pool, hearing the muffled cheers from the crowd. During a race, everything became a blur, the sounds, the feelings, the motions. It all blended together. It was an inexplicable rush of adrenaline that surged through her, powering her body.

As she reached the edge of the pool, she flipped and pushed off the edge, propelling herself towards the end as her arms and legs began to burn. Around here, the indistinct sound of the roaring crowd grew as the edge of the pool came into sight. With one final stride, her hand made contact with the edge of the pool, and she finally let her body sink into the water, standing up and pulling off her goggles and cap. Looking up, she saw the crowd erupting in cheers as the announcement rang through the intercom that they had won the race.

Emily took a deep breath and smiled with relief as she pulled her tired body from the pool. Immediately, she was greeted with the congratulations of her teammates and her coach who wrapped her in hugs and patted her on the back. Despite all of the excitement, Emily couldn't help but look around for Paige. When she finally found her with her eyes, she was a few feet away, separated from the mess, dressed now in her navy blue sweats and jacket, with her wet locks free from her swim cap. Her eyes were on Emily as a knowing smile crossed her face. Emily felt a surge of warmth hit her despite how cold the air felt on her drying skin. Though she had a towel wrapped around her body, Emily was still soaking wet, but she didn't care. Once the congratulations died down around her, she took a few steps over to Paige and immediately wrapped her arms around her, hugging her. She felt Paige's arms return the hug, holding her tight

"We did it," Emily whispered into Paige's ear. Paige smelled like lavender and chlorine, and Emily couldn't help but think how that was somehow perfect.

"You did it," Paige whispered back, hugging her tightly.

And Emily didn't know why, but she just didn't want her to let go.

* * *

><p>"It'd be great if you just stayed calm, Hanna," Emily said, with a sense of pleading in her voice.<p>

Standing with her was Hanna who had a look of panic across her face. The meet had finished and after the relay event, both Emily and Paige had competed in a couple of single races where they both finished strong. Now, the Natatorium was quiet with most of the crowd having gotten on their way, but Hanna had lingered, waiting for everything to die down so she could talk to Emily. Emily still hadn't had a chance to get out of her wet Speedo, and instead, had just finished trying to explain to Hanna how she and Maya were over.

"Calm? I feel like I found out that the earth's not round. My entire worldview's been warped," Hanna replied in shock. "Where did this come from?"

Emily shrugged. "It's been coming for a while. Ever since school started. Things just haven't been the same," she answered sadly, feeling all of those emotions drifting back again.

"When did this happen?" Hanna questioned.

"Last weekend," Emily admitted.

"Why didn't you tell me sooner?" Hanna asked in disbelief.

Emily felt her eyes start to tear up again. "Cause I was trying to avoid this happening again," she replied, blinking them back and wiping a stray one with her finger.

"Emily," Hanna said sympathetically, her hand finding Emily's arm. "I wish you'd called. I would have been there."

Emily nodded. "I know." And Emily knew Hanna was right. She would have been there for her, but fate had sent Emily someone else's shoulder.

"What happened?" Hanna wondered, shaking her head. "Jessica said that Maya ended it."

Emily nodded. "She did. And I wish I knew what happened, Hanna."

"Are you okay?" Hanna asked sweetly.

"Yeah. I'm fine. I promise," Emily told her. Hanna didn't seem to believe her, but she didn't say anything else. "Look. I should probably go shower."

"Okay. Do you want to go out with Lenny and I tonight? There's a party. Might get your mind off of it," Hanna offered.

Emily simply nodded, her eyes flicking over to the figure standing far behind Hanna near the locker room door. It was Paige, her body leaning against the wall, clearly waiting for her. They caught eyes, and Paige simply smiled.

"That's okay," Emily declined. "I think I'm cool with the partying for a little while actually," she explained, thinking of how much trouble she'd nearly gotten herself into the last Saturday night.

"Okay, well, don't be such a stranger. If you want to talk, call me," Hanna assured her.

Emily nodded.

"And congrats again," Hanna added. "You were amazing."

Emily smiled, and the two girls exchanged a hug before they parted ways, Hanna heading towards the exit door and Emily to Paige's side where the two girls fell into step heading towards the locker room to shower.

* * *

><p>A couple hours later, showered and changed into their street clothes, Emily and Paige slid into the same booth at Baby's Burgers that they had sat at the last weekend and ordered the same pair of cheeseburgers, fries and milkshakes as before. While it was true that they were celebrating their victory at the swim meet, somehow Emily felt like they were celebrating so much more.<p>

Over just a couple of months, everything in Emily's life had changed. She had a new world, new relationships, maybe even new hopes. Her life had broken apart, and while she mourned everything she lost, it felt now as if it was coming back together again like puzzle pieces. And Emily thought that maybe, just maybe, it'd end up being something beautiful again.

Because sitting across from Paige in this diner on a Saturday evening, as the sun set over the horizon splashing gold through the window and onto them both, life felt strangely exhilarating again, like her future was somehow laid out before her, and all she had to do was live it into existence.

Across from her, Paige made a joke, and Emily laughed as she took a sip from her strawberry milkshake. The entire time, she felt her heart racing in her chest, and she realized she felt alive for the first time in so long.

* * *

><p>The next few weeks seemed to pass like lightning as the swimming season got well under way. Before Emily knew it, October was already drawing to an end. After their first home meet, the team had traveled to compete in a few meets in other states, as the relay team continued to win their races. During the trips, Paige and Emily always found themselves next to each other in the back of the coach the swim team took, sharing headphones so they could listen to the same songs and falling asleep on each other's shoulders on the long rides home. Emily felt like those first few weeks they'd known each other had never happened considering how close they were now. For the first time in her life, Emily felt like she truly had a 'best friend,' someone she could count on, someone she trusted, someone who understood her. And now that Jessica was busy working for the paper, Pru was dating Jacob, and Hanna was absorbed in her sorority, Emily and Paige found themselves grabbing dinner together most nights, doing their laundry at the same time so they wouldn't have to endure it alone, and swimming together almost every day.<p>

Tonight was one of those nights. Both girls had swam laps until their bodies were numb, sometimes taking turns timing each other, sometimes racing one another and arguing playfully over who had won. Emily loved having someone to keep her company at the pool. For all the time she had been with Maya, it was something they had never done together, and Emily realized now how weird that seemed that something that was such a big part of her life, Maya had never experienced with her. Luckily, over time Emily had felt herself healing after the break, and while every now and again, Maya would creep into her thoughts, reminding her of how much it had hurt, reminding her every once in a while that she did still miss being in love, Emily felt like she was stronger now.

After a couple of hours of laps, the girls had found their way into the same lane and were floating in the water, side by side, with their heads facing opposite directions, staring up at the ceiling above them. Emily's fingers were like prunes, and she let her forefinger and thumb rub together, feeling the ribs it made in her skin.

"Wouldn't it be great if this place had like a retractable roof," Emily observed. "You know, so we could at least get a tan while we were in here?"

"You mean, so I could get burnt to a crisp in the shape of a one piece swimming suit?" Paige deadpanned sarcastically.

Emily laughed instantly, her body sinking in the process, as she stood to her feet. Something that never seemed to go away was how often they laughed together.

"Plus," Paige continued. "It's like 40 degrees outside. In Pennsylvania," she added sarcastically. "The sun's rays don't even reach here."

Emily frowned playfully. "You're raining on my parade."

"Your parade needs a better organizing committee," Paige quipped back with a teasing smirk. "Right now, it's just people marching in circles, flailing handmade signs."

Emily shook her head, but she was smiling nonetheless. "Such a smartass," Emily commented as she swiftly pushed on Paige's shoulder. Paige shrieked as she went under, grabbing Emily's arm to tug her with. Under the water, they wrestled each other with their arms. At some point, Paige's swim cap came off and her hair began swirling in an auburn wave around her face. Emily always loved the color of it, and often, she found herself jealous when all she had was boring brown hair like everyone else in the world. Finally, the two girls resurfaced, laughing and gasping as they caught their breath.

"You're coming tonight, right?" Paige asked between gulps of air.

Emily nodded. "Trust me, Hanna won't let me out of it," she joked, rolling her eyes.

Around the same time, each of their friends had started to complain about their absence, so they had both agreed to head to this giant off-campus Halloween pajama party that night, Emily with Hanna and Paige with Pru. Emily hadn't been looking forward to it much, considering she figured it was just an excuse for all the guys and girls on campus to wear as little as possible in hopes of hooking up. She didn't really feel like she fit in, like it was her scene, but knowing Paige was going made it seem better. In fact, she hoped that once Hanna and Lenny had too much to drink, she might find Paige so they could just hang out and watch all the drunks stumbling around. She figured, if anything, it'd be entertaining, especially with Paige's running commentary. Between the two of them, Emily always knew they could make the best of anything.

* * *

><p>The walk back was quiet. Even though it wasn't too late in the evening, the sun was setting earlier and earlier, and it was already dark out. The cold autumn chill was in the air, and the leaves on the trees all over campus had changed color, casting an orange glow over everything in sight. It was beautiful, Paige thought. She had always loved this season, feeling like there was something healing about knowing that change was happening around you.<p>

And right now, Paige knew the setting seemed to reflect everything happening inside of her. For the past month, she had spent almost every second of her time with Emily, and every day, it seemed like they grew closer. It was obvious that Paige had found a place in Emily's life, in her heart and even though it was just as friends, Paige was grateful for it. They connected in ways she hadn't with anyone before, and while it ached, knowing she couldn't be with her the way she really wanted, couldn't touch her the way she wanted, love her the way she wanted, she told herself that at least she had this. At least she had a piece of her. Because there was no denying that life was different with Emily in it. And as for Paige? She felt herself changing, finding herself, finding reasons to make herself better, because of Emily.

It was a good feeling, and maybe it could be enough, she thought. Yet sadly, there were so many moments when it wasn't. At night, they would often curl up on one of their beds and watch dvds, and Paige always hated when the moment came when they parted to their own beds because what she really wanted was to hold Emily all night. Every once in a while, after having a perfect night with Emily, she'd find herself alone in her bed, crying silently, tears streaming down her cheeks as she hoped desperately that Emily wouldn't notice. It was a painful despairing balancing act, trying to keep her emotions at bay, and while Emily made her happier than she thought possible, some days, it hurt so much being near her. It was a nagging in her gut, a dull ache in her chest, a lump in her throat, but to have Emily close to her, Paige knew more than anything that it was worth it.

When they returned to the dorm, Paige settled in to do some homework before she had to go meet Pru while Emily curled up on her bed reading Paige's copy of _You Can't Go Home Again_. Emily was drawing close to the end, and throughout the last few weeks, she'd asked Paige every once in a while about something she'd underlined or scribbled in the margins, and it would turned into an hour long conversation about a word or an idea or the way Wolfe had chosen to string a line together. Paige was convinced that if Emily hadn't asked, she would probably be finished by now, but it felt good that Emily seemed to be enjoying the book and that she was curious what Paige had found in it herself.

Now, a couple hours after they'd returned, a text popped up on Paige's phone from Pru letting her know that she was home and that she could come by anytime. They'd planned to hang out for a bit at Pru's dorm before walking over to the party so they could have a chance to catch up. Pulling herself up from the bed, she drew Emily's eyes.

"That was Pru. She wants me to come over, so I figured I should starting getting, well, less dressed," Paige quipped, motioning to the jeans she was wearing, knowing full well she'd be stripping down for the party.

Emily laughed and nodded before dropping her head back to her book.

Crossing the room, Paige set down her textbook and Macbook next to the small pumpkin that sat on her desk, matching one the same size on Emily's. They had picked them up on Emily's insistence from a little farm off campus a week before with hopes of carving them, but between school and swimming, time had continued to elude them the last few days.

Instead, Emily had ended up drawing adorably goofy faces on the two pumpkins with a magic marker. At the time, Paige had playfully teased her about it, but when Emily was at class one day, Paige had taken a couple pictures of the pumpkins just so that when it was time to finally throw them out, she'd still have the memory of them. To Emily, the pumpkins had been no big deal, but it was all these little things that she did that made Paige smile. It was as though Emily had this ability to see the world in all of its simplicity and love its small wonders. It made it so hard not to adore her.

Glancing back over at Emily, lying on her stomach, feet in the air, engrossed in her book, Paige found herself smiling because she _did_. She did adore her.

* * *

><p>Feeling an ache starting in her back, Emily turned herself over and leaned back up against the wall so she could continue reading. Hanna was expecting her in another hour and a half, so she still hadn't made any motions to get dressed for the party yet. It was both good and bad because while a part of her was happy for a chance to relax at home, part of her was growing tired by the minute and was considering bailing on the whole night. It wasn't that she didn't love Halloween, but she would have rather spent it curled up with a stack of scary movies along with Paige than going to some ridiculous party where the dress code was nothing short of as little as possible.<p>

Just as she was about to set her book down and reach for her cell to text Hanna to see if she could get out of the night, her eyes caught a glimpse of Paige standing in front of the mirror fixing her makeup for the party. Instantly, her eyes widened, and she felt the air go out of her lungs. Emily had been so engaged in her book that she hadn't noticed that Paige was already dressed for the party. Knowing it was a "pajama" party, Emily knew all the girls would be showing skin, but she hadn't even taken a moment to realize that applied to Paige as well. And right then, her eyes glancing over the edge of her book, Emily couldn't help but notice how much skin Paige was showing.

A pair of the tiniest fitted grey cotton shorts revealed the length of Paige's lean muscled legs and clung tightly to the curve of her ass. Her white tank fell only halfway down her narrow waist, revealing her flat, toned stomach. From the side, Emily could see the muscles in Paige's strong arms. As Emily's eyes continued traveling across Paige's body, Emily felt her own body started to hum with something she could only describe as lust.

Just then, Paige turned to face Emily allowing her eyes to catch a glimpse of Paige's breasts, pushed up into the most perfect amount of cleavage by a lace bra that was visible through the thin low-cut tank. Emily swallowed hard, shifting her body awkwardly as she felt the buzzing inside of her spread lower than she wanted to admit, all the way until it settled between her legs.

"Hey, Em? Do you have some lipstick I can use? I think I left mine at the locker room."

"What?" Emily finally replied, breathlessly, not having realized at first that Paige had asked her a question.

"Lipstick?" Paige repeated with a smirk, and Emily realized she probably thought Emily had just been distracted by the book. The truth was, she was incredibly distracted, but not for the reasons Paige thought.

"Oh, yeah. The, um, second drawer," Emily replied, recovering quickly.

"Thanks," Paige replied as Emily watched her reach into the drawer and grabbed a lipstick from Emily's cosmetic bag.

As Paige began applying the color to her lips in the mirror, Emily told herself to stop, but she couldn't seem to tear her eyes away from Paige's curves even though she knew what she was doing was wrong. Even though she was doing exactly what she knew she shouldn't have been doing. For the last month, Emily had gone out of her way not to do anything to might make things awkward between them. She took longer showers at the gym so that Paige was usually dressed by the time she got to the lockers. She always disappeared to the bathroom to brush her teeth when Paige was changing in the morning. She even made a point to preoccupy herself when Paige came back from the dorm showers.

All of it must have helped because Paige now seemed comfortable around her, trusting, and yet now, here she was, letting her eyes run over Paige's body like some kind of lecher when she wasn't paying attention. Emily felt like she couldn't control herself. She tried to chock it up to the fact that she hadn't kissed or touched a girl in months, and now there was one standing in front of her, half naked. And there was simply no denying how _good_ Paige's body looked.

It didn't matter though. She shouldn't be noticing, shouldn't be looking, shouldn't be admiring. It was so wrong of her. They were _friends_. She couldn't look at her friends that way. Finally, Emily forced her gaze back to her book and refused to look up again. But at the same time, Emily couldn't get the image of Paige's body out of her mind. Right then, Emily realized how hot her own body had gotten and slid out of her sweatshirt, trying to think of anything other than, _"God, is she beautiful."_

* * *

><p>Later that night, Emily made her way across campus, wrapped up in an old coat and sweats over her outfit, on her way to Hanna and Lenny's dorm. The cold air felt good on her skin after everything that happened earlier with Paige, everything meaning Emily acting like a <em>complete and total perv<em>, she thought. After Emily had finally turned her eyes away, Paige had quickly finished getting ready and headed out to meet Pru. As soon as she had left, Emily had throw her hands over her face and told herself to get it together. Pulling herself up, she had gotten ready, and by the time her hair and makeup had been finished, it'd been time to head to Hanna's.

Now, standing at her door, she knocked twice before the door swung open, revealing Lenny dressed in a red lace teddy, and greeting her with a hug and a big smile. Emily forced a smile in return, though inside, all she could think was how this whole party was just ridiculous.

"No Jessica?" Lenny asked, looking past Emily to see if anyone else was with her.

"She politely declined," Emily explained as she stepped inside and closed the door behind her.

Emily had hoped that Jessica would have joined her since they hadn't seen as much of each other outside of class recently, but she had vehemently passed, not on moral grounds, but feeling like being in a frat house in her underwear when your fiancé wasn't with you wasn't exactly good for a relationship. She insisted Emily go and have a good time without her, teasing her and telling her to enjoy the 'eye candy.' Emily had laughed at the time, but now the irony of that statement was just too real.

Lenny frowned. "That's too bad. Hanna said she's great."

Emily nodded as she crossed the room to see Hanna examining herself in the mirror. Emily realized she shouldn't have been judging Lenny so harshly because there was Hanna, dressed just in a blue lace bra and a matching pair of lace boy-cut underwear.

"_Geez_, Hanna. You didn't want to leave anything to the imagination?" Emily asked, shaking her head.

"Please," Hanna replied, with a sassy smirk. "This right here is better than anything they can dream up."

Emily just laughed, rolling her eyes.

Hanna reached a hand out and examined the ratty old jacket Emily had on.

"I hope you have on something better on underneath that," Hanna told her with her brows raised critically.

"Don't worry, Hanna," Emily replied, shaking her head. "I just didn't want to lose anything I cared about," she added, knowing once they arrived, she'd have to discard her outer clothes in one of the rooms and hope she could find it at the end of the night. "Are you almost ready?"

Emily watched as Hanna turned back to the mirror and adjusted her hair one more time. She pursed her lips before spinning back around.

"Let's do this," Hanna replied, grinning.

Emily simply laughed as they filed out of the dorm, ready to make the trek to the party.

* * *

><p>As soon as Paige had arrived at the house, she'd started glancing around the crowd, looking for Emily. She found herself grateful that Collin was away at a swim meet, and Jacob was out of town, so it ended up that it was just she and Pru tonight, along with a few girls Pru knew from her dorm. The night was supposed to give Paige a chance to see Pru again since Paige had been so busy with swimming, but she'd still at least wanted to talk to Emily, even if it was only briefly. And also, after Emily had made a joke about all the girls that they would see wearing teddies, Paige was a touch curious as to what Emily might have actually decided to wear. Part of her thought Emily might be daring enough to show up in her usual pajamas, sweatpants and a t-shirt, and Paige laughed at the thought.<p>

Alongside Pru, Paige made her way through the crowded house to the bar where they grabbed a couple vodka cranberries and started towards the dance floor where the party was in full force, covered with a crowd of half-naked bodies dancing to the heavy beat. Paige started to swing to the sounds, trying to enjoy herself. It had been good having some time with Pru again, but now, the noise was so loud, all you could do was dance.

* * *

><p>After an hour had passed, Paige was already through her second drink, feeling the buzz hitting her brain. Even though it was cold outside, all of the bodies inside the house had heated up the space, and for the first time, Paige was glad she wasn't wearing much more than she was. As she danced, her eyes continued to scan the room until finally they settled onto one corner, away from the dance floor.<p>

_There she is_, Paige thought.

As her eyes focused on the sight of Emily, Paige felt a rush of electricity come over her. Emily looked _incredible_ in this completely unintentional way. While all of the other girls had dressed in their skimpiest teddies or the tiniest shorts and lace bras, Emily was standing in the corner wearing an white men's button down shirt that was unbuttoned low in the front, revealing just a hint of cleavage and the black lace bra she wore underneath, and a pair of scrunched white socks a la Tom Cruise in Risky Business. The shirt barely covered her ass revealing the length of her bronze legs. Emily's hair was in a deliberately tousled mess that Paige knew must be what she looked like after sex, and Paige couldn't help but think that she looked like some kind of goddess. Seeing her did something to Paige that she couldn't even _begin_ to describe, but it shot straight through her body like fire. Paige couldn't take her eyes off of her.

As she watched, Paige squinted her eyes, noticing slowly that the guy Emily was talking to was leaning in closer, and saw the look of discomfort on Emily's face. Finally, when the boy reached his hand up to touch Emily's waist, Paige turned to Pru and whispered that she was going to grab another drink and would be back. Pru nodded her head, and Paige was gone before Pru could even see where she went.

* * *

><p>Emily felt her body squirm instinctively as the guy's hand moved to her waist. They'd been chatting casually for a minute, and he seemed nice at first. Then suddenly, everything felt so uncomfortable. He had assumed she was interested, and she couldn't seem to find the right way to tell him otherwise. Now, with his hand on her, Emily was pinned between him and the wall. She felt nauseous and panicky.<p>

"Is there a problem here?" a voice said from behind the boy's large frame.

As the boy turned, Emily saw Paige standing behind him. Emily looked up at her hopefully, her eyes brightening.

"No problem at all," the boy sneered, completely unaffected by Paige's presence. His hand didn't even budge from Emily's waist.

"You sure?" Paige challenged. "Cause I think maybe you've got your hand somewhere it shouldn't be," she told him sternly.

The boy scoffed. "What are you? The party police. Get outta here," he told her, turning back around to Emily.

"Not while your nasty hands are on my girlfriend," Paige asserted. Emily's eyes widened at her words, just as Paige's hand found her own, pulling her away from the space between the boy and the wall and over to her side. Emily's breath caught in her throat as she found herself instinctively clutching Paige's hand in response. She wanted to ask Paige what she was thinking, but she was completely speechless. Besides, she knew Paige had come to save her and, upon seeing this guy, come to the same conclusion as Emily had, that he wasn't going to back down without a fight.

The boy laughed derisively. "Please. She's not your fuckin' girlfriend. But if you guys want to play that, there's a bedroom upstairs you can join me in," he told them, moving his hands towards Emily again.

Paige moved in front of Emily to block him from getting any closer to her. "She _is_ my girlfriend. So you need to back the fuck off," Paige told him firmly, shoving him square in the chest with her free hand until he stumbled backwards.

Emily's mouth dropped open in blatant shock at the same time that a rush of energy flooded her.

"Come on," Paige said to her, and Emily nodded numbly as Paige pulled her away from the scene. "Are you okay?" Paige asked once they were a few steps away.

"Yeah," Emily replied softly. "Should we leave?" she asked nervously, looking over her should her shoulder to see the boy's eyes set on the two of them, seething with anger.

"He's drunk. He'll forget about it," Paige insisted, shaking her head.

"He still has his eye on us, Paige," Emily replied, as she glanced back once more.

Emily felt Paige thread their fingers together and tug Emily closer to her protectively until she was right up against Paige. Emily felt her entire body grow warm at the simple, innocent act. It felt _good_ being this close to Paige that it was almost unreal, like this mix between being completely safe and totally on edge all at once. It was almost indescribable. And then there was the notion of their hands, threaded together so naturally. Emily couldn't deny that there was something about Paige's hand in hers that just seemed to _fit_. Emily felt a flutter in her stomach that she couldn't shake.

As they reached the dance area, Paige stopped and Emily came around to face her as they began to sway to the music. Paige released Emily's hand, and Emily suddenly missed the feeling.

After a few moments, Paige caught Emily's eyes. "Is he still watching?" Paige whispered to Emily.

Emily looked over Paige's shoulder and saw that the guy had turned back to his friends and wasn't paying the slightest attention to them anymore. She swallowed hard.

"Yeah," she breathed, feeling the air rush out of her lungs as she told the lie.

As soon as the word came out of her mouth, Emily realized she didn't know why she'd said it. For the life of her, she couldn't understand why she would lie, but before she could process her reasons, Paige reached her hand up to touch the side of Emily's waist, and Emily felt Paige pull her in until they were so close that their bare thighs grazed. Emily felt the same energy rush through her that she did earlier when she saw Paige barely clothed, but now it was only magnified a thousand times since Paige was right up against her, so close that Emily could feel the heat of her body and smell the scent of her skin.

Both of their bodies seemed to slow instinctively even though the beat of the music hadn't changed. She kept her eyes looking behind Paige, knowing that there was something going on inside of her that she just couldn't deal with as she tried not to focus on the feel of Paige's hand on her waist or the sight of Paige's bare shoulder so close to her mouth or how dizzy she felt being _this_ close to her. Her eyes kept scanning the background, unable to even consider looking Paige in the eye for fear she would see the mix of anxiety and desire in her own eyes.

Yet, at the same time, she wondered what Paige was thinking right now. She wondered what was going through her head when she said those words, when she said Emily was her _girlfriend_, when she took her hand like she had. Bravely, Emily finally looked up, and her eyes met Paige's in a long solid gaze. Emily felt every part of her body on fire. Neither broke the stare. What was _happening_?

Emily opened her mouth to say something, anything, when all of a sudden a familiar squealing voice appeared right behind her. She felt a strong tug on her arm and before she knew what hit her, Hanna and Lenny had her spun around, both of them drunk, going on and on about some guy Hanna had just met.

"Oh my god, Emily!" Hanna shrieked excitedly.

"Hanna's in love," Lenny piped in.

"I'm in lust!" Hanna added. "Which is even better. And you have to see him."

"Okay," Emily agreed, nodding numbly. She still felt light-headed and unsteady.

She turned back to Paige, and just then, she noticed that Paige had an expression on her face that was like a deer in the headlights, and Emily felt a sinking guilt overcome her.

_What the hell?_ she asked herself. _What was she doing? What had she even been _thinking_ being attracted to Paige like this?_ She was her friend, her _straight_ friend, who she had no business leering at when this entire thing she had just done was nothing more a kind, protective move from a friend.

"Oh. Hey, Paige," Hanna said as she noticed the other girl standing next to Emily. "You want to come?"

Emily couldn't help but wonder if Hanna and Lenny had seen them dancing together, if Paige was starting to panic because she realized people who saw them might have gotten the wrong idea and end up starting a rumor the size of Texas. It made her sick inside knowing that what had felt so right for Emily could completely ruin Paige. She felt both guilty and grateful now for what Paige had done.

Looking at Paige, Emily saw her finally shake the look on her face and respond. "I'd better find Pru," she mumbled, and Emily sensed that something wasn't right.

Emily felt her heart sinking. None of this awkwardness would be happening if she hadn't said that the creep was still watching them. _Did she just screw this over some foolish, impetuous lie?_

"Okay. Come on, Em," Hanna said, tugging Emily abruptly as she started to follow them through the crowd. When she looked back over her shoulder, Paige had already disappeared.

* * *

><p>Paige roughly pushed the door open to the bathroom and closed it tightly behind her. She was gasping for breaths, and her heart was racing in her chest. Tears were already forming by the time she had reached the bathroom, and now they were falling down her cheeks. She pushed her hair out of her face as she moved to the sink, starting the faucet and splashing water on her face.<p>

What was she _thinking_ letting herself get that close to Emily? It was like playing with fire. The entire time she'd been holding her, feeling her body against hers, she hadn't been able to breathe. It had taken everything inside of her not to lean in and kiss her, right in the middle of the dance floor, right in front of a hundred freaking people. She'd totally lost her mind. She should have known better. Seeing Emily with some cretin trying to touch her had set off something inside her. She would have said anything to get him away, and obviously, she'd done just that. The words slipped from her lips before she could even stop herself. It was too easy, too natural. And then, holding Emily's hand, being on the dance floor together, acting like a couple, it almost felt _real_. But it wasn't real. None of it, and Paige needed to get that in her head.

Just then, a rasping on the door drew her attention.

"Paige?" a voice said softly, and Paige instantly recognized it as Pru. She must have seen her dart for the bathroom.

Paige turned away from the sink, still breathing heavily and pulled the door open. Pru stepped inside quickly, shutting it behind her.

"Are you okay?" she asked, pulling Paige over by her arms so she could look her in the eye. By now, Pru had stopped crying, but she knew her eyes were still red, and she was trying to avoid Pru getting a good look at her.

"I'm fine," Paige mumbled back. But she wasn't, she wasn't at all. Inside, she was in pieces.

Pru frowned. "You know you shouldn't be getting high when you're drunk," she chided sweetly, shaking her head.

Paige was grateful that Pru didn't suspect what was really going on. She must not have seen her with Emily. _Thank god_, she thought.

Pru reached for a washcloth and wet it before pressing it to Paige's neck. Paige closed her eyes and let the cold water chill her skin. When she opened them back up a moment later, Pru was eyeing her with a look of such worry that Paige felt guilty for not telling her what had really happened. But she couldn't talk about it, especially not then, not like that. It ached too much.

Paige released a heavy sigh. "Can we go home?" she asked sadly. Pru simply nodded in return.

* * *

><p>Hours later, Emily was pulling back the sheets of Hanna's bed. She was the only sober one, and so she had decided to walk them home, unsure if Hanna and Lenny would make it back on their own. Emily had pulled on a pair of Hanna's pajama bottoms when they'd arrived and sat down on Hanna's bed while the other two girls got ready. She'd decided it wasn't exactly safe to walk home by herself in the middle of the night, so she figured she would try to sleep in Hanna's bed facing the opposite direction, and hope that in her drunken state, Hanna wouldn't give her a black eye with her foot during the night.<p>

Waiting now, Emily's thoughts drifted. The entire rest of the night, Emily hadn't been able to get Paige off of her mind. She'd looked for her, hoping she could steal away from Hanna and Lenny and talk to her even though she didn't have a clue what she might say. She felt like she'd let something terrible happen. She wanted to apologize for lying, but she wasn't even sure how she could do that without revealing everything else, that Emily had been thinking about Paige, her best friend, in all of the wrong sort of ways.

Hanna finally plopped down on the bed beside her, still glowing from her encounter with some boy whose name Emily had been too distracted to remember.

"Soooooo," Hanna slurred drunkenly, with a curious gleam in her eye. Emily felt her body tense thinking she was going to get questioned about dancing with Paige. Maybe Hanna had seen them together. What was she going to say? _Explain_, she reminded herself. The only reason Paige was dancing with her was to save her from some jerk. That's all that it was.

"Did you see any girls you liked tonight?" Hanna asked with a grin.

Emily released a breath, shaking her head. "No girl there was interested in me, Hanna," she replied cynically.

"You don't know that," Hanna replied. "And come on, spill," she insisted. "I need to know what your type is."

"My type?" Emily asked, shifting awkwardly. "Why do you need to know that?"

"So we can find you a new girrrrl, Ems. So tell me."

Emily shook her head. "I don't know." It was the absolute last thing she wanted to be talking about.

"You have to know. Come on, am I your type?" Hanna goaded teasingly.

"Hanna," Emily replied, rolling her eyes.

"Ouch!" Hanna retorted, laughing.

"You're wasted," Emily said with a small laugh. "You're not even going to remember tomorrow."

"Fine!" Hanna relented as she leaned her head down on the pillow on the opposite side of the bed and pulled the covers over herself. "But you better tell me tomorrow."

Emily breathed a sigh of relief, but as she lay down, she had to consider Hanna's words. Maybe Hanna was right. Maybe she should meet someone. Maybe that was what she needed, a girl to be around, to touch and kiss, so she would stop ogling Paige like some kind of disgusting lecher. The idea of being in a relationship again though seemed so strange, starting over with some perfect stranger. Is that really what it took?

Maybe she could just let this thing about Paige go. It was ridiculous, and it wasn't like Paige was walking around in her underwear all of the time. Tomorrow, it would be different. Tomorrow, she'd forget this whole thing. It would feel like none of it ever happened, and she'd just laugh that she ever even had this brief momentary lapse of prudence. Yet, as much as she tried to tell herself that it was just some half-witted fleeting feeling that she let get out of hand, nothing could deny that her entire body had felt on fire.

Even now, hours later, as she laid her head on the pillow and pulled the sheet over her body, it _still_ did.


	14. Chapter 14

_Hi, lovelies! Okay, I know that this took way too long to get up, and I'm so so so sorry! (a thousand million times over sorry) about that. Life got really crazy, and I didn't have as much time to write this week as I would have liked, but I stayed up til 3am last night and whatever time it is this night trying to finish this chapter so I hope you will accept my humblest apologies. And thank you thank you thank you for sticking around :) :) I have a bunch of time this weekend, so more should be up then._

_Thanks to all the new people who just discovered the story and left me a review. Glad to have you along for the ride :)_

spikedwatermelon: _you never ever fail to make me blush. your comments are so incredibly sweet, and I can't say how happy I am that you are enjoying my story. honestly, it means a lot to me to read your reviews :) and I'm so glad you liked "holy shit" ;)_

choeyfan88:_ glad you hadn't forgotten about S, because I sure haven't ;)_

Katie:_ thank you so so so much! honestly, what you said means a lot to me. it does take some time out of my life to write, but I love it thanks to amazingly kind comments like this :) so thank YOU for leaving me a message.  
><em>

Linzlilly:_ that is the ultimate compliment, and I am ridiculously flattered! I am so glad you decided to start reading :) I promise that even though you won't get to read it all in one sitting, the payoff will be great in the end :)  
><em>

marsou:_ you are so right about Emily's friends. no drowning, but on the show, Spencer practically went nuclear on Paige just over the gay remark, and I figure Jessica has a little bit of that feistiness in her as well. _

_all right, let's do this...  
><em>

* * *

><p>Chapter Fourteen<p>

Sometime the next day, Emily felt Hanna's foot against her back, jolting her awake after a few nudges. Emily groaned in protest, unsure of what time it was as she remembered, regretfully, that she'd stayed at Hanna's dorm. Still exhausted, Emily moved over to get away from Hanna's kicks when a groggy voice sounded out.

"Your cell," Hanna grumbled, nudging Emily again with her knee.

"What?" Emily mumbled back.

"Your cell. It won't stop," Hanna repeated, her head still covered in blankets.

Emily sat up on her elbow, and finally, her ears adjusted to being awake. As she listened, she recognized the incessant beeping of her cell phone battery dying.

"It'll be dead in a sec," Emily groaned, laying her head back down, not wanting to extricate her body from the warmth of the bed.

"It's been ringing all morning," Hanna slurred out in response.

Emily sat up again, rubbing her eyes, and slid out of Hanna's bed. The room was still dim, thanks to the tightly drawn shades, and Emily hadn't a clue what hour it was. They had left the party late, and by the time they'd gotten back to the dorm, it had been after 3am. By now, Emily knew it must have been late morning at least. Emily searched through her things, finally finding her old oversized coat that she'd discarded on the ground, and reached into her pocket to find her cell phone. As expected, the battery was nearly dead, but she also noticed that Hanna was right. She had three missed calls and several texts. All from Paige.

Flipping one of the most recent texts, Emily read it silently.

_Can you call me?_ was all that it said.

Emily felt her stomach twisting into knots as the night before came back to her in all it's embarrassingly shameful glory. She and Paige never had a chance to talk after Hanna had pulled her away, and for all Emily knew, Paige regretted saving her from that boy. All night, Emily hadn't been able to get that look on Paige's face out of her head. It was this mix of horror and trepidation and panic that had made Emily feel nauseous. There she had been, thinking all these incredibly inappropriate things, while Paige had risked her reputation to do her a favor. Now, Emily wasn't even sure where things stood between them. And why had Paige been calling her all morning? Emily felt a sense of dread wondering what she had to say. Maybe someone had seen them dancing? Or worse, had she noticed that Emily had been looking at her that way? She felt nauseous all over again.

Emily hit the button to call Paige, and just as it began to ring, her phone blinked off as the battery died.

"Damn it," Emily cursed in frustration.

Slipping into her clothes from the night before, including the oversized coat and sweats she'd worn over her outfit, Emily crossed back to Hanna's bed.

"Hanna," Emily said in a loud whisper.

"Mmm?" Hanna murmured without even opening her eyelids.

Emily sat down on the bed next to her. "I'm heading home, okay?"

"Coffee," Hanna replied softly. "You need to spill," she added, opening one eye just a touch.

Emily laughed. "You want me to spill coffee?"

Hanna smirked, as she finally opened her eyes. "No, you're going to spill over coffee."

Emily nodded, forcing a fake smile. _Right._ Emily's type. Hanna still wanted to question her.

"Didn't think I'd forget, did you?" Hanna added with a smirk.

Emily shook her head. "Just come over when you get up," she told her, hoping that Hanna would take her time. Now, Emily needed to talk to Paige, and while she wasn't sure what she was going to say, she knew she wanted to have some time with her alone.

* * *

><p>Fifteen minutes later, Emily unlocked the door to her dorm room and stepped inside. Just as she shut it behind her, she felt a pair of arms wrap around her. Emily could feel her body melt unintentionally as she recognized the scent of Paige's skin, that hint of lavender that Emily had come to know, and savored the feeling of Paige's warmth as she held her. Her brain felt fuzzy from still being half asleep, and all she could do was return the embrace, letting her arms wrap around Paige's narrow waist.<p>

"I was about 10 minutes from calling campus security," Paige breathed into Emily's neck before Emily even had a moment to wonder why Paige was hugging her.

"You were worried?" Emily asked in confusion when they finally released each other. As their arms dropped, their hands grazed, lingering on each other, and it made Emily think back to the night before, how easily their hands had fit together, how comforting it had been then, how comforting it still was. She told herself to ignore it, to not think about_ why _it might feel so right. Friends don't hold hands, and that's what they were.

As their hands fell to their sides, Paige took a step back, allowing Emily to examine her finally. Emily was a touch relieved seeing how Paige was dressed compared to the night before. The weather had grown cold over the last few months of school, and Paige had on a pair of baggy sweats and a long-sleeved t-shirt on top. The top was so big on her that the sleeves fell past Paige's hands and made her look cozy and warm. Her hair, pulled back in a low ponytail, was still just a touch damp from a shower, and her face was scrubbed clean of all the makeup she'd worn the night before revealing just the softness of her pale cheeks.

"You never came home last night," Paige explained with a small frown.

Realization set in for Emily as to why Paige had been so worried. They always let each other know where they'd be, if one of them was going to be out late, if they'd decided to crash somewhere. In all of last night's chaos in her head, she hadn't even thought to let Paige know she wouldn't be back. It was in to the early afternoon already now, and she still hadn't been in touch. Emily knew she probably would have panicked just the same way if it the situation were reversed.

"I wasn't thinking," Emily replied, shaking her head at her own mistake. "I crashed at Hanna's, and my phone was dead this morning. I should have called you last night."

"No, it's okay," Paige insisted, as if she felt guilty now for making Emily feel bad. "I just started thinking about that _douchebag_ from last night…" she started to explain, wincing at the mention of him, "that maybe he got his hands on you again or something."

Emily offered a small smile remembering how good it had felt when Paige had stood up for her. "I think he knew to stay away after you gave him what he deserved," she teased.

"He deserved way more than that. A kick to the groin, perhaps?" Paige added with a smirk.

Emily laughed. "I'd have paid to see that."

Paige smiled with a gleam that said that she was pretty damn close to doing it, which only made Emily laugh again.

"So, how was the rest of your night?" Paige asked, leaning up against her wardrobe.

"Oh, um, it was okay. I felt kind of weird talking to anyone else after what happened. I probably never should have gone to the party in the first place," Emily replied sadly. She had thought it might be uncomfortable being at a place where she didn't seem to fit in, and her instincts had been right. It wasn't her scene, a bunch of guys and girls trying to hook up, and she wished she'd just spent Halloween at home in her sweats instead.

"Yeah, the whole thing was kind of lame. We should have ditched," Paige told her with a hopeful smile, to which Emily nodded in return. "Next time?"

They shared a smile, but inside, Emily felt her guilt seething as they danced around everything else that happened after that guy had left the picture and before Hanna had arrived. She knew she should tell Paige, confess, reveal how she had lied, but she was terrified. There was no way to explain why she said what she said without telling Paige about all those things she'd been thinking. She knew Paige would be upset, even mad, because who wouldn't be? Paige had been trying to help her, and Emily took it too far. She'd let herself get carried away for reasons she still hadn't narrowed down. Maybe she just missed being with someone, and for a moment the night before she felt that feeling of being cared for again that way and didn't want to let it go. And if you mixed that with the physical attraction she felt for Paige, one that had maybe been there from the start, one that she'd always been able to sweep under the rug, that had managed to resurface at the sight of her wearing that outfit, maybe her mind had just gotten all mixed up. Foggy, misdirected emotion was all it was. And it was over now, she told herself, completely over.

Crossing the room and shrugging off the bulky coat, Emily looked back up and over to Paige who was standing near her desk now, pushing around the items on the desk, looking for something.

"Paige?" Emily said softly, drawing Paige's eyes again.

"Yeah?" Paige replied, looking up.

With Paige's expectant gaze on her, it was as though, all of a sudden, Emily didn't know what she had wanted to say. She let out a long breath before finally finding her words.

"Last night…I didn't get a chance," Emily started. "But thank you. I don't know how I would have gotten out of that otherwise," she added nervously, tucking her hair behind her ear.

"It's nothing." Paige told her, their eyes still locked on each other.

As casual as she tried to be, Emily knew that Paige was wrong, that what she'd said and done wasn't just some silly lie for her but a risk she took. And it meant something to Emily that she did it.

"It wasn't nothing." Emily countered, shaking her head. "I mean, you got in that guy's face. It was kind of amazing," Emily added with an impressed smile.

Paige blushed a little out of embarrassment. "You'd have done the same," she replied with a shrug as she looked away.

Emily found herself biting her lower lip, watching the flush in Paige's cheeks finally fade as she looked up at Emily again. Emily nodded as their eyes caught.

"You're right. I would have," Emily told her, and they shared another small smile.

Even if Emily wasn't nearly as brave, she knew that if the moment came, she would have done exactly the same thing for Paige. The idea of anyone hurting her made her cringe. There was nothing she wouldn't do to stop something like that from happening. Paige meant so much to her. In fact, Emily couldn't even define how much Paige had come to mean to her the last few months.

As they stood there, across the room from each other, their gazes lingered. Emily couldn't help but feel like there was something different between them now. As much as she had expected the night before to have changed things between them, change them in some awful way, somehow it seemed as though the exact opposite had happened. Now, Emily felt even closer to Paige, connected to her in this intangible way. It was as though both of them suddenly realized just how much they meant to each other.

At that moment, Emily made a promise to herself. She couldn't ruin this. She couldn't lose Paige. She couldn't tell the truth. She told herself that as long as she never looked at Paige that way again, she wouldn't need to tell her about the lie, about the looks, about what she'd done.

Emily finally broke the stare, running a hand through her hair.

"I should shower. Hanna's coming over so we can go grab coffee, and my hair is practically a rat's nest right now." Emily looked back up to see Paige's eyes still on her, smirking as she examined Emily's hair. "Do you want to come?" Emily asked hopefully. Part of her thought that if Paige was so good at saving, maybe she could save her from this coming interrogation.

"I would, but that Econ paper still hasn't written itself like I'd hoped," Paige replied with a frown.

Emily nodded. "If Hanna shows," Emily started as she grabbed her towel.

"Yeah, I'll entertain her," Paige offered in response.

* * *

><p>As soon as Emily disappeared to the showers, Paige collapsed on her bed feeling grateful that Emily was finally home. Throughout the night, she'd woken up practically hourly to see if she had returned, but morning came, and she still hadn't arrived. She'd started worrying, sending her a few texts and finally calling her sometime around 9am, hoping that maybe she'd just forgotten, but she hadn't gotten an answer.<p>

As the morning stretched on, she had still heard nothing from Emily, and by noon, she'd been sick with worry. Her mind had been racing with all the different scenarios, and she chastised herself for leaving the party without her. It'd been selfish taking off, but at the time, she'd been such a wreck that she could barely hold herself together. Now, she couldn't imagine the guilt if something had happened to Emily that she wouldn't have been there to stop.

Yet, now, Emily was home, safe, and Paige was beyond relieved. She knew it was ridiculous to be so concerned about her, but she was. Last night seemed to prove just how much she cared about Emily, just how far she would go to protect her, and despite how strong Paige knew her feelings were, her own behavior had still surprised her. It was rash and impulsive and far too easy to take Emily by the hand, to say she was her girlfriend, to hold her tightly. Yet, despite how much she had risked that night, the feel of Emily's body against hers, the smell of her hair, the touch of her fingers mingling with her own, it had all stayed with her. The desire to kiss her had been so overwhelming that Paige was only now starting to recover from how much it had rocked her. Even when Emily returned, wrapping her arms around her had been the only thing Paige could do to stop herself from pressing her own lips to hers and admitting everything to her, admitting that she'd been crazy with fear that something had happened to her because the truth was that Paige wasn't sure how to be without her. Thankfully, she'd held it all in, as she had been doing for weeks now.

Lying down on her pillow, Paige rehashed the night before in her mind. Just after midnight, just after Paige's near emotional breakdown in the bathroom, she and Pru had meandered back to campus and back to Paige's dorm room. During the walk over, Paige hadn't said a word, and Pru hadn't argued. Pru had walked her upstairs where Pru waited as Paige changed into her pajamas. Her body had felt limp with exhaustion, from all of the emotions that had been rushing through her because of what happened, what almost happened with Emily. Paige had been berating herself the entire way home, cursing herself for doing what she'd done, for getting herself so close to Emily, for touching her that way, dancing with her, for letting how badly she wanted her almost come to the surface. She was glad that Hanna had showed up. She'd felt grateful for being saved from such an utter mistake, from such a lapse in judgment that could have destroyed not only Paige's life, but their friendship as well.

The entire time Paige had been dressing into her pj's, Pru had watched her curiously until Paige had finally plopped down on her bed, leaning her back against the wall. Pru had moved over to Paige and sat down near her, turning her body to face her. Paige couldn't bear to look at her, feeling the tears starting to resurface. She was a wreck, a complete wreck, and not just because of what almost happened, but because it forced Paige to realize just how completely out of control she was when it came to Emily. So instead, she had just stared at the opposite wall, at Emily's made bed across from her, and it amazed her that even after everything, after nearly screwing everything up because of how she felt for her, all she could do was wonder when Emily would be home. She'd shaken her head at herself. _How ridiculous was she? How pathetic was she? Feeling this way for someone who didn't feel the same way back._

Eventually, Pru had finally broken the long silence as she reached a hand across to touch Paige's arm. It had jolted her back to reality.

"Paige," Pru had whispered.

Paige finally tilted her head to look at Pru, seeing the concern in her eyes. It had made her so uncomfortable. Pru knew something was utterly wrong, and Paige hadn't known how to explain.

"Are you okay?" Pru had asked cautiously.

Paige had nodded numbly, not saying a word.

Pru had eyed her with concern, leaning in, trying to catch Paige's gaze as if she was hoping to get a clue as to what was going on with her. "Did something happen tonight?"

Paige had shook her head in response. _Nope, nothing,_ Paige had thought. _Nothing happened. Nothing happened with Emily._ _Nothing like almost kissing her, like Paige had been wanting to do for weeks. Nothing like feeling for just a brief moment what it must feel like to have Emily be yours. _

Pru had frowned beside her. "There's not anything you want to talk about?"

"No," Paige had said softly.

Pru had nodded hesitantly. "Do you want me to stay?"

Paige had shaken her head again. "It's okay," she'd whispered. The last thing she'd wanted was for Pru to stay, for her to be there when Emily got home. Pru would say something to her, would tell her something was wrong with Paige, and who knew what Emily would think was the reason. They'd probably both think she'd lost her mind. It was bad enough just having Pru look at her this way. She couldn't let Emily think something was up.

Pru hadn't seemed to be budging though.

Paige finally lifted her gaze to meet Pru's eyes. "Pru, I'm fine. I promise," Paige had insisted.

Pru's eyes had lingered on Paige's face after Paige had looked away, her eyes moving to her hands fidgeting in her lap. It was a long beat of silence as Paige felt Pru watching her, examining her, hoping to find some piece of the puzzle.

"I wish you'd talk to me, Paige," Pru had finally whispered sympathetically.

Paige had simply nodded sadly, letting her eyes find Pru's again. And with a forlorn look and a small shrug, Paige had told her, "Maybe someday."

They didn't say another word to each other, and eventually, Pru had given her a small hug before taking off back to her own dorm. Paige had lain down on her bed and tried to sleep, wondering when Emily would return, what they would say to each other, but she never did.

As she had watched the hours tick away, Paige had wondered just how long she was going to be able to keep this up, keep her feelings in check. It seemed that every day, it had grown harder and harder to stay just friends with her, to pretend that's all that she wanted from her. Paige had started to wonder what would happen if she told her, if she just confessed, how it would change things between them, how it would change Paige's entire life, and if she would end up losing Emily completely.

The fear had thus far kept Paige's mouth zipped tightly shut. Yet, day by day, it was a risk that was getting harder and harder to justify.

Just then, a knock sounded on the dorm door, and Paige pulled herself up, happy for the reprieve from her thoughts. It seemed like her resolve was slowly weakening, and she told herself to stay strong. She had to. Because Paige knew that one wrong move, one misstep, and there would never be any going back.

* * *

><p>When Emily returned from the dorm showers, dressed and with her hair dried, she found Hanna and Paige talking and laughing as Hanna sat on Emily's bed, while Paige perched on Emily's desk facing her.<p>

Over the last few weeks, even though they hadn't hung out too many times, Hanna had quickly grown fond of Paige in a way that Jessica still hadn't. Whereas as Hanna was dependably easy-going, Jessica wasn't the type to be so trusting, and she and Paige still hadn't clicked the way Hanna and Paige had. Even though they were complete opposites, Hanna seemed to get Paige's dry sense of humor, and Paige had made every effort to get to know Hanna just the same.

Once before, Emily had told Paige all about her three closest friends from high school, and Paige had listened intently, trying to remember all the details Emily described to distinguish the girls. It had meant a lot to Emily that Paige had seemed to care so much about the other people in her life, and she was happy that she'd already had a chance to befriend Hanna. Emily wasn't sure why, but it felt important for her friends to accept Paige.

"What's so funny?" Emily asked, drawing both girls' attention to her as she crossed the room.

Hanna smiled. "Paige was just telling me about your skinny dipping attempt in the middle of campus last month."

"Not one of my best moments," Emily admitted with a laugh.

"I don't know. It might have been your finest moment," Paige quipped with a laugh as she slid off Emily's desk and made her way to her own.

Emily shook her head, catching eyes with Paige who flashed her a teasing smirk. Teasing Emily was probably Paige's favorite thing to do, and for some reason, Emily never seemed to mind.

"You're lucky that you were with Paige. I'd have probably let you go swimming," Hanna added with a laugh. "So talk to me, Em. What do you like?"

"I thought we were going to do this over coffee," Emily griped as she reached for her purse and began searching for her wallet.

"We can start now. What's your type?" Hanna inquired just as Emily had found her wallet and was sliding it into her bag.

Paige looked up from her desk. "Type of what?" she asked curiously.

"Type of girl," Hanna replied, grinning.

Emily rolled her eyes as she took a seat on her bed facing Hanna. "I don't know, Hanna."

"Well, give me a girl you think is cute," Hanna encouraged.

Emily shrugged uncomfortably as her eyes darted over to Paige instinctively. Sometime during Emily's shower, Paige had changed into a pair of jeans and a sweater that dipped low in the front. She had her laptop open, and Emily presumed she was pulling up her less than finished Econ paper.

"You want me to just name someone?" Emily asked Hanna nervously.

Hanna shrugged. "Here. Let's do it like this. How about Lenny?"

"Lenny?" Emily asked doubtfully.

"Yeah."

"No offense, but she is the exact opposite of my type, Hanna," Emily said, wincing apologetically.

"Who's Lenny?" Paige asked from across the room as she glanced up from her desk again.

"Hanna's roommate," Emily answered with an eye roll.

Paige smirked in amusement. "What's wrong with her?"

"She's only Hanna meets Pru with a hit of cocaine," Emily quipped sarcastically.

Paige laughed. "No need to say more."

"Hey!" Hanna griped dramatically, as she realized the joke was made at her expense.

Emily caught Paige's eyes, and they shared a knowing smile.

Hanna's gaze followed Emily's. "What about Paige?"

"What?" Emily asked in surprise, her eyes widening. She hadn't expected Hanna to go there, but why wouldn't she? It was Hanna after all. Then again, it wasn't her fault that the question made Emily feel ridiculously uncomfortable. She was the only one to blame for looking at Paige in that way the night before.

Looking across the room, Emily saw that Paige's brows were raised curiously. Standing from her desk, Paige crossed over and sat down on the bed next to Hanna.

"Yeah, Em. Am I your type?" Paige asked with this sly amused grin that made Emily's stomach flutter.

Emily's mouth went dry, and she couldn't find a word to say. She knew her face must have done something drastic because Hanna burst into laughter. Hanna nudged Paige in the arm.

"Don't worry, Paige. She shot me down too," Hanna quipped.

Emily's eyes caught Paige's, and she tried to hide all the emotions she was feeling. _Was _Paige her type? Last night must have proven that, right? She had found herself so attracted to her, it'd been overwhelming, but they were friends. It wasn't as if she felt _that way _about her.

Emily shrugged, trying not to blush. "It's not the same. You guys are my friends."

"That didn't stop you with Alison," Hanna blurted out before her expression changed all of a sudden, showing how much she regretted her words as soon as they'd left her mouth.

The air changed immediately at the mention of Alison's name. The four of them didn't talk much of her anymore, and it'd been a long time since they'd discussed how Emily had felt about her. It was an old wound that nobody wanted to put salt in.

"God, Em, I shouldn't have said that," Hanna apologized, frowning.

Emily saw the confusion on Paige's face as her eyes moved between Hanna and Emily, trying to understand what had just happened. Emily avoided catching her gaze, knowing that how she had once felt for Ali wasn't something she had told many people about and definitely wasn't something she wanted to discuss then. It wasn't a good time. Not with Hanna there.

Even though Hanna knew about Emily's feelings, she hadn't known everything; she hadn't known about the kiss or the way Ali played with her emotions or just how twisted up she'd been after Ali was gone. No one really knew everything. Not the other girls. Not even Maya. She'd never felt comfortable revealing something so personal. It was as though saying it out loud made it all so much more real. Yet, there was something different about Emily's relationship with Paige where she felt like maybe she could finally be honest with someone about it all. At times, Emily had thought of telling Paige the whole story. Maybe now she would. Just not then.

Emily forced a smile, trying to diffuse the tension that still hung in the room. "So. How 'bout that coffee, Hanna?"

* * *

><p>After Hanna and Emily filed out of the dorm room, bidding farewell and inviting Paige to join them one last time, Paige had busied herself, gathering her Macbook into her bag and searching for her MicroEcon book amongst the stack of texts beside her desk. Regardless of how much she tried to focus on what she needed to do, her mind kept drifting back to Hanna's question for Emily and how she had interjected. If she had known ahead of time that the question was going to come, Paige would have thought that she would have deflected it, made a joke to make sure that Emily didn't actually have to answer, tried to diffuse the situation, but she had only instigated it even further.<p>

She wasn't sure why she'd said it, why she'd questioned Emily about her feelings like that. Maybe she just wanted to know if there was any chance in the universe that Emily would ever look at her the way she looked at Emily. Yet, by the look on Emily's face, the whole idea of Paige being her type was clearly the last thing that she might have ever even thought to consider in her life. Paige had to admit that it had stung, even though she'd laughed it off, even though she would never say so.

Yet, Paige did her best not focus on it. She had a paper to write, and it didn't change things anyways. She and Emily were friends, so why should she expect Emily to look at her any other way? Besides, even if things were different, even if Emily felt it too… Paige shook her head. The truth was that Emily didn't feel the same, Paige reminded herself. She couldn't. It was impossible. And the whole entire concept of that possibility was even too much for Paige to fathom. Besides, Emily said it herself. Paige wasn't Emily's type, so there was no reason to think about what could be if she was.

And then there was that nagging question that had settled in the back of Paige's brain? Who was Alison? Some other lucky girl who held a piece of Emily's heart? Paige was starting to think maybe there wasn't any room left in Emily's heart for anyone else anyway, especially not for her.

Paige tried to shake the thoughts, knowing she had things to do. She still had to heckle one of their dorm neighbors before heading to the library where she might be able to focus on her paper that was due the next day. It was better to focus on things she could control, and how Emily did or didn't feel for her wasn't one of them.

* * *

><p>A couple of hours later, Hanna and Emily wandered back from the coffee shop off campus where Hanna had drilled Emily for most of the afternoon about what kind of girl she would want to date. Despite all of Hanna's questions, Emily felt like they hadn't really made any progress. Hanna wanted definitions, measurements, hair color charts, body types, and Emily just didn't have any answers. For her, it wasn't about all those requirements, but about finding that person that fit with you like the other piece of the puzzle, the person who made you feel whole, the person who felt like home. By now, Emily had been through so much, she felt wary to even think that there was somebody perfect for her, but regardless, Emily still held on to the hope that she was still out there.<p>

Once they reached Brumbaugh, the two girls traveled up the set of stairs and crossed the hallway to the dorm room. Stepping inside, Emily crossed over and set down her bag on her desk as her eyes caught something on her desk. It was a note, scribbled on a post-it and stuck on top of a pair of dvds. Looking closer, Emily saw the titles of the flicks: _The Shining_ and _Invasion of the Body Snatchers._

Emily picked up the post-it, and read it to herself.

_Don't go anywhere and don't eat dinner. I'll be back at 7 with Thai.  
>Happy Belated Halloween <em>_:)  
>-P<em>

A smile spread across Emily's lips. She had mentioned something briefly a few days before about how in the past she had always spent Halloween watching her favorite scary movies. Paige must have obviously picked up on Emily's disappointment about going to some lame party instead, especially with how it had all turned out, and decided to surprise her. It was so completely unexpected that Emily couldn't seem to wipe the grin off her face or shake the buzz in her gut.

"What's that?" Hanna asked nosily as she peered around to see the pair of dvds on Emily's desk.

Emily felt her face flush as she shoved the note into her back pocket. "Just a couple of dvds Paige picked up," she said, shrugging casually.

Hanna picked one up with her hand. "You're still watching these scary movies?" she asked in disbelief.

"I like them," Emily countered shyly as she took the dvd back from Hanna.

"I thought we all got enough scares for a lifetime," Hanna quipped back.

"Well, these are safe scares," Emily explained. She wasn't sure why she still loved all these scary movies, but she did. Maybe she liked knowing at the end, you could turn it off and not have to worry.

"Still, I'd hate to watch those without a hot guy to cuddle up to," Hanna replied. "Or a hot girl for you, which I promise to find," she added with a grin.

Emily shook her head. "You don't need to do that, Hanna. I'm fine being single," Emily told her, even though she wasn't so sure.

"No one's fine being single," Hanna insisted. "I mean, isn't Paige even dating that guy I always see her with?"

Emily felt herself fidget uncomfortably. "Collin?" she asked.

"Yeah," Hanna said casually. "Is that her boyfriend?"

"No, it's not," Emily replied awkwardly.

"Oh. Could have fooled me," Hanna answered with a shrug.

"Yeah," Emily breathed as she set the dvds back down on her desk. She knew that Paige and Collin were still friends, even if Paige didn't mention him often, but if Hanna had thought they were a couple, she must have noticed some kind of spark. While part of her was grateful, for selfish reasons alone, that they hadn't started dating, part of Emily wondered what was holding Paige back if there really was something between them.

"Well, I'll let you with your fright fest," Hanna said with a smile, interrupting Emily's thoughts.

Emily nodded as Hanna headed for the door. They exchanged a quick hug before Hanna headed off, leaving Emily alone again. She crossed back over to the desk and pulled the note back out of her back pocket once again, reading it one more time, and smiling to herself.

Glancing at her watch, Emily saw that 7 was still a few hours away, and she decided to curl up in bed, hoping to catch up on the sleep she didn't get the night before.

* * *

><p>Just before 7pm, Paige had finished writing her Econ paper at the library and headed off campus to this tiny Thai joint she'd heard about. Hauling it all up the steps, Paige slipped into the dorm room to see Emily curled up in bed. Dropping her bag and the piles of takeout quietly on her desk, Paige crossed over to Emily's bed where she gently sat down on the edge. Watching her sleep, Paige wondered if she should wake her. Her eyes were closed, and she was breathing gently. For a long moment, Paige just gazed at Emily, studying her face. Her dark hair was a wild mess scattered across the pillow, and she was just as beautiful as she always was. Paige could have sat there for hours watching her sleep, but she knew that was hardly the plan she had for the night. One of Emily's arms was sticking out of the covers, and Paige gently touched the inside of her elbow where her skin was so soft.<p>

"Mmm. Hey," Emily murmured as she stirred from sleep, her eyes opening to find Paige sitting above her.

"Hey, you," Paige replied as Emily sat up in bed to face Paige.

"You're back," Emily replied with a smile, the one that always made Paige feel butterflies all over.

"Yep. You ready for some scares?" Paige asked with a smirk as she offered Emily her hand and pulled Emily up to her feet alongside her.

Both girls crossed the room back to Paige's desk where she began to unload the Thai takeout that she'd picked up, letting the scents fill the room. When she looked up again, Emily was handling the dvds again.

"So, where exactly did you get these?" Emily asked curiously.

"I hassled that film geek down the hall. He's practically got a video store over there," Paige quipped, even though the prices were hardly that of a rental. The kid had asked for 20 bucks just to have them for the night, but she knew it was worth it. Knowing the night before hadn't gone quite as planned, not for either of them, she wanted to make Emily feel better. "I just thought you could use a makeup Halloween," Paige added with a shrug.

Emily smiled again. "It's perfect," Emily told her just as she held up the dvds to face Paige. 'So you think you can handle watching these with me?"

"I can handle anything," Paige told her with a confident smirk as she took the dvds from Emily's hand, their fingertips grazing. Taking another look at the cover of the two films she had never seen, Paige relented a tad. "But if I scream like a little girl, that stays within these four walls, right?" she added cautiously, her brow raised.

Emily simply laughed. "Deal."

* * *

><p>A couple of hours later, Emily and Paige had finished eating and were well into watching <em>Invasion of the Body Snatchers<em> a top of Emily's bed. For the first hour, Paige had held up well, but after they'd put the food away and turned off all of the lights, the more time Paige had spent holding tightly to Emily's arm, tucking her face behind Emily's shoulder to shield her eyes in this adorably sweet way that made Emily's heart heave every single time.

For the two years they were together, Maya had appeased her with a few scary movies, but she had a habit of always making fun of the old school special effects or how the characters were doing something ridiculously stupid to get themselves killed. It had always made Emily feel like she was burdening Maya by making her watch the movies even if she didn't complain. Now, seeing Paige get scared and hold on to her so tightly felt so different, exhilarating in a way that Emily couldn't explain. At one point, when Paige was tucked against her, Emily's hand had almost found it's way to Paige's, but she'd stopped herself. After the night before, touching hands felt so natural, but Emily didn't know how Paige felt about it. Besides, she had already reminded herself countless times that it wasn't normal for friends to hold hands even if it did feel right.

When the movie finally ended, Paige sat up straight, and they both turned to each other. The room was still dark as the credits rolled on the screen. Emily had clicked off the eerie music playing from the dvd, and now the room was in complete silence except for the two girls' breathing.

"So?" Emily asked hopefully. Even though Paige had clearly been scared, had released at least a couple of shrieks during the movie, Emily still wasn't completely sure she'd actually enjoyed herself.

Paige grinned. "That was awesome," she said excitedly.

"Seriously?" Emily asked incredulously.

Paige nodded. "Let's watch the next one," she replied with a gleam in her eye, as if she were taking on a new challenge.

Emily laughed. "So you don't think I'm totally crazy for liking all these scary movies?" she asked.

"No," Paige said, shaking her head. "I mean, it's not something I would have guessed though."

"And why's that?" Emily asked curiously.

"I don't know," Paige replied with a shrug, biting on her lip and drawing Emily's gaze to her mouth. "Cause you're just so…" Paige said, her voice trailing of.

"So, what?" Emily's lips curled into a smile as she watched Paige struggle for words, wondering what Paige might have been thinking.

Paige finally looked back up at her, and Emily's mouth went dry as their eyes caught. Emily felt the strangest sensation like Paige was looking all the way through her, inside of her. As her eyes scanned Paige's face, Emily forgot what she'd even asked her.

Just then, Paige's phone beeped from its spot on her desk, shattering the silence and turning both of their gazes. Paige awkwardly pulled herself up from Emily's bed and crossed over to grab her cell. Emily watched as Paige's eyes scanned the message for a few moments.

"What is it?" Emily finally asked when Paige just lingered near her desk, her gaze still on her phone.

Paige's eyes flickered up to Emily. "It's an email," she explained. "From PSIA. That Investment group," she added to clarify.

Paige had a blank stare on her face, and Emily looked up at her with a brow raised expectantly when Paige didn't continue explaining.

"I got in," Paige finally said with a touch of surprise in her voice as she finally crossed back to Emily's bed and sat down next to her.

"That's amazing," Emily told her excitedly.

Paige had mentioned the group once before and told Emily how she had applied, but that was weeks ago. She'd never brought it up again. This sounded like good news, but Paige didn't mirror her excitement for her. Over the weeks, Paige had seemed pretty disinterested in her Economics classes, and the truth was that Emily didn't know how Paige felt about the group anymore.

"Yeah. It is, right?" Paige said flatly.

"It doesn't feel amazing?" Emily asked, carefully prodding Paige's demeanor.

"It does, I guess," Paige replied with a shrug. "It also feels a little…"

"Empty?" Emily answered softly.

Paige nodded as she turned to set her phone down on Emily's nightstand. When she turned back, she immediately reached for the next dvd, without missing a beat, and Emily felt like something about Paige's mood had changed suddenly.

"Paige," Emily whispered softly.

"Hm?" Paige replied absently as she switched the first dvd out and put in_ The Shining_.

Emily reached out her hand and touched Paige's forearm, stilling her movements. Paige finally looked up at Emily.

"Paige, why _aren't_ you studying English?" Emily asked cautiously. Off Paige's look, Emily continued. "I mean, you love books, and every time I see you pouring over an Econ paper, you look pretty miserable."

Paige shook her head casually. "What am I going to do with an English degree?" she asked, her voice laced with humor.

"Anything you want," Emily told her. "You don't have to do _this_," she added seriously.

Paige looked away, brushing her hand through her auburn hair. "I do," she said softly.

Emily's eyes ran over Paige's face, seeing the fear and desperation in her expression, and Emily realized that it was as if all of Paige's actions were made under duress. The pressure of her father, the pressure to live up to his expectations, the pressure to be someone perfect. Paige did a good job day to day of playing it casually, of pretending this was who she was, of being strong, but Emily could see that the weight was so heavy on Paige's shoulders, sometimes it looked as if she would break. It made Emily's heart ache to see her doing this to herself.

"I know you want to make him happy," Emily said softly, their eyes on each other. "But don't you think, at some point, you've got to let yourself be happy too?"

Paige nodded, looking away. "I'll think about it," she whispered just as the movie started on the laptop screen.

Emily watched Paige's face for a moment, seeing for the first time that behind the whole facade there was a piece of her that was broken. Sitting there, Emily could only wish there was something she could do to heal her.

Just as Emily turned to watch the opening of the film, Paige reached out and hit the pause button, drawing Emily's attention again.

"Can I ask you something?" Paige asked nervously.

Emily nodded. "Anything," she replied curiously.

"Today. Hanna said something. About a friend of yours," Paige said as she cautiously probed the topic.

"Yeah. Alison," Emily replied softly. Even though she had been thinking of a way to bring it up all day, she was surprised that Paige had been the first to say something. There wasn't much they kept from each other though, so Emily realized it was only natural for her to wonder about her, especially after how both she and Hanna had reacted when the name was dropped.

"It seemed like a sore subject," Paige continued before Emily had thought of where to start. "You don't have to tell me. I just…"

"No. I want you to know," Emily told her assuredly, looking Paige straight in the eye. "Alison was a friend of ours. All of us. Hanna, Spencer, Aria. We were all close, but…"

"You were closer to her?"

"I was..." Emily swallowed hard. "I was in love with her," she said slowly. "Or as in love with someone as you can be at 14 or 15," she added.

Paige's eyes scanned over Emily's face as if trying to read her expression. "And you two were together."

"No, no," Emily told her. "We kissed. Once," she whispered, not even sure where all the words were coming from. "I never actually told anyone that. Ali didn't feel the same. She had a lot of fun toying with me about it though."

Paige shook her head in confusion. "What do you mean?"

Emily shrugged. "It was like a game for her. Seeing how much she could get me wrapped around her finger." Shaking her head, Emily continued, "I was stupid. I kept trying to win her over, and it was like she was always just laughing about it in my face."

Paige's eyes narrowed. "That's terrible."

"That was Ali," Emily said with a nod.

"What do you mean _was_?" Paige asked carefully.

Emily shifted her body. Knowing that this was part of the story, part of the story she'd been wanting to tell Paige, didn't make it any easier to talk about.

"Remember how I told you about one of my friends," Emily started, speaking slowly. "That she died?"

"That was her?" Paige asked incredulously.

Emily nodded.

"What happened?" Paige wondered.

"It's a long story, but she went missing one night, and they found her a year later. Found her body."

"God, Em," Paige said sympathetically. "I'm so sorry."

Emily felt Paige's eyes on her, wide with concern. It made her feel stripped open and naked.

"It's in the past now," Emily told her, looking away.

And it was true. Alison had clouded so much of her relationship with Maya that first year, but by now, Emily had moved on. Alison wasn't someone she thought of much anymore. Ali had had a hold on her for so many years, even after she was gone, that it had felt so freeing when she'd finally been able to let go. It was an old wound, one that was healed, though not without a few scars, she was sure. Alison always left behind a mark, and though Emily's was different, she was sure the other girls had similar ones to match.

As if sensing Emily's thoughts, Paige slid her hand across the bed and curled a few of her fingers around Emily's so that their hands were loosely intertwined. It was sweet and comforting and warm. It didn't have to be a big deal, Emily told herself. Maybe friends could hold hands. Sometimes. It didn't feel wrong, so maybe it wasn't.

Emily squeezed Paige's hand slightly, her eyes on their tangled fingers rather than Paige's face. She had already laid herself bare. To look her in the eye would be too much, too intimate. For a long moment, there was nothing but silence between them.

"Paige, is your dad the reason you're not dating Collin?" Emily asked softly as she finally lifted her eyes. She wasn't even sure where the question came from, maybe because they were talking about relationships, maybe because Hanna had brought him up earlier, but it was out of her mouth before she could even think twice.

Paige took her hand back, using it to push her fringe of bangs out of her face "I guess he's the reason I'm not dating anyone," she said, shrugging awkwardly.

"So there wasn't anyone in high school?" Emily asked curiously.

Paige shook her head. "Nothing serious."

"But he wasn't running for Governor then, was he?"

"He's always been running for something," Paige told her, frowning. "And it's a lot to ask of someone in high school. To be put through the ringer the way I am. I doubt they'd think it was really worth it."

Emily shook her head in amazement. "I have a hard time thinking someone wouldn't think you were worth it," Emily said in disbelief. By now in her friendship with Paige, Emily knew her so well that she couldn't believe a guy wouldn't want to be with Paige, no matter the cost.

Paige shrugged. "I don't know. It's not like there was ever anyone I wanted to ask that of. Kind of pathetic," she replied derisively.

"It's not pathetic," Emily assured her. While she had been broken and left tattered by people she had loved, Paige's heart was untainted. _How could she ever think that was pathetic?_ Emily wondered. _To have a perfectly beautiful heart that no one had ever broken. It was the purest thing Emily could imagine._

"You've been in love twice, Em, and I've never gotten past a few meaningless kisses," Paige replied, mocking herself by rolling her eyes. "I'm on to a really late start."

"It doesn't matter how you start," Emily insisted. "I mean, look at me. No one in my past matters now. I'm exactly where you are. Starting all over again. The only thing that matters is where you end up."

Paige's brow rose slightly. "Which is where?"

Their eyes caught, and Emily swallowed hard. "The right person's arms."

Paige smiled. "Such a romantic, Emily Fields," she teased sweetly.

Emily felt herself blush. "I just want my happy ending," she explained shyly.

"A diamond ring and a white wedding?" Paige asked with a small smirk.

Emily smiled, bashfully tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. "I think I'd just settle for finding the one," Emily said softly, her eyes meeting Paige's. "Whoever she is."

* * *

><p>A couple of hours later, hours of shrieking and laughing at every turn of <em>The Shining<em>, Paige told Emily goodnight before she moved to her own bed and slid under the cold sheets. Lying there in the dark, she listened to the sound of Emily's breathing as she tried to fall asleep. Her mind was awash with everything that happened with Emily the last few hours. She'd thought about the movies and how it had felt holding on to Emily's arm when she got scared. She thought about all the things they'd shared with each other, about the things Emily had told her about this other girl that Paige would never know who had hurt her so much. Between how broken Emily had been because Maya to how much pain Alison had inflicted on Emily by tormenting her, it seemed so wrong to Paige for Emily to have so much heartache that she didn't deserve.

Yet, mostly, Paige thought back to what Emily had said about letting herself be happy. It had been resonating with her throughout the entire rest of the night. Because Emily was right. Paige wasn't happy with how things were in her life, not really, but it had to do with more than Emily even knew.

The truth was Paige was pretty sure the only thing in the world that would make her truly happy was Emily. And that was never going to happen. So what was the point of caring about all these other things? About her major in college or a stupid job one day. Paige had accepted long ago that happiness just wasn't in her cards. But that was before she ever thought she'd have a chance at it. Before everything changed. Before Emily.

It was impossible to deny that things were different inside of her now, that Paige looked at life differently, and it was all because of this one girl sleeping just a few feet away from her. Paige couldn't put into words all the emotions she felt without acknowledging how terrifyingly real it all was. It was like Emily was the spark that lit a raging fire inside of Paige, and now the burning was nearly consuming her. Paige had been fighting her realization for weeks, but she knew now that there was no reason to continue evading the truth. This was it, this was what it felt like, this was what it had to be, this mix of pain and longing and adoration and heartache and desperation. This was what it felt like to fall in love. And Paige knew that it was happening to her.

She was falling in love...with Emily.

With that one last thought, Paige let her mind drift into dreams, because she knew in her heart that even if it could never be real, at least in her dreams, Emily was falling in love with her too.


	15. Chapter 15

_Hi there, dolls :)__ So this one took a bit of time to write because it is quite long, but I really like how it turned out so hopefully you all will too. And I say it every time, but seriously, THANKS for all of the reviews. It means so much to me, and this whole thing wouldn't be nearly as fun without all of the amazing comments you all leave. So thank you x1000 :) You all are the best!  
><em>

_Also, I do know it's been over a week since the last chapter, and I didn't want that to happen again but I do appreciate all the patience because it really is the best I can do right now. The further we go, the more time each of these chapters takes, especially a long one like this. Plus, I'm out of school now, and I__ work wayyy too much currently (75 hours a week much), so I do hope you all understand when I can't get chapters up more often. I totally would if I could, but I'd probably have to stop sleeping entirely :/  
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spikedwatermelon:_ Your reviews are so appreciated for sure! So a huge thanks for writing them. It's definitely motivating to hear what people like about the story. And I love that you called yourself a fan too :) I don't think I have ever had one of those before. As for me, I am definitely enjoying this too :) It makes the wait for Paige's return not so bad.  
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Katie 2:_ I, for sure, would have been confused, so thanks for the clarification! I definitely appreciate having readers, and having some interaction makes it feel like I'm writing for real people (which is half the fun). Oh, and what you said about the goosebumps... I like that. And I hope I can continue to give you moments like that :)  
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marsou:_ Doing my best to keep up! But hopefully the results end up worth the wait :) Hope you like this one._

Katie:_ I'm actually working on a book... :) so maybe someday I will have something you can buy.  
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disconnectedsoul:_ Thanks for the message :) I'm so glad I could make their friendship believable. It's something I really wanted to pull off since I felt like we didn't really get a good buildup between these two on the show. _

eyeroll:_ thank you thank you thank you for coming to my defense. means a lot to me!  
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laura-200:_ Wow! That is such an amazing compliment! It is so great to read a review like this and know someone appreciates the story. It means a lot to me, and I am so glad that I was able to pull you in to the story and make you feel part of the world :) I went on a limb creating an entirely new setting, and so I am so happy it feels real. So Thank You for writing this review for me to read :) And I hope you had safe travels home!  
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Paraddicted:_ I am so glad you are enjoying the story! I do appreciate you leaving a review. I have spent a lot of time thinking this one through and trying to portray the characters right, so I am so happy that you said what you did :) Seriously, thank you!_

LaurenKnight13:_ Honestly, thanks for being so appreciative of the updates. It's tough sometimes to find time to write, and I appreciate your compliments. I don't think I'm anything prolific, but I am happy you like what I'm writing :)_

choeyfan88:_ happy (belated) birthday!  
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_I also thought now is about a good time to throw in that every once in a while, I might mention a song in the story. I'm not going to go into any distracting lyric quoting or anything like that, and it won't be often, but sometimes there's a song that I'm listening to when I'm writing the scene and I think the music evokes the feeling, so I write it in. Feel free to turn it on (or not) while you're reading. Also, if you know any music I should be listening to, PM me. I could always use more to write to :)  
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_okay, and here goes an epically long chapter... hope it will tie you all over for a bit :)  
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* * *

><p>Chapter Fifteen<p>

"So are we going to talk about Saturday night?" Pru asked Paige as they made their way through The Hub grabbing lunch on Monday.

Since they'd met up after class, Paige had been casually stoic about the entire thing, not mentioning anything about the party or her own behavior. Thankfully, after Saturday night happened, Paige and Emily had fallen back into their rhythm, as if they hadn't missed a beat, and it made it easy for Paige to put the whole situation behind her like it never happened, or never _almost _happened. Knowing she would see Pru as she always did on Mondays, she had hopes that Pru wouldn't bring it up again, that maybe she'd forgotten about it, but she should have known better.

"Nope," Paige told her. "Nothing to talk about," she added as she reached for a sandwich and set it on her tray.

Paige felt Pru reach out and grab Paige's elbow, stilling her movements. "Paige, I'm being serious."

Paige turned to face her. "I know you're being serious. So am I," she replied, maintaining a casual tone in her voice. They were in the middle of campus. Pru couldn't possibly be going in for a heart to heart, knowing how much of a wreck Paige had been on Saturday night, but Paige wouldn't put it past her. Even if she didn't, Paige wondered how long it would be before Pru started asking the tough questions Paige wasn't ready to answer.

Pru shook her head and rolled her eyes. "You better not be on drugs," she chided playfully.

Paige laughed. "Drugs, Pru?" she remarked in disbelief.

"Ritalin. Coke. That T crap athletes take," Pru told her shrugging.

"You think I'm taking steroids?" Paige asked incredulously.

"You are like _superwoman_, so I don't know," Pru replied dramatically, pushing her hair behind her shoulder and grabbing a bottle of water from a fridge.

Paige shook her head, laughing again at Pru's absurdity. "Well, if I start growing a beard, you _will_ know," she quipped.

Pru turned back to face her. "Your dad would flip out if you were on drugs," she stated, her eyes wide at the thought.

Paige sighed. "He'd flip out if he knew anything about me," she muttered cynically.

Pru shook her head. "See? There you go again."

"What?" Paige responded in confusion.

"Being cryptic," Pru told her in frustration.

"It's not cryptic," Paige countered. "I'm always either 'making him proud' or being a 'complete and total failure,'" she described with an eye roll. "You know that, Pru."

"Well, screw him," Pru replied vehemently.

Paige laughed, shaking her head. "Glad to see you turning in to such a problem solver. And I was getting worried about you taking calculus next semester," she quipped sarcastically.

Pru's jaw dropped open playfully. "So abusive," Pru replied theatrically. "I don't know why I put up with this."

Paige smirked teasingly. "Cause you love me. And because no one else would put up with you," she ribbed back.

Pru shook her head and laughed as she followed Paige to the checkout line.

* * *

><p>Across The Hub, Emily slid into a booth opposite Jessica, both carrying food trays, the same way they did every Monday after Psychology class. Just as she sat down, Emily felt her phone buzzing with a text message. Flipping it open, she saw that it was from Paige and smiled to herself. They'd been sending texts back and forth all morning filled with everything from quips about their fright fest the night before to a million other inside jokes they'd accumulated over the last few weeks that Emily was pretty sure no one else would be able to decipher.<p>

During class, Emily had kept her cell in her lap so she could respond to Paige's messages while trying to stifle her laughter. A few times, she'd drawn Jess' attention, but her friend hadn't said anything about it. Emily wondered if it was odd for them to be talking so much when, between living together and swimming together, they already spent so much time together, but she didn't care. Sometimes Paige's messages were the one thing getting her through a long day of classes after a rough, early morning practice.

"Who are you chattering with?" Jessica finally asked with a sly smile as she ate her lunch.

Emily shook her head at Jessica's suggestiveness. "Just Paige."

"Ah," Jessica replied. "Should have known," she added with a touch of teasing irritation.

Emily set her phone down on the table and lifted her gaze to Jessica.

"Are you ever going to warm up to her?" she asked with a frown as she took a bite of her sandwich.

Even though Emily had been friends with Paige for weeks now and Jessica had been around Paige a couple of times during that span, she had remained skeptical and distant. It had been hard for Emily because she felt like she couldn't really enjoy either friend's company when the other was there.

Jessica shrugged innocently. "I'm warm. I've very warm."

Emily eyed her doubtfully. "Yeah, lukewarm. You could at least _try_ to like her," she told her with a pleading smile.

"I never said I didn't like her," Jessica countered. "I don't know. I just don't _get_ her."

"You don't get her?" Emily said, frowning playfully. "She's not a David Lynch movie, Jess," Emily joked.

"Good. Because I _hated_ Mulholland Drive," Jessica quipped dramatically, drawing a laugh from Emily. "So how was the party?"

"You didn't miss much," Emily replied, rolling her eyes as she thought back to Saturday night, knowing Jessica would have laughed at the absurdity of the entire thing.

Jessica laughed cynically. "That good, huh?"

Emily shook her head. "I kind of wish I hadn't gone. Some jerk wouldn't leave me alone," she added rolling her eyes, trying to make light of it, now that it was a distant afterthought considering everything else that had plagued Emily that night, things she had since promised to put behind her.

Jessica's eyes narrowed in concern. "What do you mean?" she asked with a frown.

"He was just…" Emily started, her voice trailing off as she tried to think of the best way to tell Jessica what had happened or almost happened.

"Are you okay?" Jessica asked, reaching across the table and squeezing Emily's forearm.

"Yeah. I'm fine," Emily insisted. "Paige stepped in and practically castrated him," she explained with a laugh.

Jessica eyed her in confusion. "I thought you went with Hanna," she wondered.

"I did. Paige was there with Pru," Emily clarified. "She must have seen the look of terror on my face."

"What exactly did she do?" Jessica asked curiously.

Emily found herself smiling shyly at the memory, at Paige's toughness. While, at the time, Emily had been on edge at the party when it had happened, in retrospect, Emily found it so endearing.

"She told him to fuck off and shoved him square in the chest," Emily said with a laugh.

Jessica's eyes widened. "Seriously?"

"Yeah," Emily said with a nod, still smiling.

"Wow," Jessica replied, nodding for a long beat. "That's… interesting," she remarked cryptically.

Emily eyed her curiously. "What's interesting?"

Jessica shook her head. "Nothing. I'm glad she was there. I'm glad you're okay," Jessica told her, squeezing her arm one more time.

"So have you decided yet? About Charleston?" Emily asked excitedly.

It'd had been a month since Jessica's engagement to Wyatt, and they'd been discussing setting a date for the wedding while Jessica toiled over the idea of transferring to Charleston for school. Emily noticed that Jessica had seemed to be dragging her feet thus far, and Emily could understand. It had to be hard leaving everything you knew behind to go somewhere completely new, but Emily felt like if you had that one person by your side, if it meant getting to be together, she'd probably go anywhere. She wanted love to be that powerful, where you would drop anything for it. So far, from her own experiences, it seemed like she hadn't found anything like that yet.

Jessica frowned, shaking her head. "Honestly, I don't know. I feel like a pendulum or something. One day, I am so gung-ho, and the next, I'm getting teary in my dorm room like I did when we moved out of our first house growing up. It's ridiculous."

"It's not ridiculous," Emily assured her. "You feel like this is home now."

Jessica nodded in agreement. "It's so tough. I can't imagine leaving here, leaving all my friends, including you. I mean, if I move, when am I ever going to see you again, Emily?"

"Are you saying you're not inviting me to the wedding?" Emily teased.

"Of course I am. I might even make you buy a hideous bridesmaid dress," Jessica told her, smirking. "But that's at least a year away," she added frowning. "I can't go that long."

"Then this summer," Emily replied confidently. "When I come visit you in Charleston," she added smiling.

"Really?" Jessica asked with a broad smile. "You'd visit me?"

"Definitely," Emily told her. "I have to see what the South is all about. You know, as long as they don't try to hang me," she quipped.

Jessica laughed, shaking her head. "Not unless you plan on wearing a gay flag," she joked back.

"True." Emily nodded. "I guess it won't matter then. Me and my single self," Emily said cynically.

Jessica smiled. "I bet you won't be single by then."

Emily eyed her curiously. "Why do you think that?"

"Once you're ready, girls are going to be lining up for you. Who knows?" Jessica added with a sly smirk. "Maybe they already are."

"Yeah, right," Emily replied, rolling her eyes.

"I'm serious," Jessica insisted.

"Nobody is interested in me," Emily told her with a frown.

And Emily knew it was the truth. After the pain of Maya's rejection, someone who Emily thought had loved her more than anyone else, it'd been hard to imagine someone else, someone who didn't know anything about her, wanting her. Besides, she hadn't met anyone since the breakup who had shown even a touch of interest. So, Emily had come to terms with the fact that, for now, she was alone, and she was learning to live that way. It wasn't so bad. Even if she didn't have that kind of love, she still had people in her life that she loved dearly. She had Jessica and Hanna and Aria and Spencer, and she also had Paige, who had managed to fill this void in her heart that Maya had left empty, one that once had seemed so terrible and huge had been filled with a different kind of closeness that had made her feel whole again.

"You don't know that," Jessica said, countering Emily's statement.

"Trust me. I do," Emily replied sadly.

Jessica frowned at Emily's response. "Well, if they do try to hang you, I'm sure it'll be with a smile," Jessica teased in a faux Southern accent, and the two girls laughed together.

Just then, their laughter was broken by Emily's cell phone ringing. Emily reached for it from the table and checked the caller id.

"Paige again?" Jessica asked.

"No," Emily replied, shaking her head. "It's my mom. I should take this. We haven't talked in weeks," she told Jessica as the phone rang again.

While she was surprised that her mom was calling, she was far more surprised that her mom hadn't been calling nearly as much as she had expected. Emily knew how hard it would be when she'd moved out, especially since Emily's dad was still bouncing back and forth between Fort Hood and Rosewood every few weeks.

The last time they had spoken was a little over a month ago when her mom had been in Texas for a month long visit. Even though Emily was out of the house now, they had decided to keep the house in Rosewood since the time in Texas was only supposed to be temporary, but Emily was sure it was partly because of emotional attachments too. Emily had never lived in another house her entire life, and she knew that the house at 43 Serenity Lane meant a lot, not just to her, but to her mom and dad as well.

"Okay, well, I think I'll head to class then. Call me later?" Jessica told Emily as she slid out of the booth.

Emily nodded in reply just as Jessica smiled a goodbye and took off from The Hub towards her next class.

"Hey, Mom," Emily said as she answered her cell.

"Emily. Hi, sweetie. It's so good to hear your voice," her mother replied warmly.

"You too," Emily agreed. She hadn't realized until she heard her mom's voice again exactly how much she had missed her, even if she'd never admit it.

"So how are you?" Pam asked. "How are classes going?"

"They're good so far. I'm like Psych a lot and my Art History class," Emily told her.

"That's great, honey."

"Yeah. I really don't know if I'm ready to pick a major yet though," Emily admitted. She had hoped by now she would have started to get an idea of what she was interested in, but she still hadn't been able to narrow things done. She seemed to like everything so far, and while it was better than hating everything, it didn't make the decision easier.

"That's okay, honey. You have time. You know, I miss you over here. It's so quiet without you at home," Pam told her, and Emily could tell by the sound of her voice that she'd had a lot of lonely nights in Rosewood since Emily left.

Over the year Emily's dad had been in Afghanistan, it had been the two of them for so long that Emily knew her mom had come to depend on Emily's company for dinners and the Emily's swim meets to preoccupy her nights. Now, Emily was sure that Rosewood wasn't quite the same for her mom.

"I know. I miss you too, Mom," Emily told her sweetly. "How is Dad doing?" she asked.

"I actually wanted to talk to you about your father," Pam explained.

"Is everything okay?" Emily wondered nervously.

"Everything's fine. He just isn't going to be making it back for Thanksgiving this year," Pam lamented sadly.

Emily nodded, frowning. Since before school had started, her mom and dad had planned to come see Emily's swim meet the day before Thanksgiving and drive her home that night so they could spend the weekend in Rosewood together as a family. Even though she'd had rough patches with her parents over the last few years as they came to terms with her being gay, things were so much different now between them as a family, so she'd been looking forward to spending the time with them again. It was disappointing knowing now that it wasn't going to happen now.

"Oh," Emily replied glumly.

"I know," Pam told her, mirroring her daughter's dismay. "Duty calls. But, I was thinking that I could still drive up for your meet, and maybe instead of driving back to Rosewood just the two of us, I could get a hotel for a couple of nights, and we could do Thanksgiving over there," she offered hopefully.

"You're going to get a hotel with a kitchen?" Emily asked in confusion as she stood up from the booth and reached for her bag to start heading to her next class.

"No, no, we'll just have to go out to eat this year," Pam explained. "But I thought it would make it easier on you so you don't have to make the whole trip back and forth. And it'd be nice to see more of the campus. I just wanted to make sure that was okay with you. I didn't know if you and Maya had plans to see each other over the holiday."

Emily felt a sudden knot in her stomach. It had been weeks since she'd spoken to her mom, and the casualty of that was the fact that Emily still hadn't let her know that she and Maya were over. She had hoped to wait until it wasn't such an open wound, but time had continued to pass, and with her busy schedule, Emily simply hadn't made time for that phone call. Now, she regretted having waited so long.

"Oh. No, we don't have plans," Emily answered awkwardly as she pushed the door open to step out into the sunlight.

"Is she not coming home for Thanksgiving?" her mother asked innocently.

"I don't really know," Emily started. "Mom, Maya and I broke up," she explained, hating having to even repeat the words again, though it didn't hurt quite the same way this time around.

"Oh, honey," her mother replied sympathetically. "I'm so sorry. I had no idea."

"It's okay," Emily replied shrugging. "I think it was just too hard on her, this whole long distance thing," Emily tried to explain even though, honestly, she hadn't a clue why they had broken up. Yet, it seemed easier to qualify it for her mother.

"It's not always an easy thing," her mother remarked, with a touch of sadness in her voice for her daughter. "How are you doing? I know she meant a lot to you."

"I'm doing better now," Emily assured her. "My friends have been really great," she said as she began scanning the crowd, knowing Paige had to be out there eating with her usual lunch crew. Even though it was early November now, and the air was chilly, the warmth of the sun's rays felt good on her face and she could understand why Paige and her friends had continued to sit outside for lunch, even with the weather change.

"Good, good," Pam replied. "I know the girls are always looking out for you."

Emily nodded, knowing her mom thought she'd been referring to her three high school friends, and while they were included, the new people in her life, Paige in particular, had been her rock.

"Yeah, it's nice having Hanna here. But my new friends too," Emily clarified. "I'll have to introduce you when you come. Well, you already met Paige, my roommate," she explained. "We've gotten really close."

"I'm happy to hear that," Pam told her sincerely. "I had hoped that roommate situation would work out."

"It has. We got _really_ luck," Emily said, just as her eyes found Paige in the crowd. As if she sensed Emily's gaze, Paige lifted her eyes and met Emily's. Emily shot her a bright smile as Paige grinned back, flashing her an inconspicuous wave before someone drew her back into the conversation at her table.

"Good," Pam replied. "Well, I am looking forward to visiting with you. It will be nice to see you swim. Gosh, I still can't believe my baby's in college," she added, and Emily could hear her mother's voice quivering with emotion as she tried to hold it back.

Emily smiled at her mother's nostalgia. "Mom, you know I'm not a baby anymore," she teased sweetly.

"Well, you'll always be _my_ baby," her mother told her. "Whether you're 18 months or 18 years old. Okay?"

"Okay," Emily replied nodding. "I love you, Mom," she said softly.

"I love you too, sweetheart," her mom replied.

Even though Emily knew her dad wouldn't make it to campus for her meet, even though they all wouldn't be able to spend the holiday together, Emily was grateful that her mom was making the effort to come see her anyway. While there was a time when Emily wasn't sure her mom would ever accept her, that was all a distant memory. Things were different now. Things were so much better. In just a couple of years, they had come so far.

For all the times she doubted, Emily knew more than ever how much her mom truly did love her.

* * *

><p>That Saturday, Emily and Paige had woken early for the three-hour drive across Pennsylvania for their away meet against Pittsburgh. It was a big match against a tough team, and Coach had given them all a serious pep talk in the locker room about the Panthers before they'd headed out. When they piled on board the coach, it was still dark outside, and Emily had spent the morning in an out of sleep while Paige stared out the window at the passing lights of the other cars on the highway.<p>

Over the course of the week, Paige's nerves had been building for a number of reasons, the meet being only one of them. Just last weekend, she had received her notification from PSIA that she'd been accepted to the elite group, and her acceptance of the spot was due that day by midnight. Since she'd found out, Paige had been mulling over her decision, considering all of the things Emily had said to her during their movie night about allowing herself to be happy. Paige knew Emily was right. She hadn't doubts about that, but for Paige, it never felt as simple as Emily's words may have made it seem. Paige knew that all of her decisions had widespread consequences. Her father had been grooming her for years to travel this path for her life, and Paige knew it wasn't a minor choice to declare a new one. She would have to tell her father at some point, and she didn't even want to consider his reaction. Even though the idea of forging her own way felt exhilarating to Paige, he wouldn't see it the same way. He would look at it as youthful rebellion, a rash and ignorant act, a mistake.

Paige closed her eyes, trying to calm her nerves, trying to focus for now on the meet. It was an important one that affected their team's ranking, and Paige felt the responsibility weighing on her shoulders. Besides, if she was even considering going against her father's wishes, the only thing to make things worse would be to give him even another reason to call her a failure.

Just then, Paige felt movement beside her, and Paige opened her eyes to see her Emily jerking awake after almost falling over in her seat. Paige couldn't help but laugh as Emily groggily opened her eyes. On Emily's cheek was an imprint of the seat's design from where she'd been resting. Paige watched as Emily rubbed her eyes as she caught Paige's eyes on her and blushed in embarrassment.

"Sorry," Emily muttered softly, her voice husky from sleep.

"Here," Paige told her as she motioned to her lap where she bunched up her sweatshirt as a pillow, letting Emily know she could put her head there if she wanted.

Emily nodded sleepily as she turned on her side and lay down, resting her head on Paige's legs, settling back to sleep again. Emily's dark hair sprawled across the grey sweats that Paige wore, and while she had the urge, Paige was too afraid to touch her, run her hands through her hand to lull her back to dreams. Instead, she watched the rise and fall of Emily's chest as she slept, letting the rhythm of her movements and the sound of her breathing soothe Paige's nerves.

It didn't matter that Emily's head was heavy on her legs, that she wouldn't be able to move her body for as long as Emily slept, that they were still so far away from Pittsburgh, Paige could do this for hours, sit with the weight of Emily's slumber on her.

To be honest, Paige knew she could do this forever. If only Emily would let her. If she let herself.

* * *

><p>Around mid-day they had pulled in to the hilly University of Pittsburgh campus and made their way to Trees Pool where the team had piled out of the parked coach, a crowd of navy and grey. It was daylight now with the sun diffusing through a thick set of clouds that hung over the city. They had still had a couple of hours before the meet was to start, and people had scattered to eat lunch. Emily and Paige had found themselves together as always.<p>

Now, hours later, the meet was in full swing, with several races already completed as the two girls awaited the relay. So far, the meet was neck and neck, with the points split almost evenly between the two teams. _Coach had been right_, Paige thought, as she paced around the exterior of the pool in her sweat pants and swimsuit, awaiting her race. This team was their toughest competition yet. Usually, they had already outpaced their opponents by that time in the meet, but they'd had no such luck. Pitt had a group of fierce swimmers that were showing up the Lions at their home pool. It only served to ratchet up Paige's anxiety.

Finally, they announced the first call for the medley relay, and Paige began making her way back to the blocks. There she found Emily doing some last minute stretching and moving around with a frenzy of nervous energy. Their eyes caught, and they simply nodded to each other as Paige stripped off her sweats and fixed her swim cap.

Minutes later, after last call, Paige took her place on the starting blocks, drowning out everything from her ears except for the impending blast signaling the start of the race. When it finally blared overhead, Paige dove into the water, feeling the fluid cover her body. As her body surfaced again, she began pulling herself through the water, kicking furiously, yet her muscles felt weak. She fought and fought and fought to pick up her speed, but she knew her limbs weren't performing like they should. Reaching the first edge, she flipped over and started down the home stretch, trying desperately to maintain her usual speed even though she could feel inside that she was off pace. She had no idea how her competition was doing, but Paige felt anxiously like they were ahead of her. When she finally reached the end of her leg, Paige already felt defeated. She touched the wall and waited for the next swimmer to dive in over her.

When she pulled herself out of the pool, she looked back and saw that the Pitt swimmer had a heavy lead. She shook her head and turned to the assistant coach who held a stopwatch in his hand. She asked for the time, and he quoted it to her with a frown. It was slower than her usual time. In fact, it was her slowest race of the season by far. Paige felt her own disappointment sinking in painfully. She bit her tongue to stop herself from cursing as she ripped off her swim cap and goggles in frustration. When she looked up again, Emily's eyes were on her, and Paige turned away abruptly. She didn't want to talk to anyone and the last thing she needed was Emily's pitifully sad eyes on her. Paige moved to the back wall behind the blocks, pulled on her sweats, and crossed her arms over her body as she watched the rest of the race play out. One by one, every relay member dragged out the other team's lead until Emily dove in the water so far behind her competitor that Paige already knew they'd lost the race.

"Fuck!" Paige muttered to herself as she shook her head, moving to the locker room, not even able to watch any longer how badly they were being defeated.

Not much later, Paige was throwing her swim cap and goggles in her locker and pulling on her Lions jacket when she heard the door creak open. Paige didn't look up, but she could sense Emily's presence as she crossed the room and leaned up against the locker next to her.

"Paige," Emily whispered sympathetically.

"_What?_" Paige bit back as she turned to Emily.

Emily frowned, shaking her head. "Don't worry about it," she told Paige.

"Don't worry about it?" Paige asked incredulously. How could she not worry about it? The entire race was a complete disaster. They hadn't just lost, they'd been crushed, and it made Paige feel sick thinking of just how terrible she'd done.

"It was just one loss," Emily said sweetly, and while Paige knew she was just trying to calm her, she didn't want to hear it. It didn't change the results of the race, and the results were the only thing that mattered, the only thing anyone really cared about. 'Doing your best' meant nothing if your best was failing.

"I was so off my time, Emily," Paige countered heatedly.

"We were all off," Emily insisted

Paige shook her head. "I'm starter. It's my job not to get us behind like that," Paige told her, turning back to her locker as she forcefully zipped up her Lions jacket.

"Hey," Emily said, moving closer to Paige, trying to get in her sightline. "Paige. Look at me. This isn't your fault. It was just a bad day," Emily continued.

Paige turned back to her angrily. "What do you know, Emily?" she bit sharply. "I don't get to mess up, okay? I don't get to have a bad day," she told her, slamming the locker door shut abruptly.

"Paige," Emily pleaded, reaching her hand out to Paige's arm.

"Just. Don't," Paige said firmly, turning and shrugging off Emily's hand from her arm. The look of pain on Emily's face was obvious, and Paige found herself darting out of the locker room so that she wouldn't have to bear seeing it any longer.

Losing was enough agony for one day.

* * *

><p>A couple of hours later, the meet had ended with Penn State being handed a brutal loss. The entire rest of the day, Paige hadn't spoken to anyone as she completed her other two races with disappointing times as well. The entire day, she'd proven herself to be a failure, Paige thought as she made her way out of the Pool House.<p>

Dressed in her navy Lions sweats, she was the first person to the coach for the three hour drive back to State College from Pitt. Climbing onto the coach, Paige slid into a seat at the back, pulling off her Lions jacket that was now wet from the rain pouring down outside and shoving it near her feet. She pulled her iPhone from her bag and put her headphones on quickly, turning up the music and trying to drown out everything around her. With her eyes focused on the raindrops sliding down the glass window and her arms crossed over her chest, she felt nothing but defeat.

A moment later, Paige felt Emily's weight press in to the seat beside her as she sat down, but Paige didn't turn her head. Even though she felt Emily's eyes on her, there was nothing to say, and all Paige wanted was to curl up and drift away. The coach began to lurch out of the university parking lot, taking a few turns until it pulled onto the highway heading back to State College.

After a few minutes, Emily reached a hand to the right side of Paige's head and gently took the headphone bud from her ear. Paige looked over, and they caught eyes. Emily smiled shyly, her lips doing that sweet little upturned thing they always did, and she put the ear bud in her own right ear so they could share like they always did for the long rides home.

Paige felt a lump forming in her throat and tears filling her eyes as Emily curled her legs up onto the seat and settled her head on Paige's shoulder to fall asleep. Even though it wasn't anything new, Paige felt her heart heave at the simple act because she knew it meant so much more than it seemed. It was Emily's way of saying that it didn't matter what Paige did or said. It didn't change things. Emily wasn't going to let Paige shut her out. She wouldn't allow Paige to get rid of her that easily. Emily wasn't going anywhere.

Just then, the setting sun burst through the clouds on the horizon and flickered through the drops of rain on the window. Paige looked down to see flashes of gold dancing across Emily's skin. The music in her ears spun to Sufjan Stevens, _For the Widows in Paradise_, and Paige took a deep breath of air, breathing in the scent of Emily's hair. Despite how broken she felt, something about Emily always made her feel whole again. Sometimes it was so overwhelming, like her heart was going to explode just with how strong it felt. She reached her hand up and wiped a tear that was falling down her cheek before she let her eyes close tightly shut, savoring the warmth of Emily's body beside her.

With the music filling her ears, Paige felt herself taken aback by the feeling piercing her heart. It wasn't something she was used to anymore. It had been years since Paige had felt that sense of warmth you got when you came home, when you got to be in that place where you were always welcome, where you were loved without conditions, where it was safe to just be you. In fact, after her mom was gone, Paige thought she'd never find it again, but here she was now. With Emily cuddled on her shoulder for a long bus ride in the rain, Paige felt like she'd finally found it again. Paige didn't realize it until right then, but when she had found Emily, she had found her way home.

* * *

><p>When they piled off the coach hours later on the Penn State campus, it was early evening. The sky was dark, and the grounds were quiet. The swim team had headed into the locker room to drop off their suits before scattering across campus in silence. Coach had been kind enough not to deal them a verbal lashing after the meet, but they all knew one would be awaiting them on Monday along with a boot camp level practice that would leave their bodies incapacitated.<p>

Earlier, when Emily and Paige had stirred on the bus, Paige had offered Emily an apologetic smile and mouthed, _I'm sorry,_ even though they both knew it was already in the past. Emily had smiled shyly in return and grabbed Paige's hand to pull her from the seat. Paige had stood just as their hands broke contact and followed Emily off the bus.

Now, as they made their way across campus in the dark, both were still quiet. They walked closely together, and it felt good, being in Emily's company like this. Even though they had the most amazing conversations, Paige had to admit that even the silence with Emily was easy and comfortable and warm. It was like they didn't have to say a word to each other to know how each other was feeling.

Just as they were about to reach Brumbaugh, Emily's eyes darted to something in the dark.

"Did you see that?" Emily asked, turning to Paige.

Paige shook her head. "What?" she wondered, looking around, following Emily's gaze.

"I don't know," Emily shrugged. "An animal I think."

Paige laughed. "Em, you're going to chase after an unknown animal?" she asked skeptically, as Emily dropped her arm and started looking around.

Emily flashed her a smile. "It wasn't _that _big," she teased.

Paige shook her head. "It doesn't have to be big to have rabies, you know," she quipped.

Emily flashed her a look and scoffed playfully as she skipped ahead to where she had seen the flash of white disappear behind the bushes.

"Look, Paige. Come here," Emily whispered, motioning with her hand for Paige to join her. "Oh my god, she's so cute," Emily squealed as Paige came around the bend and saw Emily ducked down, holding her hand out to flash of white.

Looking closer, Paige realized that the animal Emily was trying to coax out of the bushes was a fluffy little cat. Emily was right; the cat _was_ cute, yet the thing Paige couldn't take her eyes off of was Emily's face as she gazed at the little white ball of fur. She was lit up like a little kid as she cooed at the cat, trying to convince her to come closer. The whole sight made Paige melt. She knelt down on the ground next to Emily. The little cat didn't have a collar, and by the mats in part of its fur, she was obviously a stray.

"She doesn't have a home," Emily whispered, looking up to Paige with the saddest, pleading eyes.

After a few moments, the cat slowly drew closer to Emily and let her nose touch Emily's fingertip lightly before a noise in the distance startled her, and she darted out of sight. Emily turned to Paige with a frown, mourning the fact that she hadn't been able to convince the cat to come to her.

Paige shook her head and smiled, knowing that if Emily's attempts had been successful, they would have had an unauthorized third resident in their Brumbaugh dorm room. Reaching out for Emily's arm, she pulled her up and dragged her pouting face over to the dorm.

Even though Paige knew she would probably end up teasing Emily about wanting to adopt the little cat, she found it so endearing. Emily and her big heart was always tugging at her though.

* * *

><p>As soon as Emily dropped her bag next to her desk and collapsed on the bed, ready to pass out, she heard her phone ringing in her duffel. Even though it was early in the night, just past dinnertime, she'd hoped for a quiet night in with Paige where they could order in delivery and watch episodes of Arrested Development. She groaned as sat up to the sound of the blaring ringtone, resenting the disturbance.<p>

Looking up, she saw Paige cross over and reach into Emily's bag, grabbing her phone and tossing it to her. Emily smiled appreciatively at Paige, their eyes catching as Paige's lips curled. Emily knew that the day had been hard on Paige, beyond hard to the point of heartbreaking. She knew that the expectations Paige faced on a day to day basis were breaking her apart, and it had hurt so much seeing Paige in pain earlier that day that she was so happy now to see a smile cross her face.

"You're too good to me," Emily told her gratefully, and Paige simply shook her head, smirking as if Emily had lost her mind. It made her smile.

Glancing down at her caller ID, Emily saw that it was Hanna calling. She answered quickly, and Emily found that Hanna was beaming for some reason. Emily told her about the meet and how they'd lost terribly to which Hanna insisted she had the perfect way to perk up her mood, a party off campus. Emily tried as hard as she could to get out of it, but Hanna insisted she attend and wouldn't take 'no' for an answer. Finally, Emily lost the fight as she got off the phone and frowned at Paige across the room.

"My arm has been twisted," Emily lamented.

"You have a very twistable arm," Paige quipped back with a smirk from her desk where she sat with her laptop open. Emily just laughed as Paige turned in her desk to face her. "Hanna?" Paige wondered as she glanced back at her computer

Emily nodded. "A party. Do you want to come?" she asked hopefully.

Paige looked back up, frowning. "I would. But I still haven't gotten back to PSIA," Paige told her.

Emily nodded thoughtfully. Paige hadn't mentioned the group since the email had come the weekend before, and she hadn't a clue what Paige had been thinking all week about it all. After their talk, Paige had promised to consider what Emily had said, and she hoped that Paige had thought about it. Emily wanted more than anything for Paige to be happy.

"Do you know what it's going to say yet?" Emily asked cautiously, hoping to feel out Paige's thoughts.

Paige shook her head. "Not yet," she told Emily regretfully.

Emily nodded as she pulled herself up from the bed and started towards her wardrobe to find an outfit to wear, wondering for a moment if anyone would care if she just showed up in her PSU warm ups. After she dressed into a pair of jeans, she stood in front of the mirror and put on a touch of makeup and brushed her hair.

"You know, I could come by after. Meet up with you," Paige said, drawing Emily's attention.

Emily turned to face her, smiling. "Yeah. Come find me. Or should I say, come save me," she added sarcastically.

Paige grinned. "What's the address? I'll text you when I get there."

Emily moved over to Paige's desk and copied down the address Hanna had texted her onto a post-it note.

"You better not stand me up," Emily warned her jokingly.

Paige laughed. "I wouldn't dare," she told her with a sly smile.

Emily smiled, biting on her bottom lip, as she caught eyes with Paige before finally turning back to finish getting ready. She was so tired that she couldn't imagine going out to a loud party, but at least if Paige would be joining her later, it couldn't be so bad.

* * *

><p>After Emily had left, Paige tapped her fingers on the desk, staring at the blank email opened on her computer screen. This day had been coming all week, and even though she had been mulling over her decision nearly every second of every day, it didn't make it any easier to finally sit down and be faced with finally making a choice. The entire ride home, she'd forced herself to clear her mind and put the day behind her, choosing to let herself dissolve in the feeling of Emily against her. Now the familiar tug of war that had been plaguing her all week had returned full force, and she felt like she was being ripped in two as the two sides warred within her. On one end, there was the life that had been chosen for her, laid out like a paved road. On the other was uncharted waters, murky, deep and terrifyingly unknown. She didn't really know if she had the guts to step out and see if she'd sink or swim.<p>

Releasing a heavy, frustrated sigh, Paige lifted herself from the desk and moved to her bed, letting her body drop limply onto the mattress. Checking her watch, she saw that the seconds were ticking by like some kind of time bomb, and she felt a rush of anxious energy fill her chest. Resting her head on the pillow, Paige told herself to just stay calm and breathe.

Instinctively, she reached a hand up to the ledge above her bed where her row of books sat dormant, as they'd done for weeks. Paige took her copy of _The Alchemist_, brushing the dust of with her hand, she flipped open the cover, like she'd done probably hundreds of times since her mother had given her the book. It was aged and worn, with a few of the pages fading and the edges torn in places. There were scribbles in the margins, and even though Paige had marred the borders of every other one of her books, the words on these pages were solely her mom's. Now, Paige cherished the copy, reaching to it those times when things felt unbearable, when she felt trapped, when everything felt futile. It was the last gift her mother had given her. It was the most important piece Paige had of her. Opening it always made her feel like her mother was still with her, wrapping her arms around her like she always used to, like she did so often during those last few months when she would tell Paige that everything would be okay, those last days before she was gone.

Paige took a deep breath as she flipped through the pages, reading. After a few minutes, when she finally came to a certain passage, she read it half a dozen times, over and over, letting the words penetrate her heart. Slowly, as the meaning sank in, she felt herself grow wrought with emotion, her eyes filling with tears. She sniffled, trying to push them away as she wiped her eyes with the sleeve of her shirt. She knew what she had to do, and she couldn't deny it any more.

Paige set the book and, in a hurry, moved back to her desk, sitting down and typing furiously.

Back on the bed, the book lay open to a passage that had been underlined eons ago.

It read: _"What's the world's greatest lie?" the boy asked, completely surprised. "It's this: that at a certain point in our lives, we lose control of what's happening to us, and our lives become controlled by fate. That's the world's greatest lie."_

Paige had decided then that she was done believing that lie.

This was her life, and it was in her hands.

* * *

><p>When Emily arrived at the party, she stepped into the crowded, noisy living room, glancing around, looking for that familiar splash of Hanna's blond hair. When she didn't see her right away, Emily pulled out her cell to phone her, hoping that she was, in fact, at the right place.<p>

Just then, a text message popped up on Emily's phone. It was from Paige. Emily's eyes glanced across the message, reading Paige's words, and she felt a flash of excitement come over her.

_Leaving now. And I have something to tell you. Can we talk? -P_

She hoped upon hope that it was good news, that Paige had chosen to be brave. Emily knew that Paige was strong, that she could do this, but Emily also knew that sometimes Paige's greatest enemy was herself, always convincing her own mind that she was weak. Sometimes Emily felt like she was the only one who knew how far that was from the truth. Maybe Paige was finally looking at herself the way Emily did. Energized, Emily realized that she couldn't wait to see her.

Hanna's voice shouting her name tore Emily away from her thoughts as she quickly typed a response and sent it back to Paige before putting her cell away again in her bag.

"Hey!" Hanna shouted excitedly with a gleaming, devious smile.

"Um, hi," Emily replied curiously, eyeing Hanna and wondering where all this energy had come from. It was too early to be drunk, even for her.

"I'm so sorry about your meet," Hanna told her frowning as she grabbed Emily's arm and pulled her into the mass of people.

Emily shrugged. "It happens," she lamented with a small frown.

They started walking through the house, and as they made their way, they caught up on each of their weeks. After Emily told Hanna about her mom coming in for Thanksgiving, Hanna let her know that, with a stroke of lucky, she had ran into the boy she'd met at the pajama party the weekend before, and he'd asked for her number. Emily could tell Hanna was giddy with joy, so she didn't have the heart to break it to her that she couldn't even remember what the boy looked like. Instead, she let her know she was happy for her and hoped that it worked out.

Looking around, Emily turned to Hanna again. "So whose party is this? And why did I _have_ to come?" Emily asked as she scanned the room, seeing a crowd of unfamiliar people.

"Becausssse," Hanna replied cryptically. " I have someone I want you to meet!" she told Emily, squealing with excitement.

Emily's mouth dropped open. She couldn't believe it. Hanna couldn't be serious. Was this really just a set up?

"Wait," Emily said, stopping them both in their tracks and turning to face Hanna. "_That's_ what tonight is all about? And I thought you were just trying to cheer me up," she added, confronting Hanna head on.

Hanna smirked. "I _am_ trying to cheer you up. And what better way than a really_ hot_ girl?" Hanna replied, nudging Emily energetically.

Emily frowned. "I don't know if I'm really ready for that, Hanna."

Emily was in shock that Hanna would spring something like this on her without the slightest warning. It had only been just over a month since her breakup with Maya. Did Hanna really think she wanted to jump into something new already? Emily knew she'd thought about it the weekend before, after she'd been ogling Paige, but she had put that behind her. She didn't think all of this, meeting someone, dating someone new, was necessary to keep her eyes to herself. She had done just fine so far keeping her thoughts in check.

"It's not a marriage proposal, okay?" Hanna insisted. "It's not even a date. It's an_ introduction_."

Emily sighed, shaking her head "Where did you even find this girl?" she asked cynically.

"Emily Fields," Hanna chastised playfully. "You act like I picked up someone off the street."

"Wouldn't put it past you," Emily replied smirking.

"She's in my Geography class, okay?" Hanna told her. "And she's great. Please give it a chance, Em. For me," she added more seriously, flashing Emily the most sympathetic pleading look. "I think you'll really like her."

Emily winced for a long moment as she debated darting out the front door and back home.

Finally, sighing, she relented. "Fine!"

Hanna grinned and squealed in response as she pulled Emily further into the party.

* * *

><p>After she sent Emily the text, Paige took a last look in the mirror, fixing her hair and putting on a coat of lipstick. She felt a sense of exhilaration rushing through her at her decision. Paige had spent so many years playing the part her father created for her, and saying no to PSIA was the first step in finding her way back to herself again, figuring out who she was.<p>

After she had changed three times, she'd settled on a shirt that Emily had once told her she liked on her. For some reason, she'd wanted to look her best. It felt like some sort of celebration. She'd changed the course of her life with one seemingly minor decision, and tonight felt like the first night of the new her. It had taken so much strength, and while she still felt an overwhelming sense of fear at the uncharted territory she was rushing into, she also felt happy. She'd finally found the guts be honest with herself about her life and Emily would be the first one to know. Just as she pulled on a coat over her outfit, her cell beeped from her desk. Crossing over, she reached for it and opened the message.

_Of course :) Can't wait to see you!_

Smiling to herself, Paige grabbed her keys and raced out the door. She couldn't wait to tell Emily.

* * *

><p>A moment later, Emily and Hanna had fought through the crowd and made their way towards a back room where a few people were mingling. It was quieter back there, and Emily was grateful to be away from the noise after the long day she'd had.<p>

With Hanna pulling her, Emily's eyes moved across the room until they settled on the opposite corner. Narrowing her eyes, Emily examined a girl leaning against the wall, talking to someone else, and she felt a sense of familiarity come over her. Just then, sensing their presence, the girl turned, and Emily recognized her instantly.

Emily saw the girl catch eyes with Hanna first and then Emily as Hanna dragged her over to meet her. Before they reached her, the girl excused herself from the conversation she was in and stepped forward to green them both.

"Hey, Hanna," the girl said with a smile as they approached.

"Hey! Sooooo, this is-," Hanna started, smiling as she turned from the girl back to Emily.

"Emily, right?" the other girl finished, flashing a smile, her eyes locked on Emily.

"Yeah," Emily replied, releasing a small laugh at how crazy this all was.

"Samara," the girl said as she reached out her hand to Emily.

Emily took it, shaking hands with her. "I remember," she replied nodding.

Hanna's eyes moved between Emily and the other girl curiously. "You two have met?" she asked, surprised.

"Yeah, Hanna," Emily told her as her eyes went back to Samara whose eyes were still on her. Emily fidgeted awkwardly at the attention, turning back to Hanna. "We've met."

Hanna smirked, as if to say her job as done. "Well, I think I'm going to go get a drink then," she replied, spinning on her heel and leaving Emily and Samara on their own.

Emily turned back to Samara who now looked a touch embarrassed. "I promise I didn't know it was you," she told Emily, smiling apologetically.

"Right," Emily agreed. "I mean, there must be hundreds of gay_ Emilys_ on campus," she teased back, and the two girls laughed together.

"Okay, I wondered if it was you," Samara admitted, playfully wincing. "Is it bad to say that I kind of hoped?" she added with a smile.

Emily smirked. "I don't know. Does this mean you'd hoped I was single now?" she teased.

"Can you really blame me?" Samara replied, taking a step closer to Emily.

Emily felt herself shift nervously at Samara's forwardness. She'd never had a girl be so up front, so comfortable letting her know she was interested. It was different and surprising and kind of energizing.

Samara smiled again. "I just hope you're not disappointed that it's me."

Emily shrugged, pushing her hair behind her hair. "I think in order to be disappointed, I'd have to know I was meeting someone tonight," she admitted.

Samara's eyes widened in surprise. "Hanna didn't tell you?" she asked.

"She didn't," Emily told her. "I think she probably thought I wouldn't show," Emily explained with a frown as Emily finally let herself take a long look at Samara. Her eyes scanned Samara's face. She had a great smile and bright eyes and a confidence that was undeniable. And when Emily had met her before, she had seemed to be interested. Maybe this wasn't a terrible idea. As Hanna said, it was just an introduction, right? And Emily had to admit that Hanna was right about one thing. Samara _was_ pretty, really pretty. She figured she should at least give this a chance.

"But don't worry," Emily added with a smile. "I'm glad I did."

* * *

><p>It took about fifteen minutes for Paige to make her way across campus to the party. It was chilly outside, but the sky was clear, revealing a scattering of stars against the black night. Her hands were shoved in her pockets, and she still felt the exhilarating nervous energy pumping thorugh her body. She couldn't believe she'd done it. She'd told the group 'no' because <em>she<em> wanted to. It felt like the first decision she'd every really made for herself, and it made her feel on top of the world.

The sound of the music pumping grabbed her attention before she realized she had arrived at the party. Looking up at the mailbox, Paige double-checked the address with the post-it Emily had given her and made her way up the front steps. The front door was half-open, and she pushed it open to find a crowd of coeds milling around.

Wandering through the large living room, Paige's eyes searched for Emily, hoping she might find her without needing to send a message that the noise would likely only drown out. Rounding a corner towards the kitchen where a large keg was set up, Paige caught sight of one of their swim teammates, Mallorie, passing by. Reaching out her hand, Paige stopped her gently. The other girl turned to Paige and smiled.

"Hi, Paige!" she said eagerly, and Paige could tell by her enthusiasm that she'd probably had a couple of drinks.

"Hey, Mallorie. Have you seen Emily?" Paige asked, glancing around the room one more time.

"Fields?" Mallorie replied.

"Yeah," Paige responded, nodding.

"She's in the back," Mallorie said, motioning with her head towards the corridor that led to the back room. "But I think she might be preoccupied," she added suggestively, smirking slyly.

Paige's eyes narrowed in confusion. "What does that mean?" she asked nervously.

"Go see for yourself," Mallorie dared, her brows raised curiously.

Paige felt her stomach flip even though she had no idea why Emily would be "preoccupied." Mallorie made it seemed like Emily needed the privacy, but Emily was the one who had insisted she come to the party, who had wanted Paige to come find her, so she decided to head to the back and see if they could still talk.

Making her way towards the other room, Paige froze just before she reached the entrance. Before her, Emily was leaning against the wall, but she wasn't alone. She was talking with someone that Paige didn't recognize, but she didn't need to in order to feel instantly uncomfortable. She shifted her weight as she lingered in place, eyeing the pair, and especially the person standing with Emily.

The girl was tall with blonde messy waves and sky blue eyes. She wore a tight shirt with a scooping neckline and a fitted jacket over it. Her jeans hugged her body, showing off her figure, and she wore heels that put her a couple of inches taller than Emily. She looked like some picture perfect California girl, or at least how Paige always suspected one to look, and she was leaning in to Emily so that their bodies were close as they spoke.

Paige knew she should walk away, that it wasn't right for her to watch, that what she was doing was spying, but she couldn't tear herself away. As she watched, she saw Emily smile shyly and bite her lip, and the blonde girl's eyes move to Emily's mouth. It made Paige feel nauseous. She closed her eyes and shook her head at herself, but she couldn't help that her mind was racing over this girl who was so obviously flirting with Emily. _Who was she? Where did she come from? How did they meet?_

Paige tried to shake off her thoughts. Maybe it was just someone from one of Emily's classes that she had run into. Maybe it was just a casual conversation. The loud music was permeating the entire house, so it was clear they would have to stand closely if they wanted to hear one another. She told herself some random girl didn't change anything and she shouldn't be so worried about it. She still wanted to talk to Emily before she lost all of her bravado. Taking a deep breath, Paige moved away from the scene and told herself to be patient.

* * *

><p>"So, do you want to grab a drink?" Emily asked Samara at a break in their conversation.<p>

After a few minutes, they'd managed to settle into a rhythm of conversation. Emily learned that Samara was a junior at Penn State and had grown up near Philly just as Emily had. They discussed a few places back home they both knew of and laughed as they realized how crazy it was that they had never met back then.

"Oh, that's okay," Samara replied politely, shaking her head. "I don't drink beer," she added with a touch of disgust on her face.

"What do you drink at all these college parties then?" Emily asked incredulously with a laugh.

"Oh," Samara replied with a frown. "Well, they're not really my scene, but I wanted to meet you so I figured I could wade through the miscreants," she added disdainfully.

Emily shifted uncomfortably. By now, Emily had been to what seemed like dozens of parties, and while she wasn't always there to get wasted and be a fool, with the right people, with Paige especially, they could be a lot of fun.

"Yeah, totally," Emily replied awkwardly, unsure what to actually say that wouldn't make Samara think of her as another of those 'miscreants.'

"So, do you think I could have your number?" Samara finally asked hopefully. "We could go out sometime?"

"Okay, sure," Emily agreed, nodding.

Samara pulled her cell out of her purse, and Emily recited her phone number before Samara saved it into her phone book and put it back away, smiling. Emily noticed that Samara hadn't offered her number to Emily, and for some reason, Emily felt like it wasn't just an oversight, but an intentional decision, like maybe Samara was used to calling all of the shots. Maybe it was better that way, Emily thought. It took the decision making out of her own hands when she knew she probably would have come up with a thousand reasons to chicken her way out of calling Samara.

Even more so, Emily hardly knew how to ask someone like Samara out on a date, someone who was older and mature and who probably had standards and expectations that Emily couldn't begin to predict. If Samara thought the party was low-class, Emily wasn't exactly sure what she would have in mind for a date. Besides, dating was still something so completely new to Emily. She and Maya had just kind of fallen into a relationship. There wasn't all this formal courting that Emily knew was the norm, and Emily thought it might be better to let Samara take the lead on this one. Then again, maybe she was getting ahead of herself. There was a chance Samara might not even really be interested. She may have only been acting polite. Maybe she wouldn't even call.

After Samara slid her phone back into her purse, she let Emily know she had to get going and they exchanged 'goodnights' before Samara took off with the hopes of finding Hanna to tell her goodbye before she left. When she was finally gone, Emily shrugged off all of her nervous thoughts and told herself that whatever happened, happened. Checking her phone, Emily noticed that it had already been nearly an hour since she had heard from Paige that she was on her way. Remembering that Paige had mentioned wanting to talk, Emily smiled and put her phone away, deciding to search the house to see if Paige had arrived yet.

* * *

><p>A few minutes later, Emily found her way to the kitchen where she saw Paige engaged in a conversation with a few people. Emily watched her for a moment as the people around her, entranced in whatever Paige was saying, laughed at a joke she had made. Emily couldn't help but smile. While Emily had to admit that in the beginning of their friendship, Emily would find herself just a touch jealous when Paige's attention was on other people, as they had grown closer, she'd learn that no matter who Paige was with, she seemed to feel the same way as Emily, that they both would rather be in each other's company.<p>

Leaning up against the wall nearby, Emily waited patiently for Paige to finish up her conversation, watching the gleam in her eyes and the expressions on her face and the way her mouth moved as she entertained the crowd. Emily had always been drawn to Paige's charisma and the ease with which she could light up a room. It was a quality Emily had felt she was missing herself and had always admired in Paige.

As she was talking, Paige caught a glimpse of Emily out of the corner of her eye and smiled, and Emily knew that it was her way of saying that she'd try to finagle her way out of the conversation as soon as she could.

* * *

><p>After a few minutes, Paige finally found a way to duck away from the people she'd been chatting with and crossed the room to Emily's side. It felt good that Emily had come to find her and had decided to wait so that they could hang out. After seeing Emily with Samara, she had thought that Emily might be preoccupied the whole night, and Paige had considered going back home to the dorms to save herself the embarrassment of being there alone. Yet, she knew, at least, that Hanna was there somewhere, so she figured if Emily never came around, she could at least hang out with her so it didn't seem like she was all by herself at the party.<p>

"I thought you were going to come find me," Emily whined jokingly, as she pushed Paige lightly in the stomach when she approached.

The touch was so subtle that it didn't hurt, but nonetheless, Paige felt a buzzing in her gut where Emily's hand had made contact. Even after months, the thrill of Emily's touch still hadn't diminished, but Paige had at least learned not to show what she felt inside on her face every single time. Since the nearly catastrophic incident the weekend before, Paige had consciously decided that it was better to stay light on the drinks when she was with Emily so as not to lose her self-control, and tonight, she hadn't even so much as had a sip of alcohol even though her nerves had reached a near nuclear scale.

"Sorry," Paige apologized, wincing. "I just got caught up," she said, hoping it wasn't a complete lie. Seeing Emily with that other girl had made her so uncomfortable that the idea of interrupting their conversation was the last thing she had wanted to do.

"Well, I'm just glad I could steal you back," Emily told her, linking arms with Paige and drawing her out of the kitchen and back into the living room where the party was in full swing.

"So you won't believe this," Emily said as she dropped Paige's arm and slowed to a stop, turning to face Paige. "Hanna set me up with this girl tonight," Emily told her, rolling her eyes playfully.

Paige felt a pit form in her gut. So her instincts _had_ been right. That pretty blonde she'd seen Emily with had seemed so obviously into Emily in that way, but now Paige had confirmation. And even worse, the whole thing was a set up, a date. It was planned. Emily was supposed to like this girl back. Paige started to grow nauseous.

"She did?" Paige finally asked nervously, not knowing what else to say when she felt like she needed air.

"Yeah. It was so funny," Emily replied with a laugh.

Paige told herself to breathe. Emily was making light of the whole situation, so maybe she wasn't really into the other girl. Yet, Paige had seen her laughing, giggling even, and it wasn't as though she had moved away when that girl had gotten so close.

Paige found herself forcing a smile. "Like a blind date or something?" she asked, trying not to clench her teeth.

"That's the thing. I already know her," Emily explained humorously, as if there was a joke that went along with all of this that Paige just didn't get. "Her name's Samara. We met on the first day of school. She had one of those student group booths set up in the Quad. You remember, right?" Emily asked, turning to Paige.

Paige swallowed hard, nodding. "Yeah. I remember," she said, wondering what student group this girl would have been in charge of, wondering why Emily had stopped there, if the girl had known Emily was gay, if they had flirted then, if she'd ever crossed Emily's mind since.

"That's not important though," Emily replied, brushing off the entire thing in this casual way. "What did you want to tell me?" she asked Paige eagerly.

"It's nothing," Paige replied, shaking her head. How could she possible talk about herself when all she could think of was that predatory gleam in the girl's eye when she looked at Emily, as if she were something to eat.

"No, it's not. Now, come on," Emily said, reaching for Paige's forearm and tugging her towards the front door. "It's way too loud in here."

Paige followed Emily's lead as they meandered to the front of the house and stepped out onto the front porch. It was much colder outside, but the fresh air felt good as Paige breathed in deeply. On the right side was a battered leather sofa, which Emily led them to, both taking a seat with Emily on the far side turned to face Paige. As they got comfortable, their arms just barely grazed, sending a shiver through Paige's body at the contact of Emily's warmth on her cool skin.

"Okay, better," Emily said with a smile as she drew her legs onto the couch. "Now talk to me," she encouraged, her dark eyes focused on Paige, and in an instant, Paige felt a sense of calm wash over her.

_This was Emily_, Paige told herself. This was the person she cared most about in the world. This was the person who had showed her time and time again that she cared just the same. This was the person who wanted her to be happy, and all the energy and excitement she had felt about telling Emily came back to her.

Paige took a deep breath. "I turned down PSIA," she said in a rushed release of air that made the sentence meld together as if it were a single solitary word.

Emily's eyes widened. "You did?" Emily asked, with a hopeful gleam on her face.

Paige nodded nervously. "Yeah."

Emily smiled slightly. "How do you feel?" she asked as she reached her hand out and settled it on Paige's wrist.

The touch of Emily's palm on her skin felt so good. Every time they touched, it felt good, but not only good. It felt sweet and exhilarating and thrilling. It was exactly the same as how it felt when she'd finally had the courage to take her life back. She wondered if this was what happiness felt like. Even just a taste of it. Emily's hand on hers.

"Scared," Paige admitted, knowing there was fear written all over her face. "Terrified, actually. But good."

Emily's eyes brightened. "Good," she replied, their eyes locked on each other.

Paige fidgeted slightly, turning her eyes away from Emily and pursing her lips. "I also signed up to take an American Lit class next semester. Just, you know, to scope it out," she explained with a shrug. "See if I want to switch majors next year."

"No way! That's amazing, Paige," Emily replied excitedly, a wide smile on her face as her hand dropped from Paige's wrist so that she was clutching Paige's hand. It sent a rush of energy through Paige's body.

Paige's eyes lingered on their hands as she nodded. "I just thought about what you said, about letting myself be happy," she said as she finally looked up to see Emily's warm gaze on her still.

"I'm so glad," Emily told her, and all of sudden, it felt like Emily was so close to her. Her legs were pulled up on the sofa, their legs were brushing, and they were still holding hands. Paige felt so close to her, like she could tell her anything, like all of her feelings were safe with Emily.

"You were right. About everything," Paige started to tell her, drawing the sweetest smile from Emily.

Yet, there was more that Paige felt itching under her skin to say, things she'd told herself not to say for so long. Now, it was right under the surface, calling to her. Sitting there now with Emily, hands held, she felt like she had to be honest. How was there any other choice? How could she love her this much and not tell her?

However, all of her ability to put it all into words had seemed to have vanished from her mind between the fear and excitement and nerves she was feeling. Yet, she knew she could hold on to those three simple words she knew were true. Those three simple words were her saving grace.

"Look, Emily. There's something else I want to say. To tell you," Paige started nervously. Inside, she felt her heart hammering away, and on the outside, her hands were shaking furiously. She took one last breath of air, mustering her courage. "Emily, I…"

Just then, Paige noticed Emily's eyes flicker to something behind Paige. It was subtle, but with every sense in her body heightened, Paige felt every single one of Emily's movements. Paige turned her head to look over her shoulder to see what Emily was looking at. It was _Samara_, standing about ten feet away near the front door, in her heels, her blonde shiny hair moving in the breeze, waving goodbye to Emily with a dazzling smile. Emily lifted her hand just a touch and sent a small polite wave back.

Paige felt her heart sink instantly. _What had she been thinking?_ Paige thought. What was any of this going to accomplish? Telling Emily she loved her was purposeless and futile when _that's_ what Emily wanted. Someone spectacularly beautiful. Someone put together. Someone with whom things could be simple and easy. And Paige knew that she was never going to be any of those things.

"Paige," Emily said, drawing Paige back to her.

When Paige's eyes found Emily's, they were expectant ,and Paige couldn't figure out what to say. Emily's hand was still on hers, but everything about the scene felt different. Paige knew that the way she felt when Emily touched her hand wasn't the same for Emily. This was nothing but a friendship to her. And why would she even think to risk that when that friendship meant everything to Paige?

"You were saying…" Emily continued, her eyes scanning Paige's face with curiosity.

Paige shook her head. "Nothing. Just… thank you. I wouldn't have had the guts if it hadn't been for you," she told Emily, forcing a smile.

"This was all you," Emily insisted. "And even if it sounds super lame, I'm really proud of you."

Paige felt her face flush as she shifted her gaze shyly to her lap. The feeling she had when Emily looked at her that way would probably never go away. She just hoped that Emily's eyes always looked at her with that same sweetness, even if it was only as friend. It felt so good that she knew she could never risk losing that feeling.

"Come on, let's celebrate," Emily told her excitedly, before tugging Paige up by the hand and dragging her towards the inside of the house to get a drink.

* * *

><p>A few minutes later, both girls held cups of beer from the keg in their hands, and they'd found a quiet place in a corner of one of the rooms where Emily had toasted Paige's decision. Afterwards, Emily had started probing Paige about the class she had signed up to take in the spring semester. Paige had looked up the course information, and she had felt exhilarated reading the list of authors they'd be studying during the class. She already knew most of them and had either read some of their work or had been wanting to. However, as much as Emily's excitement felt good, it somehow seemed to be overshadowed by all of those images of that girl trying to cozy up to Emily earlier. Paige couldn't get it out of her head. Finally, amidst their talk of Paige's English class, a lull in the conversation hit, and Paige interjected, unable to restrain herself.<p>

"So, are you going to go on a date with her?" Paige asked curiously, trying not to betray her own jealousy.

Emily cocked her head curiously. "What?" she asked as if she hadn't remembered what Paige was referring to. "Oh, with Samara?" she wondered.

Paige nodded. "Yeah."

"I don't know," Emily told her with a casual shrug as she took another swig of beer. "I gave her my number. I'll guess I'll see if she calls."

* * *

><p><em>And of course, she did call,<em> Paige thought regretfully, just as a knock rasped on their dorm room door. It was only a few days later that Samara had rung Emily. Paige hadn't been around, and she was thankful. She had only seen Emily interacting with Samara from afar and that was hard enough to see. She couldn't imagine how awful it would feel to hear Emily giggling over the phone as the girl flirted with her.

By now, Emily had spent nearly an hour in front of the mirror adjusting her hair and makeup while Paige had lain on her bed, dressed in a simple pair of jeans, her hair pulled into a low ponytail, pretending to read. Paige had wanted to assure Emily that she looked beautiful, she always did, but part of her had thought that considering how much Emily was anxiously preparing for the date, maybe she'd get too nervous and call to cancel.

Paige had had no such luck.

When Emily had finally finished in front of the mirror, Paige watched her reach into her jewelry box and retrieve something shiny.

"Paige?" Emily had said, turning to face her.

Paige's breath had caught in her throat as she looked Emily up and down. _She was so amazingly stunning_, Paige had thought as her eyes took Emily in. Her dark hair was arranged in waves that cascaded over her shoulders and fell almost to her elbows. The gold shade swept across her eyelids seemed to make her dark brown eyes glow, and she was wearing a deep purple dress Paige had never seen on her before that clung to her curves in the most perfect way.

"Yeah?" Paige had replied breathlessly.

"Will you help me with this?" Emily had asked sweetly, holding up a gold pendant necklace.

Paige had nodded as she set down her book and pulled herself up from her spot the bed. Crossing the room, she'd taken the necklace from Emily's fingers. As Emily had turned her back to her, Paige had lifted the necklace over her head while Emily pulled her hair out of the way so that Paige could fasten the clasp. As she did, Paige's eyes had raked over the back of Emily's slender neck, at the tiny wisps of hair at the nape, and breathed in her skin that smelled just like warm vanilla.

Paige had swallowed hard. All of this hurt. It hurt more than she'd probably ever imagined it would. Emily dressing up, fixing her hair just right, putting her makeup on perfectly, all to go on a date with someone else. Emily being _nervous_ over someone else. The ache in Paige's chest was unbearable. Yet, she had to bear it. The truth was that Paige wanted Emily to be happy, even if that happiness had nothing to do with her.

After Paige had fastened the clasp to Emily's necklace, she'd set the chain back down on Emily's neck, her fingers grazing Emily's back.

"Okay," Paige had whispered to Emily, letting her know she was finished. Just as Paige had pulled her hands away, Emily had let her hair fall back into place, a few pieces just barely falling over Paige's fingers for the briefest moment. All of a sudden, she had felt completely overwhelmed by how much she wanted to touch Emily. More than anything in the world, she'd wanted to wrap her arms around Emily and pull her tight against her, press her lips to the back of Emily's neck and breathe in the scent of her hair. Instead, Paige had let her hands drop to her sides, making fists to hold herself back, to keep her hands to herself.

Emily had finally turned around to face Paige again, wearing an anxious smile on her face like she was trying to hold it together.

"Nervous?" Paige had asked with an encouraging smile.

"That obvious?" Emily had wondered, flashing a small frown.

"No," Paige had assured her, reaching a hand up and adjusting Emily's necklace so that the pendant was centered around her neck. "I just know you," she'd added with a smirk.

Emily had taken a deep breath. "What if she, I don't know, realizes she doesn't even like me?"

"That's never going to happen," Paige had insisted, but the look on Emily's face had showed that she didn't quite believe her. "Look, Em," Paige had started again, softer and more seriously. "Just be you, okay? If you show her the person I know… she'll be so head over heels, she won't even know what to do with herself."

Emily had rolled her eyes playfully. "You're just saying that," she'd insisted in this adorably self-deprecating way that Paige knew she could never possible understand. To Paige, Emily was the most beautiful thing she'd ever known, from everything you could see on the outside all the way to her heart. How could Emily fail to see that?

Paige had smirked. "Why would I just say that? You know I'm not that nice," she'd quipped wryly.

Emily had smiled sweetly, shaking her head.

"_Yes_," Emily replied she took a step closer to Paige. "You are," she challenged.

Feeling a hitch in her throat at Emily's sudden proximity, Paige had frozen in place as Emily moved even closer, leaning in until her lips brushed Paige's cheek, leaving a soft, chaste kiss behind. Paige's eyes had fluttered shut at the contact, feeling butterflies all over her body at the innocent touch of Emily's soft full lips against her skin. Just as the kiss ended, Paige had forced her eyes back open, ensuring that Emily wouldn't notice just how much the kiss had affected her.

Their gazes met, and Emily had smiled at her warmly. Paige had felt her own lips curl shyly, and she had known that her face must have been flushed. She'd shoved her fringe of bangs behind her ear awkwardly as she felt Emily's eyes linger on her. Slowly, Paige had watched as Emily's smile dissolved to something more serious. Paige told herself to say something, anything to try to stop all of this from happening, to stop Emily from going, but she couldn't. This was what Emily wanted. Someone beautiful and confident who could sweep her off her feet. Someone who had the bravado to ask for her hand. Someone who was everything that Paige wasn't.

"Paige," Emily had whispered, and Paige had felt her head grow dizzy at the earnestness in her voice. Emily had still been standing so closely that Paige had been able to feel the heat of her body. Emily's eyes had still been on her, and she hadn't a clue what Emily was going to say.

Paige had swallowed. "Yeah?" she'd replied, feeling her voice crack.

Just as Emily had been about to open her mouth to say something else, that loud knock on the door had sounded. Both their heads turned to the door, the intrusion changing the energy of the room instantly.

"That's her," Emily told Paige, who simply nodded in return.

For a moment, Emily didn't move, and Paige's eyes moved from Emily's nervous expression to the door and back to her again.

"Do you want me to…" Paige offered, motioning to the door.

Emily recovered quickly, shaking her head. "No, I got it," she said as she smoothed her dress and crossed the dorm room, reaching for the knob.

Paige told herself to go sit back down, to get back to pretending to read so that maybe she wouldn't have to see all of this, but she felt like her feet were planted in quicksand. As Emily pulled the door open, Paige realized what a glutton for punishment she was. She could at least have left the house, gone to the library to study, went to a party with Pru, but she hadn't. Instead, she'd chosen to plant herself at the dorm all night, watch Emily get ready, wait for this girl to arrive. And now, she was just going to stand there and watch another girl walk into their lives and take Emily away.

As Paige looked on, she saw that other girl appear in the doorway. Emily smiled and greeted Samara, and they exchanged hellos and a few words Paige wasn't able to hear. After a moment, Emily moved to allow Samara to step inside.

"Samara, This is Paige," Emily said, motioning to Paige who remembered that she was still in the room and not some invisible bystander watching her worst nightmare play out. "My roommate," she added, and something about that word _stung_. And yet, it was the truth. That was all she was to Emily. A roommate, a friend. Paige wasn't even sure what she would have said if she'd been introducing someone to Emily, but Paige knew that to her, Emily was so much more than those things. She was the person she knew she could laugh with or cry with, the one she came home to every night, the one she could count on, always.

"Hey," Paige said, forcing a smile as she took a step forward to greet the other girl.

Samara was even prettier close up, Paige thought resentfully. She was just taller than Emily and slender with perfect blonde hair, blue eyes, and just the right amount of freckles. She was dressed in a pair of slender black pants and red heels with a short sleeve black shirt on top, cinched at her waist with a red belt. She held a complete air of self-assurance that made Paige fear that, while Emily probably would never think to go in on a kiss on the first date, Samara seemed like exactly the kind of girl who would. The thought made her sick. Paige knew she'd made this promise to herself, that she'd allow herself to be friends with Emily if she could maintain a distance, so she told herself, no matter how much it hurt, that she had to just accept it. This was her cross to bear now, seeing Emily with someone else.

"Hi," Samara replied, flashing Paige a brilliant, beaming smile back. "Samara," she added, stepping forward and reaching out a hand to Paige. "It's nice to meet you."

"Yeah," Paige replied, awkwardly taking Samara's hand and feeling the other girl shake it firmly. "You too," Paige told her softly.

Emily crossed over so she could stand between Paige and Samara. Paige noticed that she looked even more nervous now, and whereas in any other circumstance, Paige would have stepped in to save her, she felt so completely off her game. It felt as though this Samara girl was reaching in and shaking up all of Paige's insecurities until they were coming back to the surface.

"Um, Paige is on the swim team with me," Emily interjected, trying to fill the awkward silence that was about to develop.

"Oh yeah?" Samara asked in this sugary sweet way that made Paige feel like the biggest jerk for hating her so much. After all, it wasn't _her_ fault. Samara didn't have a clue that the girl she was about to take out, that Paige loved her more than anything.

"She's the best freshman on the team. Better than half the upperclassmen too," Emily added, flashing Paige a small smile.

Paige shook her head disparagingly in response. "Please. She's lying," Paige told Samara, catching the blonde's gaze, and trying to keep cool. "Emily puts all of us to shame."

Looking over, Paige saw Emily blush a little. Just then, Samara's eyes moved to Emily as well, her gaze running over Emily's face.

"So I've heard," Samara said with a smirk. "Hanna has told me all about the superstar. You know," she said, turning to Paige. "I was never really into swimming, but," she added, shrugging, before returning her eyes back to Emily. "Who doesn't like a girl who's not afraid to get a little wet?" Samara proposed flirtatiously.

Paige's jaw dropped slightly at Samara's words. _Did she really say what Paige thought she'd said?_ Paige felt nauseous almost instantly, not only because of the suggestiveness lacing Samara's words, but because of Emily's reaction. Paige watched as she smiled bashfully as Samara's eyes focused in on Emily's mouth. Their eyes were locked for a long beat, and Paige thought she was going to be sick when Emily finally spoke.

"We should get going," she whispered, her eyes still on Samara.

Samara turned to Paige and flashed a polite smile. "Are you going out tonight, Paige?"

"Oh, uh, no. Just some reading," Paige replied awkwardly, her eyes flickering to her book on the bed before returning to Samara, to Samara and Emily, who were now standing even closer than Paige had realized.

Samara smiled again. "Well, don't wait up," she teased.

Paige could only nod as the pair said their goodbyes to Paige, and Emily grabbed her coat. Watching them leave, Paige saw Emily turn back one last time with another nervous look, and it took everything inside of Paige to offer her an encouraging smile. Finally, the two disappeared into the night, and the door clicked shut behind them leaving Paige with just the silence, her thoughts, and the ache in her chest.

* * *

><p>When they stepped outside, it was already dark and the campus was quiet for a Friday night. Samara led the way to a black BMW parked in the lot next the dorm. Emily felt nervous and excited all at once. As they reached the car, Samara followed Emily to the passenger side and pulled the door open for her. Emily was pretty sure it was the first time a girl had ever done this, and she wasn't sure how to react.<p>

Emily turned to Samara, smiling graciously.

Samara smiled back. "You know, you look _amazing_ tonight," she told Emily.

Emily's cheeks flushed. "Thanks," she replied softly as she slid into the black leather passenger seat of the car, letting Samara shut it behind her.

As Samara crossed around the car towards the driver's side, Emily told herself to calm down. Yet, all of this felt so different for Emily. The formality of it, the newness, the fact that she knew hardly a thing about Samara, this idea of dating felt like a completely foreign concept. She didn't know at all what to do. Was she supposed to have complimented Samara back? She was so nervous, and she felt like at some point in the night, Samara was going to realize she had asked out some dumb little freshman and realize that she regretted it.

As they began driving, they talked a little as Emily wondered where exactly they were heading. State College wasn't a big town, but without a car, Emily hadn't seen most of it. Now as they traveled across town, they passed a few familiar streets at first and drove past the old Drive-In Theatre that she and Paige had been planning to go to for some time. Eventually, they pulled into a parking lot near an expensive bistro Emily had never been to.

After Samara cut the engine, Emily reached for the car door just as Samara reached a hand out to touch her arm.

"I've got the door, Em," Samara insisted with a smile as she unfastened her seatbelt and got out of the car, moving to Emily's side to let her out.

Emily felt so uncomfortable having someone dote on her this way, like she couldn't open a door for herself, but she tried to tell herself that it was Samara who had asked her out tonight, who had made all the plans, who had insisted on picking her up, and maybe Emily needed to just sit back and go with the flow. Besides, Emily thought as Samara pulled opened Emily's door and reached out a hand to help her out of the car, it didn't exactly feel terrible to be treated this way.

* * *

><p>After the two girls had settled in a booth near the wall, Emily took a moment to glance around the restaurant. It was both upscale and trendy at once with white linens covering the tables and beautiful artwork across the walls. All of the waiters were dressed in white buttoned shirts, black pants and vests, and Emily wondered if this was a place Samara came to often. She was, after all, older than Emily, and she seemed comfortable in this place in a way Emily wasn't.<p>

When the waiter arrived at the table, Samara asked him about the wine selections, discussing a few of his suggestions and eventually asking for a bottle of chenin blanc for them to share. Emily noticed that the way she spoke to him was so naturally and carefree that the waiter didn't even bother to ask if they were of age, and while Samara was, Emily was far from.

After the waiter left, Emily leaned in a little bit, smiling shyly. "You know I'm not 21, right?"

Samara laughed. "I know, babe," she said, reaching a hand across the table and brushing Emily's fingers. "Don't worry. I've been here before. They're not going to ask," she assured Emily.

Emily nodded, telling herself to just relax and enjoy herself, and not to over-analyze and worry about every single little thing. A top the table, Samara intertwined their fingers gently, and Emily smiled, even though she felt so nervous that Samara was already holding her hand. Even though it was so casual and innocent, it seemed so fast for Emily when she realized that she hardly knew much about Samara yet. Maybe it was a good reason to try to get to know her better though.

When the waiter returned, pouring them two glasses, Samara made a toast, and they clinked their glasses together. As Emily took a sip of the wine, she tried to tell herself that maybe, just maybe, this could be something.

* * *

><p>It had been hours since Emily left, and by now, Paige had changed into a pair of boxers and a t-shirt and crawled in to bed. She had meant to spend the evening reading, but instead, she had ended up staring at her book for hours while she imagined in horror all of the things that might be happening on Emily's date. The hours ticked by, and the later on in the night it became, the more Paige felt like vomiting. She wondered where they were, what they were doing, if they were holding hands, or worse, if they were kissing. The thought of anyone else touching Emily made Paige feel sick with jealousy, but she told herself to suck it up and stomach it. After all, she only had herself to blame.<p>

By now, Paige had been lying in bed facing the wall for almost an hour with the lights shut off, her eyes tightly shut, trying to sleep, yet it had continued to evade her. She had started out facing Emily's bed, but she realized that every few minutes, she would keep opening her eyes to glance at Emily's empty bed. After some time, she had turned over, trying to hide out the distractions, but the one in her own mind was the greatest.

Eventually, Paige heard a soft noise break the silence and recognized the sound of keys jingling outside the door. _She was home_, Paige thought gratefully, as she listened to Emily unlock the door and step into the darkened room. Without saying a word, Paige listened as Emily crossed over to her desk and set down her purse. Paige could hear the sound of her coat coming off her shoulders and it being placed on the counter. After a couple of minutes, Paige sensed Emily coming over to her side of the room and standing over her bed.

Feeling Emily sitting down on her bed, Paige shut her eyes tighter, trying to pretend like she hadn't been waiting since the moment Emily had left for her to return.

"Paige. Wake up," Emily whispered as Paige felt Emily lay down on the bed behind her, resting her head on the same pillow as Paige and pulling the covers over her body.

Paige's breathed hitched in her throat as she felt the heat of Emily's body near her. She felt Emily's hand touch her waist to wake her, and Paige pretended to stir from sleep and turned over in bed to face Emily, resting her head back down on the pillow just a few inches from Em's. Even though she'd changed positions, Emily's hand had somehow lingered still on Paige's waist.

"Hey," Paige whispered when her eyes caught sight of Emily "You're back," she said as her gaze took Emily in up close in the dark with just the faint moonlight illuminating her face. She was only inches away, her pink lips and dark eyes and soft cheeks and silky hair only inches away, and she was as beautiful as ever.

"I am," Emily replied, not saying anything more.

Their bodies were so close that Paige could feel Emily's bare legs where her dress wasn't covering her skin just brushing her own thighs. Emily's skin felt so soft and smooth, and Paige felt guilty for the way it was making her body feel, the heat it was sending through her.

"How was it?" Paige asked nervously.

Emily shrugged. "She's… nice," she explained with a nod, like she couldn't decide on a better word.

"Nice?" Paige asked curiously. _What exactly did 'nice' mean?_

Emily nodded. "Really nice."

Paige simply nodded and bit her tongue to keep her from saying what she really wanted to say, which was that _Samara was probably so nice because she probably wanted to get you into her bed, Emily_. _Like you're in mine right now, but in a completely different way. _Paige sighed at the realization. It didn't matter that Emily was lying so close to her in bed, that their legs were touching, that Emily's hand was on her waist, and their faces were so close that just a subtle movement was needed for their lips to touch. None of that mattered because they were nothing more than friends.

Paige swallowed back the ache inside of her. "That's cool," she replied, forcing a smile.

"Yeah," Emily whispered, and by the look on her face, the one Paige could just barely make out in the dark, for once, Paige couldn't tell how Emily really felt.

"So you had a good time?" Paige asked cautiously.

"Yeah. I think I did," Emily replied, smiling a little now.

"That's great," Paige assured her. "Are you going to see her again?"

"Sure," Emily said uncertainly. "I mean, I should right?" she asked nervously. "If she calls?"

Inside, she wanted to scream that Emily shouldn't, but Paige wanted to see her happy, with someone who wouldn't break her heart, and if this girl could do that, then she wanted Emily to have that, no matter how much it ripped her apart.

Paige shrugged. "If you want to," Paige offered, trying not to sway Emily in either direction.

"She might not even call," Emily replied doubtfully.

"Em," Paige replied firmly. "She'll call," she added insistently. Emily nodded and smiled shyly in response. "I'm happy you had a good time," Paige said softly, even though every single word felt like a dagger piercing her heart.

Paige felt Emily move her hand from Paige's waist and up to her face where her fingers pushed Paige's stray auburn hair back out of her face, her fingers grazing Paige's ear.

"Thanks," Emiliy whispered, her fingers lingering on Paige's earlobe.

Paige felt like she could hardly breathe. "I didn't do anything," Paige quipped dryly to try to squelch the way her nerves were overreacting.

"Thanks for being you," Emily told her softly. "You're… the best friend I ever had."

Paige smiled and nodded as their eyes stayed locked. She felt so overwhelmed. She loved Emily. More than anything, she loved her.

Eventually, Emily dropped her hand and broke the gaze.

"I should… sleep," Emily said as she shifted her body so she was sitting up.

"Early practice," Paige agreed as she watched Emily rise from the bed.

"Goodnight," Emily whispered.

"Night," Paige told her as she forced her eyes closed just to stop the tears.

* * *

><p>After leaving Paige's bed, Emily crossed back to her side of the room to change in to her pajamas and lie down. When she had returned home and crawled in next to Paige minutes earlier, she realized how much she'd missed her that night. With Paige, everything was so easy and comfortable, and their Friday nights were always full of laughs. Even when things grew serious, she always felt connected to Paige, like she could tell her anything and Paige would know exactly what to say. They had this connection that felt so rare that Emily wasn't sure she would find in anyone else, and it contrasted so sharply with being on a first date with Samara.<p>

It wasn't that she hadn't had a good time, but it had been such a different experience than anything she'd done before. They'd talked for a few hours over dinner and dessert, sharing things about themselves. As a junior at Penn State, it seemed to Emily like Samara already had her life plans in order, her future mapped out. She'd been studying Business and Political Science and was scheduled to take the LSAT over the summer so that she'd be ready to apply for law school in the fall. She hoped to go to the east coast for school and had already began readying her application.

It was nice getting to know her better and they'd shared a few laughs, but it felt so strange being at the start of something, to not know exactly how to act or what to say or how someone would think of you when you shared who you were. It felt, strangely, like test driving a car, deciding if that other person was what you wanted based on qualities and characteristics, instead of that magical feeling of falling in love.

Maybe this was what dating felt like though. Maybe this is how it happened in the real world. It made sense. It wasn't as though you could fall for someone you didn't know anything about.

As she finished getting dressed into her sweats to sleep, Emily crawled underneath her sheets and closed her eyes as she continued mulling over her date with Samara. Overall, she liked Samara. There wasn't really anything not to like. She was sweet and considerate and flirtatious, and it wasn't as though she wasn't easy on the eyes. Yet, throughout the night, there had been a few awkward moments amidst their conversation. However, Emily told herself that any first date was always a little awkward at times, right? But how was she to know? She'd never been on one. Not really.

At the end of the evening, Samara had walked Emily up to the front door of Brumbaugh where Emily thanked her for the night. After Samara had told Emily what a good time she'd had, Samara had moved closer, lifting her hand to Emily's waist and leaning in. Emily had closed her eyes just as she'd felt Samara's lips press into hers. It had only lasted a few seconds, and Emily wasn't even sure how she was supposed to have felt. It had been soft and nice and sure, it felt good, but it'd felt different too. Emily had only kissed two other girls in her life, so she didn't have much to compare it to, but she always thought you were supposed to feel this humming inside when you kissed someone for the first time, this fire spreading through your body, this spark of electricity. Maybe that wasn't realistic though, maybe that's only after you knew someone well. Maybe you had to love someone to feel that way when you kissed, she thought.

And maybe, Emily told herself, she just had to wait and see if she would fall in love with Samara.


End file.
